Hours upon hours, days even, I'd spent trying to figure out this beast, and all I'd been left with was a throbbing ache in my head like no other. Annoyance or just pure dehydration, I couldn't tell, but it was damn annoying. The drumming behind my eyes was leaving me twice as irate as usual, leaving a dejected feeling Shizuo to sulk outside my bedroom door. 

"Are you feeling any better yet Flea?" He called from the hallway, "I know you feel like shit and whatever, but maybe I could help? I don't like being this far away from you when you don't feel good," The sincerity in his voice was nauseating, but surprisingly only in the best way, filling my stomach with butterflies instead of outright sickness. I grunted, not even wanting to respond to him at all.

"And what does it matter to you, brute?" I bit back involuntarily. Old habits had become harder and harder to shake as time passed between us. I was on my guard, making sure he knew my heart was no toy for him to play with until he was bored. I hadn't meant to sound venomous, but the distrust I had for him was not so easily swayed, no matter the circumstance. Sighing, I knew I was only delaying the inevitable by stalling him and questioning his motives, "Come on then, idiot," I barked over at him, "If you want to be here so badly, get off your ass and move,"

Without a beat he had made his way into my blackened bedroom, the only light illuminating the depressing atmosphere being the sliver of light now shining in from the hallway. Though thinking on it a second, I could definitely dismiss that observation as untrue, as Shizuo himself was a bright light, perhaps even the brightness at the end of the dark tunnel I was crawling through. I smiled to myself, knowing he would never hear me say such a sentence, contented in the fact that I held such a secret in my heart. 

He was without a doubt one of the most unpredictable lifeforms on this planet, always exceeding my expectations and annoying me all the same. Much more interesting than any of my humans, I found myself studying him exclusively, wanting desperately to know what made him tick. 

I laid with my back to him, his warmth the only indication of him I could feel. He had no true physical contact with me, his free arm at his side, not at all where it belonged snaked around my waist. As much as I hated my dependency on him, I longed for the warmth that his embrace had always encompassed around me. I was falling faster than I had ever imagined possible, the rate of my heart becoming his was almost too much to bear.  

I frowned, the headache that wracked my brain not at all stopping the anxiety that had inhabited my head. After just a couple days, had he already deemed me repulsive? Is that why his comforting hands had refused to touch me? My skin burned, the tears building in my eyes as the thoughts of rejection took over.

Feeling my body shake with sobs, Shizuo forced me to face him. My cheeks were red with shame, my body trembling as his rough hands gripped my shoulders. "What's wrong? Did I do something Izaya?" He was just as panicked as I was, searching my wet eyes for the answer I knew he wasn't smart enough to find, "Tell me how to fix it. . . please?" 

Trying to avert my eyes was fruitless, as soon as my gaze wandered I found my cheek cupped by his warm gentle hands, bringing me back to meet his honeydew orbs. He was a blur, my tears coating the entirety of what remained of my vision, but though he was only a silhouette,  I could still make out the agony plastered across his unknowing face.

He was so damn stupid. Falling for me like this in the first place, entangling himself in the death trap that was my life. What was he thinking? I was involved with the Awakusu, I had ties with drug rings and gamblers, and all sorts of other underground networks, how could he find any shred of affection for a bottom feeder like myself? As far as I had known, which was everything might I add, his record was clean, only stained with the crimes I had rubbed his name in. How was that forgivable? 

Trailing a line of kisses from my cheek down to my collar bone, I was pulled forcefully from my self destructive thoughts. Shizuo smiled against me, hearing my breath hitch as his lips became even more prevalent on my cold skin. I grabbed at his shoulders, digging my fingers into his shirt, trying to suppress the pleasure filled sounds that built in my throat as his tongue made it's way back up to my ear. 

"Are they gone now?" He whispered into my ear, sex practically dripping from his lips, "The bad thoughts. . can you think straight now?" I swallowed hard, nodding slowly as I found my head blank as a fresh canvas, ready for Shizuo to fill it with his art. "Good," He smiled, "Now, tell me how I can make today better for you,"

Staring at my digital clock, I cataloged the time. It was nearly 5 in the afternoon, whatever day he wanted to salvage was long gone. 

"It's already evening you protozoan, maybe tomorrow I'll feel better," I sighed, breathing still not back to normal after the arousal Shizuo had blanketed me in. This answer however did not satisfy him, leading me to end up pinned against the bed, the monster hovering over my frail body, a look of discontent on his face. "What?" I asked, "You should know by now that nothing but bitterness is sure to come from me. Looking so surprised at my coldness all the time makes you look like an idiot,"

Running his hands under my sweater and meeting bare skin, I gasped, his touch making me shiver despite the warmth of his fingertips.  He looked down at me, making a face so full of adoration it made my skin crawl. Nobody had ever looked at me like that, the look shattering my soul and making our arrangement much more unbearable for me. I would just break his heart in the end, so why did I want to embrace him? Why had my heart begun to scream for him?

The guilt was eating me from the inside out. I wasn't fit to love another, as no one had ever dared to love me, so why was he so different? Why were his touches so different than Shinra's? What did one lack that the other had? Was the answer truly 'love'? 

His hands wandered upwards, soon lifting my shirt over my head. He stared down at me, making my face flush in embarrassment. Surely I was too skinny for him, I was just a bean sprout, a runt, nothing would ever be appealing about my appearance- 

"Fuck Izaya," He purred, "You're so damn beautiful. It makes me so fucking pissed that someone could leave such a sad look on such a gorgeous face," His words took me by utter surprise, stopping my self deprecating thoughts right in their tracks. 

How did he always seem to know when I was on the verge of self destructing? How did he know exactly the right words to say to me?

Shizuo lips met mine in a frenzy, searching for any amount of solace he could give me with his touch. I melted into him, throwing caution to the wind. My headache melted away between our lips, as if he was the medicine I had needed all along. I didn't know how to react when I was around him. He made all logical and rational thinking useless, surprising me with his thoughts and words every single time without fail. Perhaps thats why I clung to him so dearly, perhaps that's why all these years I found him over and over again, teasing him without fail. No matter how much it hurt to admit it, I needed this man, and I needed him much more than his virgin mind thought he needed me.

We became a tangle of limbs, finding ourselves rolling around my mattress in a passionate embrace. His fingertips danced up and down my sides, making me shudder in pleasure. I wanted him to stay here like this with me for all eternity, the sentimental part of my brain driving my body forward. I gripped him tightly, pulling him against me with all the force I could muster, hoping that he'd get the idea that he was mine now. Izaya Orihara owned him, and though that was a position I was sure many people would steer clear of, I was comforted in the fact that even if I spoke these words aloud he would just give me that pure sugar smile and agree. It was disgusting, but I loved it. (It, not him, I'd like to clarify).

"Don't move" I muttered against his lips, "Stay here forever," I hated how weak my words had made me feel, but feeling like a selfish prick was worse. I'd taken Shizuo's kind words day by day, adding snide remarks to them, but never did I ever return them. It had to stop. I had to curb my attitude, either become serious with Shizuo and his feelings, or I had to break this off, whatever it was.

Almost as if I had flipped a switch, his expression was sparked with pure love and lust, a look I had only ever given, not one I had ever received. Smiling, knowing that in the back of my head I'd surely regret this, I brought my lips to his ear, whispering in an enticing voice I hadn't used in years.

"You going to touch me or not Shi~zu~chan?"