9 - I Write Sins, Not Apologies

Matilda chewed her fingernail as she looked at her list of "problems" in getting Sebastian and Kat together.

1. Riley Alton Spencer thinks I'm dating Sebastian.

2. Riley Alton Spencer is an asshole.

She rubbed her temples as she evaluated her situation. It wasn't as if Alton Spencer was a problem for Sebastian and Kat. On the contrary, he hadn't even been aware of them. He must have thought that Kat was one of the many women who gave Sebastian her number. But he had taken on a grudge against Matilda and it was pissing her off. If he was going to act like this every single time they met then it would be troublesome for her.

Should she get Bas to talk to his brother? Get him to back off? That seemed the likeliest of solutions but it required her to inform him that his brother thought they were together. The thought of that conversation mortified her.

What if Sebastian realized she actually did like him? What then? And what if Alton said something and Sebastian believed him? That would be even worse. No, no, no. She didn't need Sebastian to fight her battles. She would deal with Alton Spencer on her own. But first things first.

In the week following the movie, Matilda looked for signs that Sebastian had pursued things with Kat. Normally, if he was with a girl he would skip lunch with Matilda to go out, leave early from work, appear chipper than usual and would stop flirting with the other ladies in the office.

That last part was the biggest indicator. To the point where everyone around the office could tell when Sebastian had a girl. When he had been dating Winnie, he had kept it under wraps but he stopped responding to girls batting their lashes at him, stopped telling them that their new haircut/makeover/weight loss looked great and would not allow himself to be alone in a room with a woman – because naturally that would end in flirting and arm touching.

When Winnie had spread the word about her and Sebastian, the office had been in a stupor. Even her superior, Andrew had grown depressed at Sebastian's unavailability. Matilda herself had played coy. It was best to appear ignorant to everything than to have long sessions of gossip that required her to divulge her best friend's private life.

But this Monday morning, Matilda was disappointed to see Bas flirt with their receptionist, help out Sarah from HR with files that needed no helping and tell Helen from Development that her afro looked fantastic— which, to be fair, it did.

He had lunch with Matilda as usual, and stayed late like always, even responded offhandedly that he had no plans that week when Matilda asked. The same thing happened Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, which told her a singular truth; he had not called Kat.

Matilda's scowl got deeper each day to the point that Andrew became wary of her and stayed out of her way.

Things needed to change.

*************

"Why are we here again?" Sebastian was frowning like a child. The gang was back at Captain Flint's as per Matilda's suggestion. Despite that Sebastian's (and Mal's) protests, the gang had agreed to Matilda's plan.

Of course, she was there because of Kat who was also just coincidentally, totally unexpectedly was there with her friends. Sebastian had immediately picked her out from the crowd when they had entered and Matilda had noticed as he went a little slack jawed before collecting himself. Matilda might have said something to make Sebastian feel better or allow him to take the seat that was a little hidden from Kat's sight but it was far more interesting to see him squirm in Kat's presence. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, self-consciously glancing over at Kat's table. Matilda had never seen him like that.

"We are here to get drunk, my friend." Eric announced to Sebastian.

"You can get drunk," Mal pointed a fry in Eric's general direction, "I can only sit back and watch."

"Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, Mal. Enjoy it." Eric grinned.

"You are so full of shit, Eric." Mal said with a reluctant grin. Everyone laughed.

"Everyone up to get wasted?" Phil asked.

"You're not leaving? No classes or doctor's appointments?"

"Not tonight, fellas." Phil said. Mal looked at him feeling a little betrayed. "Bas you're the designated driver."

"What? Why me?" Sebastian argued.

"Because Mal can't pick me up if I pass out and neither can Eric." Phil slapped his lanky, erudite friend on the back.

"Wouldn't even want to if I could." Eric chuckled.

"And Matilda can't drive." Phil added.

"Still? You can't not know how to drive, Till." Ursula scolded.

"Alright, gimme your orders." Sebastian said.

Matilda eyed Kat as she waited for Sebastian to leave his table and then went up to the bar. Kat stood beside him, but didn't do or say anything. Is she waiting for him to make a move?

Sebastian, being Captain Oblivious™, didn't even notice her there. Matilda excused herself from the gang and walked over. Sebastian was waiting for the bartender as he poured out their drinks.

"Hiya Kat!" Matilda smacked Sebastian's back, making him and Kat jump from the sound. "Fancy seeing you here."

Kat looked to her, then Sebastian.

"Good to see you too..."

"Matilda," She reminded, "And this is Sebastian."

"I remember." She said, heavy with an accusation only Sebastian understood.

"So, how have you been?" Matilda asked kindly.

"Good." Kat said in a way that put a full stop to the conversation.

"Cool." Matilda said awkwardly.

Great. I bet I keep coming off as Sebastian's overly zealous, manic pixie friend who keeps bothering this woman for no reason. The memory of the first time Matilda had met Cara came to mind.

Sebastian got the drink tray from the bartender and walked away. Kat's eyes followed him, her face barely concealed her disappointment. Matilda followed him back.

"Why didn't you ask her out?"

"Shut up." Sebastian said under his breath. But it was a moot effort, the gang had heard.

"Who?" Mal and Ursula asked together.

"No one." Sebastian quickly said.

"Someone." Matilda said with a sly smile that Phil and Eric secretly referred to as "Matilda's That Kid from The Omen Smile".

"Matilda, stop it already." Bas requested.

Matilda ignored him. "There's this girl he keeps running into. Kat Olsen. Look, the one with the curly blonde hair." Matilda pointed her out. The gang all turned to eye the shapely woman. Phil and Eric exchanged glances of approval.

"Ooh, Nice." Mal said with deep approval.

"Matilda." Sebastian scolded.

"Bas she looks lovely! Why not go for it?" Ursula said.

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Sebastian took a frustrated swig of his beer.

"Is it because you've already found the one?" Phil asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Perhaps she is sitting right next to you?" Eric chimed in.

Matilda backtracked, "Wait. No. You guys—"

"How can she be the one when she keeps setting me up to other women like I'm some love starved loser who needs her help." Sebastian said bitterly as he finished off his beer. That inflection in his statement carried all of the weight of his annoyance, taking everyone by surprise. The gang's general mirth died down to a few awkward chuckles of laughter and coughs of resignation. Eric tried to awkwardly restart the conversation as Sebastian carried on drinking from Phil's bottle, but he couldn't figure out what to say.

Mal began, "Well... let's talk about work. Is the new baker still bothering you Ursula?"

Ursula recounted her recent disaster with a customer and Mal, Phil and Eric pretended to listen. Meanwhile Matilda and Sebastian didn't even bother to pretend.

"Sebastian—" Matilda quietly leaned in to him, hoping to apologize.

"Stop pushing me towards that woman Matilda. Fuck off."

Matilda blinked and clenched her jaw.

"Understood, bro."

*************

The following week Matilda did not speak with Sebastian. Of course she wasn't avoiding him, she just had a lot of work on her plate. Plus, she had a lot of Cara to deal with.

"He is such an idiot," Cara wailed in another of their bathroom sessions. This time there was Helen from Development and Savannah from Marketing. "I can't believe he forgot my birthday."

"Oh girl, you gotta dump his skinny ass." Helen said. Matilda loved Helen. She was the easiest developer to work with in the company.

"Helen's right Cara. You can't just keep on forgiving him." And then wasting my time, crying about it in bathrooms. I have other things to do.

Their boss Andrew had started noticing these bathroom breaks and their increasing frequency. He had given Matilda a bottle of constipation medication which was his "subtle way" of saying she needed to stop leaving her desk all the time. "Give em to Cara too, would you?" He had said with a flourish.

If only he knew.

"You guys don't understand! I love him!"

"You gotta love yourself first, and then your man. Your mother never taught you that?" Helen looked with an arched brow.

Cara sniffled, "I can't just leave him. We have a life together."

"Why not? Just walk out on him. Let him know what he's been missing." Helen popped her freshly painted lips and threw the gloss back in her makeup bag, "If you don't wanna dump him, at least give him a taste of what it's like to lose you."

Cara considered this as Helen left. "Do you think she's right? Do you think I should do that?" She asked Matilda.

Great. She gets it when Helen says it. But when I say it, she never listens.

"Why not? I say go for it. But see it all the way through. Don't wimp out at the end like you always do." Matilda said causally, but as soon as the words left her mouth she realized she had crossed some line. Cara was looking at her with wide, hurt eyes.

"Tilly, sometimes you say just the meanest things. I don't always wimp out. Not everyone gets a guy like Sebastian, you know."

She walked out before Matilda could respond.

What did I do?

Cara did not speak with her the rest of the day, which was fine since Matilda suddenly found herself incredibly busy with even more work.

"You're mighty efficient these days." Andrew said in his sing-song voice.

"Thank you."

"That wasn't a complement. Don't you have a life outside of work?"

"Work is life, boss."

Despite not meeting up with him, Matilda still generally saw Sebastian around and heard about him through the highly efficient female gossip network. Everything she saw and heard irked her inner godmother.

He was still flirting with the staff, as Sarah from Accounting confirmed when he told her, her skirt was scandalous and that he liked it. He was still staying late at work and while he was not with Matilda during lunch, he was still seen in the office Cafeteria with his Marketing buddies.

He's going around like nothing's happened. And this was the thought that hurt the most.

From Sebastian's perspective, his anger was justified. No matter how close he and Matilda were, it made no sense that she would force her opinions on him so adamantly.

But for Matilda, it was difficult to reconcile what she believed was right to the fact that Sebastian did not share the same, magical reality as her. Sebastian did not know about magic, he was not aware that Kat was his soulmate. What Matilda saw as a given—her pushing Sebastian and Kat together—to him was incredibly invasive and unwarranted.

Matilda did not understand all of this, for she was taught that fairy godmothers were supposed to interfere, for the good of those who were meant to be together.

"There is no greater tragedy than those who have a chance to find true love, but do not take that chance." Is what Matilda had always been told. So to her, it wasn't really her fault that Sebastian was mad at her. She had only been doing what was best for him.

She expected Sebastian to come over to apologize, or even just talk since he very rarely admitted to his mistakes. But he avoided her, just as she avoided him and that hurt Matilda even more.

But Matilda wasn't the kind to feel sad when she was hurt. She was the kind who got angry.

"Merryweather, is everything okay with you?" Andrew asked her when she was typing in a particularly loud manner.

"Everything is fine, Andrew." She glared up at him which sent the man squirming back into his office. Cara looked up from her work and cautiously peered over her laptop screen.

"So how long are you and Bas gonna avoid each other?" She said quietly. Matilda gave her the glare too but Cara didn't budge. Cara was energetic and kind and a wreck in romance but she was fearless to Matilda's tantrums and moods.

Matilda pouted a little. "I'm not avoiding him," she failed in her attempt to sound casual, "I am simply too busy."

"Sure you are. And Sebastian suddenly hanging out with Tom all the time is totally normal." Cara said, her words dripping with sarcasm.

"He's hanging out with that loser now?"

"Yup. They go out for drinks apparently."

A beat of silence.

"He said something mean to me."

"What did you do?"

"Why do you assume it was my fault?"

Cara raised a perfectly plucked brow.

Matilda scrunched up her nose in resistance but then relented. "So there's this girl..."

Matilda told her about Kat. Not about the fact that she is Sebastian's true love, but about everything else.

"But why?"

"Because! ... I think she might be good for him."

"Isn't that for him to decide?"

Matilda frowned like a petulant child, crossing her arms in a huff.

"I wouldn't need to push so hard if he just asked her out." She said under her breath. Normally she would only need a couple to run into each other a few times for things to kick off on their own, naturally. It had worked that way with Mal and Ursula. But Sebastian was a tough nut to crack. He needed an extra push.

"Tilly, you're being a bit much. Of course Sebastian is pissed." Cara explained gently.

"I only want what's best for him."

"That's for him to choose Matilda. Not you. As a friend your job is to just support or guide him. Not tell him how to live his life."

Matilda considered her words.

"What if I know something he doesn't?"

"Then tell him what you know."

"What if I can't?"

"Is it something bad?"

"I don't know. He might end up... sad."

"Well then comfort him when he's sad. Don't simply dictate what he's supposed to do. I know you don't realize it but you can be like a bulldozer sometimes with how you want people to act." Coming from Cara, it felt very ironic.

"I can?" A pang of guilt washed over Matilda.

"I mean it can be a good thing, when you have to keep the developers on track but in your personal life it can come off as a bit too much." Cara extended her hand to hold Matilda's.

Matilda nodded in understanding. She hadn't thought of it that way, that she was making Sebastian uncomfortable. She thought he would understand on his own.

Now her anger melted to a hot and heavy lava of remorse. Her scowl shrinked to a small line.

"Go talk to him. I bet he's been waiting for you to apologize."

Matilda had never been good at apologies. She always managed to screw them up. Mostly because all of her mistakes were magic related and explaining them to the others was a complicated thing with the Law of Logic making every word sound like it was something else.

Or worse, making her look insane.

It was late when she knocked on his department door. He turned around from his work, not expecting her to be there. His snapped back to his laptop and began to type even more devotedly, shoulders tensed. Matilda bit her lip. She had written out and rehearsed her apology a million times in the bathroom before coming here but the words still stumbled out clumsily.

"So... I'm sorry. I mean, I was inconsiderate and I totally shouldn't have pushed you to ask Kat out and I'm really sorry and... I was told that I'm like a bulldozer, which, I get it, I can be pushy come times but I... I only thought that you and Kat... looked good together. That's it. I thought she would be good for you and I didn't want you to... I'm just really sorry."

Matilda waited, mentally kicking herself for botching up the apology.

Should I start again? Did he hear even me?

His shoulders sagged with a sigh. "I haven't had dinner yet. Wanna get some Chinese?"

Matilda smiled gratefully, "Yes."

She brought over her laptop from her desk so that they could work and eat together like they always did. A couple of people from the Project Management department situated nearby were still around. The clacking of their typing could be heard in the quiet of the office.

Matilda and Bas worked in silence till the food arrived. Then finally, they faced each other, Matilda leaning back on a chair with her feet up on Sebastian's desk. Her black pants hitched up a little over her ankles. Her thigh length jacket had been discarded over the empty chairs a while ago.

"Nice weather we're having, huh." Matilda said. Sebastian chuckled.

"Don't you dare start talking about the weather."

"What? I'm making small talk."

"You and I don't do small talk."

"That's right, we do hot and heavy." She waggled her brows and they both laughed.

"Don't let Eric and Phil hear you say that."

"God, those guys are so immature."

"I'm like that too you know." He defended.

"Not at all. You are way better than them."

"I am?" He asked with a small smile.

"Definitely." She replied as she took a huge bite of her food. A comfortable moment of silence passed.

Sebastian cleared his throat, "You know I didn't... I didn't expect you to..."

"What?"

"You've never pushed me towards a girl before."

"I've wing-manned you, plenty of times." She contested.

"That's not the same as trying to set me up with someone. And wing-manning doesn't count if the girl ends up hitting on you."

"Hey! How was I supposed to know she played for the other team?"

"Technically, she played for both."

They giggled like school children.

"I've just never met a woman who I thought was good enough for you." Matilda pretended to focus on her food container when she said this. Sebastian glanced at her before doing the same thing.

"What makes this one so different?"

Matilda thought about it. Objectively speaking, she didn't know much about Kat. Just that she was well educated, had a select group of friends and seemed nice in general. But as for her personality, Matilda couldn't say much.

She was a dog person, she was loyal to her friends, she seemed serious about her work and she liked to collect figurines of princesses. A smarter person might have been able to decipher Kat from that information, but Matilda openly admitted that she never knew how to read people.

"Intuition." Matilda finally replied.

"Intuition?"

"I just have a feeling that this girl's the one for you."

"Uh-huh." Sebastian said skeptically, stabbing at his food with the chopsticks.

"I get it. You don't believe in fate—"

"No, I do. You know I do." He looked at her pointedly, "It's just..."

Matilda chewed her bite carefully, "What?"

"Till, when it's fate you sort of..."

"Feel it? Don't you feel something for this woman?"

"It's not that. Although..."

"What?" Matilda laughed, "Just say it, man!"

Sebastian looked down a little bashfully, "I do think she is... quite nice to look at."

"See, I knew it!" Matilda exploded with triumphant glee, swinging her feet off the table and pointed at Sebastian. "I knew you liked her."

"Tilda, pipe it down." Sebastian scolded, leaning forward.

The typing noises in the other room stopped for a second before resuming.

"I knewww itttt," Matilda sang.

"Alright, alright. Jesus." He grinned, "Yes! I like her."

"You feel a connection?" She asked, giddily.

"Yes." Sebastian admitted reluctantly.

"Yes!" Matilda pumped her fist.

"But I don't think that means she's the one."

Matilda's excitement died, "Why not?"

"I just..."

"Bas." She stretched his name like a reprimand.

"Matilda." He matched her tone.

"Don't close up on me."

"I'm not. I don't have anything else to say about this. Why are we always talking about me though? What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Why don't you date?"

"I do. I went out with Noah, remember?"

"One date doesn't count."

"I dated Quinn all through college." She said, suppressing the anger she felt at that name.

"We agreed that Quinn did not exist." He said.

"True, but he still counts though."

Another pause, this one laden with a question.

"Is it because of Quinn? Why you don't date anymore."

Matilda laughed, "No." She said honestly. True, Quinn had used her; for both her help with their assignments and for sex. But a small part of her had known this and in a way, she used him too. He made for a perfect cover, he didn't want to hang out with her outside of class except for when he got horny, and she didn't have to deal with the mundane proceedings of pretending to be invested in a relationship she knew was never going to last.

True, she had hoped, as she always did, that he might turn around and say that he wanted her and her alone. But by college she had gotten used to the fact that no boy would want her like that. As much as it stung to be used, it was still less painful than being genuinely attached to someone.

"Then why don't you?"

Matilda sighed. "I just... don't think relationships are for me," she gave her standard answer. She expected Sebastian to probe a little, as she did with him. She almost hoped he would. But he didn't. She figured he didn't want to cross any lines that might offend her.

"You're deflecting." She said and realized at the same time.

Sebastian grinned, "Caught that did you? You spend enough time with my brother and you learn how to dodge questions."

"So you're not gonna talk to me?"

Sebastian gave her a petulant look. Matilda gave a smug look back that let him know that she would not back down from this.

"There aren't any signs. With Kat."

"Signs?"

"You know, like in the movies. The characters keep running into each other and the universe seems to be signaling they belong together."

Matilda blinked in rapid succession, a sign of disbelief. "You have literally been running into her everywhere. At the bar, at the movies, at the bar again."

"You took us to the bar. Both times. And the movie was just a coincidence."

"A coincidence?" She asked, expressionless.

"Yes." He have a dry smile, very much resembling his brother. Matilda cringed at the thought of linking Sebastian with Alton.

"Alright. Signs." She said absently, her brain working up a plan. "Hey, Mal told you we won't be meeting this Friday for dinner right?"

"It was Ursula who actually called me. Guess both of them aren't available."

"You wanna hang out Friday?"

"Sure. My place? We can watch that Bruce Willis movie that came out on DVD."

"Done." Matilda said.

"Done." Sebastian smiled.

Matilda went out of his department a little lost in her head. She stopped when she noticed a red-haired head sneaking a look at her. Matilda walked over to her.

"Late night?"

"I basically live here now." She replied. Her teeth were so perfect and white that Matilda felt like little homely.

"Whatchya working on?"

"Trying to clear this mess with the client. I handle the Ryebeck account."

Ryebeck was one of the biggest clients for Intellica. Sebastian had been the one to bring them onboard. It how he had become Assistant Manager so quickly. He was the youngest Assistant Manager in the company.

"Yikes. They must be a handful."

"Nothing I can't handle." The woman winked and even that seemed posh and perfect. "Did you want something?" Her hands were perfectly manicured, painted red. She had a red coat hanging from her chair.

"You were looking," Matilda said, "I was wondering why."

"Well Sebastian," she said his name in her English accent like Se-bas-tee-ahn, "is always hounded by different women throughout the day and it's always entertaining to see him fight off their attention. I was simply curious, really. It can get pretty boring around here at times."

"Oh. Okay." Matilda said, "Well I should let you get back—"

"Although I understand you are much closer to him than other women around here." There was a dangerous glint in her eye.

"He's just a friend. Has he not mentioned me? I was under the impression you guys dated a while."

Gwendolyn's face soured, "Yes well Sebastian is a private person. He doesn't always share everything."

This was true. His paramours changed so frequently that he had stopped introducing girls to the gang. They'd stopped asking too since it was hard to remember so many names. But Gwendolyn was a rare occurrence. Sebastian had spoken about her to Eric and Phil and he even took her to private events.

"But didn't we meet at Mal's wedding?" Matilda asked, sure that she had seen the woman there.

"Perhaps. I apologize, I do not remember you."

"Ah, that must be because I was running around looking for Mal's father."

Gwendolyn laughed, "Yes I remember that."

An awkward pause, "Well... I'll let you get back to your work." Matilda smiled politely.

"Matilda." Gwendolyn called to her.

"Hmm?"

Gwendolyn gave her skirt suit a once over. "Love your suit." She winked in approval.

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