⚠️MENTIONS SEXUAL ASSAULT⚠️

songs for this chapter:
- a drop in the ocean
- the night we met

-LINA'S POV-

My eyes watch as he makes his way back to the bar after the shitty encounter at our table. This is bad enough for me, as Rhiannon and Brandon aren't speaking to me, let alone him coming over.

I sigh. Whilst he was here, I put on the brave act however all I could think about was him fucking Amber, her moaning his name, her clawing his back with those bitch nails of hers- all things that only I should be doing.

I continue to watch him as this woman who works here leans forward, giggling whilst talking to him, obviously flirting with him. God, if anyone said something to him, he'd get all defensive and claim she was just a friend.

Taylor and Zach both carelessly stare at me; not trying to even slightly cover the fact up that the topic of their conversation begins with m and ends with e.

I let out a sigh again, a weird feeling beginning to bubble in my stomach.

"They could be a bit less obvious, couldn't they?" Rhiannon whispers, gesturing towards them.

My jaw drops.

"You talking to me?"

She laughs. "Unless you aren't Catalina and you are in disguise, then yeah. I'm meant to be the one with baby brain, silly."

"But your pissed at me. As you should be." I whisper back, ignoring the curious glances from those on the table.

She shrugs, "You have an addictive personality. I missed your bitchy comments."

"That's good, because I missed giving bitchy comments to you." I whisper back, grinning.

Despite the awkward link between us, Rhiannon and I have an almost unbreakable bond. Which is strange because of our situation, but somehow we get through it.

My smile turns into a frown, flipping upside down at the sight of Sin hug that stupid female and disappear behind the bar, presumably going to go send a dick pic to Amber or maybe even his co-worker.

"So, what the fuck happened with you two? Basildon doesn't give me weekly updates of your tragic situation."

"Tragic?" I raise an eyebrow and she nods.

"Absolutely. Like romeo and juliet. Destined to fall for each other, but destined to be the reason of the others downfall." She says honestly.

I nod. "That's disgusting. But anyway, I'm, um."

I look at the table and realise this is something I hadn't told all of them. I grab my glass and tap it twice with Rhiannon's cutlery, like people do in weddings and shit.

"I need to tell you all something. I felt so posh touching that glass," noticing their confused faces, I shake my head, "that is not what I need to tell you. Basically, I'm moving away. Far away. To Spain, actually."

Brandon and Rhiannon's jaws drop, whereas Arianna looks quite laid back and as if she was in the know.

"He told me." Anna says, her eyes looking directly behind me.

I tilt my head. "Who?"

"Me." Sins voice states and I jump, turning around to see him looming over me.

My hearts beats a little faster, remembering the yelling when we last saw each other. I wanna hug him, kiss him, but I also remember his messages and his descriptive texts of fucking Amber.

I turn back round, sitting in silence and ignoring him.

"We are going. See you guys tomorrow." Sin tells them, grabbing my arm.

I push him off. "We aren't going anywhere!"

"Don't make a scene, little red, I work here. Your coming outside with me."

Despite the fact I want to scream and kick him off me, I take the fact this is his place of work into consideration and follow blindly, waiting till I'm outside to 'make a scene'.

When we get outside, I quickly pull my arm out of his grip.

"What the fuck was that?" I yell, gesturing inside, "you can't just grab me and drag me wherever and whenever like I'm some object. Asshole."

He just stares at me. Simply staring, not speaking and not trying to hide the fact that he is just staring at me.

"Hello? Are you not going to say something? Sin! Stop staring at me you actual fucking weirdo, speak!"

He puts his two hands on my cheeks, pushing my hair behind my ears. I bite my lip, my anger dissolving at his touch as I look up into his eyes.

His fingers caress my soft skin, massaging the area below my eyes and around my jaw.

"W..What are you doing?" I stammer, honestly kind of embarrassed that I'm at the point where he has an effect on me.

He leans down and kisses me gently, knocking me into sense.

"No! I'm yelling at you. We are arguing, we need to argue like normal people and not just end up ripping each others clothes off. So sit down, stay a metre away from me, maybe even two and talk. You must have something to say else you wouldn't have dragged me out here!" I push him off me and sit on one of the outdoor tables belonging to the pub, my arms folded stubbornly.

He sits down and begins to laugh. Just laughs, again doesn't speak, but just laughs.

"Oh fuck this. I'm going inside." I say, beginning to stand up.

He shakes his head. "Stay. Please. Please stay."

Something tells me he doesn't mean just now.

Something tells me that saying stay is asking a lot more of me than to listen to what he has to say.

"I wanted to talk to you because not only do I have a lot to say; I have a lot to ask too. But before any of that, I wanna say that I didn't sleep with Amber. In fact, just to clarify, I can prove I didn't see her at all- ask Arianna. I was upset so I got drunk, then crashed at hers."

He got drunk because of I was leaving?

He didn't sleep with Amber?

I made him relapse?

"Hey, you have your guilty face on. This isn't your fault, baby, it's mine. I should be able to control myself."

"Questions. You said you had questions." I respond bluntly, knowing I needed to stop being so obsessed with him. It wouldn't matter if it was merely an infatuation, but something tells me how I feel for him is a lot more than that, which scares the fuck out of me.

Sin nods, leaning forward slightly but still maintaining the distance I asked for.

"Why are you moving? I get if you don't like the college, so you move somewhere nearer. Is it me? I can make you so happy, little red, you just have to let me." He whispers, holding my hand onto the table, drawing circles on my palms with his fingers.

I look at him sadly. "This isn't about you, Sin. Okay? Not everything is. I'm moving because I mentally cannot cope with living in this town anymore. There's just too many reminders. Of my madre, of my fucked up childhood and worst of all, of him."

Except he isn't a reminder. Even worse, he's real.

"I need to be in my home country. I need to sit in the Spanish sun with my Abuelo and Abuela, I need too rebuild the relationship with my Spanish family. I want to be able to speak my birth language everyday, to feel connected to the people around me. I want to be Catalina Aldonondo and forget about the Parker-James part belonging to my sperm donor. I need to be free, Sin. And I just can't be here."

My voice wobbles slightly on the last sentence. This is the first time I've ever felt so vulnerable and so open. It feels like I'm a book, one without a lock and with my pages wide open so that anyone could read me and learn everything about me within seconds.

"I had a shitty childhood too, Lina. But you don't see me running away from it. You don't see me running away from us- not like I haven't thought about it. Of course I have, because I am so fucking scared about how I feel for you. I love you, Lina and that scares me so much, but not enough that I would move to the other side of the continent!"

Moving my hand away, I place it into my lap and glare at him. "What part of this isn't about you can you not comprehend? I'm not running away because of I'm scared of anything except my father. Okay? I am absolutely petrified of him, Sin, if you want the truth so badly then here it is: I cannot be surrounded by all the memories of the things that man and his friends did to me. I cannot be surrounded by the fear of bumping into him, of seeing them. Is that good enough with you?

My voice wobbles again, more this time, causing my hand to shake slightly. Sin's pissing me the fuck off with his egotistical attitude and how he thinks everything is about him when really that couldn't be further from the truth. In all honesty, he was the only thing refraining me from going to Spain (but I would never let that fully prevent me).

The truth is, living in this town is too much for me. I thought I could cope with it, I'm friends with Rhiannon for fucks sake, but after seeing him at the graveyard it was like the zeitgeist of my childhood came back to haunt me- my panic attacks are worse than ever, I've been doing a lot more drugs and my mental health has just deteriorated.

"Lina, are you okay? Your shaking a lot. Shh, come here, fuck this metre or two rule." Sin says, wrapping his arms round me as he pulls me into his chest.

I take a deep breath as I snuggle into him, my body shaking like a leaf.

"I'm so sorry, little red. I just don't want you to leave me. I love you. It's going to suck." He whispers, his voice breaking slightly.

I chew on my lip as I can feel tears coming but I don't want to cry. "I don't want to leave you either, Sin. I wish I was brave enough to be around him, but, but I'm not. I'm not strong enough."

He runs his thumbs beneath my eyes, gently collecting any trace of tears as his pupils lock with mine. I always described his eyes as dark and soulless, but now when I look I can see swirls of colour and flickers of his personality.

"I'm going to drive you somewhere. My cars out front. Come on." He got up and ran to his car so I followed, a tad bit confused but it's not like I had anything better to do (except have lunch with my best friends who I'm not going to see for months).

When I get in the car, he doesn't speak, he just turns the radio on. After a while of driving, the song A Drop In The Ocean comes on, just as we pull into our destination.

He opens the boot, where he has a blanket and pillows ready. On one of arguments, he slept in the car hence the bed arrangements ready and the fairy lights.

He dangles the fairy lights around the boot, the car situated so the bed was facing the edge of the cliff, but at a safe enough distance.

My heart races as I remember the time I came here with him before as part of one our days together.

The music stays booming out of his car, the lyrics well-suited as the singer speaks about not wanting someone to leave and wanting to end up together with the said person.

"Sit."

We sit beside each other, watching the cliffside with his arm around my neck, listening to the music and not wanting to speak as we both know it'll ruin the moment.

"Lina, what did he do to you? You don't have to tell me, but I've seen how it affects you and my mind is just going to so many different places." Sin asks me, talking into my hair as he rests his chin on my head.

Madre wouldn't want me to keep it to myself.

Taking a deep breath, I stare up at Sin.

Madre wouldn't want me to keep it to myself.

"He used to be a nice man. He was a great father and husband, he would spend lots of time with me and make a huge effort with us. He spoiled us rotten. Until my mum, um, you know, died. Then he changed. He turned to alcohol, which we all know makes people the biggest dickheads," I cough pointedly at him, "but that's no excuse for the stuff he did."

Taking another deep breath, I grab the hairband on my wrist and gently ping it against my skin, an attempt to keep myself calm. I have never opened up to anyone about what I'm about to tell Sin, but I know I need to tell somebody.

He's going to be disgusted in me. He's going to hate me. He's going to tell the world.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to." He whispers, placing his hand on my thigh in reassurance.

I pause, then open my mouth to speak again.

"Everyone would always say I was the spitting image of my mother. Probably more so now, but thats beside the point. With the alcohol and his new found dickhead-ness, I think my father thought I actually was her. He would hurt me, scream at me and abuse me mentally and physically for leaving him. But that wasn't the worst of it. He started to, um..."

A tear falls down my face. Normally, I would hide in embarrassment, but I know it's the first of many to come. It's so hard for me to pluck up the courage to tell Sin, to tell anyone, but I keep the picture of my mamma in my head and carry on with my story.

"He started to touch me. He never went too far himself, but he um. He would throw these, these, these parties and um, I would be the only female there. The men, they were so strange but I was so young. I never really understood what they were doing, but I knew it was wrong."

"I don't like this game." I cry, trying to push the tall man with the strange, egg- like head off of me. He had pulled his pants down and my madre always told me that nobody should ever pull their pants down in front of someone else unless they really really loved each other and both parties were comfortable with it.

He pats me on the head. "It's alright doll, your daddy said it's ok. Your daddy said you liked this game."

"Papa was wrong. I don't like this game. I really don't." I shake my head, trying to move out of the man's grasp.

The man laughs. It's a sickening laugh, it turns my stomach.

"Your daddy isn't going to be very happy with you, little pussy, that's your name, isn't it? Pussy."

"No. No. No. No." I scream, shaking and crying as I kick the imaginary bloke off of me.

Sin pulls me even tighter into him, wrapping his arms around me so tight that I'm surprised I could breathe. "You poor girl. Nobody ever deserves that. You didn't deserve that. Oh my god, my little red, you are so strong."

"No I'm not," I half-whisper and half-sob, "I never fought back. I started off trying to, but then I stopped. My mum, she'd be so disappointed in me."

"No, little red. Breathe. You are so strong. If I was your mum, I would be so so so proud of you for getting through everything you've been through. You were a child, Lina. You didn't need to fight back, you needed it to not happen in the first place or you needed someone to save you. None of this was your fault."

Would you be proud, madre?

Everything I needed to be told since I was younger comes out of his mouth. My pounding heart slows down faster, my tears come to a halt and the shaking limits itself to a degree.

None of it was my fault.

"Someone did save me, Sin. It was your mum," I smile, thinking of the first time I met Missy, "I gave her hell and she took me out of it. I will never be more grateful to anyone in my life. And I guess she saved me in more ways than one."

"Because she brought you to me?" He winks and I can't help but grin because he isn't treating me differently despite knowing what he knows.

I thought he'd hate me, or be disgusted because of the situation. Because I lost my virginity so wrongly and so early. Or maybe he wouldn't believe me, but he did.

Ever since he met me, he has done nothing but try to maintain peace between us. His aim was a friendship but somehow with his huge ego and even bigger dick (and maybe his nice personality) he got even more than that.

When we first met, all we did was argue.

And then it changed.

The fair trip.

"Live a little, your what, seventeen, eighteen? Live a little for fucks sake."  I tell him as I stand up, my arms out like Rose from the titanic.

He takes a deep breath, obviously taking in my words. I expect him to take the piss, yell at me or do something annoying but to my surprise, he stands up beside me.

I grin.

Maybe he isn't all bad.

To when we went shopping at halloween.

"Fishnets are sexy."

I stare at him. Is he okay in the head?

"I don't understand males. How can you find literal tights sexy?"

"Because that's what like everyone wears on porn." He responds, looking at me like I was stupid.

Then of course the camping trip when he stayed with me in a bad high.

"I'm fine Sin, go watch the fireworks with the group."

He grins. "I'd rather watch them with you, even if you are a bitchy, annoying drug addict."

I try to hold back my smile by chewing on my lip even more, but I have to stop before it bleeds.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

Sin shrugs, "take it however you want, little red."

Then there is the amount of times we've binged Netflix and prime together, especially the 100. And the meal with Missy, when afterwards I stayed round Arianna's and he gave me a hot chocolate and ensured I was safe. He has given me so many amazing memories- christmas, new years eve. And who can forget our trip to Go Ape...

I walk over to him, noticing how fear penetrates his body. I bite my lip, then extend my hand to him. He looks at me in confusion, he also seems to be staring at my long, painted-black nails in admiration.

"Hold it, you dipshit, it's not out for you to examine."

He grabs my hand, which must feel like a fucking ice cube against his boiling hot skin and I can't help but notice as his chest deflates as he feels more at ease. He walks to catch up with me, as he's falling slightly behind.

"Thank you." He says, smiling.

I shrug, "I'm not a bitch all the time, you know."

He pauses, clearly thinking. I'm not quite sure what about, but whatever it is leads him to his next comment.

"I know."

I stare up at him again, taking him in for everything he is. He has given me so many memories, far too many to list and think about.

"Because she brought me to you."

****
My suitcase is one hundred percent going to exceed the weight limit. All my things are stuffed inside and it's strange to own a bag so heaving, seeing as I'm a care kid I'm used to not owning much.

"Do you have to leave?" Sin says, wrapping his arms round me. Around his eyes are black, we didn't get much sleep and haven't in a while- we've been making the most of every last minute together.

I nod, hugging him back. "Yes I do crybaby, and your going to have to get used to it."

"Okay. And you'll visit at Christmas? Then I'll come at Easter next year? We can make this work, little red." He grins, before leaning down to kiss me.

My stomach churns and the feeling of guilt consumes me again. Looking at him, I'm unsure as to whether I have it in me to break his heart again, but I know it's only fair to be honest with him.

"I'm not coming back, Sin. Not yet, anyway. When I finish college I will. And your not coming to me. You can't just sit around and wait for me, because I'm not coming back." I tell him, looking down as I cannot stomach seeing his reaction to my words.

"What? Of course I'm going to wait for you. I'll move to Spain or something, I don't know."

I laugh, "And do what, Sin? How will you live in a country where you barely speak the language? Duolingo isn't going to help you speak fluently 24/7. And we are so young, we aren't even dating, crybaby. There's no point."

"Your already leaving me. Please don't do this." He shakes his head, his voice beginning to break slightly.

I let go of my arms, hanging them down. "I have to. To move on, I have to."

"Why do you have to move on though, Lina? You don't see me wanting to move on."

"Please don't argue with me. I need to get to the airport, my taxi's outside."

He shakes his head. "I'll drive you."

"What? No, the taxi is outside."

Sin walks out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Yesterday was hard, but today will be even harder. Yesterday I said goodbye to my teachers, goodbye to the college and goodbye to my friends. Yesterday sucked.

Today, I said goodbye to my mum's grave. Today I said goodbye to my room.

Today, I say goodbye to him.

"Your taxi's gone. I paid it, don't worry. Now hurry up or you'll miss your flight- as much as I'd want that to happen, I think you'd kill me."

"Wait, what? Really?" I ask, slightly confused but mainly happy.

He nods, itching the back of the neck. "I wanted more time with you."

"How adorable." I tease, grabbing my suitcase as I head over to him.

Saying a final goodbye to the room, I close the door behind me. I can't believe that I'm leaving. Well, I can, because my flights booked, my suitcase is in hand and I know I am, but it still feels so surreal to me.

We climb into the car and I bite my lip, staring out the window in silence. I don't really know what to say- normally I have lots, usually sarcastic or rude comments, but I'm at a loss for words.

Sin is equally just as silent, although instead of staring out the window he is focusing on his driving, glancing at me at every opportunity.

"This car journey is making me want to jump out a plane." I comment, trying to ease the tension.

Nothing.

"In Barcelona, there's this museum where you can go in and look at naked people. You can also pay to sleep with them, but most people prefer to keep that information on the low-key." I tell Sin casually, thinking that is something he's be interested in, not that I'd want to think about him fucking anyone else.

Although I guess I'd have to get used to the idea. It's not like he isn't going to sleep with anyone ever for the rest of his life, he's eighteen years old, he's fucking sexy and it's Sin.

"Oh my fucking god, I'm sure the taxi driver would have better conversation than you."

He laughs slightly, looking at me quickly before focusing on the road.

"What! It's not funny!" I argue, trying not to laugh too.

He chuckles again, "It is. I'm not sure why, but it is."

"Your an idiot." I respond, laughing as I stare out the window again, before looking back at him.

Sin winks at me. "A sexy idiot."

"An extremely sexy idiot." I respond, laughing alongside him.

He places his hand on my thigh, caressing the skin gently, rubbing up and down. I let out a slow whistle because everyone knows the way to a girls heart, or rather bed, is through touching their thigh.

As we pull into the airport, we both take a deep breathe.

"Can I have one last dance?" He asks, whipping his phone out.

I raise an eyebrow, "In an airport car park? How romantic."

"Not my fault your leaving." He responds, joking, but it does cause a small pang in my chest.

He presses play on his phone, of course its The Night We Met. The lyrics hit harder than ever as we climb out the car and position ourselves, his hands on my waist and mine reached up, wrapped round her neck.

"This is stupid. Everyone's staring at us."

"Since when did you care, little red?" He asks me, sounding curious and also daring, like he was trying to tempt me.

I shrug. "I don't."

"That's good. Cause that means I can do this." He leans down and kisses me slowly, before pulling mw into his chest.

We continue to sway, this time practically hugging. It's ironically cliche and cringey, making me feel physically sick.

"I don't want to say goodbye to you, Lina. I don't think I can." He tells me honestly.

I shake my head. "It's hard. So don't say goodbye."

"What do you mean?"

"Just say see you soon. It's always easier that way, isn't it?"

The music comes to a halt and I bite my lip, knowing I need to be getting to my flight.

"I guess this it. I'll see you soon, Sin."

He looks like he's about to cry as he says his next words. "Yeah, I will, um, see you soon."

I give him a tight hug, before grabbing my suitcase.

"See you soon." I repeat monotonously.

His fingers latch around my wrist, in an attempt to pull me back.

"Lina. Lina."

I turn around and his lips connect with mine in full force, a long and passionate kiss that I feel like has a lot of meaning, the main one being goodbye.

"I love you, Catalina."

I nod, turning around as I begin to walk to the airport, feeling my eyes burn slightly, stupid hayfever.

I hear an engine turn on and a car move and I close my eyes, inhaling the air slowly and gently before moving through the huge glass doors.

I love you too, Sin.

~~~~~

so that happened
it ended
im sad
ok
well

This ending did NOT satisfy me in any way shape of form but I've spent the last week changing and editing and this is what it came to.

A lot happened in this chapter.

What do you think?

Keep an eye out for updates on Relapse- the sequel to this book. This isn't the end of their story (obviously, i love them too much)

This book has been a huge journey for me. It is far from perfect as it's the first one I've ever written, but I could not thank you guys more for your love and support.

shoutour to the people below. Number 1 helped me at the start of this book journey, Number 2 has supported my characters so much and Number 3 I am so lucky to have met on here, she's helped me a lot and whilst we bond over shitty fathers, we also bonded over our love for a guy with tattoos (please read her story, never and forever- IT IS AMAZING).

number 1- freakiestsoul
number 2- sinelil
number 3- daisyclouds89