Oliver groaned as he got pulled out of his dreams. His yet hazy mind barely helped him orient himself in the darkness. His arm was resting on something warm and he bent his head to the side. He forgot for a second that he was sleeping in Fukase's bed. The two of them have started to share a bed the past days again, but it still startled the blond every morning to wake up somewhere outside his own room.

Even now, it felt off to lie with his loved one in his arms, no harm awaiting him. Oliver rubbed his eyes and sighed, noticing the growing headache from waking up in the middle of the night. While caressing Fukase's side, he noticed his partner to be shivering. Oliver merely pulled the blanket over Fukase again, but the shivering didn't stop. Quite the contrary, his body flinched at the sudden gesture. Oliver blinked a few times, wondering whether he was imagining things but then leaned up on his elbow.

"Fukase? Are you awake?" Oliver whispered, internally hoping to not receive an answer. His gut feeling didn't give him a good sign. He gulped it away for now and continued to carefully run his fingers over Fukase's arm. The redhead pulled away and slowly turned around. Oliver frowned, trying to see any certain expression in his lover's face, but his eyes were still not adapting to the dark.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry," Fukase muttered and rubbed his eyes. He forced a weak smile more for himself than Oliver and pulled lightly on the blond's shirt, making him lie down again.

"Is something wrong?"

Oliver reached his hand out to touch Fukase's face and stopped on his tracks as he noticed how cold it was. Fukase still didn't say anything.

"Hey, are you sick? What's wrong?" Oliver stemmed his torso back up again, crawling closer to the redhead. He pressed the back of his hand across Fukase's face a few times and gulped; it was freezing cold and covered in sweat.

"What? No, I'm not. I'm fine," Fukase stuttered, pushing Oliver's hand off his face. He squinted his eyes shut as Oliver switched on the light without any warning. He scanned Fukase's face once more but couldn't find anything worrisome. Instead, he noticed the shakiness of his partner to have gotten worse. He frowned but then ran his hand cautiously through Fukase's hair until his counterpart reluctantly opened his eyes.

"What else is bothering you then?" Oliver muttered and locked eyes with his lover, "and don't come up with any lies. I can tell you're not feeling well."

Fukase frowned and looked down on the sheets. He drew small circles on them with his fingers, sighing a few times. Oliver waited, careful to not make any misleading sounds himself.

"I don't know...I woke up from a nightmare again."

Oliver wrapped an arm around Fukase's waist and patted his back lightly. Hoping to get to reassure him, the blond continued like this for a while.

"What did you dream about?"

Fukase clenched his teeth and breathed in sharply. "You left me."

Oliver frowned but pulled the redhead closer. His lover retorted the gesture only reluctantly.

"You've been dreaming about this quite a lot the past days, no?" Oliver muttered and sighed, feeling a pinch in his heart. Albeit those were only dreams, the mere thought of being parted from Fukase pained him. Kazehiki's requests came to mind. He quickly tossed the thoughts aside.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I," Fukase took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his stuttering under control, "I guess I've just been thinking about it too much lately."

Oliver leaned back to lock eyes with Fukase, however, the redhead broke it off quickly. He nibbled on his lip for a while, visibly uneasy and sighed.

"I'm just afraid that you will actually leave me," Fukase forced out and looked back to Oliver. A lump grew in the blond's throat looking into the teary eyes in front of him. "You might not be able to bear with me at some point and just leave me all alone, and I couldn't even blame you for it."

"But you've made progress, haven't you? Why do you still think that I'm going to leave you?"

"Because I don't see any progress," Fukase scoffed and looked down to his hand resting on the sheets. It twitched a few times from nervousness.

"I still have this huge rage in me whenever something even slightly upsets me. I might be able to control it now, but I'm scared. For how long, Oliver?"

Fukase crawled closer and buried his head in Oliver's chest, breathing shakily. The blond let him be and merely stared at the wall he was facing. Fukase's confession threw him off as he realized he never really wondered how his partner was feeling in the process. His outside seemed composed, but there was more to it than initially anticipated.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore. I hate myself so much whenever I lose control, and I'm sick of it. I love you. I can't and don't want to lash out on you ever again because I'm just being this pathetic."

Fukase moved under Oliver's arms and crawled closer to the blond's face. He stared at it for a while, unsure of what to do. Oliver let it happen, confused about what the redhead was hinting at. Only as he moved his arms to the side, the redhead framed his face with his hands.

"And I know that you know that too. You shouldn't bear what I do to you, but at the same time I don't want to let you go. I can't have you take distance to me. I feel like I'll die if that happens one day."

Fukase frowned and let go of Oliver's face again, dropping back down on the mattress. Oliver's breathing hitched as needles continuously stabbed his heart. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself that he was able to see past Fukase's pain for the time being, he couldn't resist. As if the redhead's pain transferred right into his own body, he lay there paralyzed, barely able to move. Watching Fukase ramble all by himself pained him, but Oliver couldn't find a way to interrupt him yet either.

"I just don't know what to believe in and what is the right thing to do. You told me I don't know, and I realize that more and more. But this feels so...horrible. I feel like I'm suffocating."

"Fukase, calm down. You're not suffocating. Everything's alright. It's a rough path for now, but it's going to get better, I promise," Oliver interrupted him eventually, both relieved and scared. Hoping to calm his lover down, the blond continued to hush him down, however Fukase's body just wouldn't stop shaking. He felt a light pressure on his chest and looked down to find Fukase stemming his hands lightly against him, trying to make a bit of distance. Only reluctantly, Oliver gave in and let him breath again.

"You're always so strong, Oliver, but I'm so weak. I'm scared I won't make it...I'm almost convinced I won't make it," Fukase's voice broke down to a faint whisper and he gulped hard. He turned on his back, looking at the lamp over their heads. It was flickering weakly, but he somehow calmed down from it. Listening in to the quiet buzzing of it, Fukase felt his eyelids getting as heavy as his heart in the middle of the moment.

"What if I won't make it? You will leave me, won't you? That's the only plausible response, after all."

Oliver didn't know what to say. Even if he did, he was afraid he wouldn't get a single word out his corded-up throat. However, he wanted and needed to show the redhead any sort of reassurance. He was afraid Fukase would burst out crying once again if he didn't.

He took Fukase's hand in his, striking his thump across the palm. Gulping hard, Oliver tried to come up with a response, but his head was completely empty, as well as the rest of his body. This cascade of confessions he didn't bother to contemplate about earlier crushed him in his own weight. The blond shuddered when imagining how it must have felt for Fukase all this time.

"You're on the right way and doing better day by day. Focus on that and not so much on the future," Oliver stuttered out eventually. He bit his lip, regretting the way it sounded coming from his mouth. He wanted to change his answer, but barely found the strength to do so. Even though he noticed Fukase to be staring at him, Oliver couldn't bring himself to look up and merely stared down at their intertwined hands.

Fukase hesitated, but then breathed in heavily. He pulled his hand away from Oliver who let it happen, albeit confused.

"Is that all there is to it?"

"Huh?" Oliver startled at the sudden bitterness in Fukase's voice. Unsure of what the redhead was talking about, he kept quiet for a while, waiting for a further explanation. However, there was nothing. Merely after a while of silence, Fukase turned back on his side, facing the wall.

"Nothing. Thanks, I'm going back to sleep now."

Oliver reached his arm out to Fukase but didn't receive a response. Hesitant about what to do now, he pulled it back again and let his partner be. His throat still felt like someone was clutching it; there was no way he would get out the right words to say at this moment anyway.

Oliver sighed and turned on his back, facing the ceiling. A few more thoughts circled in his head, but as soon as he switched the light off, tiredness won over his occupied mind. He knew he had to talk this out once he would come back from work again. Fukase's independent thinking made him feel both relieved and depressed, and Oliver couldn't quite tell why.