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Chapter #21 : Not Strong Enough

~I'm not strong enough to stay away.

Can't run from you

I just run back to you.

Like a moth I'm drawn in to your flame,

Say my name, but it's not the same.

You look in my eyes, I'm stripped of my pride.

And my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to it's knees.

And it's killin' me when you're away, I wanna leave and I wanna stay.

And I'm so confused, So hard to choose.

Between the pleasure and the pain.

And I know it's wrong, and I know it's right.

Even if I try to win the fight, my heart would overrule my mind.

And I'm not strong enough to stay away

I'm not strong enough to stay away

What can I do

I would die without you

In your presence my heart knows no shame

I'm not to blame

Cause you bring my heart to it's knees

There's nothing I can do

My heart is chained to you

And I can't get free

Look what this love's done to me

Not strong enough, strong enough

To stay away

I'm not strong enough to stay away~

NICO POV

"JASON! I'm gonna kill you!"

At the moment, I was beyond pissed off. Like, on a scale of one to ten, it'd be all hell will break loose.

The day began like any other, and then just before breakfast, Jason and I decided to meet up in front of the breakfast hall pavilion to chat. He probably just wanted to check up on me. He treats me like a freaking child sometimes, but I guess I'm kind of growing fond of the guy. But not after what he did afterwards! I swear to gods...

I had a nightmare the night before and woke up early because of it, so I wasn't surprised that I was the first one to show up outside of the breakfast hall pavilion, dressed in my dark clothing, sneakers, and black beanie to cover my hair and face. I stood outside for a while, tapping my shoes around on the marble steps, trying to stay as far away from the double doors as possible. Once people began piling in, I leant on the railing and turned around, not wanting anyone to approach me for a one-sided conversation. Just as I was beginning to become annoyed by Jason's tardiness (no one makes me wait), I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around and glared.

"It's about time-"

"Hey, Neeks!" It was Percy's twinkling eyes that met mine.

He wore a bright smile that immediately made my cheeks flush. Oops, I thought it was gonna be Jason behind me. I can't believe I almost yelled in Percy's face. I greeted him back awkwardly and lent my back up against the railing behind be as he approached. He opened his mouth to say something as he put his elbow on the railing beside me for support, when he missed it and almost fell over. My eyes widened the size of saucers in surprise as his whole face turned a deep red colour. He regained his balance and I tried my hardest not to laugh. Smooth, Jackson, smooth.

"Uh... Let's pretend like that never happened, shall we?" Percy asked while smiling sheepishly.

I snickered. "I don't know, Jackson... I think I might just hold it against you."

"What?! Aw, c'mon, man!"

"Nuh uh. I think I'm the cool one now. You've lost your right to be called the smooth talker." I teased.

"You thought I was a smooth talker?"

"What? No! I just meant... Agh, you know what I meant, Tuna Breath."

"Do I, Ghost King?"

"Don't call me that."

"So is Neeks okay, then?"

"No."

"Hm... What about Ghosty?"

"No."

"Dark Knight?"

"No."

"Spirit Talker?"

"No."

"... How about-"

"Absolutely not."

" ..."

" ..."

"Shadow Prince?"

I face palmed and groaned. Has he always been this incredibly annoying? Please tell me why I like him again?

"You didn't say no to that one." Percy smirked.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Why the nicknames?"

"Well, because..." He pursed his lips and avoided my eyes. "I don't know... I guess because I-"

And suddenly Jason swoops down and plucks my beanie off my head, speeding away from me as fast as he could. My hands shot up to my hair and I groaned, feeling it sticking up in different directions. Curse those dang Aphrodite children! At least they let me keep my bangs out long, though. I need those. I turned back to see Percy staring at me. Why is he staring at me? Is he blushing? No, he couldn't be. My eyes are playing tricks on me.

My face grew warm and I turned my gaze back to the marble floor. I repeatedly ran my fingers through my hair, then gave up with a groan of defeat.

"Don't worry, Neeks, my little Shadow Prince. That undercut looks rather nice on you." Percy commented shyly.

I think I almost fainted. My face grew incredibly warm and I didn't know what to say, so I bit my lip, looking up at him through my dark eyelashes. Just then, Piper seemed to walk by us.

"Of course you'd think that, Perce." She winked at him.

My eyes widened. "Shut up, Piper. No one knows what you're talking about."

She smirked. "I think that blush of yours says otherwise, 'my little Shadow Prince.'" And she walked off to breakfast.

My mouth was opening and closing like a fish. But this particular one Percy couldn't seem to speak to, because he, too, seemed just as speechless. We both stood in an uncomfortable silence, both of us too embarrassed to talk. We didn't even make eye contact. Oh, gods, just burry me now. Just as the silence became almost unbearable, I heard Jason's distant voice reach my ears. He was speaking with my sister, Hazel, and seemed to be wearing MY hat. Does he really think he's going to get away with this? Yeah, no. Think again, Sparky.

And I took off running. I guess Percy just ended up going to breakfast with the others. You know, while I chased a son of Jupiter around camp screaming profanities and summoning skeleton hands to grab at his legs. Then I remembered: He can fucking fly. Of course.

"JASON!" I yelled up at him. "I'm gonna kill you!"

So this is how my breakfast went. I'm ecstatic to see what the rest of my day brings. Wow... My thoughts are already oozing with sarcasm. Scrumptious.

PERCY POV

Ever since Jason stole Nico's black beanie earlier today, he's been walking around hatless for once. I guess it IS getting a wee bit warmer out now, but still. And man... An undercut? With long bangs? And glasses?! I think I'm having an asthma attack... Gods, I never thought I'd actually be thinking these things about another guy... Never mind it being Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. It's unreal. Yet I still can't find myself not thinking about him. What does this mean? What's happening to me? Why am I thinking this about a friend? Who is Nico to me? Whoa... So an asthma attack and a headache within ten minutes? Ugh, I need me some more Gold Fish crackers.

"Did... Did you just groan...?" Frank hesitantly asked beside me.

My eyes widened in humiliation as everyone turned to stare at me. I laughed nervously while trying to find an excuse as to what I just did. Nico was curiously staring at me now, too. Oh, gods. This is what being an Olympian hero feels like, guys. Then a brilliant idea came to mind and I clutched my stomach, my other hand resting on my forehead like girls did in old movies when they were about to faint.

"Just hungry, guys. Need food like I need air, y'know? I'm a growing man in need of some fish shaped crackers!" I stated over dramatically.

They all laughed it off and I sighed in relief. It wasn't all a lie, anyways.

~

"WE'RE BACK, MANHATTAN! TIME TO PARTAYYY- Ow, dam, I was just trying to have some fun, Jason." Leo pouted as we stepped back into the borders of Camp Half-Blood.

Jason sighed calmly. "You're being too disruptive, Leo. You're going to sick Mrs. O'Leary on us all."

I immediately perked up at the name of my giant hellhound pet. "MRS. O'LEARY!"

"Oh, gods, and here she comes..." Piper murmured as bounding steps were heard in the distance along with a couple surprised screams from campers.

The next thing you know, a giant black dog burst out from the forest to our left and pounced on me with a happy lick up the middle of my face. You'd think I'd be able to dry myself instantly because it was a liquid substance, but apparently dog slobber was an exception.

"Woof!" She barked happily.

I chuckled and rubbed behind her giant floppy ear. "Who's a good girl? I missed you, too, Mrs. O'Leary. Hopefully you didn't miss me too much?"

"Woof!"

I laughed again and wriggled my way out from beneath her giant body. She settled for me itching behind her ears.

"I wonder if she ran anyone over again like last time." Hazel wondered aloud.

I pouted. "She didn't mean to. She was just excited and wanted to play tag!"

"Well, what about that time she dragged a practice dummy all across camp?" Piper asked.

"That's not too bad, it was just her toy." I reasoned.

Piper rolled her eyes and added, "To pee on it."

Oh... Right. No way getting my hellhound out of this one. Just as I was about to retort, I heard a weird rumble escape Mrs. O'Leary's throat and I frowned, turning to see what happened. I'm glad I did. Nico stood there with his arms spread out, eyes shut tight and lips pressed firmly together, with a giant line of slobber up his body and across his face. His bangs stood on end and I just couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips.

"Jackson..." Nico said calmly. "I think your hellhound just licked me."

I burst out into laughter as he glared at me. I held my arms up in surrender as everyone else seemed to have already left to their cabins.

"C'mon, Mrs. O'Leary will give us a ride to our cabins so we can wash up." I suggested and he sighed, nodding in agreement.

I smiled, pulling myself up onto the hellhound's back as I stretched my hand out for Nico's, who gladly took it, hoisting himself up behind me with a light blush. I grinned to myself as we made our way to our cabins. Somewhere along the way I felt small hands wind themselves around my waist. My heart almost leaped out of my chest. I could feel warmth instantly spread throughout my body, wherever Nico touched, and I sighed contentedly, relaxing into his touch.

We arrived at his cabin first, so I hopped off and landed on my feet with a light thud. Riding Mrs. O'Leary was like riding a massive furry black war horse. I turned around and raised my arms to help lower Nico to the ground. He seemed embarrassed by this and batted my hands away with a blush and narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm not a child, Jackson. I can get down myself." He huffed.

I took a step back and pursed my lips. "Okay, alright, fine."

My hellhound seemed to be watching the exchange between us with her head tilted to the side. I watched as Nico turned around and slowly began to wiggle himself closer to the ground. At the last possible second, Mrs. O'Leary seemed to give me a canine-like smirk and shrugged Nico off of her, sending him tumbling to the ground. Lucky I was a demigod with fast reflexes, I caught his arms just before he could hit the ground, but it caused me to lose my balance in the process, sending us both sprawling out onto the grass. Way to go, Percy. Always saving the day, aren't you?

I opened my eyes and saw Nico's face just inches away from mine. His eyes widened and he tried to quickly back off of me, but ended up falling on my chest.

"Oomph." I grunted. "Stop scrambling, Neeks."

He was still panicking and trying to get up on his own, so without thinking I gripped his hips to stop his moving because... You know... We were in a difficult position, you see. He stopped moving immediately and I sighed in relief, but blushed afterwards at my actions, seeing Nico's shy expression. Our noses were almost touching and I thought back to the last time this sort of thing happened. Once again, my mind seemed to shut down and turn to mush while my heart pounded almost painfully in my chest. I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat and got lost in his eyes.

I never thought I'd love brown eyes as much as I did now. But I do. I so desperately do. And those eyelashes... Gods, they were thick and dark and long, perfectly framing his eyes. His straight little Italian nose, and those lips... His lips look even darker because his pale complexion, making them seem almost a light red. They so much more plump than any other guys' lips I've ever seen. Was he looking at my lips, too? Because I can't seem to look away from his. If I just leaned in...

"Um... Hey, guys. I hope I'm not, like, interrupting anything here or something..." A female's voice called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

Our eyes flew open and pushed the son of Hades off of me, jumping onto my feet and laughing nervously. Smooth, Jackson. No, really, so inconspicuous of you. I heard a small groan and turned to see Nico glaring up at me from the grass. Oops. I instantly scrambled over to his side and helped him up with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry." I murmured.

He sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

"What do you want, McLean." He then growled at the daughter of Aphrodite.

She chuckled, but her smile seemed apologetic. Yeah, you better be sorry, Piper. I think I was just going to kiss the guy I've been... I've been... What have I been feeling towards him?

"I just came by quickly to ask if you guys want to join the campfire with us tonight."

I pursed my lips. Sounds fun. And if Nico's going to be there, then count me in. Even though it might be a wee bit awkward... Or a lot... Okay, it'll be major awkward.

But before I could open my mouth to reply, Nico beat me to it.

"I-I got to go." He said with his head down, a frown upon his face.

Before either of us could utter a word of confusion, he was gone. What just happened?

"I guess that's a no?" Piper called out.

NICO POV

This is wrong. This is all wrong. Why did I think I had a chance? Why did I allow myself to get closer to him? It's all wrong! I can't believe I almost kissed Percy twice. He can't know how I feel. Nobody can know that I'm... That I'm gay. It's a disgrace to the gods. It's a disgrace to my family. What if Hazel ever found out? Bianca was accepting, but she was so loving and caring. Hazel was from the same time as me. She'd understand that it's wrong. She'd understand it'd be disgusting for me to be attracted to another man. She'd throw me to the curb the second she found out. Everyone would. They'd hate me. They'd reject me. They already do...

And what about Percy? What about the guy that I actually care about? I don't even think he's attracted to guys, never mind gay! He's had girls all over him, he's had girlfriends, he's had romances, he's had flings. None of them with guys. I've never even seen him looking at guys differently. He's not gay. He'd never like me. What are the chances? Gods... Why did I do this to myself? Why did I give myself false hope? I can't believe I did this. He's straight. He doesn't need to confirm it. Just because he broke up with Annabeth months ago, doesn't mean I have a chance. It never did. I never did...

Why does it hurt so much? Isn't love supposed to be something beautiful? I like Percy, but why does it hurt so freaking much? Knowing that he'll never be mine... It's like taking a knife to the chest. I can't like him. He deserves to be loved by someone whom he could love back. He deserves to have someone who could love him properly. He deserves someone who could love him... Why do things have to be so difficult? Why can't I be happy with the one that makes me happy? What if I hurt him? What if I told him what I really am and how I feel for him, and he never wants to see me again?

I can't live with that...

I have to stay away from him. I can't let him in anymore. It's already unbearably painful. I... I just can't see him again. Maybe I need to run away for good. But then I'll hurt him... And I don't want that. Hurting Percy is the last thing I want. But I just can't stand being near him and knowing that my feelings are growing for him every day, when I know that he'll never feel the same. It kills...

I threw open my cabin door and slammed it shut behind me, the same frown on my face as the one I had when I was talking with Percy and Piper. I feel numb. I feel helpless. I feel alone. And most of all, I feel pathetic as I drag myself towards my silky bed and curl up on myself while clutching my pillow to my chest, the tears running down my cheeks with a mind of their own. Numb, numb, numb... I don't move at all as my heart rips itself apart. I can tell my face is blank of emotions. The only proof that I am alive are the tears dripping from my eyes and off my chin, and the shallow breaths I'm breathing.

I always thought I was strong. I always thought that I could get rid of anything that scares me, but the truth is... Love scares me. Love scares me more than the demons in the Underworld. Love scares me more than the evil Titans. Love scares me more than the giants that joined Gaia in the Giant War. Love scares me more than Tartarus. And Love scares me more than the gods ever could. Because the sad truth is... I am in love.

I am in love with Perseus Jackson, son of Poseidon, hero of Olympus, saviour of the world.

And I have to stay away from him.

PERCY POV

I sighed, running my fingers through my black hair. The campfire began almost an hour ago, but I didn't end up going. I knew Nico wouldn't go, which kind of disappointed me, but I just didn't feel like going without him. Plus... I was kind of having a little pity party for myself right about now. Yeah, I know. Then go have fun, Percy! Go out with your friends instead of moping around! Don't think so negatively!

"Well... Sometimes it's okay to feel sorry for yourself every once in a while." I breathed to myself, shuffling over to my wooden dressed.

I ran my fingers over the little trident my brother Tyson carved into the dressed the last time he visited. Man, I wish he were here. I'm really missing the big guy. I could use one of his cyclops hugs right about now. I sighed again and picked up a little music player I have and plugged into some speakers. Don't worry, it's monster-proof. Before I picked a song out of my playlist, I turned around and slipped off my camp shirt, pulling on another teal coloured tee.

I dragged myself into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What am I missing? I can feel it in my chest. I can se the dullness in my eyes. But what am I missing? I groaned. Stupid feelings. Sometimes I wish I were a dolphin. They have an easier love life. They just call out, find their mate, and stay together for life with a little dolphin family of their own. Easy. But I'm not a dolphin, even though that'd be pretty sick. I few of them that I befriended and they were pretty friendly beings.

I splashed my face with water. Maybe I need some sleep. This empty feeling is going to drive me nuts. Or drive me into the sea, but either way, I'd rather not. I dried my face off with a towel and stepped out of my bathroom. I instantly frowned. Something's wrong. I took a couple more steps into my cabin and realised, with much confusion, that a quiet music was playing. Is that piano?

"What...?" I mumbled to myself as I approached my music player.

I don't remember downloading piano music, or even turning the music on in the first place, but here it is.

"Percy."

I spun around, my confusion vanishing as I jumped in surprise. I squinted. In the corner of my room came a little shuffle, and the son of Hades himself stepped out into the light. What was he doing in my cabin? That was the only question I got to ask myself because I took in his attire. He wasn't a wearing a hat, first of all, so I could see more of his face, even though his bangs hung down over one of his eyes. He wore his cute black glasses and black All-Stars sneakers. But he didn't wear black clothes. Oh, no. He wore a white V-neck shirt and blue skinny jeans. The white shirt honestly made he look like an angel.

"N-Nico...?" I breathed out in surprise.

He fumbled with his hands and stepped closer to me. I cocked my head to the side. Why was he acting so strange? He finally looked up at me and his eyes seemed desperate. I just wanted to take that sad look away then and there. I never want to see him sad. I want Nico to be happy.

I gulped, my heart suddenly beating out of my chest. "What are you doing here?"

He took a deep breath and turned his gaze to the floor. Something's wrong. I can just feel it and I don't like it. Something's really wrong.

"Percy..." He began.

Then his brown eyes met mine again. He stared so intensely my breath caught in my throat. As we gazed at each other, I realised he had good flecks in his eyes. They weren't a murky brown, they were a dark gold. And I loved it. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he took another step forward, closing his eyes.

"I'm just not strong enough."

I frowned. "What-"

But before I could utter a single question, his smooth plump lips crashed onto mine.

~~~

End of Chapter

The moment you have all been waiting for... PERCICO KISS!!!

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