"Why do people wish upon a shooting star?"

Jiyong looked at him; half amused, half laughing. "Because they believe it."

He shrugged. "Do you believe it too?"

Jiyong's new electric cigarette's scent was too sweet and it covered the petrichor. "Should I try?"

"But there's no shooting star, hyung."

"Then you fly, fall –whatever," Jiyong snorted. "Aren't you a star, Seungri? Superstar."

"Aish, I'm not," he rolled his eyes. Jiyong poked his sides and gazed back at the sky.

I'm not a star, Seungri thought. But I've fallen.

Falling like rain, at once and all over the place of land.

Of you.

***

V.I is short for Victory. That's what Seungri thought everytime someone tried to put him down but right now, he's anything but winning. All he can think about is Jiyong, he can't even win his own thoughts.

I'm supposed to tell him, Seungri leans back on his chair, the most comfortable one he found in store two months ago. I'm supposed to leave him a note...or something.

He didn't know how many hours had passed when Jiyong's weight suddenly draped on him. His mind was in chaos and Jiyong didn't say anything. There were so many questions running in his head but it disappeared when he saw Jiyong's face relaxing and his arms were wrapped around Seungri's body like protection.

Like blanket.

He thought he would be mad. He thought he would be angry. Or sad.

Or maybe, he would hate him.

But he couldn't; he didn't.

There was something about Jiyong that was so honest, that was so open last night and it hurt him more than the fact he kept them as secret for four years.

The pain in Jiyong's eyes. The silent apology although he didn't say sorry.

The love...

But maybe, Seungri pinches the bridge of his nose; exhausted. Maybe he was just dreaming.

***

"I'll be there on Saturday morning."

Seungri blinks. "There? Where?"

"Japan, duh," Youngbae snickers. "Don't we have reunion something after Daesung's concert?"

"Ah right," he shakes his head, ashame of himself for being out of concentration for a full day. "Sorry."

"You don't sound excited."

"I am," Seungri attempts on grinning then remembers that Youngbae can't see that. "It will be good for promoting my new hamburger restaurant."

"Give me coupons and I'll help you promoting."

"I'll give you free meal once."

Youngbae barks a laughter. "So much for your brother."

"Business is business, hyung."

"You sound like Jiyong sometimes."

Seungri falls silent.

"I watched the show," Youngbae says softly, as if he's afraid to push and break Seungri. "It was fun."

"It was," Seungri tries not to recall Jiyong's gaze when they finished their duet. "Like the old times."

"Did you talk to Jiyong?"

"I did."

"How was that?"

"What's that?"

"You know," Youngbae hesitates. "That. You and him."

"There wasn't that."

"Seungri, I'm not blind."

"I didn't say –"

"Seungri," Youngbae cuts him in. "You love him. Jiyong loves you too. Aren't four years long enough for you to stop denying the fact?"

"He loved me," Seungri feels the redness on his cheeks. His mind travels back to that time when Jiyong kissed him. Did Youngbae see that too?

"He still does. Don't talk like he ever stopped and you love him too, still."

Seungri balls his hand into a fist, so tight that his palm hurts. "I do."

"And –"

"And I'm wondering about it."

"What?"

"It doesn't matter," Seungri feels himself deflated. He feels so empty he can't remember the last time he looks at his reflection without wondering who it was. "It doesn't matter what I want."

"Why?" Youngbae asks, not sure if he should. Worst of all, he thinks he might already know.

"Jiyong hyung did that to protect me," now that he acknowledges the fact, it feels even harder. Like in every breathe, he's forced to make a decision. "He wanted me to go so that I won't get hurt."

Youngbae sighs. "Seungri, I'm not sure if I know what you're actually talking about. But I'm sure he did. Jiyong would never hurt you, not intentionally."

"I don't want to hurt him."

"You won't."

"But," there are crescent marks on his palm, he wishes it will distract him from the calm storm he's about to go in. "...I love him?"

Youngbae doesn't answer. Seungri isn't sure if he will, either.

"Hyung...now that I know, shouldn't it be right if I too, let him go?" he feels stream of tears coming close to his throat, pounding on walls of his eyes like fever.

***

Last year, he forgot Jiyong's birthday.

He was working and when he came home, it's already August 19th. He remembered because he crossed the date in his calendar with his usual red marker. He had skipped it –the August 18th –every year for a reason; that if he didn't cross the date, it'd feel like it didn't exist, like it wasn't there.

Like everything about Jiyong would perish by that date.

He didn't remember drawing circles around the square he just crossed but he must did because then he was standing –actually staring, but it could be because he was exhausted that he zoomed a little –and his eyes were wet although it couldn't be raining inside his house.

***

"Hyung."

"Seungri," Jiyong sounds like he's relieved. "Where are you?"

"I'm sorry I didn't wake you up," Seungri bites his lower lip. "I was...in a rush."

"Okay."

Seungri notices that it wasn't It's okay. So maybe it's not.

"I really am sorry, I thought –"

"Are you coming back?"

He has to blink twice before responding. "What?"

"Can I –May I see you? Are you still busy?"

"No," he answers quickly. "Actually I was going to ask if you are busy."

"Why?"

"Dinner, if you want."

"I'm starving," Jiyong pauses for a while. "So...you're coming here?"

He thinks about the years that lost and days ahead that seem so far. Today, however, is the closest of all he has with Jiyong.

"I am."

"I've been waiting," it sounds so sincere that Seungri's heart hurts.

***