Chapter 24: Repression (1)
When you feel as if you have lost the track of time, cherish the moment because time waits for no one~
(Numb, Romaiza Ibad)
Jane
My eyes kept closing again and again. What was the time anyway? The soreness of running for miles and miles getting to me. I needed more coffee. I needed caffeine in my system. My legs were hurting, my shoulders ached; everything afflicting me a little too much.
"Ah..ouch," I cried as I tried to move, not aware of the situation around me. I didn't even remember how much I ran today. I lost track of time. Ugh! Why was everything hurting so much?
I was both emotionally and physically drained out. Feeling exhausted, I wondered if I might be suffering from the symptoms of burnout. I needed to rest. I needed to sleep for hours. The deep, sharp pain ran around my shins, up and down then up again. The cycle kept repeating. Running has always been my survival plan but the cramps came as a whirlpool of added burden I would love to endure. Huh? At least, I could finally see things clearly, right?
My phone rang and my eyes opened immediately, my sight still hazy. I rubbed my eyes and groaned as the sound made me cringe, bringing me back from my slumber. I turned around to get my phone but strong arms gripped me; it was Ashton, not letting me go. He was beside me all this time. I blushed and bit my lower lip knowing I had just taken a nap in his arms; a little embarrassed too. He wrapped himself even more tightly around my body, soaking his scent in my nose, his presence making me feel secure. Ashton did not let me slip away from his grip and I didn't even get the urge to fight back. He placed my head back on his chest almost if it belonged there, and then, he started patting it. I knew he wanted me to relax; to forget everything I wasn't telling him.
"It can wait," he murmured, hardly audible in my ear.
I rubbed my nose against his shirt and nodded at the warmth, still sniffing from the dried angry tears. I wanted to ask him so many questions; why we were still here or where were we going next or what was the time? But I didn't care about what I was doing right now or if I would regret it later on. Time stopped ticking for me. Being with Ashton was enough.
"You know I was debating on how to put you back in your seat without waking you up. You looked so peaceful and adorable as you slept, I didn't want to disturb you," he chuckled, brushing a strand of hair off my face. He thought I was adorable? Another blush kept up my cheeks. I wanted to move and look at him, but I lost the power to do so. I closed my eyes again and this time as well, the phone rang. Urgh! With all my strength, I tried to jerk away from his grasp and pivoted to the other side to get my purse. Maybe it was from the hospital? Ashton helped me get it, he knew I was at my weakest right now. How did he know everything? That was a question I needed to ask him.
"Aunt Maggot? Why is your Aunt named after a legless larva?" He lifted his eyebrow, scruitinizing my face with his green eyes, a smirk pasted on his lips.
"Well-" I shrugged, speechlessly. He laughed out loud, making me vibrate as I sat on him; it was hard not to look at those toned muscles as they flexed with every move. God. I had never paid this much attention to anyone but this was not anyone, he was Ashton. I liked the sound of his laugh, it was so lively and not dull at all. I kept staring at the way he threw his head back, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. Regardless of his sufferings, he still managed to make everything seem so bright. But what was I supposed to say? Do I despise my Aunt and how I don't even like to talk to her? Hell yeah, making him even more inquisitive than he probably was. Poor soul.
Aunt Maggie's name with an angry emoji popped up. I edited her name last night and inserted the emoji because she was driving me crazy. I was already angry at her for crying fake tears when I left Texas;I knew it so well that they were not real.
Ironically, we hardly talked at home and now she magically wanted my regard and attention? I slid the red button to the left, ignoring her call, wishing I could cut her off in my real life too. She gave me a place to stay for all these years, I owed her some small talks even if I never felt a connection with her. Luckily, my angelic mother had enough in her bank account to let me pay my tuition fee or I would have to dig a hole deep inside the ground and never come out. I would never depend on anyone in my life. Never!
My Uncle was just okay, he used to help me with calculus even though I never asked for help; a part of me felt as if he felt pity for what happened with my parents; Uncle Tom always looked at me with a frown on his face, creases appeared on his forehead; that man hardly ever smiled. Besides that, the only conversations I have ever had with him were either for dinner being ready or my internship. We never argued, we never fought, we never loved. We were never a family. My Uncle and Aunt never tried to bond with me, they never pushed me into talking to them or cared about my life. I guess. Thank God.
Aunt Maggot: 😬 7:45 AM:
I need to speak with you, Jane. NOW!
10:30 AM : Can you come back early? There is something your Uncle and I have to tell you.
10:45 AM: I don't want to do this over the phone so..?
What was driving her crazy? What does she not want to do over the phone? Did she not have a tongue all these years when I lived in her house?
"I need to take this," I lied to Ashton. I would never pick her calls, I did not need that kind of negativity in my life here. My life was on a verge of becoming different and I wanted it to stay this way; at least, for the next whole month. His eyes were on the screen since I was still sitting on his lap, scrolling down the texts; he was peeking over my neck, his chin placed on my shoulder blade as his breath touching my bare skin. I turned to face him, looked into his eyes and pressed a soft kiss on his right cheek. He smiled in a surprising manner, making those beautiful dimples exist again.
"Sure," he replied, his brows knitting together. Ashton understood my need for space even though it was clearly written on his face that he was extremely confused. I couldn't give Ashton the answers to the curious questions he never asked. What did she want to talk to me about anyway? I literally have zero percent tolerance for any kind of news.
When I got out of the car, cool air drifted all around me. Wow, even the weather was having mood swings. I pulled my foot away from the gum which got stuck on the bottom of my shoe and went through the messages lined up on my screen. At this point, I really was considering blocking her.
When will she leave me alone?
10:32 AM: Do you already know? Is that why you hate me? Is that why you keep ignoring me? Did you run away? You cannot leave Harvard over this.
Do I already know what? Did I have a reason to hate her? I just ignored her because she reminded me of my past. Why was she overreacting so much? I rolled my eyes, highly irritated.
11:15 AM: ANSWER ME OR I WILL SEND YOUR UNCLE RUNNING AFTER YOU. Is this something your Uncle said to you about me? Oh My God..You have talked to him. Haven't you?
No, I am not answering you, Maggots. Even though this lit up a fire of curiosity in me, I was in no mood of ruining my leftover happiness and she would send my Uncle running after me? Hah, sure. Bring it on!
11:45 AM: He asked you to run away, didn't he? Are you even in Hawaii did you lie to me about that too?
12: 00 PM : COME BACK! I NEED TO TELL YOU MY SIDE OF THE STORY. Please..... Jane!
12: 12 PM: PLEASE!
What the hell does she want and why would my Uncle ask me to run away? After reading her last message, I clicked on the delete option and tugged the car door open, aware she was doing it all for my attention.
When I got in, Ashton was innocently peeking at me as he ran his fingers through his hair while his phone was in his ear; he was talking to someone. "Okay, bye. I will pick you around six. Stay safe. Yeah, yeah, she is with-," he rolled his eyes, adjusting his seatbelt.
"No, not right now...I said no. Okay, that is it...I am hanging up now. Love you too, goofball," he said over the call and he hung up, his cheeks flushing a little. What was all that about? Was he talking to Wilma or his girlfriend? I saw her hand in his hair once, but I wasn't sure if she kissed him or anything; although, it did seem as if they did. Did he even have a girlfriend? I thought he didn't. A streak of unexplained feelings I didn't quite like swam around my entire body.
Feelings, huh? That's new.
"Booty call or your date?" I questioned boldly in a teasing manner, trying to hide my anticipation. I was disappointed, I didn't want Ashton to be the kind of guy who tossed away girls in garbage trucks like delivery boxes after spreading their legs at night. His eyes widened and he curled his hand into a fist, brought it to his mouth and laughed in it. What?
"None, Hope. I don't sleep around like that. That was-" He was grinning hard.
"That was Em.. she said hi," he paused, clearing his throat.
So it was just Emily, nobody else. The stiffness in my body relaxed, knowing it was not Wilma or a desperate booty call.
"And I haven't dated since two years, which is ever since I heard about mom's cancer. I gave up everything to focus on the one person who needed my attention the most. Then Emily being away from me crushed me completely. I can't lose more. It has been a rough ride, " his expressions hardened. He seemed offended and his jaw twitched. I felt bad for coming out harshly all over again. I felt his rampaging pain, it was there when his heart pumped against my hand. I slid my hand on his and squeezed it, reminding him that he was not alone in this either.
"All set?" He questioned, concerned, drawing small shapes on my palm.
"Yup," I replied, popping the P in the end. "Oh, and do say hi to Emmy," I added with a smile, assuring him I was perfectly fine.
Yeah, I was perfectly fine with him being around. My pain numbed temporarily.
***
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