Chapter 46

A baby. A baby. A child. I'm carrying a precious, little human inside of me. A new life is developing inside of me.

Frightened doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Decisions are not just made for myself any longer. I have to take this baby into consideration. My baby.

It all made sense when I finally apprehended that I'm pregnant. I've been having morning sickness for a while, always after Michael would leave for the studio and I wouldn't tell him about it when he came back because I didn't want him worried.

But minutes ago I found out that Michael wasn't worried about me in the slightest bit. Too busy with his beloved Tatiana.

And then, I also discerned that Michael didn't use a condom the last time we made love on the plane. Too much in the passionate moment for either of us to realize. That was a month ago. I sigh, thinking about that day.

Could he have used me? Perhaps he just wanted to have me for sex. Or maybe he just wanted a child. I know how much he loves children.

What ever happened to us wanting to stay together? To him wanting to marry me? He wrote it down himself. I guess he finally came to his senses and registered that he didn't want to be with someone like me. Someone so broken.

I sometimes did think that our relationship was too good to be true.

I lean my head against the window, absorbed in myself. Am I ready for this baby? I'm twenty years old. I didn't think such events in my life would come so quickly, clashing and bleeding into each other.

I don't want to hold on to hope, but there could be a sliver evident. I didn't give him a chance to explain. Of course I still want him and love him, but after this? I don't know.

I lift my head up to see Janet driving quietly. She cuts her eyes to me.

"I'm sorry...."

"I don't need an apology." I say sharply.

Minutes pass, the only sound the engine and the gusty wind whipping around outside the vehicle.

"Did he ever love her?" I suddenly ask.

Janet stays silent for a moment. "He never told you about his past love life?"

"No," I shake my head, "I never asked. I didn't want to seem like I was digging around in his past."

She nods understandingly. "You should've asked anyway."

I shrug. "Maybe. Will you tell me?" I look at her.

She presses her lips together. "It's a long story."

"I'm all ears."

She starts the story.

"Michael wasn't very confident when it came to girls at a young age. He was shy, he still kind of is, and he would say that if he ever went out on a date, the girl would have to ask him.

"And it was true. He didn't dare ask a girl out, because of what happened between him and Diana."

"Diana... Ross?" I ask for confirmation.

"Yes, her. He was in love with her, but she only viewed him as a son she said, although she would lead him on. It was frustrating and confusing to him and she knew that. She told him that they would be together, but then she suddenly ran off and married another guy."

"How terrible," I chime in.

"He was heartbroken for a very long time, until he met Tatum O'Neal."

"She's from Paper Moon! I never knew Michael dated her."

"Not just dated. They were an item for a time but then broke off, I remember Mike telling me that she was his first love, after Diana of course.

"Then, he took a break from dating for a while. He had a few crushes here and there, like Brooke Shields and Ola Ray. But then, he met Tatiana.

"Michael told me that he loved her, and naturally I was happy for him. They met during his video for The Way You Make Me Feel, and the two clicked. Have you seen that video? That type of chemistry can't be contrived.

"They would flirt with each other on set, Michael told me. It was clear that they liked each other. So, why wouldn't he ask her to be his girlfriend? It seemed like the innate step to take.

"So he did. And the two dated for some time, for about five months. They were happy, as it seemed. Michael finally told me, after me getting it out of him, that they went all the way and she was his first. Given that she was his first real girlfriend."

Hearing that hit me like steel. Tatiana took his virginity. She was his first, not me.

"Then I started to notice that Michael wasn't as happy in the relationship as before. He wasn't smiling as much, and when he did it was normally just for a quick camera shot. This went on for a while. They suddenly broke up, and I don't know the reason why.

"Then, he met you. I thought when he was with Tatiana, that was that happiest he could get. But I was wrong. You turned his life around. And for him to do this to you, well... supposedly, is just not him."

I don't know what to say first. He told me none of this, I have to hear it from his sister.

"Why are they all of a sudden trying to get back together, if I made him so happy?"

"That I can't answer. It beats me, too," She admits.

Now I really want to know what's going on between them. If he still loves me and didn't cheat, I should be with him right now, not sitting under my own rainstorm. But I'm still angry. At everything.

"If you ask, he will tell you what happened. He was ready to explain but you wouldn't let him."

"I don't want to hear his explanation. I'm not asking." I say stubbornly.

"That won't benefit anyone." She mumbles.

Janet sets her lips to one side and slides her hands off the steering wheel. It's then that I see that the car has stopped moving and we're sitting in front of a house.

"Where's this?"

"My house. You can stay here as long as you need."

"What? This is insane, I'll be so much of a burden, you don't even get it Janet..."

"Why, because it's not just you who's moving in?" She turns her head to me, lifting her eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"Alondra I know you're pregnant." She says.

"How on earth..."

"You obviously haven't realized, but you've been having some serious mood swings, and you always complain about stomach pain."

"Oh," I say shortly.

"Are you going to tell Michael about it?"

"I was going to, but then I found out that he cares more about Tatiana, so why would he care about my baby?"

"Don't think like that Lon, it's his baby too. You should tell him."

I clench my jaw slowly and exhale. "I know that."

Then, I suddenly feel like throwing up. I cover my mouth and quickly roll down the window, sticking my head out and let it go.

"Are you alright, girl?"

I nod quickly, putting my head back in.

"I'm driving you to the doctor's, so we can know about this baby."

With that she shifts to reverse, and we leave her house behind.

As much as I love and appreciate Janet, I really wish it were Michael by my side.

--

Chapter 46

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