Chapter 54

I sat on the couch, my food laid on the table, but it not seeming very appetizing.

Nick was on his phone.

He looked at me before hanging up the phone.

"I have to go. Can I leave you two alone, again?" He asked, a slight worry coating his words.

I nodded. "I'll... I'll figure something out." I replied.

"Alright. Al's food is in that bag there." He pointed to a bag as he grabbed his own.

I nodded, standing up along with Nick, and giving him a long, tight hug.

"See you, pip." He said, softly brushing a hand against my hair.

"See you." I replied.

I walked him to the door and then let him out.

I sent him off with a wave, and closed the door behind me, pressing my back against it as I let out a sigh.

I bit my lip as I walked back into the living room, scooping my food back into the bag and carrying it with me as I grabbed Alex's food.

I walked carefully up the stairs, and to his bedroom door, which was shut.

I softly pressed my ear against it.

I couldn't hear anything.

After a moment of looking down, I knocked gently.

"Alex?" I called out.

No answer.

"I... I have food for you." I called out, a bit louder.

A long moment of silence happened before I heard a muffled voice.

"Come in."

I took a deep breath.

I turned the handle and pushed on the door, but it took a good shove to get open.

What this told me, was that he'd slammed the door quite hard.

I stepped in and spotted Alex sitting on the floor,on the otherwise of his bed; his back to the door.

I stepped cautiously, and what I saw was difficult for my heart to comprehend.

His hair was a mess. He looked like he'd been pulling roughly at it.

In front of his scrunched up legs was a single polaroid.

"H-Here..." I said, holding the bag out to him.

He looked at it, and I noticed the slight red tint in his eyes.

He took it gently, sniffling.

"Can I...?" I asked, pointing to a spot next to him, but not too close.

He gestured to the spot, letting me know that it was okay.

I sat down and he opened the bag, slowly beginning to eat.

I ate my own food as well, and I felt ghostly.

It almost scared me, how fast his mood had changed.

How affected he seemed.

The air was slightly tense as we finished our food, and I took the bags, gently setting them aside.

We sat there in silence for a minute or two.

"W-Wouldnt you be more comfortable on the bed?" I asked quietly as I watched his head fall back onto the mattress.

He inhaled, keeping his eyes down as he moved a bit, looking like he was going to stand up until he looked down at the polaroid, as if he'd forgotten it was there.

He picked it up, and something changed in his eye.

Then, after a moment of staring at it, he held it out to me.

I stared at it and he nudged it forward prompting me to take it, avoiding my eyes as he still looked at the photo.

I grabbed it gently, holding it up and looking at it.

What I saw was... It was... Something.

It looked like Alex, but his hair was long and wavey. He had a cup and sunglasses, and he was standing next to a beautiful woman, who was holding a bag of cheetos so perfectly it almost looked like a shameless plug.

She just looked absolutely perfect.

I looked over the photo, noticing a tear in the top, it was torn until the colors square in the photo, and it looked like it could tear the woman out of the photo. That looked like the intention, at least.

"This is a nice photo." I said, softly.

"Why are you showing it to me?" I asked.

"A while back, like, chapter 15 I told you-"

"What?"

"Nothing."

I shook my head. "Sorry, continue."

"A while back, I told you that I'd show you a photo of me with long hair." He said.

I nodded.

He got up, hugging himself as he sat on the bed, scooting back to lean against the headboard.

I stood up carefully and sat on the end of his bed.

"Who is this? She's awfully beautiful." I noted aloud quietly.

"That's Alexa." He choked out.

"Alexa..." I repeated, gazing over her face again.

I liked her name. She looked like a sweet girl.

"Alex?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

I paused. "Why is this photo ripped?"

Silence.

I was still looking at the photo.

After a suspicious amount of silence, I looked up at Alex and he was looking at the photo, his face had turned pink and his eyes were brimmed with water.

His face contorted before he covered it and I saw tears slip down his cheeks.

What the hell was happening?

He let out soft sob noises, his shoulders bouncing up and down as he cried.

What was I supposed to do?

I felt like he didn't want me to touch him but my throat was closing as I watched him shake and cry.

The solid brick of Alex Turner was cracked.

I didn't even know what to say.

I scooted closer to him and I touched his arm.

When he didn't react, I moved a little closer, moving my hand to the back of his neck.

"Alex," I let out as he cried.

I felt stuck.

I felt like I was in quick sand. I couldn't do anything.

After a minute or two, he looked back up, still avoiding my eyes as he let out sniffles.

"Alexa was my-" his voice was choked.

He cleared his throat , sounding frustrated for a moment.

"Alexa was my girlfriend." He said.

I felt my stomach drop a bit.

Of course she was, she's beautiful and he's... He's heavenly.

"I..." He paused, looking at the photo.

More tears appeared down his cheeks.

"Fuck, I deserved it..." He let out, covering his eyes again.

"Deserved what?" I asked.

"I did something horrible, and she broke up with me... And I remember... I remember begging... Begging her not to leave but in the end I knew I deserved it and..."

He was choking on his words.

My throat was getting very tight.

"Back then," he spoke in small fragments.

"I was... Fuck, I still am, an emotional piece of shit. It was just... More obvious, back then... I was shyer...I just... I can't... I'm still so mad at myself. And I..." He paused and breathed, more tears springing up and down his cheeks at the obviously sensitive subject.

"Fuck," he looked up and for the first time, looked into my eyes.

I felt like he'd just tackled me.

"I'm so fucking scared that I'm going to fuck up things with you."

I felt tears sting my own eyes.

Then, without saying anything, I launched forward and hugged him.

I felt tears stream down my cheeks, as I began shaking gently.

He held me just as tightly, if not tighter as he burried his warm face in my neck.

We sat there, in each others arms.

This was something that we needed.

We just needed each other.

"You won't lose me... Not any time soon." I said.

I felt him nod as he pulled me into his lap, hugging me close to him.

We stayed that way for a while, with him tightly holding me and rocking me gently back and forth, more to calm himself than anything else, but I didn't mind.

I just wanted him to be okay.

I want us to be okay.

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