[ notes/ warning this is sad i guess lol. i really enjoy writing things like this for some reason. it feels really realistic, something that can actually happen. i mean i haven't been pregnant so idk what thats like lmao but here's how i'd perceive it. this sort of takes place around the first GO movie, anyways enjoy. ]

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This is the point where life begins all over again. At first it's terrifying, and keeping the secret is even more mortifying. Was it too early, or was it too late? Were either of them even ready at all, for something so big. Their quiet life together was so wonderful already, she wasn't sure if either of them were ready to give it up just yet. Although, the smile on his face after confessing, melted all her worries away. In fact, he really couldn't be happier, hearing her say those words.

"I'm pregnant."

Kazemaru was much more excited than Park was, but that's only because a child wasn't growing inside himself, but his beloved wife instead. Kim and Jae hadn't stop talking about arrangements, they'd lost out on the experience of having a child, and were excited to live it out through their granddaughter.

Kazemaru had already started spouting nonsense at the dinner table, and in bed every night; "I wonder if it's a girl or a boy. . . If they'll look like me or you. . ."

He smiled like an idiot every time, Park couldn't help but feel happy as well. He was so interested in buying clothes already, and setting up their room, it was a little difficult to keep up with him, but he meant well. The concept itself; having a baby with his childhood sweetheart, made everything feel so surreal.

After four months the doctor was finally able to learn the gender of the child. Holding tightly to her husband's hand, Park stared at the screen intensely. Once she was told it was a little boy, she burst out into tears. She'd always wanted a little boy. Kazemaru was leaning more towards a daughter, but after seeing her so happy, he changed his mind immediately.

While happily massaging her shoulders or legs, he'd offer to go buy her ice cream every night even if she didn't ask. In return, she'd let him awkwardly talk to her stomach. She felt silly, listening to him ramble on about how he was going to teach the little one how to play soccer, and how wonderful his mother was; "she's the most beautiful woman you'll ever see."

Laughing, she pulled his cheek.

This fairy tale had come to an abrupt halt. After noticing blood, a sudden hospital visit had completely ruined everything in seconds. A miscarriage made no sense. Everything was going perfectly, the little one was growing so perfectly. Before even being given a name, he died.

The countless amount of days spent sobbing uncontrollably, Kazemaru wasn't able to do anything asides from rub her back and lie saying that everything was okay. She'd felt as if she failed as a mother and wife, not only unable to keep a child, but unable to keep her husband happy. These things happen, but why to them? Kazemaru didn't know, as far as he was concerned, Park had only been nothing but lovely to everyone she'd ever met.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I killed our child."

She made it a lot harder for him to keep his composure, when she said things like that. It wasn't true, it wasn't her fault, but Kazemaru didn't know how to tell her that. Anything he said, had just made her cry even more. Right now wasn't the time to suggest trying again.

She'd woken up in cold sweats a few times, breathing heavily. Her face was pale and her eyes were dull every time. It was always a bad dream, "he looked just like you. just like you."

Things would have been so much easier if it was a real person that took their child away. They'd have someone to blame, someone to scream at, someone to want dead rather than themselves.

Kazemaru had kept the situation to himself despite looking like a wreck every day he left the house. Not only did he hate himself for having to leave his poor wife at home by herself, but he hated himself for not being able to comfort her at all. Asides from getting her sweets, kissing her head and saying he loved her - none of that which was enough. If he told any of his friends, they'd freak out, and he didn't want that. He didn't want anyone trying to comfort him and his wife, because it'd only remind themselves that their son was dead.

At night, Park would crawl up against his chest and listen to his heart beating. He'd wrap his arms around her protectively and stare at the ceiling. Thinking about losing one another was such a painful waste of time and energy.

These events lead up to the present, where Park quietly draped a blanket over a smaller frame. His name was Shindou, and he had parents, but she took a terrible liking to him. Her shaky hand reached out, brushing his brown hair from his eyes. The dim candle lights and fire lit the room in a warm orange. As much as she wanted to lie down beside him, and watch his peaceful sleeping face, she knew that it was wrong.

If her son was alive, he'd be one year old, unlike Shindou who was already a young teenager. It was nonsense, wishing that he was her own child. Park had just stared at him, wondering what was wrong with herself.

". . . Shindou, you don't mind, right?" She heaved a deep sigh before shaking her head. This was stupid, this was so stupid.

"Go to sleep, it's late." Kazemaru suddenly placed a hand on her shoulder, but she didn't budge an inch. His brows furrowed, "you'll feel better."

"I'm so jealous, Ichirouta." Park muttered under her breath.

". . . I know." Kazemaru stroked her hair, "i am too."