Read the chapter very slowly. Gather all the words. 🙈

Jane

My life had never made sense.

Forever so dull; emotionless; worthless.

The only time I actually feel choked with a storm of emotions hitting me is when I close my eyes and fall asleep.

Sometimes it would happen two to three nights in a row and sometimes I would sleep like a baby.

The episodes were always recurring, I always dreamt about that same thing and woke up crying for hours, but today, a new information was bestowed upon me and the weirdest part? It happened in the middle of the day.

The truth came crashing in front of me.

Ever since those images and voices of my six-year-old memory came whirling back, I couldn't speak anymore. I got lost in that exact moment.

The storm was suffocating me, showering me with feelings.

Although, I was shivering with cold, I was relieved I had a great job in hiding my panic attack from Ashton.

I couldn't let him see this side of me.

It was too personal and too soon for him to know me this way. He said he would remember me for who I was in Hawaii and I was ready to let it out if my emotions allowed.

Being in a different place did not mean my pain would change too.

We are all running from the past, hiding from everything that is killing us on the inside.

I had to give him something or he would go crazier than he already was.

Ashton was the only one I was clinging on to right now. The one I felt attached to.

This was too much to take in.

Too much, even for someone like me who had found her safe haven in the land of numbness.

I even recalled owning my mother's hair-sticks.

It was the only thing I owned when my life ended.

Sad was the fact that my Aunt took that small part of my mother away from me.

What made my Aunt this sour?

Did I even want to know the entire story?

Would it answer all my questions or leave me hanging for more?

My father's actions were not justified but Maggie was a part of the reason why dad killed mom.

It was all I could grasp from my lost memory.

She was making out with dad, oh my.

Bitch. Whore. Slut.

How did I cope with this unbearable pain? I was just a little girl.

Was it a blessing that I recalled my repressed thoughts?

I was extremely hurt in my dream, but I was way past that stage ever since I opened my eyes.

There was no anger boiling inside my veins, I just knew who I had to toss out of my life-Maggot and her husband.

I couldn't trust them even for a single bit.

I was going to live alone when I would go back to Texas-something I should have done a long time ago.

God, what did I do to deserve this? I kept losing people and on my way to search the lost ones, I lost myself too.

I could never get my childhood back.

Never.

My life was twisted.

I was living a nightmare without even realising.

We always wonder why we look at things so differently or why we judge people too quickly.

Perhaps, we even wonder what makes us feel some kind of resentment towards someone.

Sometimes there are no strings attached to these feelings, but there are times when the invisible scars are hidden so deep inside of us, it takes years to scrape off the skin and make sense of all the action around us.

Being with Ashton, I noticed how life could be better. He evoked the power to percieve things in a different manner. To live to the fullest even when you are hurting.

He was the one removing the thick layers off me; the layers of fake skin which wouldn't hurt when stripped off; All I hoped was for him to soothe the real one, without letting a scratch on it.

Today, I finally understood why I never liked my Aunt or why I always felt suffocated in that house when both of those guardians were providing me with everything I needed, though I never asked for anything.

My life could have turned out differently if only they showed some love.

Maybe Ashton's mother was right about the magic of love.

Or maybe I was right about how it peels off the skin but the only difference was, I had never loved.

Nobody wanted me even when they pretended as if they did, nobody. But Ashton made me feel wanted. He was not pretending, he was really growing inside me; filling me with flowers and blossoming colours even when I was hollow.

Before him, I was a burden; Selena's spawn- like Aunt Maggie said.

Keep your eyes open when you are under the light.

They say light can make everything better but they never acknowledge the beauty hidden in the dark; away from the evil.

Close your eyes in the dark, but your senses always on an alert.

Darkness is your best friend; it lets you hide, it makes you invisible; it lets no one touch your innocent soul. Ashton was a mixture of both; light and dark.

As I pulled my hands away from Ashton, I asked him to give me a few seconds alone. He got out of the car very obediently. I hated the sad look he passed me, the look which was aching for something more. I really wanted to tell him but I just didn't have the words.

Would I cry if I poured myself out or would he back out?

Following that, I took out my phone quickly and dialled Aunt Maggie's number.

***

Deep chapter?:p

Just Jane's thoughts after the dream. Next chapter in a few hours.

VOTE AND COMMENT THO. 💞

Dedicated to : ZeeSalam because she has given me too much love and support. <3