Aria

I wish it would start raining. The rain would suit my current style much better than the twinkling stars in the clear night sky do. Today's been an effortless day; I've stayed locked in my room wearing nothing but baggy sweatpants and a sports bra while I binge-watch reruns of The Office with my hair tied up in a damp, messy bun. I think the only productive thing I've done today is shower, which is saying a lot considering how shitty I feel.

Despite my good intentions to keep Leo safe, to give him his life back, I can't stop myself from questioning whether or not I did the right thing. I know I hurt him by ending things. But the thing is, you can heal from a broken heart. It can change you as a person, but not nearly as much as the stress and anxiety of a relationship can. He's strong, God, he's so strong. I just couldn't handle seeing him under too much pressure; suffering like he was. It was unfair to him, to have to deal with the problems that my life was causing him. That being said, I'm also extremely selfish. There's a part of me that wishes I could take everything I said back and make him deal with the drama just so I could have him by my side.

I sigh, shutting off my iPad. I don't think watching more episodes of The Office is going to be able to get my mind off of Leo at this point or the fact that I'm falling behind in training. I sit up and drop my face into my hands, rubbing my temples. Ever since I ended things with Leo, I've been off my game. I'm not saying that he's the reason I'm such a good player or anything like that. No, I have the skills because of all the hard work I've done over the years. The fact of the matter is, is that I can't concentrate on the game because I feel guilty for just leaving Leo there. I feel guilty for inadvertently putting so much pressure on him.

I'm just a mess of contradicting emotions at the moment.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. I roll my eyes. I've lost count of how many times my Mom has come in and tried to talk to me about what's happened. I've lost count of how many times I've refused. Mom and Dad, probably because of Scarlett and Benn, as well as the video, both have an idea of what's happened between Leo and I. They probably want to talk to me about how this is affecting me and shit. But the thing is, there's nothing left to be said. I made my decision. And, as much as I regret it, I need to stick with it. Leo's got his whole life ahead of him. Besides, it's probably best for us to end things now, before he leaves. I know we discussed everything and mapped out how we were going to remain a couple, but when has that ever really worked for any couple in the world? At some point, it was all going to fall apart. It was a pipe dream.

"Come in," I sigh, knowing I'm not going to be able to worm my way out of this one unless I scale the side of the house.

I'm expecting Mom to enter my shared bedroom. She's always had a knack for solving problems. Each time we've had one in the family, she sits everyone down and forces us to solve them so they don't fester and become worse than need be. This time, however, I'm greeted by my dad. He's dressed in grey cargo shorts and a black T-shirt. He holds up two frosted glasses of lemonade. "I come bearing gifts." He nods at the foot of my bed. "Is this seat taken?"

Despite my sour attitude, a smile still manages to break through as I shake my head. Dad sits down on the foot of the bed and I swing my legs over the edge, moving over until we're sitting next to each other. He hands me a glass of lemonade, each of us taking sips from our glasses before he begins the conversation. I knew it was only a matter of time before Dad walked up here and started talking to me. I've always been a Daddy's Girl, ever since I was a child, just like Jax has always been a Momma's Boy. I'm not saying my dad and I have a better relationship than my mom and I do, or that I prefer him over her. I think what makes my relationship with my dad different than Jax's is that he didn't baby me during my years playing hockey. He treated me equally, both as a coach and as a father, giving me the strength to make my way to Canada's Olympic team.

"Do you remember the story about how I met your mother?" he asks.

I suppress an eye roll. I love the story about how my parents met, I'm just not in the mood to hear it at the moment. I don't need stories about happy endings when I've gone and ruined my own. "Yes," I reply, tracing the slice of lemon stuck to the rim of the glass.

Dad takes another sip of his lemonade, taking his sweet time to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. "Your mom, when my ex cornered her at the annual Canada Day party your grandparents had been hosting, made a very similar decision to the one you've made with Leo. She broke off our relationship in order to save my professional hockey career from going up in smoke. Much like you're trying to do with Leo."

I frown in confusion, wondering how the hell he knows I called off our relationship. I never even told Benn and Scarlett what I did. I just said that things didn't work out between us and we came to a mutual agreement to call things off for now. However, the more I think about it, the more obvious the answer becomes. "You guys have been talking to Eliza, haven't you?"

Dad leans against the wall, tipping his glass in my direction. "It seems as though those two, your mom and Eliza, have been discussing this situation over the phone since you started isolating yourself from society."

I set my lemonade down on the nightstand and cross my arms, a small frown on my face. "I'm not isolating myself."

Dad cocks an eyebrow, giving me the signal that I've already lost this argument. He's right. I have been isolating myself from everyone. I've actually been putting in a lot of effort to avoid talking to people. I've even avoided making eye contact with them.  

"Fine," I sigh. "I have been isolating myself. But I don't know how to deal with this. I broke his heart, Dad. I didn't want to, but I had to. I can't let my life screw his life up. He's an amazing golfer, he's super smart, and he's too kind for this world. He's...he also suffers from anxiety. Dad, you should have seen how stressed out he was."

Dad rubs the stubble on his chin. "That's funny. He didn't seem stressed out when he was putting that man in his place."

I bite my lip, trying to hold back the tears that want to escape. I'm sick of crying, of hurting. I want to apologize to Leo for hurting him. For downplaying his courage when he stood up for me. I hate it when men think their voices are more powerful than a woman's, but knowing Leo, knowing that he views us as equals, I know he wasn't trying to prove that. He stood up for me because he loves me.

"I know," I finally say, "but you didn't see the aftermath. He was upset about the video."

"Did you give him a chance to talk after the incident?"

"Kind of," I reply immediately. Then I begin to question myself. We did talk a little bit, but I shut him down completely once I'd made up my mind. It was irrational. Stupid. "No," I sigh. "Not really. I shut him down. I didn't let him argue his case."

"Then how do you know he can't handle it? What if he wants to try?" Dad sits up and rests his hand on my shoulder. "There's always a way to fix things, Aria. To make them work. You just have to adjust. And I think Leo knows that." His mouth upturns slightly as he gives my shoulder a small shove. "Sometimes, he's more mature than you."

"He can't even drink yet," I mutter, my voice cracking.

Through the oncoming buzz of tears I can feel building up inside me, I hear Dad set his glass down on the floor. He then pulls me into a hug, resting my head on his shoulder. Instantly, I feel like that little girl that was terrified of the dark; I collapse in his embrace, my emotions getting the best of me.

"I miss him, Dad," I hiccup. Already, my tears have begun to soak through the fabric of his shirt. "I want him back. I didn't mean to hurt him. I thought I was doing the right thing."

"And now it feels like you're missing a piece of yourself," Dad murmurs in my hair. He says it as more of a statement than a question, which leads to the next words that come out of my mouth.

"What did you do, Dad? When Mom called things off?"

Dad sighs. "Aria, people do whatever they can to protect the ones they love. You're not at fault and neither was your mom. It sucks to be on the receiving end, even more so when you don't know what's happened. I can sympathize with Leo, but there's a big difference between our situations. First of all, I had an insider's view on everything; Hainsey helped me and Kate figure out a solution. Secondly, I was much older and had already been through a few relationships. I don't know what your mom and Eliza have been talking about or if Eliza has kept Leo updated on what's going on, but the best advice I can give you is to talk to him. Solve the problem."

"But will he forgive me for hurting him?" I choke.

Dad tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "You won't know until you talk to him."

I stare down at my hands, the question circulating over and over again in my head. If I'm being completely honest, here, I'm sure Leo will forgive me for what I did so long as I can explain why I did it. But there's still the negative, dragging feeling that I could be wrong. I then begin to think about when I could talk to him. I know I need to, I just can't do it tonight. Not when he's probably forgotten about everything and enjoying Kit and Tenille's wedding with his family.

"I'll talk to him," I say, knowing that Dad probably isn't going to leave me alone until I commit to it. "But I can't tonight. Kit and Tenille's wedding is happening right now. I don't want to cause a scene."

Dad gives me one more squeeze and then pulls away, picking up his lemonade. "Sounds good. Now, you need to get dressed and come downstairs. The family is about to have a big game of Monopoly."

I suppress a groan. Playing Monopoly with Dad and Aunty Kate is like stepping into a warzone. The two of them are so overly competitive that things can sometimes escalate beyond belief. It's funny to watch them and I normally enjoy it, but we've been playing Monopoly every few days and I'm starting to get sick of it. That being said, I do tend to kick their butts whenever I play. So long as you get the orange properties, you're almost guaranteed to win every time.

"Fine," I sigh, chugging the last of my lemonade so Dad can take the glass downstairs. "I'll be down in a minute." 

Dad flashes me a smile before he heads downstairs, leaving me alone once again. Instantly, I feel a pinch of sadness. I can't count how many times I've told Leo about the infamous Monopoly tournaments my family and I have when we get together. He always told me I was overreacting; that it couldn't possibly be that bad. I get to my feet, rubbing my temples to try and rid myself of the memory of that day when I told him that one day, he would see that I was right and definitely not overreacting. 

For now, simply for the sake of my sanity, I push that feeling down and head to the bathroom with a change of clothes in hand. I know my sweatpants and sports bra aren't going to cut it downstairs. Quick as I can, I pull on a pair of high-waisted shorts, an undershirt, and a cable-knit sweater just because I know it's going to be cool downstairs thanks to the air conditioning. I also apply a thin layer of makeup just to cover up any blotchiness on my face. 

When I exit the bathroom, something immediately feels off; I get this sense that I'm not alone. Looking up from the pile, which consists of my sweatpants and sports bra, my breath is knocked from my lungs. At first, I think I'm hallucinating, simply picturing what Leo would look like in a suit, his hair dishevelled and his tie loose around his neck. But the longer I stand here, several feet between us, the more I begin to accept this sudden change in reality. He's here. He's standing right in front of me. And I feel completely air-headed when I say this, but I don't think he's ever looked as good as he does right now. This messy style...The dishevelled hair and wrinkled dress shirt and rogue tie...Damn.  

"Hey," he says, breaking the tense silence between us. The corner of his mouth is slightly upturned. 

"Hi," I reply, my voice small. I wonder if he can read the regret on my face, the guilt. I wonder if he can tell just how much I want to apologize for what I did to him. Aware that I'm holding a pile of clothes that I've been binge-watching Netflix shows in, I quickly walk over to the laundry hamper and toss my stuff inside, closing the lid tightly. The last thing he needs to know is that, aside from training, I've been moping around in my bedroom since we broke up. "How was the wedding?"

"Great," he replies, leaning against the doorframe. He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "The party's still going strong."

"Sounds like it was a lot of fun," I muse. 

"It was," he replies, finally looking up from the ground and making eye contact with me. "But it would have been better if you'd been there." 

My heart clenches at the saddened tone his voice carries. "Leo..." I say.

He holds his hand up. I bite my lip. He has every right to speak first. "I understand why you did what you did, okay? I'm not mad at you. That being said, you did hurt me. But I can't stay mad at you. Not when you were just trying to look out for me. I know I suffer from anxiety and I'm not afraid to admit it, but I was being serious when I said I want to find a way to work through it, to cope with it. Telling me it was over isn't what hurt me, Aria. It was your doubt in my willingness. I'm trying to find ways to get through this, but if I'm going to do that, I need you to trust that I can do it. I love you too much to let our relationship go."

Leo, although he looks a little unsure of himself, closes the space between us and rests his hand on my cheek. I nearly break beneath his touch. Who knew to go nearly three days without seeing someone could hurt this much? Could make my body react this way. It makes me question if I'm going to be able to separate from him after the summer break is over, but I push that away, telling myself that the distance will only make the times I do get to see him ten times better.

My gaze flicks up to his and I watch as he searches my eyes. As he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and then wipes away the tear that's managed to escape down my cheek. "I have a stubborn heart," he murmurs. "Just like my dad did. I don't give up easily; I fight for what I want even if the war is against myself."

On the verge of breaking, I throw my arms around Leo and bury my face in his chest. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to doubt you. I just...I thought I was doing the right thing. It seemed unfair to drag you into the drama that's my life."

Leo hugs me tightly, rubbing the small of my back. "I know," he replies, pressing a kiss to my temple. "I know."

I don't know how long we stand in the middle of the room, enjoying the comfort of each other's arms, but I enjoy every second of it. It's as if I'm trying to make up for all the time we lost together. It actually kind of annoys me when he pulls away, smiling down at me, that content, lustful look of love in his beautiful eyes. "So, uh, the wedding's still going on," he says. "Full-swing."

 I glance at the digital clock resting on the nightstand. It's almost eleven. "It's kind of late, isn't it?" I ask.

He shakes his head, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "My family and friends are going to be up until the sun rises. Trust me, they haven't even hit the peak of the party." He cocks an eyebrow. "I saw your family setting up a game of Monopoly downstairs. As much as I want to see the drama,  I think we should sneak off to the party."

My gaze flicks down to his lips. I so badly want to kiss them, soak up their familiarity and the lingering taste of spearmint that always tends to be there, but I decide to wait until later. Just like Leo said, this night is far from over. I feel my own lips tug up into a smile. "I'll change into my dress and meet you downstairs."