i often find myself feeling like i'm not good enough. when this happens, i block myself out. i don't listen to myself, but to people like you. not you, as in everyone who reads this, but you. someone who cares about what i do. i do what you want, so that i can earn your validation. it's not always easy, but i try.

the only problem is, when you start to depend on other people's validation, it's no longer enough to just give yourself validation. it isn't enough to tell yourself that you're enough, you need someone else to tell you. it's a toxic trap countless people get ensnared in. for me personally, it has gotten to the point where if i'm not impressing someone, or making someone proud, or at least making someone smile, my time is wasted. if it's not something that makes an impact on someone, what's the point?

but that leads to more issues. i also often feel as though the only reason people care about me is because of my books. don't misunderstand me, i'm forever grateful of you and all of your support, but i think into things way too much. i've met countless wonderful people from my books, and it's incredible, but at the same time... i feel like sometimes the only reason people care about me is because of what i do. i absolutely adore writing, and your reactions make me smile all the time. but they're also one of the main reasons i'm still here. i live off of this. without your support, i would have become a memory at this point. you are my driving force, you give me life.

i'm sorry if this is a burden on you. i don't want you to worry about me. i will be here. you have no reasons to worry.

and please. don't take this as me begging for more attention. i don't deserve all the attention and support i get now, but i'm insanely grateful for it. i'm also sorry if this whole thing makes no sense, there's a good chance it won't.

thank you.