Kat had always had an awful habit of waking up at stupid times in the morning, and in consequence, always being the first awake in the morning, which they supposed was okay at 'home', when they had the extra hour or so to themselves, to sneak out and experience the world in peace and the freedom of their own company, but here, in Pete's bedroom, on a Friday morning, Kat was just awake, awkward, and alone.

They glanced at the sleeping boy in the bed beside them, and wondered what was to become of the events that had happened in the very early hours of the morning, with only a night light illuminating the room that was possibly even smaller than Pete himself, and whispered voices: hushed tones, like every movement, every sound was a secret, but of course, it had to be that way, and Kat was in no position to resent that.

Kat was in no position to resent anything; they owed everyone too much, and pushed away deadlines and made up excuses, and they knew in their heart that deep down, they weren't going to make it home today either.

They worried for Gerard, of course, and how he could possibly react to them breaking their promise, and what their parents would say, and what Pete would say, when Kat was still here come five pm, as opposed to the hell that called itself five am that Kat sat on the end of Pete's bed in currently.

Perhaps they'd just have to find another bed: another house, another boy, because on Wednesday it had been Frank and the dream that Kat had been unsuccessful in pushing to the back of their mind, and yesterday it was Pete and the history they couldn't quite bury, and the whispered secrets that the bedroom walls were destined to carry the burden of forever; Kat hated this house, they hated this room, but they could never quite bring themself to hate the boy that lay still asleep in it.

Fuck.

They had to go before Pete woke up, because every conversation from now on would be one they screamed and pleaded to avoid, because Pete, unlike Kat, had the guts to face up to consequence, and what had happened last night, whereas the taller of the two, could only managed a note scrawled on a scrap of paper, before making their way out of Pete's bedroom window, and scraping their knee on the brickwork as they did so.

They reckoned they deserved it though, because they couldn't keep living like a drifter, like a runaway: constantly running from consequence and responsibility, and more importantly, the people they loved, and the people that loved them, but they would.

And even from that moment, Friday was just about finding another bed to stay the night in, another innocent kid to listen to their sorrows, someone else to forget about come the following morning; Kat was all kinds of cruel, and they were well aware, and perhaps even more cruel in their complacency.

Because they saw no point in self improvement, and a change in morality; they only saw tonight and tomorrow morning, and life made into a game, and a future they couldn't quite picture in their mind, but despite this all, a brother they had to see, and an empty beach, and a house they'd rather die than wander into.

The beach and the ocean had been Kat's last resort, because Gerard was certainly a frequent visitor, even in the early hours of the morning, but it seemed like fate just wasn't on Kat's side today, and they couldn't just brush it off, because despite it all, they needed to see Gerard, to apologise, because Gerard Way was perhaps the one goddamn person on this earth that deserved kindness.

Kat was biased, of course, biased and scared, and soon to make their way out of the street their parents' house was situated upon, and as they found themself a park bench a few blocks away, and a shop both open at this hour, and with a cashier too sleep deprived to realise they were selling cigarettes to a sixteen year old.

And it was with the cheap, illegally obtained cigarettes, and the oncoming dawn, that Kat came to the horrific conclusion that they might actually have to go into school today.

School was one step up from home, and that said a lot, and there they could talk to Gerard without the obstacle that was their parents, and they could make a game out of avoiding Pete, and they could ease their conscience a little, and perhaps even find Frank from Wednesday night and try to practice looking him in the eye and not thinking about the dream, or what Kat had overheard of it, anyway.

Kat probably should have mentioned it to him, but they were of course scared, because this wasn't anything anyone wanted to talk about, but in his dream, Frank's words had detailed something along the lines of setting himself on fire, and a great deal of self loathing that didn't seem to be apparent when he was awake, but perhaps he was a good liar, or perhaps it was just one of those odd dreams, or perhaps Kat had simply made it up themself, but whatever the truth was, it didn't matter, because hell, they might not even see Frank again, let alone confront him about it.

And just how wrong they were, as within four minutes, the other side of the bench was filled by a boy with a dog, the dog yapping at Kat, and generally seeming to be entirely too excited by her own existence.

"Kat?" Frank began, meeting the eyes of the person on the bench beside him.

"Mmm..." Kat let out a sigh, not exactly thrilled to have seen Frank again, and not exactly thrilled to have the idea of confrontation lingering at the front of their mind, just begging to be realised, and just begging to ruin Kat's life.

"You weren't at school yesterday, what's happened? I'm worried about you, you know?" Frank's eyes were filled with an odd panic that set Kat just a little off guard, "where did you even go?"

"I went to the beach... I just sat there for hours, and smoked, I smoked a whole packet of cigarettes, and the whole world seemed to fade away around me, and then... then I went to my friend's house, well... boyfriend... ex-boyfriend, I don't really know anymore... it's complicated, I guess."

"Are you okay, though?" Frank asked, his voice perhaps about to burst with the excess of sincerity it contained.

"I'm fine." Kat shrugged it off, "I'm coming to school today."

"Really?" Frank was unconvinced, but who could blame him?

"Yeah..." They smiled, although it was perhaps more of a grimace, "I'll even walk with you. That's a promise."

"Okay." Frank returned the smile, "I need to take Daisy," he gestured to the dog that had sort of fallen asleep against Kat's leg, "home and- you can walk her home with me, if you want?"

"Yeah, that's... that'd be good." They muttered, as they deleted the text message they'd just received from Pete and turned their cellphone off completely.

-

Pete hadn't expected much else of Kat than an empty bed and little in the way of an explanation, but he had for a brief moment last night, gotten his hopes up; the night having fooled him that perhaps it would be different this time, but no, the morning proved as the slap to the face from common sense, because Kat clearly wasn't going to act like a rational human being, especially not regarding whatever the fuck they had, because it certainly wasn't a relationship, but there was no denying that it was something; even Kat couldn't get out of that one.

Pete reckoned he should stop thinking about them, at least, because he'd been doing pretty good when it came to forgetting up until last night, only thinking about them upon occasion, and mostly when conversation flew to them, or someone had mentioned the name 'Mikey', but it seemed like Kat had just taken Pete's sanity, pulled it straight from his head, and smashed it on the floor right in front of his very eyes, and late last night, amidst fucking feelings and teenage idiocy, Pete had sat by and watched, letting them.

It wasn't that he was pathetic, or at least, he was really trying his best to convince himself otherwise, it was just that Kat needed to get a fucking grip on reality, because they simply couldn't live like this - there was no way around that, but know them, they'd make their own motherfucking way, despite whatever kind consequences it would bring, and no matter who got hurt, as they already proved with the piece of shit they'd dared to call a note left on Pete's bedside table.

He wondered if they were genuinely just heartless sometimes; he knew that had it bad, of course he did, it wasn't like they ever shut up about themself and their own problems, was it? But Pete couldn't help but ask Kat to think about people other than themself for like four and a half seconds a day.

"Pete, you look like you want me to punch you in the face." Lindsey told it to him straight, that perhaps being the only straight thing she was even vaguely capable of accomplishing, but no one knew that yet, because Lindsey Ballato, yes total heterosexual, like she didn't even know what a lesbian was.

"I kind of do." He groaned, turning to face her with the same 'punch me in the face' look. The two were sat in what Pete was sure was either maths or chemistry, and he was totally fucked if the teacher asked him a question, because from the zombie girl with pink pigtails and a lip ring that Lindsey had been doodling in the back of her textbook, it didn't look like she'd be much help in whispering him the answers.

"Do elaborate." Lindsey continued, adding more shades of pink to the girl's hair as they spoke, wondering half-heartedly if Pete was going to go on for hours, ensuring that she'd ever regretted asking, but from the distant look in his eyes, she found herself doubting the aforementioned immensely.

"It's just... just this friend, well, I don't think we're really friends anymore, like... I kind of think I hate them, but I kind of don't-... they're just being a real fucking asshole lately, and I really... it's just bothering me, you know?"

Lindsey didn't know. But she did know better than to bother with people like Kat Way, and that was probably why she was staring at him with widened, disbelieving eyes. "Why do you keep putting so much emphasis on the word 'friend'?" She asked, all too nonchalantly, before continuing to shade around the face of the zombie girl.

"I'm not!" Pete protested: all red cheeks, and plain bullshit.

Lindsey narrowed her eyes, before continuing with a, "girlfriend or boyfriend?" that had several no homo alarm bells going off in Pete's head.

"Neither." And he wasn't even lying, god thank Kat for being non-binary.

"Whatever you say." She let out a sigh, "if they're being a bitch to you, then just tell them you think that, and if they don't change or apologise or whatever, then just ditch them - they're not worth your time."

"But what if they are worth my time."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think I could physically manage to forget about them." Pete admitted, his cheeks flushed, ensuring that when it came to embarrassing himself, he most certainly went all out.

"Right, so what... they're like a best friend?" Lindsey shook her head, growing even more disbelieving by the second.

"Old friend, I guess... we have a lot of history, and I think they're just using me and ignoring me, but they are going through a lot of shit, and I don't want to be an asshole, but they're being an asshole, and maybe it's better if we just don't talk, but I don't think I'll ever have the self control to decline the call when they call me."

"Long story short: you're fucked." Lindsey leaned back in her seat, "you either confront them, or you let them walk all over you for the rest of your sorry existence, and I will not be here to give you half-assed advice forever, Pete, so take it while I am: I strongly recommend the first one."

"Thank you?" Pete raised his eyebrows: confused as to whether Lindsey had just helped him or downright insulted him, but he reckoned that was just Lindsey, and that was indeed irrelevant to the very relevant issue that no matter how much he even wanted to, he doubted he'd ever have it in him to 'confront' Kat, let alone be angry to their face, or control himself, or even think about controlling them, because the notion was just ridiculous.

Or perhaps it was Pete himself that was just ridiculous.

And perhaps his ego just couldn't bear to answer that question, because deep down, the whole world knew what the answer was.

-

Gerard had stayed up all night waiting.

Waiting for something: a something that had turned out to be nothing, and he was even angry at him for expecting more: for expecting something at all.

Because it was only then that he began to realise that Kat would never come home, and that he was indeed ridiculous to ever assume otherwise, because that was how it was always going to be, and it wasn't his fault, it was just Kat, and the way they were, and the way they always would be.

Perhaps he could pin the blame on his parents, but it did little for him, as did the world, as did school, and the endless torture of the day in and day out routine that he clung to desperately, because Gerard needed something, anything, even if it was hell.

School was just... school: words and people that went straight through his head, things that would never matter: a whole ordeal he reckoned he wouldn't live long enough to need, because there was still that date lingering at the back of his mind, and the note: a draft, a scrap, a mistake, that he'd sent to the trashcan in the boys' toilets, that unbeknownst to his knowledge, had never made it to its intended destination.

School was just time to waste, and words to hear and soon forget, and people to notice, but people to soon ignore, because it didn't matter, not in the slightest, and Gerard felt distant, disconnected as he sat somewhere closest to the window, with his eyes fixated on the world outside this one, and the struggle in his mind to find the right words to scrawl upon lined paper in his favourite blue ink.

Because it was difficult, because it was final, and this would be important, to some degree; this would be what was left of him, and this would be what he was forevermore, and Gerard was unprepared for that, but the date was already set in his mind, in stone: it was less of a desire, and more of an unquestioned fact - it just would happen, and that was that: a date on the calendar, something to look forward to perhaps.

Gerard didn't want to face November, he didn't want to face another day, but he needed a date: he needed a certain thing to pour his emotions into, somewhere to contain himself, some sort of relief, and some sort of secret to hold to his chest, because this felt like the only thing that would ever make him the least bit important, because now, he wasn't just Gerard Way, he was Gerard Way: the boy who was going to die on November 1st.

There was also the horror that came with the notion of letting death surprise you; Gerard despised it - he needed control this, and he needed to know, he needed this, in a weird way, because Gerard wasn't scared of dying, or even being alive, he was just scared of living, and every wasted moment without value, because this brought meaning, even in the most macabre ways - it was how he wanted to go, with the water, drowning, it was planned, and it was all going to be okay.

And he'd explain this all to Kat who would never come home in a letter, that his parents would never read, because Kat was the only one who would need to know the details and the workings of his head, and Kat was the only one he'd ever even consider trusting with it, because the rest of the world deserved little more than the newspaper article: a small town, he was certain he'd make front page news.

He didn't quite know what to make of that; he just hoped that they didn't misgender Kat when detailing the family of the boy whose body lay at the bottom of the lake.

And it was like that, that Gerard had found himself swept up in his own world, even to the extent that he hadn't quite realised that the English classroom around him was in fact empty, and that he had in fact paid so little attention to the world around him: the departure of thirty odd people from the room had passed him by entirely.

He only came to notice the aforementioned as the teacher sat down beside him: perplexed, more than anything, and somewhat apprehensive in his manner. Gerard noted that he didn't even know this guy's name; he was a supply, though, their original teacher was on maternity leave, and the man before him with shoulder length dark hair, blue eyes, and a small smile, was her replacement.

"Everyone else has left: you can go." The man's words were awkward: nervous perhaps, in nature, but quiet and hushed in a manner that contrasted the tone Gerard was accustomed to teacher's using, and he instantly liked this man a whole lot more.

"I... I know." Gerard stuttered out, turning to meet his teacher's gaze, "I.. I didn't notice at first, I wasn't asleep, I just-... I don't know, actually, I was just... in my own world, I guess... I'm sorry-"

"It's fine, I'm not going to tell you off." The man smiled, "you're Gerard Way, aren't you?" He nodded in response, "do you want to go? Or can I talk to you a moment?"

"I don't really have anywhere to go... I mean, it's break, I don't exactly have an abundance of friends, and I'm pretty sure Kat's not here today, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to see them either."

"Girlfriend?" He raised an eyebrow.

Gerard blushed shaking his head, "sibling. They're my sibling."

"If you don't mind me saying, you look, you look sad, more than sad: you have this hopeless kind of glassy look in your eyes, like there's no one inside that head of yours, or like what is inside is cowering away in the corner, in fear of the outside world."

"I... I..." Gerard stuttered out, "I don't I-"

"I'm sorry, you don't have to say anything, I just want to make sure that you're okay, Gerard. Look, feel free to speak to me whenever, at lunchtime or whatever, I mean, I'm not your actual teacher, but I'm still a teacher, and I'm worried about you."

"I'm okay... you don't need to be worried about me-" Gerard blushed, getting to his feet with an excess of anxiety apparent in his every moment and word.

"I'm just doing my job, Gerard."

"T-thank you... Mr-... Mr-..." Gerard's eyes widened as he came to remember that he was unaware of the man's name.

"Mr McCracken."

-

ayyy!!! lmao lets pretend im sorry but irl im just mclaughen im sorry ill go. vote and comment and i promise ill stop making puns. :)