JANE

The alarm went off forty-five minutes after I opened my eyes. Sadly, I wasted an hour long rest. I tried to go back to my peaceful sleep by letting the darkness sink into my eyes, but I couldn't. A feeling of discomfort was there in my room like an added burden, suffocating enough to keep me awake the entire time.

"Not again, not again, not again," I kept repeating the same words, scared of what might happen when my eyes would close. It was going to happen again, I knew it. 

***

Relaxed after the bath and a fresh dose of espresso, I was finally ready to face the day. The holidays felt different this year. They were supposed to feel different.

"Not really holidays, you are still working, though," I whispered to myself.

Regardless, I was still pretty excited and fully prepared for my first day as a Medical Assistant.

I headed straight out of my room and rechecked my purse for my keys; I had to keep them safe just to avoid any more embarrassing situations. The hotel lobby was crowded, it was irritating. I have always wanted a place with fewer people, fewer questions, fewer everything and yet I am here in Hawaii, trying to breathe. 

When I stepped outside the hotel, I could see cars parked, bumper to bumper. So far, though, the action was boring and I was standing there under the scorching heat, hiding my face with my right hand and waiting desperately to get a cab. Luckily, I got a cab within a few seconds only.

On my way to the Straub Clinic & Hospital, my eyes kept scrutinizing the scene outside my window; the beautiful ocean on my right looked nothing but exotic under the sun descending on it, giving it a golden shimmer. I could even see a hula performance along with a group of kids, who were trying to save their sand castles even though they kept drifting away again and again due to the rising tides.

The life outside the glass window was filled with light and happiness; maybe it was time to let go of the murkiness living inside me, but then again, the depressing thoughts came crashing back and I transcended myself to the past. The more I tried to run away from my past, the more it stretched and hit me harder. Metaphorically, the example of a rubber band seemed like a perfect description of my situation.

Why did he kill her? What happened to them? What happened after I left the house? Why hasn't anyone answered my questions? Was she already dead when they took her to the hospital? What were here last words?

I wanted to scream for answers, rage blowing through my entire body, followed by a sharp pain shooting from my head. The world stopped moving in front of me...

"I am so sorry, Mam. I didn't realize there was a speed breaker ahead of us. We are okay, it is all safe," the driver apologized.

When his words echoed in my ears, I realized my hands were curled into a fist and I was pulling on my hair; immense pain regulating around my body.

"Mam? Are you alright," he asked, concerned. "I think you bumped your head on the roof wall of the cab, I am so so sorry. You don't even have to pay me-"

I brought my attention back to the present life, still confused and hazy about what actually happened a few minutes back.

Did I just have a panic attack?

I took a few minutes to gather myself from the hysteria and told the driver that it was alright. Next, I quickly got out of the car and walked towards the hospital, allowing my mind to pause the trauma and drift back to the present.

I was quickly directed to Doctor Auden's office. He assigned me to the Department of Health Cancer Prevention. "Miss Mayor, it was really nice getting to know you. I have really anticipated this meeting. Your first task for today is the patient experience survey. Grab your notebook and start away." I smiled and nodded at him. 

It was a long day and I was finally done with five patients. I opened the next patient's file and turned just in time to see a familiar face. Ashton was dressed in a casual red shirt and beach shorts, his feet were sandy. There was a spark on his face, the same as yesterday and for some reason, it was the most irritating thing I had ever witnessed. He was chatting with a slim, petite nurse. She was short in height and his muscular figure made him look too huge in front of her. From the way she kept touching him again and again, twisting her crimson hair, batting those eyelashes and laughing at every single hideous thing he probably was saying. I could tell she was definitely flirting with him. I wasn't aware of what they were talking about but I had already assumed it was all crap. He was chewing on his lips, assured his charm was working on the girl. 

A few questions popped up in my head and I wondered why he was here. First the hotel and now the hospital too? Was he an intern? Is that why he was staying at the hotel? I rolled my eyes and questioned myself, really?

Get out of here Jane. Stop eyeing them. He is just a jerk, maybe someone who likes to fuel his ego with girls. 

The pace of my footsteps increased as I swiftly walked towards the sixth room to start off with the survey. I was glad his sight didn't catch mine or I would have to bear him all over again just like our previous encounter which I regretted. I did not want him to show off those stupid dimples or those green eyes at me again. Being human, it was not my mistake that my body reacted to our touch, it would have been my fault if only I reacted on my impulse and developed feelings. And feelings? That is something I will never have for anyone.

The patient's name was Julia Anderson. When I entered the room, I felt a chill down my spine and I froze for a few seconds. The woman lying on the bed looked beautiful but very pale just like the sheets on which she was sleeping. She had brown hair and hazel green eyes, but she also had enlarged lymph nodes. For some reason, she reminded me so much of my mom, maybe it was the strength which I was able to witness on her peaceful face.

I held her cold hand and went through her medical files. My eyes scrolling over her condition. Blood type O negative.

It took an endless moment for me to realize Ashton was there with me in the room; just inches apart from me, he was so close. I could literally feel his warm breath on my face. I froze all over again. The sight of him again and I lost my breath.

Why did he have that effect on me? Why was he standing so close to me?

I gasped and gave him an irritated look. He glanced at me and his lips curved into a beautiful smile. He stepped even closer. I forced myself to move away and utter something from my mouth, but no sound came out of it. Maybe I was creeped out by his sudden appearance but it was as if he had hypnotized me. A shiver moved through me followed by an ache to move away from him. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and finally got the courage to speak. I started throwing questions at him really fast.

"Are you crazy? How did you get in? What are you doing here? Were you following me? You are so creepy, leave me alone. I'll probably end up reporting you to the -"

My lips got dry and my voice broke down. With that, I crossed my arms on my chest and raised my eyebrow. His gaze darkened and he started laughing. What the fuck? He is such a freak. I swear I will throw a punch at him if he doesn't stop laughing.

"Hi, Hope. I guess I should be the one asking you all these questions since you are here in my mother's room." He teased, pointing at the bed.

Despite my irritation, I couldn't help but feel sad for the boy standing in front of me and the gorgeous woman lying down on the bed, the woman with whom I felt like I had a connection. I was disappointed and regretful.

"Oh. I work here. Also, my name is not Hope. You are confusing me with someone else," I snorted. I finally felt relaxed, thinking he would leave me alone now that he knows I am not Hope. Maybe that is why he has been smiling like a psycho. It all makes sense now.

As one confusion escaped, another came crashing in; I felt like I was developing a soft corner for this boy somewhere in my heart. He smiled again and said, "Yeah, I know. Since you didn't tell me your name I planned on naming you myself. I will call you Hope."

Panting softly, I licked my lips and started walking towards the door. It was almost as if I was overwhelmed with emotions.

But then I turned around and saw the most beautiful scene ever. Ashton was stroking his mother's chocolate brown hair. I did not want to ruin the adorable moment for him, but I couldn't help myself either.

"I am Jane and I do not like being called anything else and your mother looks quite adorable."

"So do you, Jane," he said.

I unconsciously smiled at him and then I saw his mother's eyes slightly opening up.

When she saw Ashton, she instantly got up and wrapped her arms around him. Her voice was hoarse and weak, but I could still feel the excitement in her tone as she spoke to her son.

"Ash, I missed you, darling."

Warm tears started rolling down my eyes as I ached for my mother's warmth. I was paralyzed with terror as I stood rooted to the spot.

I rushed right out of the room, a lump of harsh despair grew in my throat. There were not many people in the lobby, enough to provide me a little bit of privacy to cry. Why was I even crying?

A few minutes had passed by and I wasn't crying anymore. My vision was blurry and my head hurt but there was something else which was happening. Strong arms were wrapped around me. At that moment I felt like the heat igniting from those arms was being injected inside my cold soul. It was Ashton, he was caging me in. My eyes closed against his chest as his scent surrounded me.

"I don't know why you are crying, but right now, I am here for you," he whispered.

His soothing words acted like a slap in my face and I turned his grip and yanked him away. I reacted so fiercely because I felt like I was ripped open in front of him. I felt vulnerable and it was long ago when I had stopped feeling this way.

"Get off me, jerk," I said, gritting my teeth.

Slowly I got up from my seat and eased myself, afraid that the dizziness would return. Numb despair made me feel cold all over, but my legs were steady as I walked away.

I did not even let him speak and ran away before he could talk to me. I was mortified. It was as if my mind, body, and spirits were captivated and going through a stormy feeling. It was chaotic and suffocating. My emotions were struggling.

In his arms, I felt the protection. It was almost as if he was giving me hopes with his soothing touch, but I was nothing but hopeless. This bonding crap really was stupid.

NOTE: The thing she is talking about in the beginning of the chapter is something I will disclose later on in the chapters. Stay tuned!!

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