Lots of confessions and thoughts before the good stuff!!! xD I'm excited, hahah.

And the moment you have all been waiting for... The day Percy isn't a total dumbass! WEEEEEW!

Now you can read the long chapter ;D

Chapter #18 : Who I Am

~And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am~

PERCY POV

"Hey, honey, are you alright? You seemed to be a bit spacey ever since you sat down for dinner. Are you sure everything is okay?"

I snapped out of my daze and raised my head, seeing Sally Blofis' (my mother's) curious and concerned eyes on me. My eyes flicked to the side to my step-dad, Paul, also sending me a worried look. I sighed, knowing they wouldn't let this go. I stared back down at my plate of roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans and alfredo pasta, twirling my fork around my plate but not really feeling my usual appetite.

"Is it the breakup with Annabeth?" My mom asked in a softer tone.

I shook my head and sighed, rolling my eyes. "No, it's not, I said I'm completely fine with the breakup, Mom. I'm okay now, I've moved on. She's moved on. It's just history, I guess. I've just... I-I guess I've just been feeling a bit... odd lately. I don't know, it's hard to explain."

When I raised my head to look at my parents again, I bit my lip, hoping they wouldn't press the situation. My mother still seemed concerned, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, but when I turned to look back at Paul, he just looked curious. Something flashed in his eyes that seemed to look a bit like... comprehension? That made me a bit nervous. He seems to be reading my thoughts as he gave me a reassuring smile. I couldn't help but feel comforted. He's always been an amazing guy, and I'd love to say that he's really living up to being the perfect father figure in my life at home.

"Well, since I think we're all done here, I'll go ahead and do the dishes." My mother offered with a sweet smile, taking our plates to the sink.

Paul thanked her and kissed her on the cheek, clearing his throat afterwards. "Hey, Perce. Why don't we have a chat in your room? I'm curious to know how camp is going!"

"Um, sure. Sounds good." I offered a grin of my own.

Once in my room, Paul closed the door behind me. He then shuffled around me to sit on my bed. I shrugged my shoulders and sat down across from him, sending him a casual smile, waiting for him to start the conversation.

"So... I'm not actually going to question you about how camp is going, if that's what you're thinking." He started as I raised my eyebrow at him in confusion. "About you being spacey earlier... I'm guessing there actually is a reason behind your mood?"

I simply shrugged without an answer, avoiding eye contact.

"Well... Do you mind if we talk about it? I'm always here for you, Perce, even if you're far away, I'll always be here at home, open for anything you may need of me." He said gently.

I smiled a real smile. "Thanks, Paul."

He grinned as I cleared my throat and began telling him, without much detail, about what I was feeling towards Nico. I didn't use his name or make anything super specific, yet I still managed to tell him what has been going on with us and the problems that were going on (only slightly), and how I was feeling at the moment. He nodded the whole time, listening to every word I said. I was extremely grateful to have someone like him with me. This just shows how much he cares about me and how much I really needed to speak with someone about this thoroughly to get it off my chest.

Once I finished, he gave me a comforting pat on the back. "So all of this leads to... a someone? I'm assuming?"

My eyes widen slightly and I clear my throat awkwardly. "M-maybe. I don't know- Yeah...?"

"So earlier you said you moved on from Annabeth. The relationship is in the past, the breakup is long forgotten. You've recovered- You moved on." I slowly nodded along to everything Paul said, then he continued. "Well, I think you moved on, too. But I think you moved onto to someone else in the process."

I choked and sputtered. "W-w-what?"

Paul sighed and shifted on my bed, putting his arm around my shoulders in light gesture. "I think you've known for a while, Percy. But maybe you just needed someone to confirm it aloud for you that it seems like you might have feelings for another girl, even though you've been on a confusing and rocky path to get to that conclusion."

"B-but that can't be it... Could it? I-I mean... No, it can't possibly be why I'm feeling like this. I-it can't be why those things happened." I said in disbelief and utter shock.

"It is possible, though. Everything leads up to it, I'm afraid. You don't think being attracted to another girl is possible for you right now?" He asked with a confused expression.

My body felt extremely hot all of a sudden. I felt Paul's eyes on me as I began to fidget on my bed, my eyes wide and my leg shaking. Yeah, I'm freaking out a little, but who wouldn't? I'm just a little shocked, is all. I was surprised with my step-dad's answer to my problems- Having feelings for someone else, someone male, was definitely the last thing I was thinking about. But in a way, would profusely explain quite a few conflicting and confusing things.

"But it's not a girl, that's just it!" I said in exasperation before slapping my hand over my mouth as I realised what I've just said aloud.

Realisation and understanding crossed over my step-father's face, along with a bit of shock and sympathy. To my surprise, he smiled. He pat my knee affectionately as if I hadn't said anything at all, and sighed while standing up.

"When I was your age, Percy, my best friend felt exactly how you did right now. Confused. Frustrated. Conflicted. Sad. Oblivious... Everyday, when we came back to my place, he'd behave so strangely. I'd always ask him if he was okay, and he'd just waved it off, saying he just had a headache or whatnot. Now, when my elder brother walked in, older by one year only, he'd freeze up and become mute." He recounted while stretching, a thoughtful look on his face. "I kept asking him what was wrong, but would always get the same answer. Even my brother began getting worried; they were close in a way, y'know? Then one day, he came up to me and told me, while looking me dead in the eyes, that he was gay and in love with my brother. I couldn't be happier for him, because he knew my brother was Bi, so he had a chance. You know what happened because he came out?"

I shrugged my shoulders, too shocked and intrigued with this new information to reply. Paul walked back over to me and squeezed my shoulder with a big grin.

"He manned up, fessed his love for my older brother to him, and lived the happiest he's ever been in a beautiful relationship with another guy. Kevin and my brother are happily married and live together in Scotland with two lovely children, a boy and a girl." He stated proudly as he told me the story of his best friend. "This isn't some movie where people will go after you about being gay. You might get a few comments here and there, but isn't that just like any other thing? People are more accepting of love these days. You don't have to hide love anymore. You just have to express it, and only then will things get better. Don't torture yourself with a secret you're going to keep all to yourself like my good friend Kevin. Let it out casually, just like any other love, and move on!"

I was speechless for a while, but as I caught my breath, I spoke up. "So you really think I-I'm gay? Whoa... Huh... Well, what should I do?"

Paul stood back up and smiled, walking towards my bedroom door, his hand on the doorknob. "I think you've already figured that out, son."

NICO POV

I think I'm going insane. I really do. Today is Christmas and everyone is out celebrating- Except me. Not that I mind, I mean, it was my choice. This holiday is passing agonisingly slow without a certain somebody here at camp. Piper and Jason and Hazel have all tried to drag me along to some Christmas party Camp Jupiter was holding down in the town's square, but I stayed back in my cabin, sulking as I stared out of my window at the red and green fireworks. I hate this. I really do. I can't even pretend to enjoy it because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself.

I angrily closed my black silk curtains in spite and then dragged my feet back to my bed. It's the only place I've been for nearly a whole week. Yeah, you could say I'm a bit of a mess right now, but I'd gladly rip your throat out and feed you to Mrs. O'Leary if you do. I guess you could say that I... miss Jackson. Yeah, I said it. I miss him! And it sucks not hearing Percy's laugh around every corner, or his smile that seems to just pop up out of nowhere, or his voice as he speaks animatedly about something he loves, or his eyes as they would momentarily lock with mine... It really hurts, and this time, it feels different.

Stronger.

I sigh to myself and curl up under my dark blankets. I really regret what I've said. I hate that I pushed him away. But he just gave up... And then left. That hurt. A lot. He left me like so many others did. I hope he didn't leave me for good. I wouldn't be able to handle it if he never spoke to me again. If he never came back to me. If he hated me... Something tickled my cheek and I raised my hand, only to find my fingers touch something wet. When did I start crying? I'm so pathetic. Yet I can't help but feel the real loneliness sink in. And it's all my fault. I hurt him because I thought he was only playing with me, meanwhile he was being so kind to me because he actually cared. He actually cared. Maybe not in the way I wanted him to, but he was just perfect.

Then I ruined it.

I can only hope he comes back. He left with my heart, and I need it back soon before I completely lose it. I grabbed my pillow in my arms and held it to my chest tightly. It didn't bring comfort, but it's the only thing I had, so I cuddled it closer whilst the loneliness crushed me from the inside. Percy needs to come back. I need to get him back. I have to apologise to him. I can't lose him. I'll do anything for him. I-I'll try my best to be the person he needs. I won't push him away anymore. I will never again run away from him. He just needs to come back. I need him with me. I need him here.

I need Percy.

PERCY POV

It was a bout nine o'clock when I fell into bed, already feeling exhausted even though most teens and adults around my age would be heading out to parties at this time. I bet back at Camp Jupiter there's a big celebration going on. I could practically smell the scent of cinnamon and nectar mixed in with the air as they let off the annual fireworks. I groaned into my pillow as these thoughts weren't helping me at all. All day long my thoughts were pulling me away from my own holiday with my family, who have both gladly accepted me for who I really was. Yeah, I came to slowly accept it myself. I mean, you can't help you're attracted to, right?

I sighed into my pillow once more. Tonight would be my last night here in Manhattan, because tomorrow I'm heading back to camp. I'm excited but kind of nervous at the same time. It feels like I'm a new man now that I've figured out who I really am. It's weird at first, but I'm finding myself a lot more... Free. All of those crazy confusing thoughts and emotions I was feeling before have lessened incredibly, and I'm feeling a lot more open and... Percy. A lot more me. It's a great feeling, and let me tell you, it's exhilarating. Almost exciting!

But yup, you guessed it: I'm still bummed. Why am I bummed? Because for the entire day of Christmas, while I was having a perfect blue breakfast with my mother and Paul, while we relaxed together as a family and laughed with each other, as we opened each other's gifts and thanked everyone for the thoughts in them, and as we sat down to have a big feast with multiple delicious foods- I only had one thing running through my mind. And that thought was how I didn't keep my promise to give Nico the best Christmas he had ever had.

I wish I could be there now...

NICO POV

"Nico! Open your door!" I heard someone scream as the banging on my cabin door grew louder. "Nico! Get your lazy ass up and open your dam door! NICO!"

I groaned sleepily, already activated by the people trying to get me out of my cabin. Again. Didn't they get the hint that I didn't want to come out? (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!)

"NICO! OPEN. NOW." I now recognised that the voice belonged to Piper.

Wasn't she supposed to be on some kind of vacation yet? I grumbled profanities under my breath and stuffed my face into my pillow, wrapping my fluffy black blanket back around my almost naked frame. It was a wee bit cold considering I was only wearing my boxers (it was comfortable, okay?), which is all the more reason why that crazy teenage girl should leave my front steps and back away from my cabin door.

"Nico, can you please just open up?" That was Jason's voice now. "You haven't been out in a while, I'm beginning to really worry about y-"

"DUDE, GET YOUR CREEPY LITTLE TOUCHIE OUT OF YOUR HAUNTED CABIN AND COME TAKE A BREATHER BEFORE WE BREAK IN THERE AND DRAG YOU OUT KICKING AND SCREAMING OURSELVES! CAPESCE?!" And there's Leo.

I growled and grabbed whatever was closest to me, which happened to be a right shoe, and threw it at my door. "Go away, you annoying gits!"

"Hey, look, Percy's back!" Piper said with a fake gasp.

I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see it, and huffed under my breath, losing my temper. "You've already tried that, McLean, and it won't work! Now back the fuck away from my door or I'll send my army of skelies on you all!"

"C'mon, man, we only want to help!" Jason tried pleading through the door. "Can't you just come out for a moment? You can't sulk forever, Nico! Just come out-"

"PERCY! OMG, YOU'RE BACK! FINALLY!" Piper practically screamed, making it yet again that someone cut Jason off.

I rolled my eyes and grit my teeth together, my anger only rising. "I SAID I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT AGAIN-"

"Fall for what?" Another voice asked, this one softer and deeper, extremely familiar.

My eyes widened.

No, I didn't think, I just shot out of my bed in nothing but my boxers, sprinted over to the front of my cabin and threw open the door, revealing a pair of wide sea-green eyes staring into mine.

"PERCY!" I squealed, my emotions flying everywhere, not knowing which I'm supposed to feel.

The son of Poseidon hardly had time to react as I jumped on him, my arms wound around his neck and my legs wrapped securely around his waist. Gasps were heard all around me, but I didn't care. Percy was back, on the front steps of my cabin, looking as charming as ever, and I was most definitely not going to let go. Nope. I'm not letting go. He won't ever leave on my hands ever again, I just can't stand the thought of just letting him leave me once more! So Percy ended up having the carry me while I thought about it, almost strangling him to death as I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck.

"Um... Welcome back, dude?" I heard Leo's confused murmur say.

~~~

End of Chapter

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Thanks for reading, blue cupcakes! Next chapter will be more eventful, I think!
Keep reading and voting! I love reading your comments!!! That's the main reason why I'm up at 4am and just posting now... But hey, it's early! (both ways, hahah, pun!)

-Gay Percy! Yay or nay?

-Lovesick Nico - That jump, though!