Summary:

He tries to find a way out.
Or in.

Chapter Text

At first, Jiyong was such a distance he couldn't measure, sometimes he's so near yet the next second, he's already too far. He's been out of Seungri's reach since day one and Seungri's attempts to change it only set Jiyong's jaw tighten.

"What are you doing?"

Seungri presented him his best smile, ones that sent many girls from his high school fell head over heels, but Jiyong seemed abashed, remained unmoving from his position observing Seungri –and the object in Seungri's hand.

"Cleaning up," Seungri's eyes demand to blink but he was afraid the moment he opened them up, Jiyong would already be gone. " –hyung," he added.

Jiyong's face scrunched up in anger and Seungri's body tensed up at the tension filled the room. Jiyong had the ability to stand out, he possessed the aura that demand people to look at him, to watch whatever he wanted –allowed –them to.

"But this is my place," his voice was unmistakably cold, Seungri held his next breath. "You can't clean up here."

If there was something Seungri not really boasting about himself, it must be his determination. Or it was just stubborn, all the same.

"It's ours," Seungri balled his fist, gripping tight on the stack of papers he was collecting from the carpeted floor just seconds before Jiyong found him. "It's BIGBANG's now."

The look on Jiyong's face was something Seungri would never forget about. Unconsciously, he braced himself for any kind of blow, of lash out, of angry shouts; anything Jiyong would say or throw at him. To his surprise, Jiyong only said a word.

"What?"

Oh, it was a question.

"I said –" Seungri sucked deep for air. " –that it's now ours. You're not alone or two anymore. We're –we're team and this is ours."

"Those are mine," Jiyong said finally after an uncomfortable silence. "Those papers are mine, put them on the table," and he disappeared, without the usual slamming of door.

Seungri didn't get to see him after he's done cleaning, didn't get to talk to him when they met at home. He didn't say a word about it, but strangely, Jiyong seemed to let it go too. The very next day as they entered the recording room, Seungri caught a smile ghosting on Jiyong's face when his eyes landed upon the neat stacked papers on the table.

And that was enough for Seungri to smile for the rest of the day.

***

"Thanks," Jiyong's fingers brush his as he takes the glass of water Seungri offers. He swallows a big gulp and cringes at what Seungri suspects a dizzy sensation from both consuming alcohol and sleepiness. "Maybe –maybe I should go."

"Where?" Seungri asks before he could stop himself. Maybe he wants to know the answer.

Maybe if he chooses to care, it will be easier.

Jiyong shrugs, his coat bounces up and lets Seungri takes a glimpse of his collarbones. "Anywhere."

"Sure," Seungri smiles softly –bitterly. "It's G-Dragon."

"I am. I always am."

"Yeah," because Seungri is not Seungri anymore. "So, you're going...where?"

"Probably my friends."

"Or go back to your hotel."

"Or not," Jiyong grins sheepishly. "You know I don't really like being alone."

"...It makes you think."

"Kinda. Care to show me the way out?"

There's a flame inside him that Seungri struggles to explain. There's a rushing pain in his veins that Seungri wants to ignore. There's something in his chest that Seungri wishes to have a name for.

There's pieces of him that gain its new hope instead of breaking apart again.

"No."

Jiyong frowns. "Oh well –I guess I'll find out –"

"That's the way to the bathroom. I'll be sleeping in the living room if you need me."

"Wha –you...you mean I can stay –"

"Sleep."

Maybe it will be easier.

***

To Seungri, Jiyong was a match. He lit him up, lighten his world. He was a summer, sweet fairytale on winter. He was the light Seungri looked up to, Seungri chased about. Something in Jiyong's eyes shone like emerald and it took everything Seungri had to not to want it more than he already did. To have that kind of warmth surrounding him.

Until Jiyong burnt him up, until everything was nothing but smoke, until dreams were ashes and promises were gone.

Until Seungri danced on gasoline, burning and burning 'til its blinding light.

***

The bed is tidy and there's no empty bottle or burnt cigarette on the floor, still there's a scent, faint enough to remind him that it might be just his imagination, persistent enough to tell him that it wasn't. Jiyong was there, for God knows how long until he decided to go out –away –without waking Seungri up or letting him know properly but leaving a small post-it note with PEACEMINUSONE logo at the bottom.

Thank you

Seungri stares at the scribbles long enough to hurt himself; enough to tell himself that maybe things won't be easier no matter how many times he pretends that it will be.

***

"Hyung is not with me."

Seungri snorts. "Maybe I just want to know how are you doing?"

"Oh, right," Daesung sighs. "Your concern is very touching."

"No, really, how are you?"

"I'm okay, but you probably are not."

Seungri wants to laugh because it's true, because it's something that Daesung can sense through a phone call, something that he never can ever lie about.

The fact that Jiyong still holds all the ability and opportunities to fuck up his world by just showing up, Seungri thinks, is ridiculous.

"Kinda. I don't know what to do."

"You want to talk about it?"

"He left me a thank you note. What's that supposed to mean?"

Daesung sighs. "I'll call him."

Then he hangs up, leaving Seungri with ten thousand pieces of his heart he's been trying to piece back together for four years.

***

It's easy to be deluded in the thoughts of Kwon Jiyong. It's so easy for Seungri to close his eyes and get lost in the sea of memories; in the hope that one day it will continue. That after all these times, they will find a way.

Seungri will find a way.

When things seemed surreal and he felt no longer able to hold himself together, Seungri would go to his inbox, scrolling through messages until he found the oldest of all, the one he has forwarded to himself every time he got a new phone.

Where are you?

Then he will see himself sitting on the plane, standing on the stage, signing new business contract, sipping wine, dancing to a blasting music, having a silence afternoon, reading hundred pages of book, thousand miles away from home, from the man who sent the message many years ago.

Then Seungri will remember that he can be anywhere, he can be with someone else, he can do anything he wants to; that no more Kwon Jiyong wondering where Seungri is.

Then Seungri will tell himself about how it's supposed to be. If he tries one more, a little more, he will make it through.

To let go or to come back, Seungri doesn't really know.

***