Silence as suffocating as ropes tangling around his neck. Another lump grew. Today there was no chance for recovery.

Oliver called in sick to work the day after. Once woken up, he was feeling tired and weary. The enthusiasm from yesterday evening had lasted too long and was too prominent. The consequences bloomed now. Oliver groaned as he rolled over his aching limbs. The clock has chimed noon already, but the blond still couldn't bring himself to get out of the bed. A heavy sigh escaped his throat.

He mainly called in sick for two reasons. First, Oliver's stomach turned when thinking of facing Kazehiki again. He felt like he couldn't trust this new acquaintance enough to not have to worry about being snitched on. He dreaded the consequences of his foolish mistake back then. Much to Oliver's convenience, he didn't receive any messages or calls from his coworker, however, this also shook him up a little. He knew he had to get things settled again.

The other thing were his rampant emotions. Yesterday's euphoria left bitterness and pain behind. Oliver dwelled on thoughts he usually managed to suppress, albeit without much success this time. Adding up to his physical fatigue, it appeared impossible to get anything done today.

Oliver was glad Fukase didn't stay in bed with him as well. Instead, the redhead had disappeared back into his own room. Oliver noticed that Fukase was acting weird himself, but he left it without any commentary. As irritated as his partner could get, he didn't want to strike a nerve.

 Instead, the blond focused rather on his inner dilemma; the thoughts he attempted to oppress as often as possible for years already. All of a sudden, Oliver felt lonely. Even though the one he had spent intimate hours with not too long ago was barely a few steps away, he noticed the cold shudder of hopelessness crawling down his spine. He wanted to grasp anything for support, but merely sighed at his own conclusion that came up in his mind once again.

Kazehiki was right. He didn't say anything to Oliver, but his glance spoke for itself yesterday. The concern and confusion reflecting in his coworker's eyes was something that burned down in Oliver's memory. The blond couldn't agree more with such a reaction. It was concerning and confusing what his private issues were like. Being in a relationship coined by mutual impulsivity and violence was not normal. Oliver knew that. Whenever he considered it more throughoutly, his thoughts lead to the conclusion of getting rid of it.

Oliver was not ignorant - definitely not delusional. The problems were right in front of him every day. Even so, he couldn't find a way out of them. Rebellious thoughts dared to dwell up every now and then, but they were no actual salvation. Oliver gulped hard at the many memories he had of himself attempting to break free of the cage he had created himself years ago. He lost count of the many times it was tempting to just drive against a tree on his way home, taking the easy way out. 

Oliver's chest tightened up when recalling all these muddled emotions linked to it. It was rage, confusion and desperation all weighing him out day by day, making it too difficult for him sometimes. Even so, Oliver never managed to pull his thoughts through. There was something stopping him from his attempts to find an end to his own vicious cycle eventually.

It was love.

Love towards the source of his suffering. To someone who was broken himself. Oliver had to bite his lip hard to prevent the tears from rolling down his face. His heart got torn in pieces when reliving his prior conclusions about his situation.

He loved Fukase dearly. Its impact was strong enough to sometimes stir him into things he usually would never consider. Its power managed to make him feel consoled in a world that had no promises left for him. This last anchor of a safe haven was the love he had been feeling for the redhead for years. Oliver knew there was nobody and nothing that would change this.

Fukase himself was a victim of his own weapon. No matter how often he used it on Oliver, deep within, the blond forgave immediately, reminding himself of the promises he had made to his partner and himself. Despite Oliver's general lack of commitment for much, this was one of the things he took seriously. And so, this was the one aspect preventing him from fleeing.

Their relationship had not always been that way. Oliver did remember the first months to have been the most harmonizing ones. Getting to know each other, learning to grow together from a shared fate – it was the best time Oliver had ever had in his life. Overwhelmed with love, support and consolation, he promised himself to always hold dear to this world's gift. 

It was merely the first years things started to change. Arguments piled up onto each other, vast differences between two individuals became visible and made matters difficult. Neither of them gave up though. Their bond was too strong to easily let go of each other. And so, both of them entangled themselves into a concern they allowed themselves to happen. Oliver knew that this was their responsibility now. Combined with deep mutual affection, there was no way for one to take a way out.

Yet, at times the most hopeless, Oliver couldn't help but wishing to seek help. His desperation was prominent enough for him to consider calling his parents. He hadn't spoken a word with them for years, so he hesitated.

Oliver didn't have the best relationship with his family. Inner conflicts and lack of mutual caring lead to him moving out before he had even been of legal age. He called it a lucky coincidence nothing too bad had happened during his time on the streets. Despite the difficult matters, Oliver had still been young and full of enthusiasm to go against his destiny of turning just like his family. He had wanted to be something better. Oliver frowned when wondering if he actually achieved that so far. For now, he couldn't say for sure.

His parents had never been too engaged in his issues, hence the lack of upheld contact. Oliver wasn't sure whether calling his parents now was a good idea. They had never been there for him before, so how could they help him now? Despite knowing that it most likely was of no use, Oliver's fingers subconsciously fished out the contact number saved on his phone. He suddenly wondered whether it still was the same number anyway. It's been a decade.

Oliver couldn't control himself anymore as tears suddenly were streaming down his face. He remembered what Fukase had told him a few days ago. He had no one other than the redhead. Even if he kept telling himself differently, there was no one to reach out to. Oliver squinted his eyes shut once realizing his seemingly inescapable situation.

Oliver always was sure that he was strong. No matter the obstacle, he would be able to overcome it - with Fukase beside him particularly. Wasn't love able to withstand just anything? During moments like these, Oliver wasn't so sure about it anymore. 

In the beginning, he thought his love and patience would always help fixing issues. But they didn't and instead, dragged him further into a dilemma he couldn't find an answer to. The blond dearly loved Fukase, and was ready to do just anything for him, however, he could feel his own walls crumble at his attempts. Oliver felt that it didn't take much longer for him to lose his own battle as well. It was a scary thought, and a thought that followed Oliver up and down all day.

A beam of weak light illuminated the dimmed room as the door slowly opened. Oliver buried his face in the bed sheets and bit his lip. Trying to hide his quivering emotions, he held his breath, paying attention to the sounds coming from the entrance of his bedroom.

There was silence for a while. Oliver didn't even hear breathing, which made him wonder if he just imagined the redhead's presence. Even so, the blond kept his breathing shallow and froze in state. He didn't have the energy to have an argument now.

Suddenly soft scuffing footsteps approached, and Oliver felt pressure on his shoulder. The blond gulped and tried to blink away his tears as he slowly gave in the harsh shaking of the hand. Oliver froze in surprise to see Fukase look at him with great concern. With furrowed brows, the redhead sat down on the bed and gently stroke across Oliver's shoulder. The feeling of loneliness and fear vanished all at once, leaving the remaining pieces of a reassuring sensation within himself.

"What's wrong?" Fukase muttered in a faint tone and leaned forward to peck Oliver's forehead. The blond was confused. Fukase's acts of affection every now and then were not rare, however, now it felt so genuine. Oliver expected to have to know about painful consequences for having Fukase go out his comfort zone, but there was nothing this time - at least not in sight.

Oliver remained quiet and merely shook his head in defeat of his own thoughts. He didn't want to ruin the moment with any unpleasant thoughts. Not that he could tell Fukase the truth anyway. Making up anything else that didn't mean trouble for him was out of his mind. He was too overwhelmed for that.

Fukase continued reassuring Oliver the way he did, while scanning his partner's expression carefully. Knowing he wouldn't get a proper answer anytime soon, he lay down next to Oliver. He beamed a weak smile while carefully striking across Oliver's loose hair strands. The blond merely stared back cautiously. Even though the moment appeared so peacefully, there was something inside of him boiling up. He didn't know what it was but it did make him feel unsafe. Like a wild animal ready to snap anytime, Fukase lay there next to him.

Oliver wanted to crawl back, getting out of the bed or leave the house entirely. He didn't want to be so close to Fukase. Suddenly, he didn't want this kind of affection anymore. It felt surreal. Unable to understand Fukase's motives, Oliver wondered where the downside of this moment was. The actions were so pure, even so, there was a harsh pull in his chest. Combined with Oliver's prior thoughts, something didn't match up for him. His inner dilemma dwelled up again, confusing the blond even more. Oliver suddenly jolted up, taking a bit of distance from Fukase.

"What are you even doing?"

"What are you talking about?" Fukase asked confused. Oliver's sudden change in mood seemed unreasonable for him. Unsure of how to react to this strange reaction, he sat up as well. He reached out his hand towards Oliver but stopped with his movement once he noticed Oliver staring at him terrified, backing away until he hit the wall. Silence grew between them as neither reacted any further. Fukase frowned, signaling Oliver that he wanted an explanation.

"Stop being so nice to me. That's not you," Oliver spat out and frowned as well now. The hostile stature startled Fukase. He remained quiet at first, unsure of how to properly react. Oliver has never reacted that way before. The redhead didn't like this. The situation seemed out of control and he couldn't figure out how to get back to it. His initial concern for Oliver faded and got replaced with a more dominating sensation. 

Fukase noticed his body shaking sligtly from impatience. His hand shoot forward and he grabbed Oliver's wrist. His grip remained tight despite the blond's attempts to break free. Fear captivated Oliver's mind as he straddled away with more force. However, he got quieted down forcefully once Fukase placed his hand on the blond's mouth.

"Now, will you tell me what's wrong?" 

Fukase's voice seemed calm, but Oliver felt just more alarmed because of it. He could tell what his partner was up to and tried to find a way out of it. Not reacting to Fukase's question, silence tensed up the atmosphere. He couldn't stay with Fukase now. He needed to get away from him, but wouldn't get his peace by merely asking. Feeling his options vanish one by one, panic came over Oliver's mind. Without any second thought spent on it, Oliver pulled away harshly, stemming against Fukase's chest. He noticed Fukase reacting quickly at it. His grip on Oliver tightened further, making he blond feel like his wrist was about to get crushed any second.

Oliver wasn't thinking clearly when his other hand jolted up and hit Fukase in the face hard. Time froze when Fukase seemed lost for a second. Even so, the blond was going on an instinct action, not caring about his partner's well-being. All that mattered to him was to get away quickly - and that's exactly what he did. Running out of the apartment, Oliver merely got the bare necessities on the way and slammed the door shut.

The cold air whipped against his face, but let him feel refreshed and energized again. Adrenaline contributed to his going-wild mind, causing him to run just anywhere. Anywhere where he could find his safe haven for just a moment.