After a little more fun on the back lot archery range, the ladies returned everything to the shed. On the way, Rebecca stopped by to tell her mother she was going to go clean up, and would come find her afterwards.

Now inside, she finished drying her face and hands on the towel she'd been using and carried it into the bedroom to drape near the stove. Sam was sitting at the end of the bed poking at her fingertips — they were a little raw, but Rebecca had assured her they would be okay the next day if she took it easy. She glanced up as Rebecca faced her again after hanging the towel. "Hey you."

"Hi, Rosie. Sorry about your fingers, but you had fun?"

"Yeah. This is nothing compared to soldering burns. Speaking of, if I can't finesse an iron after this because I get callouses, I'm blaming you."

Rebecca put her hands on the table across from Sam and leaned back against it. "They'd fade before long, mine did by the time school started every summer that we came up for a few weeks."

"Mmm, okay." Sam sighed, lowered her hand, and looked at Rebecca speculatively. "Penny?"

Rebecca smiled and looked down at the floor between them, tilting her head to one side. "That was good. It's nice to have something that consumes your focus when you're trying to decompress, you know?"

"Oh yeah. Rock climbing was great for that. Hard to dwell on drama when you're forty feet up."

"Hah. Simulated imminent danger is a good way to control what your brain is worrying about at the time, I suppose." She paused and looked out the windows for several seconds. "I... feel a like a bit of an ungrateful ass, being mad at my mom." She looked back to Sam after another moment's silence. "Especially when you..."

"Can't even do that?"

"Yeah."

Sam's lips shifted around in an expression of discomfort and she went back to looking and picking at her fingertips again — including the cuticles around nails on her left hand, Rebecca noticed, which wouldn't have been beaten up by archery. Her voice was particularly quiet when she spoke after a sigh. "Yeah. Thanks for pointing it out."

Rebecca felt a tug and tightening in her chest. "Oh, Sam. I'm sorry. I was just trying to, I don't know. Not be ignorant of how you might see it."

Sam just nodded, and wiped at one eye briefly with a knuckle. "This is stupid. She's been gone for ages and I had even almost assumed that was the case."

"I hope that last part doesn't make you feel worse about it."

"Why shouldn't it, Remy?" Sam looked up at met Rebecca's eyes, a slight spark in hers.

Rebecca sank to the floor in front of Sam and reached a hand out to rest on her knee. "Because if you hadn't, you'd have driven yourself mad, and never been able to stop thinking about it. I remember what you told me one day about having to keep moving and— shit." She frowned downwards and shook her head.

"What?"

She waved her other hand in brief gesture of frustration and then dropped it back to her lap. "You had to keep moving so you didn't stop to think about things. And that's what you were doing outside, and I just derailed you."

Sam shrugged, and put her hand on top of Rebecca's where it rest on her leg. "It's okay. I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's not like it isn't on my mind already anyway. 'Not talking about it doesn't make it go away', and all."

Rebecca rubbed her thumb against Sam's hand. "I guess. But this whole afternoon was me not talking about something until I was ready."

"Heh." Sam grinned wryly. "I don't need to tell you that some topics aren't so cooperative like that."

Rebecca sighed. "Truth."

"I'm okay given how fresh things are. Certainly feeling better here than back at the farm. You up to talk things through with your mom?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'll eat an apple on the way so I'm not cranky."

Sam smiled, a hint of her usual humor returning to her eyes. "Good idea. Think there are any good books around here? Maybe I can find something to read while waiting for Sue to decide to wander home."

"Oh, duh. I should have shown you earlier. There's a bookshelf in the hallway to Chrissie's room. To your left once you go through the door."

"Cool. I'll probably ransack it."

"You'll be alright by yourself for a bit?"

"Yeah. Maybe it'll be time to process, but more likely I'll try to distract myself. Reading can be... the mental liquor that drowns nostalgia when it's whispering sweet lies to you. Only a little easier on the liver. And, I would like mine to shut up for a while."

"Your liver's talking to you? Now I'm worried."

Sam scoffed. "Hah. Maybe clamoring for more caffeine and alcohol. With a joke that bad, I think I deserve a kiss or two in compensation."

Rebecca leaned forward to comply, nuzzling Sam's face before and after. "Love you, Rosie."

"You too, sugar. Now let's get you out the door to talk to your mom, before I make you wish all I stole was your dog and cat."

"And body heat."

Sam uncrossed her legs and stood up. "Nobody likes a smartass, hon."

"I do."

Sam blinked. "Ugh. I'm off my game, I totally set that up for you. And, phrasing."

Rebecca chuckled at the familiar joke and held Sam's hand while she walked her to the bookshelf. She let go and tried to hide her smile when Sam stood on tip-toe to look at the top shelf. Walt had some decent classic adventure novels mixed in, which seemed to be drawing the most of Sam's attention. Local bird recognition books would probably not be as engaging.

She watched Sam tilt copies of The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers from the shelf, thumb the dust off the tops, and hold the tall edges of the pages up to her nose. "Oh, I love the smell of old books, especially the canvas-bound ones. So much nicer than burnt wiring."

Rebecca chuckled. "Might still be just as bad for you."

"Shut up, let me die happy." Sam lowered the books and skimmed the shelves. "Ooh, Tennyson. You know, I was thinking of getting another tattoo with lines from the end of Ulysses back when that was a thing we could do. They seem even more relevant now."

"That's the one about 'to seek, to strive, to find, and not to yield', right?"

"Yeah. But the stanza or two before... " Sam thumbed through the latest book she'd pulled down and held it close in the dim light. "'Though much is taken, much abides. And though we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are. One equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will, to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.'"

"Well, I had the order close. But damn, you're right. We need to paint that over a door or something back home."

"Or on it."

"No, that's Sparta, Rosie, not the Odyssey.. Also that'd be a lot of text to have tattooed."

Sam groaned. "Yeah, yeah." She squinted along the shelves again, and pulled out another book.

Rebecca gasped and grabbed the wall, feeling like her knees might drop her on the floor as she saw what it was.

Sam glanced up. "What? Ivanhoe a favorite? We were just playing Robin Hood though, I thought he was more swords than bows."

"No, that's..." Rebecca stammered, still not believing her eyes. "That's my dad's."

Sam's eyes widened and she swore as she tried to hand it frantically to Rebecca. "Shit, here. I'm sorry."

"No, no." Rebecca pressed it back into the stack of books, leaving her fingertips on it for a moment in wonder before finally tearing her eyes back away to look at Sam. "I'm actually in it."

"Huh?"

Rebecca grinned. "One of the romantic interests. My mom was telling me about it one time, she thinks there's a decent chance I'm partially named after her. Kind, smart, gorgeous—"

"Checks out so far."

"Hah. Tragically doesn't get the guy—"

"Oh, fuck. Sorry."

Rebecca shrugged. "'sokay. It was a love triangle." Then her voice went quieter. "Though... ironically... at the end she sails off with her dad. Uh, whoops, sorry. Spoilers."

Sam grinned, which morphed into a tender smile before she carefully slipped the book back onto the shelf. "I'm going to leave it there, at least until you've talked to your mom about it and had a chance to go through it yourself. And, that's up there with not letting you give me the earrings, I mean it."

Rebecca nodded, taking the warning to heart — and appreciating the love behind it. "Noted. As it is, if you can finish the rest of those by the time I'm done talking with her, either I'll be impressed, or really upset because things went horribly wrong."

Sam reached to rub Rebecca's shoulder encouragingly. "You'll be okay. You both have good hearts, just gotta get on the same page. Pun not intended, for once."

Rebecca chuckled as she started to back towards the door. "Thanks. Water's probably warm enough you could hop in the shower and then put your feet up next to the big stove with those."

"You do know what I like. That sounds heavenly, like the only thing that would improve it is some company."

"To keep your toes warm."

Sam tilted her head to one side and shrugged as they re-entered the living room, then put the books on the couch. She went up on her toes again to kiss Rebecca high on the cheek and gave her an encouraging pat when they split at the other hallway. "She means well."

"Yeah, I know." Rebecca tilted her head to bump it against Sam's affectionately, and held back what she was about to say. Just gotta get used to talking to each other again — because Sam would never get to. "Thanks, Rosie."

**

Rebecca zipped up her windbreaker as she trotted down the side stairs, then walked around the side of the house. She could clearly hear the water run through the pipes in the wall next to her head when Sam turned the shower on, and grinned to herself. Sometimes she wondered if her girlfriend was truly human and not some visiting space alien impostor, given her semi-reptilian thermal tendencies.

She found her mother still in the garden, peeling back the sheets over another bed. The plot had definitely been expanded since her last memory years ago, and she briefly mulled over the consolation that her mother and uncle apparently had been getting by, not suffering from too much food insecurity. Laura looked up as Rebecca's footfalls signaled her approach and smiled.

"Hi, Mom." Rebecca reached for the other side of the plastic and helped fold it back over itself. "What're you doing out here anyway?"

"Hi, sweetheart." Laura settled to one knee with a groan and lifted a leaf of a seedling sprouting in that particular garden bed. "Just checking for interlopers, bugs making a snack out of our future dinners before they're even done growing." She glanced up at Rebecca. "How're you doing?"

"Better... I'm sorry I snapped at you. Ronnie's really important to me, and has done a lot to keep us safe." Rebecca knelt down and started poking at the young plants on her side of the row, not really sure what she was looking for other than six-legged creepy-crawlies.

"I know, and I'm sorry too. I'm kind of feeling like mother of the year over here, worsening a panic attack and then upsetting you all in the same morning — not even being back together a full day yet."

"The thing earlier... you couldn't have known."

"Doesn't mean I don't regret it. Hey, look, we're using our familial superpower together!" They both chuckled when Rebecca glanced up at her with a smirk. "Good thing Sam's not here to ridicule us. Even if it's kind of cute when she does."

"Ugh, don't encourage her by letting her hear you say that."

It was Laura's turn to smirk, then after a moment's quiet, she returned to the main topic. "I shouldn't have slighted the woman who clearly was taking care of you while I wasn't there. I guess the world has grown quite unkind out there, and she was doing what was needed. Maybe better than I would have — and I guess that bothers me a little."

Rebecca looked up from the plants. "I still wish you were there, Mom. It would have been nice to be able to turn to you after Jaime was killed. Not that I want you to feel guilty... just, wanted."

"Even after I stick my foot in my mouth. I appreciate it."

"Like I've never?"

"True. I do still need to get Sam alone and get caught up on all the good embarrassing tales."

Rebecca looked up with a half-hearted glare and threw a small clump of dirt at Laura. "I guess it's good to know you like her."

"She's kind to you, in her own humorous, slightly twisted way. That's what I care most about. It sounds like Ronnie is too, and maybe my comments did her a disservice. I should remember I don't know the half of what you've faced."

"I mean, I bet that's normally a thing for parents and their adult children anyway."

"Indeed, and doubly so nowadays. I also need to remember to not criticize how people have helped you when I don't fully understand yet, and just be grateful that they did." Laura poked at a few more leaves silently before speaking again. "I guess when we were out on the trail, I was just trying to dig into why the accident with Sam had shaken you so deeply. She's obviously been a source of safety for you, and then that got turned upside down."

"It wasn't her fault, and I know that."

"I know. I was shocked, sure, but she's not to blame. She hurt you though, and that's a tough thing for both of you to learn to live with."

Rebecca sat back on her haunches and sighed. "I'm worried, Mom. It seems like I'm getting better when it comes to her, but worse about other things."

Laura stopped what she was doing and looked up, then carefully threaded across the garden bed in long lopsided steps to kneel next to Rebecca, extending her arms invitingly. Rebecca slumped into them eagerly, and Laura spoke again while she caressed her hair. "I know, sweetheart. Being scared of things you weren't scared of before, right? Which is scary in and of itself."

Rebecca just nuzzled deeper against Laura's shoulder in reply, and sighed again, but with a more positive, comforted nuance when her mother held her tighter.

"I love you, sweetheart. I have some ideas on how to help, if you'd like — keeping in mind that I'm a year and change out of date, but I still know what makes you tick pretty well."

"That'd be nice, Mom. Especially since you knew who I was before all this."

Laura tilted her head to look down at the side of Rebecca's face in concern. "Do you feel like you've forgotten?"

"Some days."

Laura sighed. "Ah, the parental joys of realizing your child is learning hard lessons we remember struggling through ourselves. Everyone changes over time, but I'm pretty convinced you're still true to yourself and who you'd want to be if you could."

"Maybe. I've done a lot of things I couldn't imagine ever doing before. Killed people, hated them, manipulated them for information, shot them just to get them to shut up."

"Saved kidnapped friends, stayed alive after the collapse of civilization, freed enslaved strangers, kissed a beautiful girl, stole her heart and given her yours in return, found your mom in the post apocalyptic wilderness... I think your balance sheet is still even. Or positive, really. I'm proud of you. I always have been, but the mind-blowing things you've faced, done, become, stayed. You make a mother proud, Rebecca."

Rebecca closed her eyes, not realizing how much she needed to hear that until it happened, and tried not to weep in relief as she thought of how just a day before, she wasn't even sure she'd hear her mother's voice again.