—What makes people so important?—

Today was my first day of not eating. I ate a granola bar and half a piece of chicken at dinner. I don't feel any better though. I still feel disgusted with myself. I still feel the calories packing onto my body. Weighing me down farther and farther to the ground. My stomach bursting out of my pants.
The thought of that happening to me keeps me going. I can't live as a fatty anymore. I just want to be perfect.
I think I might be depressed, but like it's not like I matter because it's not like I cut or anything, so I'm not important enough for the attention from anyone. I wish people would understand that just because I could never hurt anyone or myself doesn't mean I'm any different than cutters.
The only difference is that I hate myself and I deal with the fact that I can't change that. Other people hate themselves but don't want to have to deal with themselves so they hurt themselves. I wish I could do that. I wish my mind wasn't messed up. Maybe I'll be able to change how I feel and if that doesn't work then maybe my mind will finally let my aching body give up.