Alea iacta est. 

Oliver stared at the home screen of his phone. The device weighted on his wrist, but he didn't put his arm down. With his mind struggling to detangle the knots in his head, his limbs lagged and twitched until he got a grip of the situation he had been in just a moment ago. One call might have been their portal to a better future, and even though it neither lasted very long nor did it sound crucial to any outside listener, it meant the world to him.

He looked down to the few notes scribbled on a piece of paper. His hands had been shaking whenever he had put the lead of his pencil on the crumpled sheet. Oliver made a mental note to rewrite them into their calendar before he wouldn't be able to identify the writing in a few months. But that was for later.

Two months—that's how long it would take. He and Fukase had been struggling for years, but there was a deadline to their lonely fight. Oliver managed with pleading and urging to set a semi-emergency appointment in just two months. There was yet a long time of dreading and praying for nothing to happen in the meantime, but Oliver was overjoyed nonetheless. 

Once the realization kicked in, he let go of his phone and rubbed his face as his insides twisted and turned. Excitement, fear, relief, doubt and worries all scattered across his body and wrenched his heart until it skipped a few beats. Oliver couldn't breathe but he was happier than ever. Despite the pain in his chest, he managed to put up a genuine smile. 

His strength and patience had been tested the past days once again, after Fukase had fallen back into his deeply apathic state right after they had had their closure. His partner had not only barely brought up the energy to care for himself, but he had also refused to talk more than necessary to anyone. While Oliver had been trying to push it off as temporary, no words of console could bring his shaken-up heart back in place. It was tough, but now there was hope again.

Oliver wanted to jump up and tell Fukase about it right away, hoping to see a bright smile on him, but his body was glued to the chair. He wasn't sure whether it was due to his numb legs from sitting for too long or his manifested hesitance towards Fukase at this point. Either way, he didn't move an inch and continued to dwell on the mixed feelings of relief all by himself.

Yet, that time was limited as soon as Fukase entered the kitchen in his typically reluctant pace and popped his head out the frame of the door. They shared silent stares, and Fukase's mouth dropped open a few times. No words once again. His head shook and he shut the door again, leaving Oliver perplexed at the peculiar behavior. Silence filled the room. Oliver wanted to follow and finally free himself off his trance as the sudden crash of the bathroom door bursting against the wall sent a shockwave through his nerves. He wasn't sure what he expected to have happened, but finding Fukase sitting on the threshold between the hallways and the bathroom wasn't one of it. Fukase looked up to him with the same pleading eyes he had worn just now, but pressed his lips together tightly. Only as Oliver kneeled down his expression softened. 

"Are you okay?" Oliver croaked out and reached out his hands. The gesture was met with a heavy flinch as soon as his shaky hand touched the sweaty forehead in front of him. Oliver pressed the back of his hands on Fukase's face a few more times and sighed.

"Are you sick again?"

Fukase turned his head away and didn't say anything but the pained frown on his forehead spoke for itself. Oliver watched his partner inch away and let out another heavy sigh. Fukase falling sick repeatedly was just another of the many burdens they had to deal with as of lately, and he could feel himself growing exhausted on the spot.

"I'm not mad, I'm just worried. The meds might make it even tougher for you, you know."

Fukase gave a slight nod and reluctantly broke off his stares from the wall to look back at Oliver. The frown hasn't worn off yet, but now it was accompanied by shaky breaths.

"I can't stop taking them though," Fukase breathed out with obvious disappointment dwelling in his voice, and Oliver nodded.

"No, you can't."

Oliver pulled Fukase in an embrace, and the latter let him. His body sunk into the cramped up position their hug offered, regardless of any aching spots screaming up. Oliver noticed the cold body shaking in his arms, and looked down. Fukase looked miserable. He knew that he would hit a brick wall once he'd bring it up.

They remained in their position until their body shivered from the icy ground and Fukase repeatedly failed to sit back up all by himself. Oliver helped him and leaned his partner's torso back on the door frame, waiting for any sort of reaction. Fukase's breath rose up for a while, but he quickly gained his composure again, looking back at Oliver.

"I wanted to ask...can you help me run a bath?" Fukase's gaze travelled down to his hands. "It's hard."

Oliver nodded with a weak smile and kissed Fukase's forehead before standing up himself. He helped his partner up for a few steps to sit back on the pile of bathroom rugs next to the sink. Fukase dropped on the cloths with a heavy sigh and closed his eyes.

Leaving his partner retrieving the bits of energy he could force up, Oliver turned his attention on the bathtub. Once again, he struggled to find the right temperature with their stagnant faucets and frowned once he spotted the small white tube in the corner of the tray. After the water started to run steadily, he picked it up with a hint of disgust in his face, but dripped the content into the water nonetheless. The smell of tea tree oil gave him a headache, but Fukase didn't seem to mind, and maybe his childhood remedy against colds wasn't all too much a waste of money.

In the meantime, Fukase has opened his eyes again to watch Oliver in his doing. His movements were quick, but there was a certain stiffness in them, confusing him. Up until Oliver turned back to him with a smile, he scanned his partner for any further clues.

"Why were you acting so strange back in the kitchen?" Fukase asked eventually. Oliver's eyes widened in surprise, taken aback at the sudden stern voice clashing against his face, however, that quickly changed once his mind travelled back to what he has been occupied with just a moment ago. He gulped down his growing smirk and shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess I'm just a little emotional lately." Oliver wanted to say more, but the weak body in front of him made him hold back. "Anyways, I made your appointment."

Fukase's reaction was unpredictable, and Oliver was glad he kept the news as neutral as possible as he saw the slight shift in his partner's face. The empty expression switched to a soft frown, but Fukase didn't say anything. He barely casted a weak nod and turned his head to the bathtub. Oliver bit his lip. Fukase still wasn't thrilled about the change in his life that was about to come, but there was no sight of resistance in his actions anymore. Oliver wondered and doubted whether defeat really was the better emotion in this case.

To not have the moment drop down too quickly, Oliver quickly composed himself again and ran his hand through the crimson hair, hoping to get the two of them back onto a lighter topic. Fukase looked back at him confused.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" Oliver quickly asked and received a slow nod. His glance dropped down to his partner's hands fidgeting with the ends of his sweater. Only now, he realized Fukase has been trying to move it himself. Oliver placed his hands on top of his and helped him take off the damp cloth and shirt underneath.

"That's always the most exhausting part, huh?" Oliver sighed and tossed the clothes in the laundry basket. Fukase watched him and wanted to beam a smile, but it turned out rather lopsided. Oliver turned back to Fukase and chuckled once he noticed the frail attempt. His smile wavered quickly after his eyes landed on Fukase's pale chest.

Oliver longed for any sort of affection for a while now and having Fukase this vulnerable on display only made matters worse. He wanted to be close to him so badly, kiss and touch him just how they used to, but how could he have those one-sided thoughts when Fukase was struggling so plainly. Oliver knew that, and even so, he couldn't shake those thoughts off easily, no matter how pointless they were.

Fukase tilted his head to the side. Hazel eyes wavered up and down his torso, and he sighed internally. If it weren't for his numbed senses, he might have understood Oliver, but he couldn't quite grasp it. Yet, he freed his partner from this torture and leaned forward, wrapping his arms weakly around him.

Oliver jerked up in surprise but quickly returned the hug and closed his eyes. He wanted to calm down, now that he had Fukase back in his arms, and ran his hands across his back, noticing the damp coldness on his skin more than ever. Oliver knew that pulling him closer wouldn't do anything about it, but he acted more out of selfishness to dwell in how warm and cold both at the same time Fukase felt against his own skin. Fukase's arms sunk to his sides but Oliver wouldn't take the signal to pull away just yet.

Fukase remained quiet, albeit feeling uneasy. He couldn't quite enjoy the company with the excessive body heat and pressure tearing on his body, let alone the sudden circling thoughts. They had quieted down a while ago, but now that a few single ones of them reappeared, he couldn't push them off easily. His mood darkened and he hugged his partner a little tighter.

"You're not going to leave me, huh?"

If it was not for the disappointed tone and the harsh tug on his sides, Oliver would have worried his partner was falling back into his old schemes. Yet, there was no trace of Fukase's sensitive, fragile side begging for him to stay, as a tougher interior made his way to the outside. Oliver smiled. Despite not having exchanged a single word about their compromise, the two of them still synched well enough to know that now has come the time to talk one final time.

Oliver pressed the body in his arms even tighter. He has made his decision long ago, and even after Fukase himself advised him to go, he still wouldn't budge. With a growing smile, Oliver shook his head and buried his face even deeper in his Fukase's shoulder.

"Never. Not now, not in this life or the next or whatever. I will always be there."

Fukase huffed at those muffled words. He wasn't pleased to hear of this news but it's not like he didn't see it coming.

"You're unbelievable," Fukase sighed, but a small smirk formed in the corner of his lips. He turned his head to the side, brushed his lips along Oliver's neck, and received a shudder in return. Oliver's body tensed up in their embrace, unsure of where to take this, as Fukase marked his way to his partner's ear with dozens gentle kissed.

"Don't just stare and kiss me, weirdo," Fukase teased despite the growing lump in his throat, breaking the last bit of distance that had separated the two until now. Oliver didn't wait for another signal and pushed Fukase off as much as needed to get to steal a few kisses from him. As much as he tried to compose himself, a relieved smile fought its way through the more he had Fukase to himself again. Yet, as much as Oliver didn't want this moment to end, he could feel Fukase's energy fading, given how unresponsive he turned in a matter of a few minutes. He quickly cut off the running water they had forgotten about and stood up, leaving Fukase to himself eventually.

Oliver's legs dragged him back into the kitchen where the cold air woke him out of his trance. He wondered how genuine Fukase's sudden approach was under his numbed-out mind and the hot steam in the air, but it didn't matter much for now. This was merely the start of a journey that would confront them with up and downs like those, and he was willing to take it.