It's not one of those phases I'm going through, or just a song
It's not one of them
I'm on my own, I'm on my own again
━━━━━♥━━━━━

You sat in front of the clear lake Levi found with your hand inside. The water was so cold and clear, yet you couldn't see the bottom.

"Clean yourself up, cadet y/n. You're face is all dirty." There was a hint of disgust in his voice, but it woke you from your numb thoughts.

Levi furrowed his brows when he saw you staring deep in thought at your reflection in the water.
Feeling his eyes on you, you did what your superior instructed you to do. Catching a glimpse of your reflection in the clear water in front of you made your eyes cloudy with tears.
You remembered what Eren told you. How he just ended things with you when everyone could of sworn that you two would either marry, have kids, and grow old together, or die in each other's arms during expeditions.

You started to clean the dirt and dry blood stains on your face with the water. Each second the knot in your throat felt unbearable. You should be with Eren not here.
You were always with Eren during expeditions. You always found each other....

You took off your flower crown, gently placing it in the grass beside you. "Thank you for worrying for me, Captain ." You smiled weakly at him and threw yourself at the body of water. You rather jump in than for Captain Levi to notice that you were so close to crying.

It was difficult to maintain your eyes open inside the lake, and you were glad that gravity was stronger than your human instinct to survive. Your favorite song played in your head as you felt yourself sinking deeper and deeper.
And as your lungs burned and were filled with water, you realized that there was no reason to live if you weren't with Eren.

After all the trauma experienced in your life; the titan attacks, deaths of friends and comrades you only talked to once, you realized it all hurt you. Even if you decorated your hair with beautiful flowers and always had a smile on your face, it hurt you so much. And your boyfriend Eren had become your comfort, your home.

But he realized that he didn't love you anymore, so there was no reason to live.

"y/n??" You came to your senses when you felt someone shaking you.

"What is wrong with you?" Levi stared at your as you sat up on the ground. It was official. You had spent too much time hanging around with that titan brat and he somehow rubbed his foolishness on you. "Why did you jump in the water? You could have drowned."

"I want to die, Captain." You shivered as the cold air hit your body. The water was cold, the air was so cold, and the sun was going down. Maybe you'll freeze to death.

There was a pause before he spoke again.
"Why....?" Levi wondered if you saw something? Perhaps someone in the team you were supposed to be traveling with die?
He tried to make sense of your words, but he couldn't see your expression. Your eyes were glued to the ground you sat on.

"Eren.....he isn't in love with me anymore."

Once again, was an uncomfortable pause and you curiously looked up to see his expression.
As soon as your eyes met with his cold stare, your back was against the hard ground and his hand was firmly holding your jaw.
"Tch.....do you have any idea of what you're saying??" He raised his voice at you, as you avoided eye contact with him. "Do you know how many of your comrades had risked their lives to live....and you come up with this??"

Tears escaped your eyes as you avoided his eyes. He wouldn't understand. Nobody did. Not even yourself. You've never been suicidal, so this attempt even frightened you. Guess Eren leaving you really did hurt you because he was your best friend and your home.

Levi got off you. He would slap you, but this suicidal outburst of yours really startled him for a second.
"Get up brat, and walk." He let go of you.

You sat up again and scanned your surroundings. It was already dark and it would be impossible to find the team you were traveling with at this time.
You made eye contact with Levi who was already staring at you, waiting for you to get up and start walking after him. His eyes revealed annoyance.

"Yes Captain." You forced yourself to your feet and began walking after him, feeling your body shiver at the touch of the cold night air.

By his tone of voice, you already knew this was going to be a scary night.