ｐｕｓｈｅｄ   ｍｙｓｅｌｆ
ｔｏｏ   ｆａｒ

『 your p.o.v 』

          The water was warm as I got to work gently cleaning the wounds on Azusa's back, the youngest of the Mukami's quietly sitting in the golden bathtub naked as I do so. He doesn't flinch and instead stays perfectly still. It's almost unnerving. Everyone's been so quiet since Kino's attack and the Sakamaki's have yet to show up. It feels as if we're all stuck in limbo while we stay cooped up in this mansion.

          "Let me know if I hurt you." I murmured softly, the once white towel now becoming stained with a deep crimson as I continue gently removing the dried blood from Azusa's back. I doubt he'll say anything if this does hurt. He's always been one to hurt himself so any pain I give him will be a blessing rather than a curse.

          Azusa turned his head slightly. "Eve... You're not, hurt... Right?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper right now.

          "Physically, no." I responded while trying to keep my focus on taking care of his injuries before worrying about myself at all.

          The black haired Mukami frowned as he looked to me from over his shoulder. "Emotionally..?"

          I smiled bitterly at his question. "I'm not alright." I admitted. "I won't be okay until all of this is said and done and I know you're all safe from harm. Then, and only then, will I be alright again."

          "Is there anything, that we, can do to help you..?" He then asked. "Anything I can do, to help you... heal?"

          My smile softened into a fond one as I gently worked the small white towel up to his shoulder blades. "Focus on resting and you yourself healing before you worry about me, Azu. I can wait."

          The injured vampire shook his head some. "Eve, is more important than me." He murmured. "I want, you to be happy... Forever..."

          "I'm happy to see that you and your brothers are alive and recovering," I responded. "We'll take this one night at a time and be happy together."

          Azusa and I fell quiet after I said those words. They don't feel real enough, authentic, like I truly mean it. There's no guarantee that we'll be together with everyone after all of this is said and done. I'm giving out a promise we both know I can't keep.

          Another twenty minutes passed by in silence as I cleaned Azusa's wounds. I got lost in thought the longer we stayed quiet. Wondering if the Sakamaki's are alright, if they need my help, if it's too late. I don't want it to be too late. Not again, not when I can do something to help this time. It can't be too late.

          Watching the Queen with long, snow white hair the tips of which a crimson red as she paced back and forth, the young girl hesitantly reached out a hand to the woman who had been almost like a mother to her over these years she's known her. She had asked if everything was okay, if this would pass like every other thing that seemed to sweep over her kingdom. Though by the apprehension behind the Queen's eyes and the sickly appearance she had recently taken on, the young girl could see that nothing would be the same ever again.

          "You should go find your father ___, it's not safe here anymore." The elegant Queen had said, golden eyes shifting from the young girl back over to the door leading to her shared chamber with her husband, the King. "Or better yet, bring your father to me. I must discuss something with him before it's too late."

          The young girl didn't need to be told twice. She ran out of the room in search of her father, turning down hallway after hallway until she came to his study. There were plenty of other First Bloods running down the hallways as well, looking panicked and frightened and for once not glaring at her like they normally did. They had every right to be scared and no longer preoccupied with making her feel like some abomination.

          Everyone was dying after all.

          I grasped the edge of the bathtub as my eyesight faded to black. Fighting to keep conscious, I tried desperately to not gasp at the sharp pain stabbing through each of my temples. That memory came without warning. And that woman, I know that woman. She felt like home, warm and soothing and comforting. That woman was the First Blood Queen.

          "Eve..?" Azusa spoke up, confused by the sudden stopping of my hand's movements to clean his wounds.

          Shaking my head some to hopefully clear my foggy mind, I offered the youngest of the Mukami's a small smile as I moved to be on the other side of the tub, the two of us now facing one another. "Sorry, I got distracted for a moment. Let's go ahead and clean up the wounds on your chest now." I said, already gently working the nearly completely crimson towel over his boney shoulders and then over his collarbones, the bath water beginning to redden as I dip the towel back in to get it soaked once more.

          The black haired vampire watched my facial expressions carefully, his expression remaining neutral as he watches me through thick eyelashes, eyes always appearing droopy and tired and so relaxed. I paid him no mind as I traced down his muscles, being certain to take off as much of the blood as I could without reopening any of the slowly closing gashes running across his chest. I don't want to hurt him any more than he already has been.

          That woman with the long white hair, tips a deep scarlet red, I don't remember her name but I know who she is- or rather was. The First Blood Queen was a kind woman from what I can remember of her. Always looking out for me as if I was one of her own kids. She would give me beautiful gowns to wear and would teach me how to cook in her free time when she wasn't busy with her duties or raising her two sons. The kindhearted woman looked out for me when everyone else avoided me like the plague or spat out harsh words a young child should never be forced to endure. I can't help but miss her.

          "You, look sad..." Azusa said softly as he peered a little closer at my face. "Is something wrong..?"

          I shook my head some, ignoring the persistent headache. "No, everything's alright. How are you doing though? Are the aches beginning to subside? Should I warm the water up some more?"

          The black haired Mukami didn't respond for a moment as he just stared at me, stared through me. "___... I want to help..." He said softly. "Talk to me... Please..?"

          Offering him a reassuring smile, I reached up with the towel and cleaned the dried blood that had been staining his cheek. "Azusa, I'm fine. Really-"

          "But, you're not, fine... You're hurt, too." He insisted, voice gentle as always though this time more forceful and confident in his words. Little Azusa who was always wandering around trying to find his place in this world really grew up, didn't he?

          "I'm scared, Azusa, I'm scared. I fear that I may be too late to help the Sakamaki's, too late to save the Tsukinami's, and too late to protect all of you." I said honestly. "I'm scared that these might be our last nights together. I'm scared that I won't be what you all need. I'm scared that I won't be useful enough to fight off Kino or at the very least change his mind about continuing down his path of revenge. And I'm scared that in the end, we'll all be dead. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

          The black haired Mukami flinched at my harsh tone. "I'm sorry..." Was all he responded with.

          Sighing, I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just, just stressed is all. Now let's focus on getting you all cleaned up and then bandaging your wounds yeah? Your brothers are already resting in their beds so it's about time you do the same before I head over to the Sakamaki's place."

          With a slight frown tugging at the corners of Azusa's lips, he sighed. "You're, leaving us, again?"

          "I don't want to." I said with a small laugh. "Believe you me, this place is home to me because you four are here. But home is also with the Sakamaki's and I want them to be safe as well. You all mean the world to me so I can't go abandoning them when they need me just as you and your brothers do."

          "You're too kind, Eve..."

          "I've been told that that's one of my redeeming qualities."

          The smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of Azusa's lips and I couldn't help but smile back. I've missed moments like this; calm, heartwarming, and sweet. It's rare that we get any moments to rest let alone let our guard down and even with still being a little scared as to how the Sakamaki's are faring against Kino's wolves, I can't help but try to enjoy this one moment of peace. Who knows when we'll get another moment like this together?

          Deep in thought, I barely noticed as Azusa leaned forward, my hand still continuing to gently massage his skin clean with the red towel. And before I realized it, the black haired and scar littered Mukami was kissing me.

          His eyes were closed, mine widening as my hand stilled over his chest. I could feel my heart beating faster before my eyes slowly closed as well, giving in to the sweet and gentle kiss

          Azusa reached up with both of his hands that are wet from the blood tainted bath water and cupped my face as he pulled back. "I love you, Eve... Even if, you aren't my Eve, I love you all the same..." He said with a sweet smile, words spoken softly as always.

          "I... I don't know what to say." My words came out softer than his own. "It's just, we're not exactly- we don't have the time to be talking about love when our lives are in danger, Azusa."

          The black haired vampire thought for a moment before his shoulders slouched. "I'm sorry. I wanted you, to know... how I feel..."

          Laughing almost dejectedly, I shook my head some as I resumed cleaning his wounds. "We'll discuss relationships later. For now, let me get you all fixed up and then I have to go."

          "You'll, come back... won't you..?"

          "Of course. I'm not going anywhere so don't worry. I'll come back."

          The early morning air was chilled, a cold gust of wind blowing past as I hugged Ruki's jacket tighter around my smaller frame. I began walking down the path just out front of the Mukami's mansion, never once looking back as the sun began to rise, painting the sky a beautiful array of pale blues, pinks, purples, and yellows.

          "Are you okay ___?" Yui asked hesitantly.

          "I just had Azusa confess his love for me, him being naked in a bathtub while I cleaned his wounds," I responded with a small laugh. "I'm doing amazing."

          My guardian angel stayed quiet for a moment before sighing. "I can't tell if that's sarcasm or not..."

          Smiling, I listened to the Tsukinami's wolves howl off in the distance. "I'm not sure either. I'm kind of in limbo right now." I responded with a slight shrug of my shoulders, a headache still faintly pounding at my temples. "My heart doesn't know how to feel about Azusa while my mind is still terrified for what we're going to find at the Sakamaki's mansion. I don't know how to feel in all honesty."

          Yui materialized beside me, her large angel wings gently waving some as she floats, the two of us making our way down the path to the Sakamaki's estate together. "I understand. Ayato confessed to me shortly before I was murdered and I felt the same type of mix of emotions for a while. But, you're mind and heart will sync up again soon and you'll be able to think with a clear mind once everything calms down. This won't be nearly as hectic to maneuver once Kino is gone and dealt with."

          "That's true- wait, did you say Ayato confessed?" I asked, my eyes widening some as I look to the heavenly girl.

          The blonde smiled sheepishly. "Yes. We weren't truly ever together, but I did and still do love him." Yui murmured, her smile softening as she talks about that red headed vampire. "It's still a little painful to see him with you, but, you can make him happier than I ever could so it's okay. I want you both to be happy. Even if you don't return his feelings, it's refreshing seeing that we both can move on from each other after that horrific event."

          I glanced over to Yui before looking up into the tops of the trees, bits of sunlight beginning to pour through the gaps in the leaves now. "How exactly did you die anyways?"

          There was a pregnant pause before Yui responded. "Kino had trapped me out in the back courtyard of the Sakamaki's mansion when I was supposed to be meeting with Ayato. I wanted to show him something, I made a bouquet just for him from the crimson red roses he always talked about, but Kino decided I was too much of a distraction and was ruining his game. So when Ayato came out to meet me, it was too late. Kino had stabbed me multiple times and left me there to bleed out in Ayato's arms." She said sadly. "I'm sure he wouldn't ever want to talk about that night so it's best you don't bring it up."

          "I'm sorry I asked."

          "It's best you asked me now rather than bring it up to Ayato before I could try and warn you." Yui responded with a bright smile. "Besides, what happened in the past has gone and passed and now all that's left is for us to look to the future. I can't change my fate, but I can try and help you to not meet the same as I did."

          The howls of the wolves broke out around us just as I was fixing to respond, these wolves thankfully not being Kino's. With it being morning, I can just barely make out the figures of their dark gray coats that usually blend in with the dark forest as they run ahead of us and circle around the perimeter, always seemingly on high alert and ready to attack whatever comes near.

          "Do you think things are going to start changing now..?" Yui asked as she too watched the wolves. "You're not fully human anymore and now you can suddenly heal using your blood- it's only a matter of time before you have to be brought to the Tsukinami's and there's no telling what's going to happen when that time comes." She then said.

          I glanced to her with a small smile. "For my sake and the sakes of those I love, I hope that happens soon so I can assume my true form. If I keep pushing myself like I have been in order to be useful for my vampires, then I'm going to die without any of them having to so much as touch me. This human body is reaching its limit, I can feel it." I said sadly. "My only chance at survival as well as protecting those I love is to be changed back into my true form otherwise Kino will kill everyone and then me if I don't go killing myself first considering how reckless I've been recently."

          "Are you feeling sick?" Yui asked, concern lacing her words.

          I thought for a moment before shrugging. "Not really sick, just not well. It's hard to explain. Every time I have a new memory resurface, or when I notice things about my human body that isn't all that human, it feels as though I'm losing myself or rather I'm regaining parts of myself that this body can't handle. Sometimes it feels like I could just burst whenever my headache gets too severe and my joints begin to ache almost as if this body is struggling to maintain its current form..." I said softly. "It's scary and I don't understand how my body is going to change once I'm able to go back to my original form, but I'm sure it's not going to be pleasant." I then said with a dejected laugh.

          Yui frowned. "I wish I could help you somehow but there's nothing any of us can do without Carla and Shin's help. Even divine intervention can't meddle in the affairs of those apart of the Demon World."

          I glanced to her, the wolves beginning to run faster ahead of us now the closer to the Sakamaki's mansion we grow. Are they scouting out the area ahead because it doesn't appear to be safe..? "Is the Demon World essentially Hell if you're from Heaven?" I asked.

          The blonde girl shook her head some, the sun light cascading down around us shining through her translucent form easily. "No. The Demon World is like this Human World; simply another plain of existence that holds a race subset to those of angels and demons alike. Vampires are just one race among those of the Demon World just as humans are just one of the races inhabiting the Human World. There's still Hell just as there is Heaven and neither is directly good nor bad, simply two different places of order that work in tangent with one another to keep balance here on the physical realm."

          "So Hell isn't all nothing but bad demons and the like?"

          "Of course not! Many Demons are actually very nice and humble and are incredibly hard working just as Angels can be pompous and arrogant and a little unjust with their powers. There's good and bad in everything in this world, nothing is simply as black and white as we've been taught."

          "I see." I murmured. "Then when I die, will I be damned to Hell because I'm technically a member of the Demon World or will I have the chance to be with you up in Heaven..?"

          Yui looked to me with slightly widened eyes. "To be a member of Heaven has nothing to do with your race but rather your actions. I believe that with how valiantly you've been fighting for those you love, you will be allowed through the gates of Heaven without hesitation. But, as misunderstood as these vampires are, I don't think they'd be admitted as easily..." Her voice trailed off.

          "So these vampires who we've come to care for have no chance at being with us if we both end up in Heaven? We'd be separated from them for the rest of eternity?" I asked.

          "Sadly, yes. Subaru might be let in since he's actively trying to better himself, but the majority of these vampires embrace their sadistic and torturous ways with little to absolutely no regret." She explained as we began nearing the end of the path, the wolves growing more erratic in their movements and making us uneasy as well. "I could possibly make a plead for them in terms of their upbringings, the trials they've had to endure, and the wickedness they've been shaped by because of their pasts, but even that is a long shot. Most probably they would be damned to Hell but not to the lowest tiers that are dedicated for the truest scum of the Earth. I feel as though they'd instead be allowed to become well known and respected Demons. But becoming Angels? That would need a total change of heart and even then their fate is uncertain."

          The smell of burning wood caught my attention and so before I could even think of responding to Yui, I paused in my walking for a moment and looked up. Through the tops of the trees, between the leaves and the branches where the sunlight had previously been pouring down through, now small little white puffs that resemble snowflakes gently fall down and begin to layer the ground in scattered areas. I hold up one of my palms and let a 'snowflake' fall onto it.

          Yui curiously peers down at my hand. "Snow? At this time of year?" She asked.

          "No," I responded as I closed my hand around the 'snow' and successfully turned it into a dust of sorts, "this isn't snow, it's ash."

          My best friends eyes widened as she looked towards the edge of the forest that's now just coming into sight. "You don't think..." Her voice trailed off.

          The wolves quickly took off in the direction of the Sakamaki's mansion, their howls filling the once quiet forest as I go from walking to sprinting down the remaining bit of path. The headache from earlier only heightens the closer to the mansion I grow, Yui already gone once more and silently watching over me as I sprint for my home at a speed that even I can't say is fully human.

          There's no way this could truly be happening. Kino wouldn't go this far just to prove a point, right? He wouldn't burn down a mansion filled with so many precious memories and priceless mementos. I refuse to believe he'd be so cruel. But the heavily falling ash begs to differ...

          Just as I feared, the Sakamaki's mansion was engulfed in roaring flames that flicked every which direction as they only continued to grow in intensity. A loud cry could be heard from inside and my stomach dropped. That sounded like Laito. And to make matters worse, Kino's wolves are still swarming the perimeter even with the Tsukinami's wolves engaging them.

          "You can't go in there." Yui said as she materialized beside me once more, placing a hand on my shoulder that I could just barely feel. "You'll die if you try to save them."

          Staring at the flames with widened eyes, I sighed as I placed a hand over her own. "I'll die if I don't try to save them. The Mukami's can't help, the Tsukinami's aren't here, and the Sakamaki's need me- I'm not abandoning them. Not when I promised to protect those I love."

          "You're still just a human ___, there's no way you'll survive even ten minutes with those flames and the smoke!" Yui said thoughtfully.

          "Then let me die trying to fulfill my promise." I said as I shook her hand off my shoulder and began walking towards the flame engulfed mansion. Yui yelled for me to stop, tried to grab me only for her hand to faze right through my arm, her efforts to prevent me from essentially committing suicide failing miserably. But I can't just stand around and do nothing.

          I'll push myself as far as this human body allows if it means I'll be able to at least save them.

          My headache spiked as the Tsukinami's wolves began crowding around behind me while I walked closer to the mansion. This human body was screaming as I tried to push against the magical barrier preventing me from accessing my powers and transforming into the strong half blooded Founder I know I once was. Yui still screamed for me to stop even as my nose began to bleed and my mind shrieked for me to stop. But there's no going back now. The barrier has been cracked just the slightest and I can feel a bit of my old powers beginning to flow through this human form. I'm not sure how long I'll last so I better make the most out of this moment because this human body isn't going to be able to handle this amount of power for very long.

          With my wolves sticking close to my sides and branching off to keep Kino's wolves back, I sprinted for the front of the mansion and jumped up to the top balcony. I didn't bother questioning the sudden strength and instead used it to my advantage, ignoring the flames as I kicked down the balcony door and sprinted inside.

          Each of the Sakamaki's were unconscious in varying rooms across the mansion as our home proceeded to burn down, large pieces of the ceiling and walls crashing down in heaps of scorching flames. I couldn't think as I hurried to grab Laito first, placing one of his arms over my shoulders as I wrapped my free arm around his waist and then sprinted for the nearest window as to get him out of this mansion. My body was only beginning to ache more and more the longer I allowed for the magical barrier to slowly crack open wider, more of my previous powers leaking into my veins. There's no chance of me repairing the barrier either meaning the magic will only continue to overflow within this human body.

          I have no chance of surviving this.

          With my headache feeling the worst it's ever felt before, I hurried back inside once Laito was placed sitting up against a tree near the edge of the forest by the path leading to the Mukami's mansion. "You're going to kill yourself ___!" Yui yelled as I quickly found Shu within the mansion and picked him up much the same way I had Laito. "Or is it too late for you..?" She then asked more hesitantly.

          I gritted my teeth as I struggled to think coherently, my only thoughts focusing on saving my vampires, my family. "I don't think I'll be okay after this." I managed to respond honestly as my eyesight went hazy for a second before refocusing once more as I managed to finally locate and pick up Kanato. Sadly Teddy was already burned to a crisp beside him but I picked up the teddy bear anyways in hopes that maybe he'd forgive me for not being able to save the both of them in time. "Everything hurts so bad and I feel as though I'm going to burst."

          Yui said something else as I carefully placed Kanato down beside Shu and Laito outside their mansion, though I couldn't understand her. I need to save the others. Reiji's research also must be prioritized. Hopefully I'm not too late in rescueing everything that's truly valuable to us...

          The search for Ayato was easy and so was finding Subaru, both of them lying in the living room with me finding them mere minutes before the roof above where they were lying collapsed to the ground in a fiery heap. Though by the time I returned to Reiji who was hauled up in his lab, I was surprised to find him just beginning to regain consciousness. I don't have time to talk with him though. All of his books and journals have caught on fire and the roof isn't going to hold for much longer here either- or the floor for that matter. I have to get him out of here.

          "You, you've gone too far." Reiji managed to splutter out as he coughed up an alarming amount of blood, his clothes ripped and torn and his skin marred with cuts galore, his glasses no where in sight. "You're going to die unless we get you to Carla."

          At this point, I had tears uncontrollably falling down my cheeks from the pain I'm experiencing as I struggle to pick up this horribly injured vampire. Reiji watched me carefully as I wrap his arm around my shoulders and then hobble over to his lab desk, my time running scarily short now. "H-Hurry, grab what you need to help Carla... Please..."

          The crimson eyed vampire looked to me before shaking his head. "This research is pointless." He said through gritted teeth. "There's nothing I can make to help him."

          I couldn't help but to laugh some at that as my headache somehow managed to spike to a new level of pain I never thought possible. "Is t-that so? Then I guess we're all doomed." I said softly, using the last bit of my strength to leap out of the large broken window to Reiji's lab and bring him down to where the rest of his siblings are.

          Gently, I placed Reiji beside his brother, the blonde still unconscious as I collapse right there onto the lush green grass of the forests edge. Kino's wolves have drawn back for the time being, the Tsukinami's wolves keeping guard of both myself and the Sakamaki's. Though the wolves occasionally glance to me before once again growling at the enemy wolves. They must sense that I'm dying.

          "Reiji," I spoke up as I tilted my head to look up at the crimson eyed vampire from where I'm lying on the lush green grass, ash falling around us like snow, "I'm scared." I said with a small laugh as more tears fell.

          He looked to me with an emotionless expression, though the emotions that were swimming behind those normally so cold but now worried eyes of his were alarming. "You need to try and hold on long enough for us to bring you to the Tsukinami's." He said as he struggled to reach over to me and gently brush his hand through my hair, his once white glove now tattered and just barely clinging to his wrist. "If you die here, then everything would have been for nothing."

          My tears refused to stop as the pain heightened once more and black spots began to fill my vision. "R-Reiji, I tried my best." I said as my voice shook. "I t-tried so hard to protect you all, to be t-there for everyone. But, I failed didnt I? I failed you, I failed the Mukami's, I failed the Tsukinami's, and I failed Yui."

          "You've done no such thing as failing. You've saved us for the time being and we'll be sure to return the favor. Now stop speaking such nonsense and fight for your life until we can bring you back to your true home." Reiji said with knitted brows, clearly wanting to help me more but considering his current injured state, understandably not being able to do anything more than try and calm my nerves of dying for who knows how long.

          "You know," I said as I looked up to the beautiful bright orange tinted sky as more pieces of ash fluttered down around us, "I really love you. I love you and everyone else so much and I'm scared to leave you behind. I'm so sorry I couldn't be enough."

          The black haired vampire scoffed. "You're speaking nonsense."

          "Even when I'm dying, you can't return my feelings..?"

          "If I tell you I love you, will you remain alive long enough for us to be together for the rest of eternity?"

          I laughed before immediately coughing up a large amount of blood, this human body losing it's strength and fast. "I don't know, but I would like to h-hear you say it at least once if this is truly where my story ends."

          Vaguely, I listened as Reiji shifted some so that he could better look down at me as he continued to gently brush through my hair. My eyes trained on him, everything around his face now blurry and beginning to fade to black as I slowly slip away from this world. "I love you ___, and thank you for remaining by our sides up until your final moments."

          With one last tear slipping down my cheeks, I smiled up at him as my deafening heart beat rung in my ears, the pace of which growing slower and slower the more my eyesight fades. "I'm sorry for being such a burden right up to the very end." I murmured softly as my eyes began to close. "I love you all so please, forgive me..."

          Reiji called out to me as everything faded away for good, though soon enough even the feeling of his touch disappeared and I was left with nothing, not even the excruciating pain from before was there to accompany me as I fell into the awaiting cold black void of death.

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You ever just realize your fanfics plot is already setting up for an ending even though you're not even close to being ready to write a final chapter so you decide to tokyo drift into a whole other side ark just to try and save all the time and effort you've put into the fic already because same.

Question of the Chapter: How do you think the story is going to continue from here on out considering your character is virtually dead at this point? IM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THIS BUT HEY NOW WE FINALLY GET THE TSUKINAMIS SO THATS COOL LMAO how the hell am i supposed to continue the plot from here holy hell my brain didn't think this through at all but i'll figure something out like i always do lul

I'll go ahead and spoil this now because I'm not writing this into the story anymore but originally I was going to have your character and Carla fight Kino and kill him as the ending before the individual endings for all of the vampires, but, seeing everything my sadistic brain has come up with, I definitely won't be going down that route anymore. Now I have to panic create a whole new plot from this point forward so rip my initial ideas lul at least now with this new development in the story, I've been given the opportunity to make some interesting events happen from this point forward.~ (let's just hope I don't ruin my fic because oml I really like this one ;-;;;)

As always my lovelies, thanks for reading and I hope everyone has a nice day/night/evening/life :')

~ Love, ｋａｔ ♡