Summary:

Most of time, his heart wins. His stubborn heart that forgets to move on.

Chapter Text

Seungri wakes up with a startle. Panic colors his eyes and his heart beats fast. He can't remember the dream, but every fiber in his body tells him that it wasn't a good one. It's silent in his apartment that his ragged breathing resounding through the walls. He shakes his head in attempt to get himself back, his controlled mind back, his usual cheerful-self Seungri back. Taking a deep breath, he tries to relax.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

His phone vibrates angrily from the nightstand. Groaning slightly for it breaking his attempt to go back to sleep, he reaches blindingly for the device. Seems like recently, more and more people favor in calling him in early hours.

"Hello?"

"Seungri, pick me pick me pick me up~"

Even in his sleepy and tired state, his heart skips a beat. Don't, his head says, but his heart wins.

"Hyung, it's...fucking four in the morning, don't play with me."

"I'm not!" Jiyong's voice is childish and angry, the sign that he is either drunk or crazy. Knowing him, it might be both. "Pick me up?"

"Call someone else."

"Who?"

"Your manager? Daesung-hyung? Your friends?"

"Why can't I call you? I am calling you, baby~"

"Anyone but me. Now if you excuse me –"

"Pick me up now."

Seungri's mouth hangs open as Jiyong hung up on him. Staring blankly at his phone screen, he can hear the gears in his mind running. Don't, his head says, this time, louder.

Where the fuck are you?, and he presses send.

....but his heart wins.

***

Youngbae had warned him before and Seungri thought that he was too naïve to get the message.

Or that he was simply too stupid to understand.

"Jiyong..." Youngbae's eyes trailed from the floor up to meet Seungri's. "...is hard to overcome."

Seungri blinked at him. He gulped down and hide his hands behind his back so Youngbae wouldn't see that he was trembling. They were just coming back from dance practice and Jiyong had been pretending that he couldn't hear Seungri the entire day.

Be brave, listen to your hyungs, he heard his mother's voice in his head.

"It's like...well, walls," Youngbae glanced to his side and Seungri wasn't sure if it was because he's afraid Jiyong would emerge suddenly from his room or that he was looking for the right explanation of his bestfriend. "He protects us in his way and he doesn't really let anyone come in to see him."

"He doesn't seem to like me," Seungri said quietly but Youngbae caught that anyway. "He doesn't seem to want to do anything with me, hyung."

"Not yet," Youngbae patted his shoulder gently and the mere touch soothed Seungri. "And don't feel so low, Seunghyun-ah."

Seungri didn't know how not to feel so low in front of someone who had many things, who could do many things, who was as talented as Jiyong, but he nodded.

"Okay, hyung."

Youngbae smiled at him, so warm that Seungri felt like crying. Youngbae was Jiyong's bestfriend and Seungri could understand why the moment he talked to him. He's been a trainee for years too, but he didn't see Seungri as something weird, as something new, as someone who didn't belong there.

Seungri wondered if Youngbae too, felt like someone just robbed his dream.

"I think you can."

"I can?"

"Yeah," Youngbae's cap was green and he was nothing but hip-hop boy. Seungri suddenly felt so small compared to him, standing there in his plain white T-shirt and sweatpants. "You can break into Jiyong."

"But...how?"

Youngbae shrugged, his eyes disappeared as he smiled. "Well, you managed to break into YG, Jiyong is just a level higher than that. Don't give up, huh?"

Seungri made a promise to himself that he would never give up. Ever.

"And –" Youngbae sighed. "–don't get hurt."

Seungri was confused but he didn't say anything.

What could possibly hurt him once Jiyong looked at him in the eyes, listened to what he's about to say?

What could possibly hurt more than not being accepted by Jiyong?

***

"Just in case you forget –," Seungri's eyes trailing the movement of his credit card being swiped, beside him, Jiyong hiccups. " –we didn't talk for years."

"Uh-huh," Jiyong pokes his side and Seungri winches. The older male, white hair and in black suit, bundled up in strong familiar scent of cigarette Seungri thinks he had forgotten about.

Well, he should.

"I let you pay for me," Jiyong's eyes drop shut, his lips form a lopsided smirk Seungri knows too well, the one he shows whenever he's proud of himself. "I spoil you too much, Brat."

Seungri starts the engine. "Seatbelt on, please."

He waits and when Jiyong doesn't make a sign of any movement beside the steady rhythm of his chest up and down, he decides to give him help.

Seungri pretends he doesn't miss the way Jiyong's breaths caressing his skin as he reaches out to tug on the seatbelt. He pretends he doesn't hear Jiyong mumbling incoherent words. He pretends that it's just something he should do, only him, could do.

Seungri pretends to be a hero, someone who is trapped in something he cannot get out of, for the sake of the whole world, even when his world is crumbling down once again at that very moment Jiyong's hand tugs on his sleeve as the car starts to move.

***

Youngbae can be a tease when he wants to be one. More often than not, it's the only thing he wants.

"What was that again?"

Seungri is about to roll his eyes when he decides that it's too much work. He is tired enough already, unsure if he will be able to go back to sleep with Jiyong now claiming his very bed.

"I know you heard me, hyung," he huffs a breath of frustration. "What am I supposed to do?"

"With what? About what?" Youngbae's voice is playful enough to make Seungri whine but the elder doesn't give up on him that easy. "Or should I ask about whom?"

Seungri hears someone else's voice over the phone and he jolts back to awareness that it's still dark-foggy skies out there. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't call."

"It's just Seungri, sweetheart...hmm? yes, he is okay," he hears Youngbae says in a distant, so it must be Hyorin or one of the baby. Youngbae calls them all sweetheart, his sweethearts and Seungri swears he could see colorful sparkles in Youngbae's eyes whenever he speaks about his girls. "Seungri?"

"Yeah? I'm sorry, hyung, I shouldn't –"

"I heard that and yes you should. Call me, call Daesung, call Seunghyun hyung, call your manager, heck call your mom even? You should. Call anyone, ask someone."

Seungri's eyes trail Jiyong's shadowed figure, still slender and skin dry, probably having too much time in the recording studio again. He notices Jiyong's mismatched socks too, but maybe it's just fashion nowadays. Jiyong is always about breakthrough that Seungri used to follow.

"You've been...bundled up with feelings, with –with pride that you can do it all alone, sometimes you forgot that you can't," Youngbae snaps him out of his trance.

Seungri gives out a smile even when he knows Youngbae can't see it. "I'm sorry, mom," he playfully jokes.

It's Youngbae's turn to sigh, but instead of frustration, it's more of a relief. Like he's found something that was missing. "Talk, Seungri."

"Everyone has been telling me the same," he can't help but pouting. There's nobody he should please, nothing he should really care about when he's home, so be like a petulant child he is, whining to his hyung, "What am I supposed to talk about? And I talk a lot. Like really a lot, that's my job."

"You," Youngbae says with no doubt. "Talk about you, about what you're afraid of, what you're thinking about."

"Am I not? I always talk about me, I love being the center of gravity."

"You are, oh almighty Victory."

"Don't pick on me."

"What else am I supposed to do with my life? Anyway, I don't really know about what are you supposed to do with Jiyong. It's a situation I wish I could stay away from."

"Thanks, hyung. That's so helpful."

"It's not –ugh, you know what I mean," Youngbae tries to reason but falters away with Seungri's silence.

Seungri unconsciously holds his breath when Jiyong stirs in his sleep, hugging his pillow tighter, hair sticks out to every direction and damp with sweat.

"You never told me," Youngbae says after a pause. "About what had happened."

"Hyung –"

"Or what didn't happen," patience grows out from Youngbae and Seungri feels like he's being ripped open, his throat hurts from burning sensation of pushing cries that he had not realized he's been holding inside. "Seungri, is there anything you want to tell me?"

Seungri thinks of thousand reasons he has to say no but then Jiyong's eyes crack open with subtle move.

"Yes, no, I don't know oh –he's awake! Jiyong hyung –he's here, he didn't do anything...he's there and I'm –I really..."

"Let me talk to him, Seung –"

Seungri doesn't –couldn't –hear the rest of his sentence. The moment Jiyong's eyes meet his, his world stops spinning.

***