Rebecca tried to use the flashlight sparingly once she was outside, straining to let her eyes adjust to the dim illumination cast by scattered low-voltage landscape and accent lights suspended overhead. She let Rufus do his business near the property's fringe, and then led him towards one of the firewood sheds. Making her way back with a trio of small logs tucked under her arm, she recognized Rhonda's voice, and picked her out amongst the shadowy figures near the vehicles parked between the two large buildings.

She could tell from Ronnie's tone that she was displeased with something, and set her firewood down in a pickup truck's bed, leaning against it to linger a polite (safe) distance away. It wasn't tear-someone-down-and-show-them-the-error-of-their-ways pissed, but clearly frustrated that something wasn't doing what it was supposed to. Once the conversation died down and the group of uniformed shadows started to disperse, Rebecca wiggled Rufus' leash lightly to roust him from where he was sitting, and made her way over.

"Hey, mama bear. Problem?"

Ronnie's arms were still crossed as she turned to face Rebecca, and jerked her head over her shoulder. "Hmph. One of their Humvees is not up to snuff. And, of course, it's the one with the fullly enclosed turret." She unfolded her arms gave Rufus a pat in greeting as he sniffed at her hand, resting the other on her hip.

"What's wrong with it?"

"The tire inflation system is leaking — if it's not turned on, the front left goes flat."

"Well... that's pretty much the opposite of working...."

"Right?" Rhonda shook her head disapprovingly. "It's drivable if the compressor is on but if that fails, you eventually have yourself a flat tire... so I'm sure as hell not taking it outside the wire tomorrow. Someone should have just disconnected the damn thing by now and run it old school." A tinge of worry started to show on Rebecca's face, but she wasn't sure if it was visible, or if Ronnie just predicted it. "Don't worry, we're still going, it's just not. One less weapons carrier in the convoy, but we'll still have plenty teeth. I'm glad you wandered by though."

Rebecca leaned back against the vehicle opposite Rhonda, a "regular" pickup truck in military drab colors, resting one elbow on the hood. "What's up?"

"So, you're a smart cookie. You probably figured out that I'm hopefully not going inside with you tomorrow."

Rebecca nodded. "I figured, given how you were 'supervising' rather than leading training lately. It makes sense, if you're in charge of the op, you need to be out commanding the larger group."

Rhonda nodded approvingly. "I'm glad you get it. You have more field experience than the rest of your gang, and it's literally your home turf, so the others will definitely follow your lead. But, things could get emotional dipping back into your old life. Are you going to be level-headed enough to be in charge of your team?"

Rebecca didn't want to answer too quickly, and she forced herself to frown for a moment and weigh Ronnie's inquiry. "Yes. I'm pretty sure I am — sure, something might upset me, but I care too much about my friends, about Sam, to let their safety come second to anything. The worst thing that could happen tomorrow is that they get hurt on some stupid little excursion just for me."

"Good, but stow that second part. This is neither the first nor the last time we do something specifically for someone in our growing family here. Scavenging trips for a particular medicine, something to fix Nate's wheelchair, or to look for someone's family. Those are all part of life these days. We're not just picking missions because of some practical objective. The real mission these days is carrying on living. Having lives, rebuilding them for ourselves and for everyone. Pure basic survival is not sustainable long term, and it certainly doesn't put us on a footing to fix things."

"But there's nothing in my apartment we NEED to stay alive, Ronnie. From a big picture rational view, we should just go hit the depot, get the solar panels, not take any unnecessary risks."

Rhonda raised one eyebrow slightly. "Who knows what you might have forgotten you had that would be useful? And, I'm surprised Sam hasn't beaten this out of you yet."

Rebecca shrugged apologetically. "I guess the upside of not being the only one lecturing me these days is sometimes you can be the one who gets me to shut up and listen?"

That got a little chuckle out of Ronnie. "Yeah, I guess that's something, I'll take it. Let me boil it all the way down for you. Every time you feel bad about letting someone do something for you, or hesitant or worried guilty about it... turn it around. I know Sam's obvious, but if Chrissie wanted to go look for something, wouldn't you go with her? Maybe even push to?"

Ronnie waited for Rebecca to respond, even though both of them knew what the answer would be, and why she was making her say it.

"Yeahhh."

"Then shut up and let them do it for you too. If you expect them to let you go above and beyond for them, it's hypocritical and disrespectful to try and deter them from doing the same."

Rebecca sighed. "Well, even Sam didn't put it quite that bluntly. But okay. I get it. I mean, my feelings are still complicated about it all, but I get it."

"I'm surprised, she can be pretty direct. Like that day she publicly demonstrated to everyone you were A Thing. But, I knew you'd come around, it was just a matter of reminding you of the rest of the equation, AGAIN, that you had to let others do for you what you'd want to do for them."

Rebecca felt her cheeks warm briefly at the memory of her first very public kiss with Sam, before her thoughts refocused on the conversation. "Thanks, Ronnie. While we're turning the tables on each other, are you sure you're doing okay these days? I realized the last time I asked, it might not have been private enough."

Ronnie tilted her head appraisingly as she looked at Rebecca. "I appreciate the logic behind that, kiddo." She continued after a mere moment's pause. "It feels good to be getting shit done, more than we were last year, you know? Yeah, we're living through some pretty fucked up shit. But that's how I handle the state of things — working to put it all back how it should be. Keeping people safe, building a better world for them, kicking anything that would threaten them in the teeth."

"Once a Marine, always a Marine, huh?

"Semper Fi, kid. No such thing as a former Marine. But, it's also just who I am. It keeps the sense of futility at bay."

"Is that why you took me under your wing? You saw something that needed doing, and Broadway just had you sitting around?"

Ronnie took longer to reply than Rebecca had expected. "Sort of. I could tell you were a wreck at a glance, I've seen torn up people before. Watching you for a little bit, you reminded me of some people from my past."

Rebecca blinked, she hadn't heard this before. "Oh. Folks that had just taken some big hits from life?"

Ronnie waggled her hand in a rocking motion as she replied. "Some before, some after. Not all military either, some from school or my old neighborhoods before I enlisted. Probably the biggest similarities when it came to first impressions were with this Army 2nd LT, from a tour in Iraq before I made Gunny. Her convoy got hit, starting with two IED's, one of which flipped a truck so it landed nose to nose with hers. She did her job, coordinating getting people out of the wrecks and keeping their perimeter effective, but she still blamed herself afterwards for choosing that route instead of another. Impartially, she made the right call, intelligence had it flagged as the safer transportation corridor, but it haunted her."

"Oh, jeez..."

"Yeah. Good leaders are often hard on themselves. But, patrols and convoys on the other two likely routes ran into just as much trouble on other days. There's just no way to know the future with certainty. Even if it never feels like enough, sometimes you have no option but to make your best possible decision without knowing the future. Sometimes, you run into trouble even after everything you try. You anticipate what you can, you prevent what you can, and ultimately just have to deal with what comes anyway."

"... and after enough second guessing, sometimes you have to accept not blaming yourself anymore."

Rhonda nodded. "Yup. I'm glad you eventually got there about Jaime. Hopefully there'll never be something that big for you again. But you have to accept there might be, and carry on anyway, or we'll be paralyzed with fear and whither away. Without all the societal padding, inaction won't end well."

"So... moral of the story, don't get paralyzed by fear, don't get too emotional on the job, get over myself about letting people help me?"

Ronnie chuckled again. "I guess that's a pretty good summary, yeah."

"Okay." Rebecca pushed away from the truck she was leaning on. "I'm sorry to tarnish your tough and in charge image, but..." She wrapped her arms around Ronnie's waist and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for everything, then and since. I appreciate you."

She felt Ronnie return the embrace and pat her on the back as they separated. "You got it, kiddo. You should be proud of how far you've come. But don't tell everyone I've been so complimentary, it would undermine my authority with these new knuckleheads."

"Copy that, boss. On a more practical note, do you need to check on Sam's and my gear?"

"Nah, you can be sure I'll let you know tomorrow if I see a problem, but you've got enough experience that you should be able to cross check each other's."

Rebecca had a little trouble wrapping her head around that leap of confidence, but... okay... she supposed that if she did forget some little thing and have a learning experience, it was best to do it in a big group like this that could absorb small errors. "Well... I guess we'll do our best to pass inspection in the morning. When do you want us ready to go?"

"We'll leave a little after first light, once we can see the road without using headlights. Big day tomorrow, especially for you and Sam, so you should finish up and get some rest."

"Okay. G'night, Ronnie. C'mon Rufus!"

"Goodnight Rebecca. Give Red my regards." Rhonda watched Rebecca nod back over her shoulder as she scooped up the firewood she'd set down and made her way back to their building, gravel crunching underfoot and her dog trotting alongside. Hopefully it wouldn't be too big of a day. If her years had taught her anything, sometimes boredom wasn't a bad thing.