Jules watches Conrad pour another glass of wine, and wonders whether or not to join him. His eyes catch hers from across the room, but he quickly looks away. She turns her attention back to her parents and Susannah.

"We're thinking we'll do an arts-and-crafts day," Sonali explains to Susannah, who had asked what they'd decided on, party-wise, for Nini's upcoming birthday. Susannah always loved to plan a good party, for any occasion, but birthdays especially. Lots of kids are bummed when their birthdays are in the summer because friends are away on vacation or busy, but Jules? Jules felt lucky that she had a summer birthday, because she also had Susannah.

"That sounds lovely! Let me know if you need any help organizing." That was Susannah-code for: I will be planning this birthday, and it will be amazing.

"We're hoping to keep it small," Sonali continues. "Just invite a few friends and kids from ballet camp."

"Nini's doing ballet camp?" This is the first Jules is hearing about it. It was here, in Cousins during the summer, that Jules first started dancing, too.

Her mother nods, smiles proudly. "She loves it! I can't believe she's going to be five already."

"They grow up so fast," Susannah agrees. She then wraps an arm around Jules' shoulder. "I can't believe that our little rose is turning 18!"

Jules smiles, relishing in the feeling of Susannah's warmth, her tenderness, and her ability to make people feel seen.

"I can't believe it either," Jules admits. When she looks for Conrad once more, Jules notices that he's been roped into a conversation with Laurel and someone who her mom had pointed out as Cleveland Castillo. Even after all these years, Jules can tell when he needs backup: the impatient tapping of his foot, his eyes searching the room for an out.

After excusing herself from the conversation, Jules makes her way over to Conrad.

"Hey," she greets, nodding at Laurel and Cleveland. "Mind if I borrow this guy? We've got some catching up to do." If either Laurel or Cleveland said anything more after yes, then Jules doesn't hear them, already pulling Conrad away. It feels like the most natural thing; summers ago, the two had made a pact to: 1) never leave the other alone at parties like this and, 2) come to the other's rescue in the event that they are separated.

She leads them to the back corner of the room, near a small couch. Neither of them make a move to sit; neither of them say anything. Up close, Jules could see how Conrad had grown up: the shadows under his eyes, creases in between his brows. He was always quiet, the more calm and thoughtful one of the group, but always with soft edges, especially when it came to Jules. Now, quiet could have been replaced with brooding, and all those soft edges seem sharper. Something is off about him, she can already tell. Jules wishes she could just go right out and ask him what was wrong. She expected it to be awkward with Conrad, but not to be this nervous and uncertain around the boy she once talked with hours on end, about anything and everything. Out of the corner of her eye, Jules can see Jeremiah stacking books in Steven's arms, the pile dangerously tall, and for some reason she's calmed by the sight of her two friends being as childish as when they were, well, children.

"You dyed your hair blue," Conrad says, prompting Jules to focus her attention on the boy in front of her - who somehow managed to find another glass of wine without Jules noticing. With his other hand, Conrad reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Jules' ear. That was the softness Jules remembered. "You look like Coraline."

"Is that a compliment?" Jules wonders. She grabs the wine from Conrad's hand and takes a sip.

"I had a crush on Coraline, remember?"

Jules practically chokes on her (Conrad's) drink, but covers it with a small cough. There was absolutely no way a sober Conrad would have said something like that.

"So, not a compliment then," Jules quips.

"Fuck you," Conrad laughs. When Jules flips him off, they both laugh some more. "It's nice seeing you back here. I," he pauses, swallows deeply. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Connie." At the nickname, Jules registers how Conrad's eyes soften — just for her, always for her.

Then, his face grows serious, like a switch flipped in his brain and he's remembered something important. "What are you doing back here, Jules?"

"No specific reason," Jules answers instantly. She takes another sip of wine, now wanting to be anywhere but here.

"Bullshit."

"Does there have to be a specific reason?"

"Yes, there does. After you've been gone so long." Jules figures that he wanted to sound more serious, angry, even, when he said that, but all Jules registers in the crack (the pain) in his voice. "You never do anything without a specific reason."

"I'm assuming that you're about to tell me that reason," Jules challenges, feeling her walls build up, feeling bolder.

"It always has to be about you. Everything you do now, that's the reason."

A clever way to call Jules selfish without actually saying the word. Conrad always knew how to say clever things that cut deep. Jules lets that sink in before saying: "Fuck you." This time, neither of them laugh. She leaves Conrad in the corner and joins Jeremiah and Steven on the couch, who are in the middle of deciding where to go once they ditch the party.

"Yo, what if we went to the drive-in?"

Jules rolls her eyes. "Or, instead of ruining your sister's first date, we get some booze, and go get drunk on the beach."

"Oh, I am so down!" Jeremiah exclaims. "You've got my vote, Cruz."

Steven grins. "JC, I like the way you think."

The summer Jules turned 11 was the summer of their first bonfire. They'd had plenty of bonfires before, on the beach with their parents, but this was the first one with just the kids. Even though he was the second oldest next to Jules, the adults were okay with it since Conrad had earned his Boy Scout badge in Fire Safety.

It was the beginning of July, and an unseasonably cold evening — basically, perfect bonfire weather. Jeremiah helped Susannah make hot chocolate for everyone. Belly wanted s'mores, so Jules had biked with her to the store earlier that day for the ingredients. Everyone was stuffing their face with slightly burnt marshmallows as melted chocolate and graham cracker crumbs decorated their cheeks, and chased it all down with lukewarm chocolatey liquid. They were kids and it was summer; life was sweet, life was good.

"Conrad," Steven announced, turning to the boy who was pushing a marshmallow deeper into the fire. "I dare you to go dunk in the ocean." A grin erupted on Steven's face, and in the glow of the fire, he looked like the Cheshire Cat.

"No way, man. It's freezing."

Jules knew the real reason Conrad didn't want to go into the ocean. One night the week before, when the parents were out to dinner and the other kids were asleep, they'd stayed up to watch Jaws together, having rented it secretly from the local video store. Ever since, Conrad had been coming up with excuses to not go swimming at the beach.

"What's the matter Con? You scared?" Jeremiah taunted, wearing a similar Cheshire grin.

"What?" The marshmallow Conrad was trying to roast fell into the fire. He huffed, and Belly handed him another one. "I'm not scared. It's just freezing."

"There's a fire and hot cocoa here for you when you get back," Jeremiah reasoned. Ten-year-old Jeremiah always got excited during Truth or Dare.

"I'm good," Conrad snapped.

"Aw, I think he's scared," Steven laughed.

"I'm not scared --"

"What if I went with you?" Jules interrupted him.

"But it's not your dare," Belly pointed out as she continued carefully assembling a s'more.

"Yeah, but if Connie --"

"Is scared," Jeremiah coughed under his breath.

"Wants company," Jules continued, ignoring Jeremiah. "Then, it'll be more fun, right?"

Conrad smiled at her softly. "Right."

Reluctantly, Jeremiah and Steven agreed to the terms of the dare. Jules removed her beach cover up, and Conrad his shirt, leaving them both in their swimsuits, dry even with swimming in the pool a few hours before. Jules ran to the water, pulling Conrad with her. They stopped at the edge of the sand, waves tickling their feet and the light, and warmth, of the bonfire a recent memory. It was much cooler here, closer to the water.

"Ready?"

Conrad nodded once. "Ready."

Hands still clasped together, they jumped into the ocean, leaving the comfort of the shore behind.

Jeremiah finds marshmallows in the kitchen and Steven makes a bonfire on the stretch of beach between their two houses. Jules heads home to change out of her silk mini skirt and back into denim cutoffs. She switches her cream blouse for a white, short-sleeved button down, left open over her pink lace bralette. When she gets back to the beach, the boys have invited some people over, most of whom Jules doesn't recognize.

"Here," Jeremiah hands Jules a lukewarm beer, which she accepts gratefully. Then, he throws an arm around Jules' shoulder. "Come on, there's some people I want you to meet."

Jeremiah introduces Jules to a few guys he works with at the club, and some girls who are doing the deb thing with Belly. She recognizes one from earlier that day -- Gigi, the girl who was calling Jeremiah at the pool.

"Jeremiah mentioned you do ballet." Gigi smiles, eyeing the way Jeremiah leans against Jules. "What's that like?"

The girls all wait expectantly for Jules to answer. Even Jeremiah leans down (he's taller than Jules now) and smiles at her, also waiting for her to respond.

"Intense," Jules decides. She leaves it at that. The fire flickers a few feet away, vibrant and alive. Jules wants nothing more than to go back to those nights when they were kids. She wants Belly to be looking at the stars for constellations while Jeremiah burns marshmallows to a crisp. She wants Steven to be laughing and making outrageous, impossible dares. She wants the five of them together, huddled around a small fire that Conrad had carefully crafted. She wanted Conrad to be okay.

"I hear the ballet industry like, really fucks with a girl's self-esteem and body image," Gigi continues. Jules doesn't necessarily think she means it as an insult to Jules, and it's certainly not anything Jules hasn't heard (or felt) before, but she still bristles.

"Like I said: intense," Jules answers cooly.

"Hey, man, when are we gonna get the marshmallows going?" Steven suddenly appears, his face slightly flushed. He holds hands with Shayla who Jeremiah pointed out earlier, Steven is dating.

"In a bit. I asked Con to pick up chocolate and Graham crackers for s'mores." Jeremiah looks around before saying: "Speaking of: look who's here!"

Jeremiah runs off to meet his brother, while Jules stays back and takes a sip of her beer.

"Looks like he brought Nicole, too," Steven observes.

Who the fuck is Nicole?

Nicole, Jules learns as the group sits around the bonfire and roasts marshmallows, is the girl Conrad is either dating or hooking up with. Jeremiah isn't quite sure. The night grows darker. The air is warm with smoke from marshmallow roasting, the smell of burnt sugar dancing around. People start to leave to go to other parties, and soon enough it's only Steven, Shayla, Nicole, Conrad, Jeremiah, and Jules. Having less people around made it harder for Jules to ignore Conrad. Nicole is nice and pleasant to talk to, but Jules can't help but feel something churn in her stomach when she sees how close Nicole and Conrad are to each other. Plus, she's wearing a Red Sox cap, and Jules knows for a fact that Conrad hates the Red Sox, unless that obviously fundamental part of his personality changed too.

Jeremiah must have noticed, because he suggests a drinking game for the group to ease the tension.

"Never have I ever gotten a tattoo."

Jules is the only one to take a sip of her drink.

"I meant a real one," Steven laughs.

"I do have a real tattoo." Jules removes the button down and points to the left side of her rib cage.

The others take a closer look, except Conrad, of course. He was always an expert at pretending not to care, to the point of even convincing Jules. Tonight is a prime example: since the bonfire, he hadn't said a word to her or even looked in her direction.

"Why a starfish?" Nicole asks.

Jules looks at Conrad, then shrugs. "I like the beach."

The game continues until the fire dies down, and Jules is left with a burning sensation from Conrad glancing in her direction, at the starfish etched on her skin, just below the band of her bralette.