Oliver picked up his pace as soon as he locked the car. He was already running late and the unexpected traffic made matters only worse. He didn't know whether Fukase could wait in his room or they threw him out already; his nervousness spiked up. His last hopes crashed once he walked through the entrance doors and spotted his partner in the waiting area. Fukase's head hung low as he clung tightly onto the bag in his lap. He barely noticed Oliver walking up to him. Only the soft greeting made him look up.

With a small smile, Oliver leaned down and picked up the bag from Fukase's lap. His partner stood up reluctantly.

"I'm sorry for the wait," Oliver sighed, still upset about his bad luck. Fukase looked at him and then followed him out of the hospital to the car. The fresh breeze blowing in his face startled him. He wasn't used to it, and now the cold air crawled its way up his sleeves. His body shivered but he kept on moving, trying to keep up with Oliver's fast pace. Luckily, Oliver looked back quickly enough once he noticed the lacking presence.

"You must still be a little hazy," Oliver muttered and tucked their arms together, "Are you okay?"

Fukase nodded and scanned the parking lot for Oliver's car; he was slowly running out of breath. Oliver noticed it but didn't say anything. Fukase surely wasn't up for much chatter. He merely brought him to the car and helped him get in in silence without letting any upsetting thoughts get to him yet. Oliver reminded himself that the doctor had informed him about Fukase's current medication.

Oliver was about to start the engine as sudden rustling on the passenger seat caught his attention. He turned his head, only to find his partner to be pulling something out of his pocket and silently handing it over. Oliver took a closer look at the prescription in his hands.

"We should stop by the pharmacy," Fukase said with his eyes focused on the piece of paper. Oliver stuffed it away and nodded, bewildered by the stoic tone in Fukase's voice. He suppressed shaking his head, started the car eventually and drove off.

The heavy silence followed them through the entire ride. Oliver glanced over every now and then but Fukase continued to stare right outside the window. His torso was swaying with the car's movement, and he woke up out of his trance once Oliver pulled up to their nearby pharmacy. Fukase couldn't react quickly enough as Oliver already got out of the car.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

Fukase let go off the seat belt again and watched his partner disappear behind tinted glass doors. He leaned his head against the seat for a while and sighed; his sight became blurry again.

He only jumped out of his short-lived rest as Oliver opened the door again and got back in the car. He handed Fukase the small box and fastened his seatbelt. Fukase turned the box around a few times, surprised by the light weight of it.

"Sorry," he muttered almost inaudibly and bit his lip, "This must be expensive."

"It's alright. The insurance will cover most of it." Oliver beamed a smile and brought them back home. Even though it was merely a short sentence, hearing Fukase speak up all by himself relieved him. Being the only one to incite a conversation started to make him feel lonelier than when he was all alone, and it has barely been an hour like this.

Once they got back into their apartment, Oliver feared that things might feel bizarre, now that Fukase was acting off. It did feel weird to not have a loud presence around, but Fukase's curios glances through the apartment couldn't hide from him. Oliver got a bit excited himself to see how much his partner noticed the change. He hid his smile as Fukase glanced back. 

"Do you want to eat something?"

Oliver took off his jacket and watched Fukase head towards the living room as he stopped in his tracks. Fukase shook his head and gained a confused frown in return. 

"Are you sure? You've barely eaten anything in the hospital already."

Fukase turned around and retorted the stare with empty eyes. Sudden chills travelled down Oliver's spine and he gave in eventually.

"Maybe later."

He followed Fukase into the living room and expected him to lock himself up in his room again, but quite to his surprise, Fukase didn't pay any attention on this side of the room. He steered towards the couch and slowly tumbled down on it. Oliver leaned back against the door frame for a while, watching his partner struggling to pull his body up the fabric. Once he laid down on his back, a heavy sigh escaped his throat.

Oliver flinched at the hollow sound. It was clashing against his eardrums as if the sounds were right next to him. He blinked and stared at the motionless body on the couch. Fukase's chest rose and sunk, and stopped and then repeated the act as if nothing has just happened. Oliver faltered and wondered whether he completely imagined it, but then approached Fukase eventually. While sitting down on the edge of the couch, he scanned Fukase's face for a while but it remained just as unwritten as it was back in the hospital.

He noticed that Fukase was still clutching the box against his chest.

"Did they tell you how to take those?" Oliver asked and received a nod as a response. He nodded to himself as well, and hummed in an attempt to keep the conversation rolling. The past days were bearable with only a few minutes of silence during his visits, but he started to grow impatient much quicker the longer they went without a proper conversation now.

Although it was a faint and fragile request, Oliver wished to hear Fukase's voice a little longer. It had lost its melodic and strong tone, but at this point, just any sound coming from his partner would make him feel like he was living with a human being again. Watching Fukase lie still on his back felt more like he was staring at a doll.

Oliver startled back into reality as he noticed an intense stare coming from Fukase. He retorted it silently, unsure what was going through his counterpart's mind. Fukase's body jerked up for a second, but he couldn't quite sit up yet. Oliver leaned forward to help him but got stopped in his tracks. Fukase wrapped a hand around Oliver's wrist, with their eyes still stuck to one another.

"Let me touch you for a while."

Flustered by the sudden confidence in the yet hollow voice, Oliver didn't react but let Fukase do as he pleased. Fukase pulled on his partner's arm and caressed it for a while. He brought it to his face and rubbed his cheeks on the soft skin, sighing heavily.

"I missed you," he breathed out and closed his eyes. Oliver bit his lips to keep quiet. Sudden rushes of worries pushed him to not say anything, in case he could chase Fukase back out of his peculiar state otherwise, but his body went against his mind. Oliver wanted to lean in for a kiss, despite not knowing how well-taken that would be. He hasn't kissed Fukase in so long that he could barely make out what it normally felt like.

Fukase struggled to stem his torso up and threw his arms around Oliver's neck in support. After a few more shifts, they shared what could be interpreted as a hug. Oliver's mind was screaming for more affection, but he still didn't move and instead let Fukase tell him how far he wanted to go. However, a deep growl coming from Fukase's stomach quickly interrupted the intimate moment. Oliver looked up surprised and they locked eyes, assuming that they were both thinking the same thing. Another growl acted up and Fukase pressed his hand against his mouth.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat anything? It'll be ready in no time."

Fukase shook his head and fell back on the couch, taking deep breaths. He loosened his hand against his mouth eventually and gulped hard. Oliver was still looking at him in concern.

"I feel sick," he pressed out eventually and Oliver jerked up.

"Do you have to throw up again? Hold on, I'll-"

"No, it's fine." Fukase grabbed Oliver's wrist and pulled him back on the couch. "It's been like this the past days. Nothing is going to happen."

"Didn't you tell the doctors about it?" Oliver exclaimed, upset about the sudden confession. He wasn't sure how throwing up would affect the medication dose in Fukase's body and he couldn't risk another imbalance. Fukase's weak condition didn't calm his nerves either.

Fukase closed his eyes and shook his head. "It's one of the side effects."

Oliver stared at him for a while, watching him trying to calm down his upset stomach until it stopped growling again. He felt a pinch in his heart to see Fukase in a worse state once again. He wanted to rub Fukase's stomach to help him calm down, but pulled his hand away just in time. His mind reminded him that he still wasn't sure how well his signs of affections would be received.

"Though, one of the effects? What about the others?" Oliver blathered out eventually. Fukase, however, merely turned his head away and took another few deep breaths. Oliver sat there for a while and said nothing. Fukase had just started talking again but he could feel him pulling away. Oliver's throat corded up.

There was a shift in atmosphere, and all of a sudden, Oliver was out of place. The living room seemed unfamiliar, as if this was not his couch, not his apartment, not his partner right next to him, and certainly not his own body he was staring down at. Oliver grabbed for air but the hands attached to the body would not move. No matter his reaction, all he could do was be the spectator of this bizarre showcase.

Oliver looked to the side, and suddenly, Fukase was so out of reach that it made him panic, and wanting to pull him back into reality. However, the sole thought of reaching his hand towards Fukase ended with a heavy flinch on his partner's side. Oliver pulled away again and gulped away the breaches in his chest.

"Do you want to be left alone?" Oliver breathed out nevertheless. Fukase's head turned towards him and he nodded weakly. Oliver got up and suppressed the beat-up sigh that built up in his throat. Just as he was about to get back to the rest of the apartment, a low hum froze him in place and he looked back at Fukase. His partner continued to lie huddled up on the couch, hugging the small box tightly.

"I changed my mind." Fukase's eyes fixated on the wall and he took a few deep breaths. "I don't want any kind of touching for now."

Oliver faltered for a moment, unsure whether to have expected that or to be crashed with another hurtful truth. His grip around the door handle tightened. With a weak nod, he pushed himself forward and closed the door to the living room with no further comment. As much as he wished to push all of Fukase's odd behavior on the sedatives completely, he knew he couldn't. He just remembered Fukase's words when they had been lying on the floor together during their fight the other day—this was something that came truly out of Fukase's decision.

Oliver sat down in the kitchen and buried his head in his arms. As relieved as he was to have Fukase around again, it carried a bitter side effect with him. There were long periods of time in their relationship when Oliver didn't want to have anything to do with Fukase—that must have been just as hurtful for him—but he had genuine trouble bearing it from another perspective. After all that has happened the past days, he just needed him in his arms.

The prominent urge had been pushing him once again back to a point when he sometimes caught himself wishing back the old times. They had days when Oliver didn't want anything else but to just disappear and leave their torn relationship behind, but those harsh times always promised bittersweet affection in return. Eventually, he and Fukase would hold each other once again and promised to be there for one another forever. Oliver had been dreading their vicious cycle for long but the painful always came along with love, and didn't feel so wrong all of a sudden.

Oliver shook his head, scolding himself albeit reluctantly. He has been fighting for escaping this routine up until now; he couldn't just give up at this point. It was very clear to him things would never be the same again, so there was no use in dwelling in the abandoned past. He just wasn't sure how long he was willing to fight all on his own.

With his head leaning on his slowly numbing arm, Oliver closed his eyes for a while and suppressed any sort of thoughts. Even though it has barely struck noon, he was already drained out from the day. However, his eyes would not get heavy and lying down hurt his back eventually. He glanced at the clock—barely 30 minutes passed.

Although he wasn't sure how well-thought it was, he decided to check on Fukase again, hoping to find a distraction that way. Once he quietly got back into the living room, he was greeted by the sight of a sleeping Fukase, still curled up on the couch. Oliver wondered why he wouldn't go back into his room, but then he figured that this must not be the best place to dream in right now.

He sighed and covered Fukase with a blanket. Medication or not, his partner's resting body looked the same. It was a sweet sight, but Oliver knew this was not going to last for long. He bit on the inside of his cheek and stared for another while until he brought Fukase a bottle of water and escaped in his own room. Despite dearly searching for distraction, he didn't know where else to go without scaring Fukase with his sudden absence. He decided to lie down on his bed.

Oliver crammed out the earphones he had hidden under his mattress and inspected them for a while. He wasn't an avid music lover and bothered to listen to it rarely. Only after a time that felt like forever, he hoped to find some sort of connection in the new distraction and put on a random playlist he had on his phone. With the volume turned all up, he let the semi-familiar beats punch his ear drums, wishing they would evoke just any sort of emotion inside of him before he felt like he was about to lose himself again.