Thanks for the reads and votes!!! Loving it <3 I hope you enjoy this chapter after the awful cliffhanger I made you endure... Yeah, sorry 'bout that... Actually, no I'm not- HA! LOVE YOU, TOO! *MUAH!*

Dedication to @Victoria_Hiddleston!!! Sorry it's late, love!

I hope you like the song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter fitting to Percico <3 Cause I've got a playlist for them bigger than Gaia's Giant Army!!!

*trumpet sounds for the win*

Chapter #5: Lost And Insecure

NICO POV

~Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
But in the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing him
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, and who I wanna be
No way to know
How long he will be next to me
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
You got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait
To find me, to find me?~

Worthless.

Hated.

Unneeded.

Alone.

Different.

Foolish.

Faraway.

Dark.

Unloved.

Lost...

I am lost, aren't I? All this time, I have been lost... That is to say the least. I've been wandering alone for so long, I've forgotten or somehow blocked out the pain that is forever within. It's always there. Right where my heart should be. That heavy feeling, like lead, that weighs me down is the loneliness I feel when I am lost. Or that lost sensation I have whenever I feel alone. I am alone. I'm left on my own to lose myself somewhere in this world, or even another. The pain is the only company I have. It never leaves me alone. It tugs on me until I force myself to go numb. And then I keep moving on.

I can't forget all the things I've witnessed in life and death and in between. No matter how horrifying... It'll always stay in my head, imprinted in my memories, forcing me to carry it on my shoulders. The things I've done haunt my mind sometimes, too. And my thoughts? My feelings? They. Never. Leave.

I might as well push myself away from people if everyone I ever get close to just... Ends up dying. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what would happen to me if I ever got close to someone again and they would die on me. It can't happen again. It won't. So I don't get close to anyone. I push myself away from people whenever they try to approach me. So, everyone wonders why I'm so faraway? Why I'm so distant? Why I'm alone? Because I can't get close to anyone... I can't trust anyone, I can't confide in anyone, I can't open up to anyone, and I most definitely cannot love anyone.

Ouch... Love.

Why does that hurt? Why can I feel something begin to pound in the side of my head that isn't my thoughts or the demons' torturing? My chest... Ugh, it burns. It feels empty and heavy. Am I even breathing? I don't think I am... Am-am I dead? Oh my gods... I'm dead, aren't I? Then why isn't my soul being sucked away into the Underworld? Why aren't I floating in the fields of Asphodel? Am I not even wanted in the Underworld, my own father's realm? Wow... I can't believe I'm dead. I died much differently than I had thought. I would have liked it to be a little more heroic than being beaten to death, but y'know... Can't ask for much in a world like this.

But... Everything hurts.

Why am I still hurting if I'm dead? And why this much? It feels like I got run over by a bus, thrown off a building, struck by lightning, attacked by a pack of rabid hellhounds, spit into a sea of acid, then laid out to dry on a bed of nails and broken glass... While being set on fire. In a desert. In August. On the sun. Bloody hell...

I groaned, but it probably came out more of a whimper. Everything's pitch black, my ears are ringing, my nose is bruised, my body's numb and my throat is like sandpaper. All of my senses; gone. I can't even move... I don't dare move. I'm in enough pain as it is. So... Turns out, I'm not dead. A bit unfortunate considering the situation I'm in. But I guess soon enough, when the next torturing comes, it'll be lights out for good. I'll just wait until then-

"... Nico?"

Something inside me leapt. What was that? I could have sworn I heard a soft sound... I might be hallucinating, but it sounded like a voice calling my name. Obviously I recognised it since something deep down inside me reacted, but I can't place my finger on it. I think I might still be unconscious for all I know! No, I'm definitely not awake. This is all a dream. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am alone. I am forever alone.

My heart almost jumped right out of my skin. Warmth... I can feel something warm on my face. On my cheek? But I'm so cold... What is touching me? I am alone, being held in a prison, in a big, dark cave! I'm going mad... Oh gods, I'm going mad, I know it! Then the warmth suddenly disappeared. The only heat my body has received since I got here just vanished and I sighed sadly, wanting it to come back. I'm too cold... If I could shiver, I would. But at least I could feel something other than pain, right...?

"Oh gods... Nico? Nico? Please, listen to me..."

The voice. This time I knew I heard it right. My heart began to quicken and it felt like the little breath I had began to choke me. My body shuddered and I groaned in pain as I tried desperately to receive some air, gasping a couple times in the process. It sounded like Percy. I swear... It could have fooled me into actually believing it was him, if it weren't for the panicky tone of his voice mixed with some worry and... Anger? Anxiety? Desperation? My head pounded and my body throbbed in pain.

"Please... Please, Nico, open your eyes! Wake up, buddy, c'mon..." Percy whisper/shouted urgently. "Open your eyes, Nico. Just for a minute. Speak to me, c'mon!"

A comforting warmth returned to face, this time on both sides. If the voice was Percy's, then... The hands must be his, too. His hands were cupping the sides of my head gently, rubbing my cheeks. Why were my cheeks suddenly all wet? Was it my blood? No... But I can't be crying. When did I start crying? It looks like my body just won't cooperate with me today. But his voice... It pained me to no end. I didn't want him to be sad. I didn't want him to worry. He doesn't deserve it, does he? So I obeyed. I obeyed the voice of Percy Jackson and attempted to open my eyes.

My eyes were almost glued shut. I slowly and reluctantly began opening them. As soon as I did, tears began filling my eyes and my vision was blurry. What's the point of going through the struggle of opening my eyes when I can't even see anything? I squinted and a pair of thumbs swiped over my eyes, allowing me to see clearer, as if the owner of the thumbs read my mind. I saw a blurry figure leaning over me and green eyes before a big flash took over my line of vision. I flinched (which hurt terribly) and shut my eyes tightly, whimpering in fear that something might come back and finish me off, taking the warmth away from me. I'm such a wuss... But I'm going mad anyways, so it doesn't matter. Whatever.

"Shh, Neeks, it's alright. Nothing's going to hurt you anymore. I'm here now, like I promised. You're going to be okay." The voice soothed, shifting my head so that I was laying on something that I could only guess was someone's lap. "It was only Jason. Which reminds me... I'm sorry, man, but we gotta get out of here. Are you okay, Nico?"

I took a deep breath, opening my eyes once again. I met the same beautiful green irises as before. I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was him. Truly him. In the flesh. Holding my head in his lap. He was here... saving me. I honestly didn't expect anyone to come... Sad, in know.

"P-Percy...?" I rasped weakly.

He smiled down at me gently. "Yeah, who else?"

My eyes began watering again, but this time, I couldn't control it anymore. I tried to look away as the tears rolled freely down my cheeks, but they didn't go unnoticed. Percy held my face delicately in his hand and wiped away my tears once more. I can't believe he came for me... I can't say that out loud, though. Ew, no, I'd sound like one of those chicks in a cheesy teen-romance movie.

"Hang in there, Neeks." He whispered as he shuffled around and stood up. I hadn't realised that Percy gave me a nickname until now, forcing heat up my neck and to my face even in the state that I'm in. "Things are getting a bit chaotic with the others, but I'm going to get you out of here safely."

I frowned and looked around myself as much as I could without moving. And then I noticed a few things I hadn't before. How didn't I notice this before? I don't know, maybe because I was suffering from extreme pain and almost died? Ahem, anyways... My heart skipped a beat as I scanned the full cavern. Jason was flying around in the air, swinging his sword and shooting bolts of lightening at a small army of dark minions (like the ones that tortured me before, but smaller) and a pack of empusai. Frank was a giant black wolf (I heard they can sense the shadows very well, so props to Zhang) and was racing back and forth, ripping heads off of minions and empusai all the same, while trying to guard Hazel's back as she fought a large grey beast with four arms. A minor god, I presume. And beside was Annabeth, trying her best to fight off another giant dark figure with piercing red eyes and long talons.

The simple sight of the blond made my stomach twist in jealousy. I don't understand why, I mean, c'mon... Okay, I do know why. And I hate it. I hate the feeling. I hate everything. I hate myself. End of the discussion... In my own mind... UGH! Someone get me out of here before I lose what's left of my sanity!

I didn't realise Percy had touched me until I felt a small pressure on my shoulder. I looked up and saw two worried green eyes. Why is he worried? I don't get it. I thought he didn't like me... And he actually came; for me? To be completely honest, I thought I was gonna be gone once and for all this very day! I'm surprised to say the least. But also confused... He shouldn't be worrying about me. Nobody cares about me. Percy doesn't care about me, maybe he's just looking for another life-threatening adventure. But... I can swear on the river Styx that I see concern flashing in his eyes.

He gave me a small reassuring smile. "I'm gonna get you out of here. Don't worry, Nico, but it might hurt a bit. The ambrosia and nectar are in the Argo II, on the other side of the island, so... It'll be a rough trip there. Just hang on to me if you can." He warned.

This is going to hurt, I can tell, and on the other side of the island? I'm on an island? Why would he- Wait a minute... What? Hang on to him? Hang on to him for what? What in the world is Fish Boy gonna do-

"I'm going to carry you, Nico. It's the only way, cause you obviously can't walk." Percy answered as if reading my thoughts. "So don't complain, Ghost King. It's not everyday that you get swept off your feet by a son of Poseidon, eh? Enjoy it while it lasts."

If you only knew... Wait, what? No... No, no, no. I can't think this way. I just can't. It's frowned upon! It's wrong! It's just... It's just not right.

I gave Jackson a tiny nod and he tucked his left arm under my knees and his right arm around my back, twisting delicately around my waist. I bet he could feel every bone... My spine felt like it was protruding from my skin and I was so weak and pale and bloody and bruised... I'm practically broken.

I hate feeling so helpless.

"Nico, you're not helpless at all!" The son of the sea god suddenly gasped. "How could you think that?!"

Wha... I thought I did think that? I didn't speak aloud, did I? No, I'm pretty sure my mouth has been closed for the longest time. I frowned and cocked my head slightly to the side, afterwards wincing at the movement. Percy gave up waiting for any sort of answer from me with a defeated sigh, slowly lifting me up bridal style as the other demigods kept battling around us. They were doing fairly well, but I wouldn't know as I was trying to ignore Percy's gentle arms and toned chest, but it was hard as I clutched at his t-shirt, hanging on for dear life as he began walking with me.

He was being so careful with me, as if he did actually care about my wellbeing. Maybe he was truly worried about me. Maybe, for once, someone cares if I lived or not. Maybe his protective arms stretched around my body were because he actually felt concerned for me and my health and wanted to help me. To save me... But is it just the blood loss speaking, or the several beats to the skull? Nobody likes me...
He doesn't freaking care for you, gods! Let it go, Nico! Move on! You already know that no one feels for you, so stop being so weak and concentrate on getting back to camp alive.

'I can't believe he thinks no one cares...' A whisper rang in my head like an echo.

I looked up at Percy. We were now just outside of the cavern (we stepped through a giant hole in the side of the cave that Frank created while in the shape of a rhino), and now I could see where I was clearly. A strange looking island, indeed. Anyways, I gazed up at the son of Poseidon's face, frowning slightly as he stared ahead, looking deep in thought. His green eyes were clouded over and his pink lips were being gnawed at between his pearly teeth. I thought he spoke to me just seconds ago, but he doesn't seem to notice anything. I'm too curious for my own good, so I asked anyway.

"Jackson..." I croaked, shifting slightly because of the discomfort. "You say something?"

His eyebrows shot up when I began speaking, then his sea green eyes softened, looking straight into mine. "Nope. Something wrong?"

I blinked a few times. "No... Thought I heard something... Just t-tired..."

"No, please don't close your eyes just yet, Nico. I'll get you to the ship as fast as I can, then you can sleep. Just stay with me, okay?" Percy began rambling on as my eyelids continued getting heavier by the minute.

I groaned. "But... 'M tired..."

'Don't let him close his eyes, don't let him close his eyes... Keep him taking. Distract him.' The same whispers from earlier returned.

I frowned and glanced back up at Percy. "Huh?"

"I didn't say anything, Neeks. Just hold on." He said, dismissing it as tiredness.

I swear I heard a voice, though... I could swear on the river Styx, I did. But where did it come from? Who spoke? Can Percy hear it, too? I don't think so... But there is definitely something going on-

"Nico," The son of the sea god interrupted. "There's no voice... Or... Wait, you didn't move your mouth when you spoke right then!"

I frowned, blinking in confusion. "I-I didn't speak at all."

It was Percy's turn to frown. "What in the world..."

Suddenly, I caught up on what's going on (which is surprising because I'm sure I'm about to pass out again any minute). Thoughts! It's our thoughts. I can literally hear Percy's thoughts! Wait a moment... Does that mean he can hear mine?

As if on cue, Percy answered with a gasp of his own. "Yeah, I can! I can hear what your thinking and vice versa! Wow... I wonder why, though? I mean, last time I checked, this didn't happen with the others and I'm pretty sure I'm not psychic... Pretty sure..."

He's so silly sometimes, it's ridiculous-

"Hey!"

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly at him. "I don't know... I don't..." I groaned in irritation and fatigue. "Don't listen to my thoughts, please? P-promise me?"

Percy frowned. "I don't think I can help it... I'm sorry. It seems, as long as I'm touching you, I know what you're thinking. Maybe it's only when we touch then, yeah? But it's not like I'm gonna drop you right here and now. We're halfway there!"

I began to panic a bit. My anxiety built up and up and up, and I felt my face begin to heat up. Oh gods no... Don't think, don't think, don't think- God dammit! My head hurts so much I can hardly think anyways! I guess I'll distract myself with the pain I'm feeling. And the sleepiness... I'm getting so tired...

"Nico, stay awake, buddy." Percy reminded me.

I scrunched up my face. Why am I so tired? I just want to curl up in some big blankets and close my heavy eyes and doze off into a peaceful, dreamless slumber. It sounds so nice... But the panic I feel because of what might slip in my thoughts is what's keeping me awake. And the pain. The pain is distracting, too. My breathing is getting much more shallow. It felt like I wasn't getting enough air into my lungs so that I could breathe properly. When I felt a soft hand touch my forehead carefully, I internally groaned. No, please no... No thoughts, Nico, no thoughts. Ugh, sleep...

Percy cursed under his breath. To be quite honest, I was surprised. But I still found it quite- NOPE. No, no, no... No... That was too close. I'm like a spark of a flame in the middle of the woods. Totally dangerous and unpredictable. My thoughts are the trees. My life is the trees. And the flame? The flame is simply me. If I get too out of control and one branch of a thought slips too close to the flame; it'll catch fire. It will spread. Branch to branch, the fire will grow. And then soon enough, there will be no more trees left at all. Just barren land full of dark, grey ash. Depressing, indeed.

"You're burning up." The green eyed boy announced, sounding troubled. "Don't sleep yet. Just breathe, di Angelo. I'm going as fast as I can without hurting you. Gods, your face..." His voice trailed off.

I suddenly felt something shift underneath me and Percy. I cracked my eyes open, not realising until now that they were closed, and discovered the son of Poseidon was using his ways with the water to carry us across a small, snaky stream in the middle of the island. I guess it's faster this way, but I'm embarrassingly afraid that I'd fall in and drown. I'd never admit that out loud. Although... Percy probably just heard that or somehow felt my discomfort. I guess nothing is going to be personal for a while...

"I'm going to save you, Nico." The son of the sea god's deep voice was full of determination.

I didn't say anything back, though. I'm kind of in between consciousness... Pain suddenly shot through my body and I winced, curling up into Percy's arms and groaning. Why does it hurt so bad? I haven't felt something so physically painful in a long time... Actually, this may be at the top of my list, after the Giants War. My head whirled and I tensed up. Ugh, I'm not feeling so well... I clutched at whatever was under my hands. Feels soft... Cottony; comfy. I snuggled deeper into whatever was keeping me warm, hoping it would take the pain away. It didn't, but I felt a wee better. Something was rubbing my back gently. That feels nice, too...

"We're just outside, Neeks." Someone whispered in my ear. "You're going to be alright, I promise."

My mind felt like it was drifting in and out of focus. What's going on? I groaned and hid my face in the cottony fabric that was also clutched (quite tightly) in my fists. My hands were suddenly being pulled away from the warmth and my body was set down on something soft. I whimpered and tried to reach out, but curled back into myself as the pain continued to torture me. I'm so tired... A voice was speaking to me, but I couldn't concentrate on the words. But I did feel something touch my jaw, my mouth being opened, and something warm and tingling wash down my throat. It tasted like warm milk with honey... Like when I got sick, my mother always made some for me-

All of a sudden, my senses came back in alarming speed and my stomach twisted inside out. My eyes shot open as a wave of nausea passed over me. I doubled over and began throwing up, but since nothing was in my stomach, it only hurt as acid rose up my throat. Tears gathered in my eyes. Ouch, ow, ow... Then I felt a familiar gentle (yet hesitant) hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles over my spine. I groaned in pain and disgust, attempting to sit up as (strangely) some pain dissipated.

Two kind arms helped me back to the soft feel of a bed I must have been on before. I gladly sunk into it. I opened my eyes and winced at the light above me. It seems I'm now in a room: a cabin. Percy must have carried me in- Percy. I slowly turned my head and saw a strong figure fumbling around with some gauze and nectar and ambrosia. Then he turned around. The person's eyes found mine, then lit up a perfect light green.

"Hey!" Percy said warmly. "I told you that you'd feel better, but I still gotta wrap you up and feed you some more ambrosia- oh! How are you feeling now? I'm guessing a bit better after vomiting on my cabin floor, cause I had to clean that up... You were out for a few minutes while I cleaned, but that's all."

I just stared at him.

"Um, hello?" He frowned, walking up to me with concern written on his face and I felt the bed dip in beside me. "You alright, Neeks? Are you still hurting really bad? You should be okay soon, hopefully. You're back on the Argo II, so don't fret! Everything's good! I'll fix you up in a minute, yeah?"

Percy realised I wasn't about to reply to him any time soon, and he scooted closer, putting his hand on my cheek, then forehead. My skin tingled at his touch. He frowned once more then rested his gentle hand back on my shoulder as my head began to swim.

The son of the sea god looked me dead in the eyes. "Neeks... You're worrying me again... Are you alright? Nico-"

My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I passed out. Well...

Goodnight, I guess.

~~~

End of Chapter

Awwwwwwwe, poor Neeks! 😫 I just love him... I really do... I need to start making Nico more sarcastic and Percy a lot more witty in the upcoming chapters, what do you think? AGREED.
Heheh, so I hope you enjoyed this painful chap *wink, wink*, and I'll see you all next week :)
Don't be a potato, mate!

~Self-Conscious Neeks