"Just stay still for a second!"

Oliver's head shot back towards the hallway Fukase was storming out of. He pushed himself off the couch to reach for his partner but only grabbed the air. A quick jump and he was back on his feet. Fukase continued to brush past him.

"They're not even working!" Fukase kicked his dining chair out the way and Oliver flinched at the jarring sound. A few seconds of his attention elsewhere and Fukase already reached the back of the living room, slamming his fist against the heater rods. The dull punch crushed his fingers between the rods and Fukase snapped his hand back with a wince. "All they do is make me feel even more miserable."

Despite Fukase merely pacing up and down the room, Oliver froze in place. The table between the two of them suddenly felt so much safer, yet, his lover stood in front of him, dearly in need of help. His hands shakily held onto the edge of the table as his mind started racing. No matter how often they were confronted with the same issue, Oliver could never be prepared enough for it.

"You've heard the doctor. It's going to take a while." His voice broke and Oliver staggered along the table. Fukase barely listened as he made his way to the opposite side of the table.

"How much longer? It's been weeks!" Oliver flinched at his yelling but Fukase couldn't calm his raging mind. "Is this what I'll have to do for the rest of my life? Depending on stupid drugs to make me bearable to live with?"

Fukase's attention was all back on Oliver as he noticed him backing off to the back of the couch and drew back himself. He hated to see his partner avoiding him like that, yet he couldn't do anything to prevent it. With how plainly he saw himself grabbing Oliver's wrist and pulling him across the room, seeing him wince in pain and fear once again and not caring the tiniest bit in his fit of rage, he didn't dare to even come close. He didn't want any of this and yet he felt like someone else was pushing the buttons for him. The headache worsened and Fukase rubbed his face, only now hearing Oliver calling out his name. His partner casted him a weak smile as soon as he looked up.

"I know it's tough but they'll help you for now. Don't think too much about the future."

Fukase clicked his tongue, his hand rubbing over one of his temples once more.

"That's easy for you to say. You don't know what it's like—"

Pain pierced through his brain as needles seemingly tore apart every cell. Gnawing and clenching on his nerves nearly robbed his sight, yet all Fukase could think about was his racing heart. It dared to burst out his chest any second, and his shaky limbs barely managed to catch up with the pace inside of him. Anger, rage even, to a point that he could barely contain it brought him back to reality. He needed to calm down.

"What's really going on?" Oliver barely whispered. The silence killed him as he pushed himself off the back of the couch but hesitated to move forward. With Fukase turning his head back with a glare, the air froze between the two. Merely their breaths thawed the ice until Fukase's face softened. He shook his head and sighed.

"I'm just angry, no reason." His eyes lowered as Oliver reached his hands out. "No, don't touch me. Not right now."

Oliver faltered but insisted, only to be shaken off again. His heart ached.

"Please let me in," He croaked out. Fukase's head shot back up, his face pulling grimaces until it set back into a pained frown. This time he didn't push off Oliver's hands on his cheeks.

"I can't tell you, even if I wanted to." Oliver's face remained unchanged as Fukase paused and then sighed again, but the heavy feeling in his chest would not ease. "There's just mom and you, and I hate myself for thinking about all the things I do and say, how I contradict myself over and over again, but I just won't change. Nothing is going to change! I don't see how—"

"Hey, don't get worked up. Deep breaths, let's take them together."

Oliver's grip around Fukase tightened but the latter jerked back and shook his way out. His breathing hitched and whistled as the distance grew between the two. A loud groan froze Oliver to place as he watched Fukase stumble against the table, rubbing and holding his face vigorously.

"Not right now, my head is spinning. I feel like I'm going to pass out, and—"

"Please try!" Oliver exclaimed almost too eagerly as he lunged forward. Fukase startled and jumped away from him.

"Stop interrupting me!" Fukase's groans grew, and so did his grip on his hair. "Stop talking! Can't you tell that—God—my head."

Oliver tried to catch up but his partner would not stop moving away from him. One dagger after another stabbed through his throat as he chased Fukase to the couch and then plummeting down on the opposite side himself. He wasn't sure whether he already lost Fukase again, but there wasn't anything he could do at this point. Both promised to do their part to get better, and Oliver had to scream at himself to remember that.

Yet, Fukase was sitting there, cowering pained and scared and confused as his breathing picked up and flattened, breaking the tension like knives sharpening. Minutes passed with Oliver frowning and drowning out the piercing noises to safe his own breath from dying. Only as Fukase calmed down himself again, he looked over to his partner burying his face in his hands.

"You've been thinking of your mom again?" Oliver stammered, in hopes to reconnect in any way possible. There was a moment of silence.

"Of course," Fukase breathed out eventually, his head perking from behind his hands. "I'm always thinking about her."

Oliver's eyes wandered down on his lap. His fingers were fidgeting.

"You haven't mentioned her in a while. Have you told...you know."

A deep sigh filled the room and Fukase sat up, with his head following the lines of the back rest, until all he could see was the ivory ceiling.

"Some days are more bearable than others." Another sigh. "It's fine."

"It's not! Not if you're suffering like this."

"Nothing's going to change." Fukase's head tilted to Oliver, who has already crawled his way over to his partner's side. They watched each other shift and tiptoeing around each other for a while, until Fukase's fingers intertwined with Oliver's. "The meds already don't work, what good will it be to talk about her? That'll only give her more power. Won't it?"

Oliver gulped. He wanted to speak up so badly and chase the tiniest spark of concern off Fukase's mind but no words came up. He wasn't so sure whether he even had an answer. With his confidence slipping away, the lump in his throat only grew. Fukase looked at him as if he waited for a serious response.

"I really don't know, but please just be honest with us all. I love you," Oliver almost pleaded and leaned forward. Fukase merely watched and hesitated to return the kiss. "I want you to fully recover, not just on the surface."

Oliver barely inched away, shuddering from Fukase's breath clashing against his face, as he held back his eagerness. Despite growing closer again, Fukase couldn't always wave off his wariness. Right now was different. Oliver didn't have to wait for long until Fukase returned the kiss and pushed him by the waist on his lap. Oliver smiled into their kisses, and he wished so dearly Fukase would do the same, but having him run his hands through his hair and all over his body was enough for now.

Just a few weeks ago, it was hard to believe that they would find themselves falling for each other again, yet here they were holding each other tightly, kissing away all anxiety from another outburst. Oliver didn't want it to ever end but he could sense Fukase's touch to grow lighter and he backed away. His fingers brushed Fukase's outgrown curls out of his face and he melted at the soft eyes staring up at him. The most comforting warmth radiated all over his body as Fukase grabbed the hand playing with his hair and placed tiny pecks on every knuckle until Oliver couldn't hide his blushing face no longer.

"What about you?"

"Me?" Oliver breathed out, leaning in for another kiss, "I'm fine."

Fukase turned his head away to shield from the kiss and grinned.

"'Fine' is such a lame excuse."

Oliver's whining didn't get him far but he didn't stop nonetheless. His torso dropped down on Fukase, who only grunted at the sudden weight, making both of them laugh. They shifted to lie down on the couch and Oliver forced Fukase's arm to serve as his headrest. He ignored Fukase's hesitance this time.

"Some days are better than others. You know it the best."

"Oh, stop making this about me again," Fukase groaned and Oliver laughed. More than necessary, but it felt so good to laugh in Fukase's presence and because of him, so much that he wanted to treasure any chance he got. Especially when it came to his lover laughing along with him.

"I can't help it, you're just always on my mind."

"I hope that's not a bad thing."

"Give yourself some credit." Oliver stemmed his torso off the couch with his elbow. His other hand ran through Fukase's hair once more. "When was the last time you had an outburst like now? And even that one was mild."

"Still shouldn't happen."

Fukase lowered his gaze. Silence befell the two and Oliver dropped back down on the couch. Fukase still wouldn't look at him but Oliver just forced a smile.

"Change takes time. Relapses happen. You see it with me too."

Oliver cupped Fukase's face in his hands, pained and delighted to see his guilt-ridden face beam with hope and the first bits of courage. He never dared to speak it out loud, but Fukase's current moodiness did show some favors when it came to comforting him right away. His eyes searched in Oliver's face and then landed on his lips as he pulled him even closer.

"You're right. I see it on you." Fukase was prepared for the playful slap and laughed at Oliver's pouts. He tried to kiss them away but his partner stayed strong, which then only made him reach out to his last weapon.

"I love you too."