Summary:

One night, one kiss, one mistake. A beginning of disaster, an ending of forever.

Chapter Text

"I've known you for years," Seunghyun spat out, almost in disgust. But Jiyong had known him for years too to know that he's hurt instead of anything else. "You're fucking stupid, Jiyong."

"Then you clearly don't know me."

"I bet you don't even know yourself," Seunghyun yanked him by his collar but Jiyong's heart was already in pieces so nothing could possibly hurt more. "You want Seungri to –What was in your stupid brain?!"

"Seungri," Jiyong looked at him in the eyes but he only saw red dots and grey surroundings. "It was Seungri."

Seunghyun sighed and hugged his friend tight. "What happened? Can you just tell me what's this all about?"

"Me," Jiyong wanted to bite his nail because his stomach scrunched up in nervousness, in emptiness. "It's me."

***

If I'm not in BIGBANG, I will be Seungri's manager.

Jiyong liked to know where he was, what Seungri had done, what he was wearing, what's his schedule next, whom he'd be meeting with, what kind of party he would attend next, where he bought that sparkling shoes, how many cherries he wanted on his birthday cake, how was his business going, what's his idea of their next album, which color Seungri thought would suit Jiyong, why he wanted to try that kind of food, who was that girl standing next to him in that picture, when was their next trip to Japan.

Jiyong liked to know everything about Seungri, he loved knowing everything about Seungri. Jiyong wanted to know as much as possible that Seungri often rolled his eyes at him.

"Even my manager doesn't act like you," he laughed as Jiyong shook his head at his choice of tie.

"Your manager isn't as good in fashion as me. Try this one."

"Pink?" Seungri questioned in disbelief but he put it on because he trusted Jiyong in it; he believed in him in many things that often left Jiyong smiled because he would never believe in himself as much as Seungri did. Maybe that's another reason why he liked Seungri that much –because Seungri watched him moving as if Jiyong carried a star in his arms; sparkling, mesmerizing.

The only time Seungri didn't believe in him was when Jiyong told him that he wasn't good enough. That he was tired enough, sick enough to continue. That maybe after all these times, he wasn't meant for anything they've been fighting for.

You're enough for me, hyung.

Jiyong had done breaking down his walls and his head spun in alcohol effect, in things he couldn't comprehend with his young mind, with his too bruised heart.

You don't have to be anyone else with me, hyung.

Jiyong snuggled closer to Seungri, finally had something to grasp, steady enough to sleep.

Kwon Jiyong is enough for Lee Seunghyun.

Jiyong never told him but he recalled it everytime the downfall tugged him deep, that he'd hold onto Seungri's whispers that night, that he'd cling shamelessly to Seungri's soft wrecked voice, that he'd play the image in his head about his dongsaeng shielding him tight from the world.

***

"You look terrible."

Jiyong didn't have to look up to see the owner of that voice, he'd have it memorized for long.

"Long time no see," he took another sip of his drink. "How's life?"

"Shit," Kiko shrugged. "As always."

Jiyong smirked. "Heard you dumped your boyfriend, eh?"

"Kinda," she still kept her hair short and her body skinny, her dress was green. "Heard a gossip about you doing the exact same thing too, though."

Jiyong lit up a cigarette and watched it burn. "I didn't dump him."

"You sent him to another country after robbing a fame of him? That's what in the magazine."

"BIGBANG is not Seungri's fame," Jiyong spat out the words and Kiko chuckled. "Seungri has his own and nobody will ever rob it from him."

"Ah, protective boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Watch your words, Mizuhara."

Kiko smiled and it reminded Jiyong of the first time they met, before things happened and media play trapped them in a relationship they didn't wish for, that they were more than ready and happy when it's all over.

"I know what I'm talking about," she sighed. "I've known you long enough to see the obvious, Kwon Jiyong."

"Seungri is not mine. He can just go anywhere he wants."

"That's a lie," she laughed, a glint of pity colored her eyes. "That's bullshit."

Jiyong didn't answer to her but Kiko didn't need him to say anything more. The look in Jiyong's face was more than enough for her to wrap her arm around her friend's shoulder.

"You're stupid, Jiyong. If this is your way to protect him –"

"This is the only way," Jiyong cut her sentence. "This is my only way."

"What are you shielding him from?"

"Everything," Jiyong said quietly. "Many things."

"Jiyong," Kiko patted his hair. "What if Seungri wants to get through it with you?"

"You don't understand him."

"I don't," Kiko told him the fact. "I just thought that maybe –"

"Seungri would do anything to save us," Jiyong poured himself a drink, a liquor he hoped to give him an anchor. "Seungri would do everything to save BIGBANG, to save me."

Kiko watched his friend crumbling down but she wasn't sure if she could do anything to save him. It's Jiyong's decision and she didn't know Seungri as much as Jiyong did.

"He would," she said after a while. "Seungri would do anything to save you."

"I can't let him down," Jiyong offered her a glass that Kiko politely took. "I already let everyone down by not saving the band."

"It's not your fault," she patted his shoulder. "I'm sure they don't blame you either."

"I couldn't fucking come out with a reason. I couldn't say anything when they shoved it in my face. They should've blame me, they should've hate me."

"A reason for what?"

"For everything."

***

It was one wonderful night in August, Jiyong was smiling and Seungri wore a black shirt and his ripped jeans. It was a small party in his house where Seunghyun brought every wine he could find and Youngbae scolded him for getting them all drunk and Daesung choked on the meat when Seunghyun argued but immediately tripped on the couch. It was just five of them because they already had bigger one last week and Jiyong swore he could still feel the taste of his birthday cake on the tip of his tongue.

It was just BIGBANG celebrating their anniversary a little late and everything went a little out of control because they're just kids and would always be one in heart.

It was just them, or so Jiyong thought.

It was just a slightly drunk Youngbae carrying a sleeping Seunghyun with a half-drunk Daesung laughing behind him because he was supposed to help but couldn't even stand properly. It was just Seungri shaking his head at his bandmates creating funny scenes, trying to reach the black car across the street, with their manager rolling his eyes from inside the vehicle. It was just Seungri smiling as Youngbae threw Seunghyun unceremoniously on the backseat, only to find a second later that Daesung had claimed the spot beside the driver. It was just Seungri waving to them and he looked so young, so happy, so sweet, so soft, so beautiful that Jiyong's body took the action before his mind did.

It was just Seungri and Jiyong kissed him on the lips in the open air once.

It was just Jiyong kissed him, short and quick but not quick enough to avoid a snap from one camera of a media waiting nearby.

It was just Jiyong and Seungri and a beginning of disaster, one night in August.

***