Hoseok

I can't help but feel a little uneasy after hanging up with Jungkook, he has been in a really low place in his mental health and I was worried he'd do something reckless.

And now that he's moved away from his parents I was even more worried.

"Who was that? Jungkook?" Yoongi asks when I enter the living room.

"Yeah. I'm worried about him." I say, joining him on the couch.

"Did he sound unwell?" He asks as he shifts positions so that he's cuddled into my side.

"Just really down. And he ended the call soon." I say running my fingers through his hair. "Should I call his mother?"

"If it's worrying you to the point that you think you should, of course." Yoongi says. "Do you think he's a danger to himself?"

"I'm not sure." I say honestly. "It's been months and he still sounds like it was only a week ago."

"He genuinely thought he and Taehyung would have a serious relationship. I don't blame him for being upset. I'd be upset if you up and left me." He says with a thoughtful shrug.

"I guess." I say with a sigh. "Have you talked to Jimin?"

"Yeah. He's coming back next month." He says. "I can believe he's been gone all this time, he wasn't lying when he said he was taking all the time he needed."

"I'm glad he's taking his time." I say, which was true, Jimin actually deserves that much.

"Yeah." Yoongi hums, sounding as if he was falling asleep.

"Hey, you aren't sleeping are you?" I chuckle. "We have a date in a few hours. You need to get ready."

"Do you honestly think I'll take three hours to get ready?" He grumbles.

"I want you to. It's always more fun making you fall apart when you take a long time to get ready." I say with a smirk as I kiss his the top of his hair.

"I'm glad you take pleasure in my suffering." He says, chuckling a little. "I kinda like watching your mascara run too so maybe you should take your time getting ready as well."

"Sure." I say sitting us straight and standing. "Let's shower first."

"I took a shower this morning." He says laying back down on the couch.

I pout a little. "You're no fun."

"I'm saving my energy, now hurry up. You know it takes forever to get my makeup right." He says closing his eyes.

"If you're sleep when I come back I'm not going to be nice about waking you up." I say as I head to my/our room.

"Promise?" He asks, not taking my threat seriously at all.

After a few months together we've grown significantly closer and more open with each other.

I never thought I'd find a person I could be so honest with about anything.

Yoongi is literally the perfect partner and I feel like nothing is good enough for him, not even me.

He's so sweet and soft despite his efforts not to be.

I never thought I'd say this, especially after only a few months, but I love him.

And forever with him would be a gift of a lifetime.

Maybe one of these days he'll love me back as much as I love him but until then I'll just confess it to myself.

I am in love with Min Yoongi.

Jungkook

Time skip: 1 1/2 month later

I sigh as I hear the shower stop running just as I'm pulling my shirt over my head.

The bathroom door opens as I'm pulling my shoes on and Namjoon exits with a towel around his waist and nothing else.

"Going so soon?" He asks, his voice sounding as if he's joking.

"I have to work." I lie, sounding and grabbing my phone and keys.

"It's Sunday, baby." He says, removing the towel and using it to dry his hair.

Damnit. "I know, I just have something's to do before Monday." I say as he walks over and stops in front of me.

"You always run away so fast." He says, a smile on his face despite his disappointment.

"Sorry." I say, hating how much of an asshole I sound like. "I mean, it's not like I have any reasons to stay."

"I want you to stay." He chuckles. "I like spending time with you, even when we're not having sex believe it or not."

I roll my eyes a little at his comment. "It's just weird for me I guess."

"Y'know. We've been seeing a lot of each other for a while now," he starts, wrapping the towel back around his waist. "I was just thinking, maybe we should just take one more step and give us label."

"Are labels important to you?" I ask.

"If it means the difference between you being my boyfriend and you not being my boyfriend then yes." He says. "Do you not want that?"

"N-No, it's not that it's just..." I trail off as I try to come up with the best bullshit rejection as I could.

"You're not over your ex?" He asks straightforwardly.

Even though it's the truth I still find it offensive. "And what makes you say that?"

"We've has sex a lot, Jungkook. And a few times now I've been called this Taehyung person. Especially when I'm sucking you off." He says with a shrug. "I don't take offense to it though."

"H-Have I seriously done that?" I ask, knowing that I've never mentioned Taehyung before I know it must be true.

"It's honestly okay. As long as this Taehyung guy gave hella good blowjobs." He winks with a smile that never seems to leave his face.

I feel my face heat up in embarrassment. "You should've told me that's so...not okay. That's the biggest turnoff ever."

"Is it true then? That you're not over him?" He asks again.

"No, I am. I don't know why I...I'm over him." I say, sounding unconvincing even to myself.

"I understand if you aren't." He says with a sad smile. "I just think that until you are what's happening between us has to stop. I don't want to get too emotionally invested just to have you reject me repeatedly."

I look away from him. "I'm sorry, Namjoon."

"Don't be. It's okay. And you can still call me if there's an emergency and you need me." He says, always finding a way to make bad things not sound so bad.

"I want to be with you, I do. I-I like spending time with you, even though I don't show it." I say honestly. "I don't know why I can't just, move on like everyone else seems to have moved on."

"Hey." He says, taking my face in his hands and looking down at me. "Everyone is different, and if it's taking you a little more time to move away on then that's perfectly okay. You should take all the time you need."

"If I just keep waiting around to feel better I'll lose you." I say as my eyes brim with tears. "And you're literally the only person I can rely on here."

"You won't lose me." He says reassuringly. "I'll wait for you. I promise."

"Don't~"

"You know, maybe you aren't life's gift to me. Maybe I'm life's gift to you. And maybe it's not me that's the gift but what you'll learn from me." He says. "And hopefully you'll learn that every human being on this earth is a gift to one another, even if our stars never align. And hopefully you'll start to see what a gift you are, Jungkook. And you'll love yourself for it."

I'm confused by his words but at the same time I understand them.

"And maybe once you love yourself you'll allow me to love you too." He says in a quiet voice. "But until then, I'm here whenever you're ready."

He drops his hands with a sad smile that tugs on my heart.

"What if I don't know how to love myself?" I ask, my voice thick with emotion. "Will you teach me?"

His smile grows into a happy one. "I don't how great of a teacher I'd be. I'm still learning myself."

"Well, m-maybe we could learn together." I say, using my sleeve to wipe my face.

"I'd like that." He says. "As friends I'm supposing."

"Yeah. For now." I say with a nod.

"I can work with for now." He says with a shrug. "Let's go get some food together, unless you seriously have work to do."

I chuckle a little. "No. I'd love to."

"Good. I'll get dressed." He says before going to his closet.

I didn't fully understand Namjoon's words but I understood them enough to know that before I can work on moving on I had to work on healing.

I haven't been letting myself heal, instead I've been suppressing the thoughts until they all came crashing down on me at once.

I did love Taehyung, and apart of me still did.

But with that part of me still existing could I possibly love Namjoon?

"Ready?" His voice says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah." I say, following him out of his room.

Even if I did love Taehyung still I am willing to work on loving Namjoon.

One day I'll wake up with this weight that is constantly holding me down and I'll be able to embrace life's gift that is Kim Namjoon.

I could do it, I could fall in love again.

🍃🍃🍃