Jimin

I wake early after a restless night.

My head is throbbing from all the crying I did last night and the pain in my hand actually sets in.

I push myself up into a sitting position, scanning the empty room before realizing exactly where I was.

I sigh, thinking back to the way I behaved yesterday, I regret it.

I shouldn't have let it show how much it bothered me, I should have been mature and talked to Taehyung like an adult but instead, I let my emotions get the best of me.

I look around the room for my shoes and my clothes from last night.

They're still folded neatly on the dresser where I left them.

After changing I grab a pin from the desk and write a quick note to Yoongi thanking him and apologizing for everything.

I leave his room as quickly and quietly as I can.

He's lying on the couch asleep when I get into the living room, his features soft and his breathing even.

Once I get out of the front door I head towards the bus stop, I remember passing it on the way here so it can't be that far.

Before my phone died last night I got a message from Taehyung asking me to come back.

I didn't respond initially and before I realized how childish I was being my phone died.

I shouldn't have had an outburst like I did and I wish I would of handled the situation better.

I know that I don't owe Taehyung anything and I most definitely don't have to give him my time today but running away would solve nothing.

I had to end things face to face.

No matter how much it would hurt to.

I would grow to accept the fact that Taehyung loves Jungkook now.

Even though right now it hurts like hell, I would have to accept it and move on.

Even though my whole adolescence was wasted in this relationship I couldn't go back and change things now.

The bus is luckily running and I have enough money to pay to ride.

On the way home I try to collect my thoughts and figure out what I'm going to say.

I don't know what's going to happen publicly but I do know that there will be an uproar in the media about us.

Especially since it's so close to the wedding.

It never crossed my mind before about what would happen if we broke up, I never thought that would happen.

How would we explain our sudden split up after seemingly being so happy?

When I get off the bus I still have a little while to walk before arriving at the front gate of our house.

I release a shaky breath before hitting the buzzer.

"It's me, Rayla." I say, a few moments later the gates click open and I walk in.

Taehyung's car is parked in the driveway still, he's home I'm assuming.

As soon as I get through the front door Rayla is rushing up to me her features worry stricken.

"Mr. Park." She bows respectfully before returning her gaze to my eyes. "Where have you been? I heard you yelling last night and you never returned after you left~"

"Rayla."

I freeze when I hear Taehyung's voice, instantly regretting coming back so soon, it was too soon.

Rayla bows her head and leaves without another word, glancing back nervously at me.

I try to shake my head to reassure her but she's already gone.

I look up at him and I'm surprised to see his slightly bloodshot eyes.

He avoids my eyes, he's been crying.

"I'm~. I~. Are you okay?" He asks, clearing his throat.

"Let's skip the drama." I say, I already felt my resolve weakening. "You asked me here for a reason didn't you?"

"Yeah." He says, nodding slowly. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Here is fine." I say, I'm closer to the door so I can leave quickly.

"Jimin, I was wrong. I know I was. From the beginning I know I was wrong. Because no one like you deserves to be hurt, especially not by me." He starts, his gaze focused on his hands. "I don't know why I couldn't see how lucky I was to have you, Jimin. I don't know how I could ever let you go."

He looks up at me, tears forming in his eyes, I look away.

"I was so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm an idiot to think that I had any right to hurt you like I have. I was selfish. I was so mad that everyone was controlling my life that I tried to fulfill my desires elsewhere. When I know you were probably feeling the same way." He says, pausing to get ahold of himself. "I let everything and everyone get in the way of us. I was so busy trying to get away from this life that I didn't realize I was leaving you behind.

"For so long, I forgot how happy I was with you. How happy you made me when we were younger. I let my selfishness get in the way of us and I regret it so much, Jimin. I do, and I just want to fix it. I've been trying to fix everything for so long and it's just gotten out of hand."

He falls silent and I look at him, his eyes still glossed over with tears.

"Six years, Taehyung. Six." I say. "That's not a mistake, you knew what you were doing. Mistakes happen, but not the same mistake repeatedly over the course of six years. You will never understand how much this is killing me. I dedicated my entire life to you and you've been living another life behind my back. How could I forgive that?"

Taehyung shakes his head. "I don't have any right to ask for your forgiveness."

"Then why am I here?" I ask, I knew he wanted something, especially after his spill.

"I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. I lost sight of who I was and I lost sight of my love for you. But it was always there. It was always you, even when I was with Jungkook. You're everything to me, Jimin. And even if you decide to leave, which I wouldn't blame you for, I love you. And I'll never stop loving you." He says, nothing in his tone making me doubt him. "From this point forward, everything is your call. Whether you stay, or you go. Whether I go. Whatever you want, it's yours."

I knew this would happen, I knew that this feeling in my chest would expand if I stayed any longer but I can't bring myself to leave.

"You told me, that you loved Jungkook in a way that you didn't love me." I say. "What way is that?"

"I think I was more in love with the idea of him, than I was with him." He says. "He made me feel like I was free to make my own decisions, and I let that feeling be mistaken with love."

I nod looking away. "I can't forgive you, Taehyung."

    "I understand." He says, his voice straining slightly. "I understand, I do."

   "I loved you. I love you. But how~...How could I just let this go? For years, years. You've been going behind my back, cheating on me." I say. "How can I let that go?"

He nods, more tears wetting his eyes. "I understand."

I sigh, biting my lip in frustration, I hate when he cries.

He rarely ever did in front of me and it devastates me to see him like this.

    "What about Jungkook?" I ask, hating myself for worrying about him.

    "I'm through with him." He says shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Jimin."

    "Why do you keep apologizing if you don't want my forgiveness?"

    "Because I love you, and even if you can't forgive me I want you to know that I am sorry. And that I hate myself for hurting you."

I look down at the ground in front of me, crossing my arms with a sigh. "What did I do wrong to make you turn away from me?"

    "It wasn't you, sugar. It was me, I was wrong. You did everything right and I couldn't see how perfect you were. I messed up, it wasn't you." He says, clearing his throat and wiping his eyes.

    "You hurt me worse than anything or anyone ever has. I gave this relationship my all, even when you were mean to me. Even when you didn't want to be bothered by me. I cut ties with my friends and I just tried to satisfy you. But I would've never been enough, huh?" I ask. "I can't be Jungkook~"

    "I don't want Jungkook. I want you."

    "Do you want me? Or are you just afraid of letting go?"

He sighs, sniffling and wiping his eyes before any tears fall. "Yes. I'm afraid of letting go because I love you. I can't see a life without you in it, I don't even want to picture it because it'd kill me. I know, I know I've fucked us up worse than anything but I'll change. I can change. I'm different now, I love you so much, Jimin. I-I. I can't, I don't want to lose you. So now I am asking, I'm begging you, for your forgiveness. I can't live without you, how could I? You and me, Jimin? We're something else, something different. We can do it, we can get past this. I know we can. I know it."

I bite the inside of my mouth as tears freely flow down Taehyung's face as he gets down on his knees in front of me.

    "Please forgive me. Please forgive me, Jimin." He says. "I swear I'll never hurt you again. I won't go one day of the rest of my life without trying to make up for my mistakes. If you can, please forgive me. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and broken down, it makes my heart hurt.

    "Tae..." I start, trailing off as my own emotions get the best of me.

I step forward and place my hands on his shoulders pulling him into somewhat of an embrace.

He wraps his arms around my waist. "Jimin."

I sigh, why was I like this?

So easily swayed by his tears, so quick to want to comfort him and tell him everything was okay when things weren't.

"Get up, Tae." I say, my voice terribly strained as I pull him up from the ground.

He stands, trying to dry his eyes but failing when more tears surface.

"Y-You said that what ever happens next is my call, right?" I ask, he nods, his tears eyes meeting my own. "Then trust that what ever does happens next will be the best for the both of us, okay?"

His expression changes to one I can't quite interpret in a word other than devastation.

"Please take care of yourself, for me." I say. "Don't~...Just please be okay. For me, okay?"

He nods, covering his face with his hand. "Okay."

"I love you, I do." I say, not waiting for him to respond before I leave the house.

I don't know exactly where I'm going but once I start walking I don't think about it too much.

I wipe my face and try to look like I haven't been crying, there are probably reporters everywhere.

I don't know what decisions will be made in the next 24 hours, but hopefully they are the best.

I've decided that instead of trusting my head like I usually do, I'd try to follow my heart.

And whatever my heart decides my head will surely follow.

I hope.

🍃🍃🍃