~POV Jisung~

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Minho...

My beautiful stranger...

My "I'm so sexy"...

Why?!

Why didn't I recognize him earlier?! Wasn't he my neighbor?! My student?! I saw him almost every day!! 

But that was the problem...

As soon as I knew about our age difference, even more that he was a minor, I locked him in a sealed box, tucked away in a remote corner of my mind. The box of the forbidden, inaccessible, untouchable, impossible.

The two times he had come to my home, I had concentrated on his face and his wounded hands. I was so nervous and worried about him I hadn't thought of anything else. When I saw him in highschool, I avoided looking at him from head to toe, because I had no right to do it. 

I had never looked at his body that way before...

It was wrong. Immoral. Unacceptable. Dirty.

But I had spent most of the morning doing it. I had followed him... watched him with indecent thoughts in my mind for more than an hour... and I couldn't forgive myself.

How was I going to face him now? How was I going to behave normally with him? Like a teacher... like a normal neighbor... was it still possible?

I felt bad, and he had seen me. Our gazes had met. I had seen his eyes widening in surprise at coming across me here. By the way, wasn't he supposed to be in Daejeon at his friend's house? He was supposed to spend the whole weekend there, according to what he told me... 

Confused, stressed, my thoughts were telescoping as I squeezed more and more the pen in my hands. I didn't know what to do... and it was worse when he looked away.

After those few seconds of floating looking at me, he suddenly turned to the girls around him whom I had almost forgotten. He was listening to them, looking at them as I felt an icy cold go through my bones.

Damn it... Had I become completely mad or stupid? What was I thinking, for God sake?! What teenager would want to run into one of his teachers the weekend? What teenager would choose to talk to his teacher instead of staying with some pretty girls who were trying to hit on him? How could I have thought he would come and talk to me?

Jisung...

Shut up.

I was ashamed.

Never in my life, had I felt so ridiculous.

Minho had seen me but had chosen to ignore me. Outside our apartment building, outside highschool, I didn't exist. He had no reason to talk to me and that was normal. Maybe, I was just a nuisance for him, another adult who was meddling in his life...

Shit... How could I have done that? Look at him with those eyes?!

Not being able to bear to see him with these schoolgirls, taking an interest in them without even looking at me, I looked at my feet and the store's floor, unable to move. My heart was so heavy it hurt when I breathed. I felt like I had hit a wall head on. It was so laughable... I had behaved so grotesquely I wanted tearing my hair and hitting myself.

Now, Minho probably wanted me to leave... 

I was even more pathetic to stay like that, motionless, a few meters away from him...

Promptly, the music started to become unbearable in my ears. It mingled with the girls' chuckles who kept squealing, telling him how cute and perfect they thought he was.

Shameful, I went in the opposite direction to get out of the store.

What an idiot I was...

I wanted to look at him with neutral eyes of a hyung, a teacher who only wished his well. I wanted to help him but I had taken that kind of interest in him. It was so disgusting I hated myself. I wasn't doing anything correctly. Whenever it came to feelings, I was piling up crap...

Congrats, Jisung. Well done...

My first time had been so missed up I forgot about it, and now my first flirting try was a complete disaster. But I will never forget it. I could never forget the unpleasant feeling I had in my whole body, in my heart, the bitterness that filled my mouth now.

I felt so empty I wanted to scream.

Walking faster, I ran up the escalators, unable to wait they take me downstairs. People looked at me strangely, probably wondering what's wrong with me. I was disturbing their peaceful day of shopping and I was sorry for that. All I wanted to do now was go home.

That's why, when I walked through the store' security gate, a few steps from the exit, I jumped hearing the alarm. In a flash, a firm hand landed on my arm while I uttered a pitiful scream, suddenly finding myself in front of a security guard twice my size, who was staring at me severely.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" He asked me curtly.

"What?"

Lost, I couldn't understand what was going on. People had turned to me and started whispering. I could see judgment in their eyes as my unease increased. At the same time, wanting to regain my attention, the security guard squeezed my arm harder to get me back inside the store when, from my eye corner, I saw someone intervene to face him.

"Let him go, you're hurting him!" The familiar voice shouted, making me shake like a leaf. "I was going to pay for that damn pen! I was going to the cashier! He thought I'd paid it, that's all! Let him go, now!"

The... pen?

Dizzy, my cheeks burning with shame, I looked down at the Pusheen pen I was still holding in my sweaty, trembling hand.

What the hell...

Was it possible to fall even lower?

"I..."

"It's okay." The security guard complained by letting go of me. "But that's the last time." He lowered his head to look at me in the eyes. "From now on, wait until your friend has paid before going out the store."

He had talked to me as if I was 10... 

...as we say to a child to look both ways before crossing the road.

At the same time, a fresh but soft hand took the pen from me. Without I dare to look at him, my savior went to the cash register with me, a reassuring hand on my back. I felt I was watching the scene from a distance. But realizing he was really paying it for me, I wanted to stop him when he put a hand on my head, gently caressing my hair.

His gaze was so intense I felt my heart racing, even more when he leaned towards my ear, his warm breath on my skin making me shiver.

"Shhh... Or your defense will crumble."

Idiot...

My defense? What defense?

Because of you, all my defenses had already collapsed...

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~POV Minho~

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Damn it...

The squirrel, again.

Again and again the squirrel.

I didn't think I'd run into him this weekend, even less here.

Honestly, what was the probability we would meet in the same store, in one of Seoul most crowded district?! When I turned to this girl and saw him, I almost didn't recognize him, so much it seemed so unlikely to me to meet that way. And you shouldn't have wondered why that idiot security guard had treated him like a kid... Myself seeing him, I had forgotten how old he was.

The squirrel was cute, I knew it. But today, he was even cuter with his denim pants, too big sweater, bag over his shoulder and those glasses that accentuated his childish gaze.

He looked like he was 15... it was crazy. Except that I didn't want to see him, neither here nor anywhere else.

Now I knew he was a good person, I wanted to avoid him as much as possible, for his sake and mine. I refused to take the risk to get closer to him, to trust him, to believe he was really part of my life. I already felt, deep down, I appreciated him and that was already too much. If I became fond to him, it would be worse when he would hate me.

❝Not getting attached to something I was going to lose soon...❞ It was common sense.

That's why, after recognizing him, I had immediately looked away. I had pretended to be interested in those girls who were giving me a headache. I had done my best to act as if he wasn't here. Yet, out of the corner of my eye, I could see he wasn't okay. He had become pale. He seemed nervous, in total dismay.

I was wondering if he was sick when he was gone by running. Following him went against my line of conduct. Nevertheless, I had been unable to just stand there. That stupid squirrel had helped me... He had confronted the headmaster and those two bastards' mothers... He had been slapped... He could have been hit, all because of me. If he felt bad, I couldn't ignore him.

So, when I saw that gorilla grabbing him like a doll you could grasp with so much force, I saw red. The squirrel was fragile... I couldn't bear anyone lay a hand on him.

I also didn't like to see him so tense and anxious. That's why I had caressed his hair without thinking, to confirm our supposed friendship in the eyes of the security guard and the cashiers... but I had immediately regretted that damn impulse.

Soft...

His light brown and blond hair were soft and silky, probably like a squirrel's fur. My fingers had slipped and entangled between his strands slowly, reproducing that gesture I had seen in movies and series, without ever having done it to anyone before.

Stupid squirrel... He was driving me crazy.

So, just out of the store, I handed him the small bag containing the pen.

"In the end, it helps to look so young. You're more easily forgivable."

I wanted to give him back his pen and leave, but when I saw him take the bag, head down, still so strange, I remained motionless, worried despite myself.

"But I'm not." He said in a low voice, without looking up.

He wasn't what? What was wrong with him?!

I had never seen him so demoralized. He seemed elsewhere, lost in his thoughts, as if he blamed himself for all the world evils. Seeing him so tormented didn't please me. I felt like I was suffocating.

"What's wrong?"

"M-Minho, wait. I have to pay you back..."

At last, he looked at me. Yet, he was in his world, because he hadn't heard my question. He even thought I was going to leave. It was like he was making himself a movie in his head and that made me on edge.

"Not worth it." I answered dryly.

"Please... After what you've done, it's the least I can do..."

"I didn't do it to be paid."

Annoyed, I gave him a dark look when he murmured, in an almost inaudible voice.

"So, let me invite you to lunch..."

What?

Despite myself, I had a small nervous laugh, so much his proposal seemed incongruous to me. If I had lunch with him, all my resolutions would catch fire. I didn't want him to take any more space in my life. The squirrel, when he was like that... so vulnerable I could almost see his soul in his eyes... was dangerous.

He was terrifying me because he was what I would never have. A friend... A person I could rely on... A person I would want to be there for every day... A precious thing whose loss could kill me with pain...

Too dangerous... and as usual, the best defense was attack.

"Is it okay for a teacher to have lunch with one of his students?"

I had spoken with a sneering grin.

Skeptical tone.

Sarcastic.

Cold.

A trifle accusatory.

I was hoping to make him panic and change his mind. I didn't think his gaze would veil like that. Seeing his lips pursed, his body suddenly tense, I felt like the worst asshole.

Why was I hurting him like that again?

"Hey... I was just kidding..."

"It's not funny."

Squirrel...

"...not funny..." He repeated, suddenly looking at me with such anger and despair I was paralyzed. "THAT'S NOT FUNNY, YOU HEAR?!"

He was furious.

I didn't know if it was against me, himself, or something that had happened to him, but he was devastated. I almost thought he was going to throw the pen in my face, but in the end, he had left without saying another word.

As I watched him walk away among the passersby, I wanted to scream...

"J-Jisung!"

...but it was better that way.

❝Not getting attached to something I was going to lose soon...❞

It was common sense.

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Hello sweeties ! I hope you're well and you enjoyed this new chapter ! :D Tell me what you think about it !! 😍 Thank you all again for your support ! Happy Halloween to those who celebrate it !!  Take care and be happy !! <3