Mrs Way didn't come home until two that morning.

Mr Way didn't come home at all.

Gerard didn't sleep for a second.

Kat had retreated to their bedroom, smoking away in the corner with no one to stop them this time.

Gerard had left at half eleven, his exit covered by the sound of some random angsty punk album coming from Kat's room, perhaps it was only in that moment did Gerard really embrace all the noise. He grabbed a jacket, his cellphone, his camera, and his keys, shoving his feet into his sneakers before he made his way out the front door.

It was dark, but not really dark, the sky more of a navy colour as opposed to a true blackness - the sky wasn't devoid of light just yet, but the darkness was coming, inevitably coming, forever on the horizon, and a part of Gerard simply wished for it to come sooner, whereas the other part cherished the small amount of light that allowed him to see in front of him as he made his way down to the waterfront, glancing back at the house as his feet made contact with sand and pebbles.

He wondered what'd become of the household and the family that technically resided in it, he wondered how Kat felt right now, because Gerard felt like he was about to be swallowed whole, and he most certainly didn't embrace this, because it was an odd kind of loneliness that made the least sense, because Gerard stood in the darkness, in the moonlight, his camera in his hands, struggling to figure out just why he found himself so much missing the people he cared so little for.

This was a new perspective, this was him yearning for sense and order, how things 'should' be, this was the part of him that didn't feel quite so alive when there was no one at home who would give a fuck and scream at him if he wasn't in his bedroom. Kat would just know where he was; Gerard didn't go anywhere else, and he had no friends, besides Frank, Frank was different though, somehow, and both of the Way siblings knew that.

At some point, Gerard slipped his shoes off, letting his feet sink into the sand, welcoming it, even, despite the odd sensation, and the way it was almost too cold around his feet. He stepped a little too the right, feeling the grains shift and stick to his skin, doing so much more as he stepped closer to the water, where the sand was moister, and a little less easy to sink into. Instead, his feet made prints against the darker coloured sand, the tide lapping up towards said footprints, and Gerard's feet themselves, but never quite caught them, as the tide continued to decline.

The seventeen year old stopped, snapping a photo of the skyline and the waves upon it: a never ending darkness halted only for a second in the presence of a camera flash. He let out a sigh, his eyes blinking excessively to compensate for the excess of light, holding his camera up once more as his blinking returned to a more normal rate.

He snapped another shot, this one directed at the cliff top and the lighthouse, already illuminated a little by itself, but still, he left the flash on, and expecting the sensation of discomfort for his eyes didn't make it any less uncomfortable this time.

He pondered that for a moment, leaving his camera to hang around his neck, glancing back across the beach and stepping closer into the water, letting the tide reach his ankles. It was cold, needless to say, it was October, it was New Jersey, the water was indeed cold, but perhaps colder than Gerard had expected.

The cold of the water was easily the strongest thing he'd felt for the past few days, and he felt himself stunned by that, letting his feet shiver, embracing the discomfort, the cold, the feeling, everything in his feet, and dear god he couldn't imagine what it'd be like to have his whole body submerged in such cold water; he reckoned he'd feel the world, everything, so much, too much even, but just for two minutes or so, before complete nothing: numbness, a body at the bottom of a lake come November 1st, and nothing more.

He wondered if in those two or so minutes, the intensity of it all would be so strong as to compensate for a life cut short; the next sixty years or so condensed into two or three minutes, every emotion, every feeling, so strong, stronger than everything, stronger than everything before. It both frightened and intrigued him, leaving him stood there silent, cold water lapping over his feet with the movements of the tide for hours.

He stood in the cold shallows and fantasised about the end for longer than ever thought possible: letting the world pass him by: all too fast and all at once, a mess of everything he had and would ever know, and it still it wasn't enough. Gerard didn't think he'd ever be happy, he didn't ever think there was anything he could do to make himself happy, even with killing himself come November 1st, he wouldn't be happy, in those last few minutes, even in knowing he'd finally achieved his 'goal', gotten what he'd wanted, he still wouldn't be happy. It'd just be over, and then he couldn't be happy, fuck, he wouldn't be able to feel anything at all, and that was rather the point.

Gerard only began to move as his cellphone began to beep in his pocket, alerting him of its low battery life. It was in that moment that he was thrown back into reality, his feet feeling numb in the nighttime air. He glanced back at the house, his house, which it was, despite the fact that it couldn't feel anything less like it, and snapped one last shot of the ocean, before picking up his shoes from the spot he'd left them in, simply carrying them up to his house, his feet still too wet to put them on comfortably.

As he made his way inside, he was met by light: an excess of it, what seemed like every light in the house turned on, and a sight he didn't expect, his mother sat at the kitchen table, a hateful kind of look in her eye.

There was no 'where have you been?', there was nothing in fact, only her gaze fixated upon her son as he locked the front door behind him, put his shoes down and made his way back to his room.

Only once he closed his bedroom door behind him, did he catch a muffled, "faggot," muttered drunkenly from the kitchen.

Gerard pulled off his jacket, and lay down on his bed, staring straight up at the ceiling, his body laying in his bedroom, but his mind still back at the beach, with his feet so cold in the ocean, forever thinking of the end of it all.

Gerard didn't sleep for a second.

-

No one spoke that morning, come the 'actual' morning that was.

Mrs Way made her way off to work early again, not that anyone really protested this, especially Gerard, especially in regards to that one fucking word uttered perhaps far too soon - the one word that would not leave his head.

Kat's habit of always waking too early had ensured that they had time to make it out of the house at sunrise and go for a walk on the cliffs before they had to even consider doing something with their day or their life, or anything at all.

Gerard however, had just about made it to the kitchen, before stopping as he came to realise that Kat had in fact gone already; he didn't quite know what to do with himself, and he didn't quite know why. It wasn't like he needed them, and it wasn't like... it wasn't like there was anything at all - he was just making a mess out of nothing. He was just tired, he was always just fucking tired.

And perhaps that was just what he needed to tell himself to get him through that day, and perhaps that was that, because in the grand scheme of things, this was just another day, another day closer to November 1st, and it was becoming clear that the ever looming date was the only thing that mattered here.

Because, fuck, then it could all just end, and Gerard didn't think he'd ever wanted anything more.

He found himself stood in the kitchen with no reason to do anything at all, with no one to even tell him to go to school, he found himself sending everything to shit and making his way down to the beach and making something vaguely worthwhile out of his last few weeks. He had no reason not to, but then again, he had no reason for anything at all.

And with that realisation, and the world seeming to drown out around him, he shoved his feet into his sneakers and reached for the door, making no attempt to welcome the day nor the outside world, and in fact only making it two steps out of the door with tears in his eyes, before he came to a halt.

His eyes fixated towards the street, towards a boy: all too familiar, and looking at him with such concern - the kind of concern Gerard didn't need nor care for now, but still, he found himself frozen instead of running as the boy, Frank, approached him.

"Gerard?" He asked, meeting his gaze no matter how much Gerard tried to advert his. "What's wrong? Where's Kat?"

Gerard decided to answer neither of those questions, ignoring Frank and glancing back at the beach, and the ocean in the morning, and the way the skyline and sea seemed to merge into one, and he felt himself running before he could stop himself: his actions performed with a lack of explanation, and tears still in his eyes as he yearned for the ocean and cold water everywhere, for everything just to stop.

"Gerard?" Frank's voice always seemed to break through Gerard's thoughts, no matter how much he detested the idea. "What's wrong? What are you doing?" He asked, his voice becoming more stressed as he followed the older boy to the beach, and watched him kick his shoes and socks off into the sand, before stepping into the tide, his sobs only seeming to subdue as the water covered his feet.

And it was perhaps in that moment as Frank stood motionless, a few steps behind Gerard, that he came to realise that perhaps he'd never understand Gerard, this beautiful, amazing, and almost enigmatic boy, but it was in his next actions that he realised perhaps he didn't need to.

Frank said no more, simply kicking his own shoes and socks off into the sand beside Gerard's, rolling his jeans up a little and walking into the water to join Gerard.

The seventeen year old glanced with surprise at the boy by his side; he found himself forced to say something, yet stumbled for what to say, everything seeming to revolve around the odd smile upon Frank's face, and the little purpose it seemed to serve.

He stood there, just watching Frank for a moment, before wiping his tears from his eyes, glancing back to the horizon, perhaps for support, or perhaps for nothing at all, before his gaze found its way back to Frank again - it always did, Gerard reckoned he just couldn't figure out as to why quite yet.

"What are you thinking?" Gerard asked, his tone calm, and his voice quiet, and almost swallowed by the sounds of the ocean, but he most definitely preferred it that way.

"What am I thinking?" Frank exclaimed, laughing a little through his words, his tone much louder: everything about him was so much less afraid; he was happy, truly happy, even in that moment, even when nothing made sense. And Gerard found himself oddly jealous, jealous of all things, and in the same moment, enthralled by the sheer existence of Frank Iero, and his smile, his fucking smile.

"Yeah?" Gerard continued, his voice growing perhaps a little louder: more confident in the shadow of Frank's.

"This water's fucking freezing!" He continued, kicking a little at the tide with his feet. "You don't even look cold, what the fuck."

"I like it." Gerard admitted, "it's... refreshing... it's something, you know?"

"It's cold as balls, that's what it is." Frank shook his head in disbelief.

"Then why are you stood here?" Gerard asked what was the obvious question.

"Because you are." Frank replied with what seemed to him as the obvious answer. "Why are you stood here?"

"I needed to run, I didn't want to see you, I'm... I'm not okay, I guess, but I didn't think you'd follow me. I thought you'd just go away, or call Kat or something... that's what people do when I do weird things..." He trailed off, biting his lip.

"Of course I was going to follow you, Gerard." Frank smiled, "hey, what if you'd tripped and hurt yourself or something? Then what would happen if I wasn't here?"

Gerard shrugged. "Would you have followed me deeper?"

Frank resisted the urge to say 'that's what she said', as it didn't really fit the tone, "yeah, I would."

"Would you have followed me if the water went up to my head? Or to the bottom of the ocean?"

Frank took Gerard's words to be hypothetical, stuck in an odd state of ignorance, "I think I would." He smiled a little, perhaps just at how ridiculous he sounded. "Are you going to walk to the bottom of the ocean?" He asked, his eyebrows raised a little.

The boy beside him tensed up a little, Frank's words meaning more than he could ever know. "Not yet." He let out a sigh, "not today."

-

Kat hadn't meant to do it.

But meaning was irrelevant in comparison to action and consequence, in comparison to the mess they knowingly made; they just hoped Gerard would be alright.

Gerard would be, even if just for today.

Because Frank would ensure that he wasn't alone, as Kat made their way as far away from this kind of hell as possible, because school was perhaps the last place they wanted to be in that moment, and like this, there was no one to stop them, and like this, they could walk forever, and make one hell of a mess doing so.

And they didn't even have to try.

It was easy.

Everything was easy if you looked at it in the right way.

Kat fucked everything up.

Kat ruined their life.

And did so in one phone call, and the meeting with one boy, something they thought they'd never do again - just like every other 'last' time, because all Kat's life was a never ending mixtape of lies and last times over and over again, but this time, one particular song on repeat: a horrible tune, one to the sound of broken 'I love you's that they could never even fathom meaning, and the kind of lies that were meant to be believed.

The two spoke lies like it was the only thing they knew how to do, and Kat smiled right through it all, smiled like they weren't hurting inside at all, because when you lied, you could make anything of yourself, Kat could say anything, be anything, but still all they could ever think to be was this: a fuck up, a mess, and two kids sat on a cliff top with a bottle of vodka between them and storms clouds on the horizon.

It was ten am, and too many words had been said, perhaps all the words for the day, perhaps all the words there'd ever be, perhaps all the words they'd ever need, but perhaps not. Likely not.

Kat wished for another bottle, a different life, a better pretend on and off boyfriend, someone who could lie to them and make it sound more convincing, parents that made up their mind, because they either stayed or they didn't, and they hated this mess of a limbo.

They wished for Gerard to be okay too, because perhaps Gerard was the only thing they could count on to care about, but perhaps caring for Gerard was the only thing Kat would ever find themself to do - they cared, but perhaps too much. Perhaps Frank was a good thing, after all, because Kat didn't want to be there to pick up the pieces, not this time, but soon Frank wouldn't be there anymore, this was just a break, just temporary, everything temporary, always.

Kat downed a swig of vodka, relishing the world's worst taste, and meeting Pete's gaze as they did so. "You're looking at me funny." They noted, leaning closer to Pete.

"You look pretty fucked up right now." Pete, only slightly more sober, commented, letting Kat lean into his side.

"I am." Kat admitted with a giggle, "but it's okay. So are you. Whatever trouble I get into, you're getting into with me." Kat paused, meeting Pete's gaze, "it's okay."

"Kat-"

But Kat couldn't hear anymore, leaning into Pete and kissing him with everything left inside, with every thought still left inside their brain.

"Kat..." Pete began again as he pulled away, leaving the sixteen year old agitated and reaching for the vodka, letting their mind revolve around getting drunk, because Pete didn't know what else to do, what else to say, what other lies Kat might believe.

"Are we really going to keep doing this?" Pete asked with a sigh, leaning back against the grass. "How many more times?"

"I don't know." Kat choked out, "I don't fucking know how long it's going to be until I find something better, until something fucking changes, so don't pin it all on me. Everyone always does: I'm supposed to provide all the answers, but I'm fucked up too, and I don't know anything at all. So go ask your fucking questions to someone else, someone who gives a fuck about you and your sorry excuses."

"I like Kat, I do, I just-" Pete let out a sigh, sitting back up, and looking Kat in the eyes, "you're a mess right now, I'm a mess right now. I can't make promises, I can't agree, I can't do your stupid bullshit."

"You're either coming or you're not." Kat demanded, screaming now, "so fucking tell me something or do I have to find some other guy who'll pretend to care?"

"Kat, it's..." Pete let out a sigh, "it's a bad fucking idea."

"It's the best idea anyone in this town has ever had, and that's getting out, and we have to do that, well I have to do, you don't have to come with me, but I'm asking you to, and I don't even know why I bother."

"I care," Pete pulled Kat closer, "I care, I just don't think this is realistic."

"I don't care!" Kat exclaimed, "I'm gonna leave, two weeks from now, who knows? When will that be? The twenty third? Let's make it the weekend... twenty seventh... twenty eight... I'll be gone. Are you coming with me?"

"What about Gerard?" Pete stressed, knowing Gerard was perhaps the one person Kat gave a shit about.

"He has Frank now, doesn't fucking need me. Nobody fucking needs me. And don't even try to lie this time. I'm using you, Pete, for alcohol, for sex, for someone to listen to me, for a house to stay in, for someone to lie to me, I need you to come with me, I'll feel better about ruining my life if you ruin yours too."

"You're already ruining your life, Kat, you don't see it, do you?" Pete looked down at the beach and the ocean waves below. "You'll never see it. You never will."

-

hey pals !!! i love gerard so much it hurts I'm sorry he's too precious I'm sorry. votes and comments would be v cool !!! bc i lov u guys !!! not only that but !!! vote !!! comment !!! pls !!! :) !!! :) !!!