Summary:

Between Seunghyun, sushi, and things that are broken.

Chapter Text

After all this time, Seungri's ringtone is still Last Dance. It's a sad song and Seungri admits he had hard times during the recording due to the overwhelmed feelings, but it turned out beautiful, one song that Seungri still often unconsciously sings even though it brings him back to the hot and cold feelings of being a part of BIGBANG.

It was released before Seunghyun went to the service, as a part of their 3rd full album, MADE. It had taken them over 3 years for preparation, tangled with the promotion, tours and concerts. Seungri wasn't sure of how it was back then, but as Daesung said, they made it in the end, at least. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. Seungri can still vividly remembers the tears in VIPs eyes as they sang the song. Sometimes, when there's no one around, sitting on the leather sofa he owns, he would dance by himself, listening to the song and the deafening chant from the fans that's trapped in the memories inside his head and heart all over again until the morning comes.

Sometimes, when it's too much, Seungri would pretend that he was never a part of it, of that song, of BIGBANG, of Jiyong, because it hurts; a lot.

***

"Have you seen this?"

Seungri glances sideways to see his manager grinning from ear to ear, his eyes shines with pure happiness that sets Seungri into a good mood.

"What is it, hyung?"

There, in the newspaper, first page, Daesung's recent photo along with "D-LITE'S 3RD DOME TOUR TICKETS SOLD OUT IN 2 MINUTES". Seungri feels the same excitement tugs in his heart, he's proud. More than proud actually, because Daesung deserves it, after everything he had done, for not nagging anyone, for not drowning himself in the parting, for coming and helping Seungri picked up himself even though Seungri knew that Daesung was also shattered, also scared.

"I received the ticket this morning," the manager continues. "Will you go?"

If Seungri wasn't sure about it, he is now. "Of course!"

"Great! I can't wait to see him again."

Seungri feels bad. They couldn't make it to the concert last year, which was Daesung's second Dome Tour, the first after the disbandment. Seungri was still busy picking up himself, offering and accepting contracts and agreement here and there, and he had to drag his manager with him. It wasn't new, his manager was once BIGBANG's, to Seungri's luck. He had always thought that the manager would want to do something with Jiyong or Youngbae or Seunghyun or Daesung but never him. That the older male opted to ask Seungri if he needed someone to help the schedules management surprised him; and that he agreed even after Seungri told him that they had to move to Japan shocked him.

Seungri was beyond thankful; he still is, every day.

***

To any outsiders, it would look like Seungri who was supposed to be the first one to move on; to get over BIGBANG. Known as star DJ, owned lots of buildings, getting praised as businessman –who knows waffles would be a hit? –had made people expected Seungri to be the first one to come out, after all the fuss and cries from both media and their fans.

Turned out it was Daesung, though, who had made announcement about his next solo album, first Korean one, along with the list of cities and schedules for his upcoming tour. Daesung had always been the matured one, despite that it was Seungri who wore suit and pointing shoes the most. Seungri couldn't meet his eyes when Daesung visited him one afternoon.

"I won't miss BIGBANG," Daesung shrugged. "Because they will always be in my heart no matter what."

Seungri didn't mean to, but he snickered; Daesung always had a thing about being cheesy.

"I know you'll probably won't go, but you're invited, Seunghyun."

The air was thick with petrichor, and Seungri's heart was thick with guilt.

"It's not that I –"

"You're always hard on yourself," Daesung sighed, there's a line of sadness visible in his feature. "I don't know what to say to you."

"I don't even know what to say to myself," Seungri admitted and his stomach hurt. "It was our choice, our decision."

"It doesn't mean that we shouldn't get sad about it."

"I shouldn't," Seungri whispered.

"Is it about Jiyong-hyung?" Daesung's voice was so soft that it hit Seungri.

"I don't know, hyung," Seungri let himself being pulled into a hug. "I really don't know."

There, in the patio of his luxurious house-villa, miles away from Seoul and Jiyong, Seungri broke down crying.

***

"Oi."

Seungri blinks, twice. "Am I dreaming or you are really standing there in my kitchen?"

"Do I usually appear in your dream?"

"If you mean nightmare, then yes."

"Yah!"

Seungri bends his back quick enough before a spoon hit him. "Isn't this my kitchen, hyung?"

"It is," Seunghyun nods, his hair is –Seungri notices –black this time. He likes it that way, but he won't tell Seunghyun that since the older male will surely turn it into a game. Seungri had had enough of his You Like jokes back then; he won't be getting out calm and nice if Seunghyun dares to ask him that two words question anymore. "Thought you'd be hungry."

"Starving," Seungri laughs.

***

There are times when it's easy to pretend that he is still Seungri. Especially when Daesung is around; Seungri is thankful that both of them often have time to meet during busy schedules. Or when Youngbae calls him even when it's mostly to scold Seungri for his newest scandals. Or when Seunghyun comes to see him, for a sushi night, like tonight.

"Are you going to start a sushi business something soon?" Seunghyun is feeding himself, eyes sparkling as three years old he always is. "It will be great."

"I don't think so," Seungri snatches a piece of sushi from his hyung's plate, mostly to annoy the older male. As expected, Seunghyun glares at him but Seungri had known him for so long to be intimidated. "I still have trauma after your comment for Aori Ramen."

Seunghyun laughs and Seungri forgets that he is now not 27 anymore, that it is not December, that there won't be Seunghyun shouting Happy Birthday, Bro every thirty second.

Seungri forgets that time has changed and most of things had too; for the better and worse.

"I think he is talking to you."

"Huh?"

Seunghyun points to the man standing beside their table and Seungri frowns at him.

"What?"

Seunghyun quirks an eyebrow. "VI, are you okay?"

Seungri remembers that this is October, that he got an invitation for Halloween party, that tomorrow he has a meeting, that Seunghyun is in front of him, looking as good as always, eating sushi and now speaking Japanese. Seungri remembers that he is not Seungri anymore.

"Ah, yeah, sorry, I'm just a bit tired," he turns to the man beside him and recognizes him immediately as one of his partner, a friend of a friend that happened to have the same interest in hot dog business.

"You look tired," Seunghyun says when they walk to the parking lot. "Rest a lot, I'm heading back to Seoul."

Seungri is glad that Seunghyun speaks Korean again. "I'll try to, take care of yourself, hyung."

"I will. Don't forget next week and stay away from troubles."

"I don't know you read gossips?"

"I don't, Youngbae told me. He said that you always in the front page."

"I am popular."

Seunghyun growls. "Jiyong will scold you."

"He doesn't talk to me, remember?"

For a moment, Seungri thinks Seunghyun won't say anything. Like the rest of them, he knows. Seungri never told him, Seungri never told anybody, but it was visible for everyone that Seungri didn't even have to explain. And nobody ever asked him to.

"Jiyong will, if you let him. It's been years, Seungri, let's just...fix it up?"

"Fix what?" Seungri is tired enough to care right now. "I don't understand what you're talking about, hyung."

"Jiyong will come next week too, I've told him to."

"Fuck you, he will come to my show first."

"Oh," Seunghyun looks startled, probably by how bitter Seungri sounded.

"You have a plane to catch."

"...right," Seunghyun doesn't scold him for being rude and Seungri doesn't want to think about it because it reminds him of years in BIGBANG when they're the two visuals, bickering every here and there, teasing each other and annoyed people together.

"Bye, hyung."

***

Whatever is broken.

Seungri hits the reply button half-heartedly. It's only 6 am and he has no idea of what Seunghyun sent him a message about.

What are you talking about, hyung?

Fix. Whatever was broken between you and Jiyong.

Seungri thinks of his scandals, his schedules, his retirement from singing career, his old peaceminusone hat, and lastly, his heart.

Whatever still is.

Seungri doesn't reply.

***