"Thank you, Mrs. Matthews," I said into my phone as I tried to multi-task making lunch, writing an email, and ignoring Rio, who was tugging on my shirt. "I'll talk to her and figure out what's going on."

I hung up as Rio's pleads escalated. "Daaad! DAAAD!!"

I set my phone down on the counter then used the spatula to turn the grilled cheese over in the pan. I used my finger to push the top piece of bread over slightly and ended up burning my finger.

"Shit!" I yelled.

Carmen glanced over at me from the living room, where Paco was banging some blocks on the coffee table as the television blared Peppa Pig. The 18 month old was starting to pick up a few words and a few four letter words were spoken a bit too often in our household.

"DAAAAD!!" Rio yelled, stamping his foot. I looked at him and he had a look of pure frustration on his face. I was doing my best, but I was about to lose my mind being quarantined at home with all these kids. I should have gotten a vasectomy.

"What, buddy?" I asked him, sucking on my burned finger.

"Mia told me that one in every 10,000 babies is born anally and I'm one of them," he reported. My computer dinged with yet another email notification. My movie, "Tick, Tick, Boom," had been put on hold due to coronavirus, and there were so many arrangements to be made. The studio was obviously not happy and I was having to come up with a backup plan.

"No babies are born through someone's anus," I told him, turning off the burner. "Mia! Eva!"

I had yelled for them five minutes ago, but they ignored me, which wasn't unusual. They were both sophomores in high school now, well into the moody teenager phase. The girls had taken the cancellation of school especially hard. Friends and boys were the most important things to them, as well as gymnastics, and they had been sulking for weeks now. All their meets for the rest of the season had been cancelled and they were in mourning.

"Then why would she say that?" he moaned. Truthfully, Rio was a bit old to be falling for his sisters' pranks, but he had always been a sensitive kid. Mia especially took advantage of this and got under his skin.

I heard yelling from down the hallway and a door slam. Pippa groaned and made her way down the hall with Amalia in her arms. She was just over a year old now and the light of our eyes. Lucky for us, she was a pretty chill baby.

"Because she's trying to get under your skin," I told him, placing the grilled cheese sandwich on a plate. I set it down on the counter for Rio to take. "Ignore her and eat your lunch. You've got piano lessons in half an hour."

"But I don't want to do piano!" he complained.

"Tough," I informed him, done with being patient. "Mia! Eva!" I called again, getting more annoyed.

"I TOLD you I was next," I heard Eva spit at her sister.

"They're in a fighting match about the bathroom again," Pippa reported as she loaded in more laundry. Somehow, we seemed to have more laundry than usual during the quarantine. Most of it was pajamas and t-shirts. We were pretty casual around here.

"Christ," I muttered, stomping down the hall. Eva was in the hallway, pushing on the partially opened door as Mia pushed back from the inside.

"Get OUT!" Eva ordered her twin, using her gymnastics-made muscles to push with all her might.

"Eva, stop it," I told her, pushing her away from the door. "Go use my bathroom."

"But it doesn't have my stuff in it!" she complained. "And she'll hog all the hot water!"

"Then maybe you should get up before 10:00 so you can beat her," I suggested, turning her around. I gave her a light kick on the butt and followed her. "And what is this about telling your brother he was born out of your mom's butthole?"

I heard her snicker as we entered me and Pippa's room. "I was just messing with him," she grinned as she grabbed a towel.

"Well stop," I told her as I started to make the bed. "We have enough drama going on. Don't make it worse."

"He's so sensitive," she shook her head.

"After you're done, make your bed," I told her.

"Why?" she asked.

I didn't answer. Because maybe it would give us some sense of normalcy? Maybe performing some little menial tasks might give you a slight sense of purpose? How about just so I'll think you listen to me when I ask you to do something?

I shoved some cheese in my mouth as my phone rang in the kitchen. It seemed I was busier than ever. When I first learned I'd be quarantined with my family, I was a little excited. I was so busy that I missed a lot of time with my family. The girls would be off to college in a couple years and hopefully Sebastian, Carmen and Paco would be getting their own place soon. I wanted to spend quality time with Rio and didn't want to miss a moment of Amalia growing up. There was an unlimited amount of story and tuck-ins, which I was grateful for.

I finished up my call as Eva came out of the bathroom, her hair swept up in a towel. She went for the fridge to fix herself some lunch.

"Mrs. Matthews called," I reported to my usually brown-noser of a child. She got a bit of an 'oh-shit' look on her face as she pulled out some deli meat for a sandwich. "She said your attendance has been pretty spotty. What's up with that?"

"I've been getting my work done," she said, looking confused.

"But you haven't been going to class?" I clarified, crossing my arms.

"Online learning is stupid," she informed me. "What difference does it make if I'm there or not as long as I get my work done? I'm still getting A's."

"You need to participate in class," I told her. "If you're not there, you can't participate in discussions and you're gonna miss things."

"Nobody talks!" she said, slapping some turkey onto wheat bread. "It's like Ferris Bueller all day long. It's so boring."

"Regardless of what you think," I told her. "You need to attend class. So from now on you need to sit at the kitchen table during class time."

Her eyes filled with rage. "Dad!" she complained. "I'm not a little kid! You don't need to babysit me."

"When you show you can be trusted to go to class you're supposed to, you can stay in your room again," I said, clearing away some dishes. She rolled her eyes and took her plate to the couch. Sebastian had since joined Carmen and Paco. I was really proud of the way they had handled Paco's arrival. Many young couples broke up, not ready for the responsibility and the commitment, but they were staying strong.

A few minutes later, Rio reluctantly logged into the iPad to begin his remote piano lesson. He really enjoyed piano, but wasn't into the thirty minutes of practice a day that he was required to do. Plus, lessons on the iPad wasn't ideal.

Eva trudged out with her school-issued Chromebook and loudly parked herself at the kitchen table. I knew instantly this was going to be a problem. Rio on his piano, Eva trying to be in class, and Sebastian and family in the living room. As the noise started, I tried to quietly work on my own laptop. Pippa would be about to put Amalia down for a nap, which wasn't the best timing either.

Rio began to play the piano, reciting one of his assigned pieces from the week. He played it beautifully and his teacher praised him.

"Will you play a little quieter?" Eva called over her shoulder.

"No," Rio told her as he positioned his hands for the next song. He, in fact, seemed to be playing a little louder now.

"Daaaad!" Eva complained.

"Get some headphones," I advised her.

"But they hurt my ears and I can FEEL the vibrations," she complained.

"Like Beethoven!" I pointed out, and she rolled her eyes.

Eva turned her volume way up to the top level. Rio yelled at her to turn it down. I heard Amalia start to cry down the hallway. The door opened and Pippa poked her head out with Amalia in her arms. "Lin!" she called. "Can you guys quiet down in there?"

Paco started to screech, and it was soon a cacophony of shrieks, crying, piano, and voices. I was a pretty calm guy, but after being cooped up for weeks and listening to nonstop arguments and noise, I snapped.

"Everyone stop!!" I yelled. The house was silent as all eyes went to me. My family was going crazy. Something need to happen to snap us out of this funk. "Rio, hang up your call and we'll reschedule. Eva, log out."

"Gladly," she mumbled, closing her laptop instantly.

"Everyone, living room. Now," I ordered everyone. Eva got her sister and we all headed to the couches. I stood in front of everyone with my arms crossed. "Rio, beatbox."

Rio looked at his siblings, wondering what was up, but then put his hands up to his mouth. He began a steady beat and I bounced my head along.

Well COVID, it has us locked up in this house
I really wanna scream but I gotta be quiet as a mouse
Cause we've got these Zoom calls and lessons online
But 'Mali is screamin' and Paco is bored
Makes me wanna cut the modem cord

If I have to answer one more email
You might have to come bail me outta jail
Cause this quarantine is whack
I can't take it, yo
Luckily I've got an awesome family, though

I pointed at Eva, who had made eye contact with me that she was ready

These online classes, they just ain't the same
The discussions are cold, and the questions are lame
I'd just rather curl up and hibernate
But school's still tryin' to educate

She pointed to her brother Sebastian

Well I never pictured my life like this
Twenty years old, with my girl and a kid
Now we locked up with the entire fam
But there ain't no one else I'd rather have in my clan

I joined back in

Everybody say COVID

COVID

Screw you, COVID

Screw you, COVID

You wrecked our plans, COVID

Pippa walked out, having finally gotten Amalia down for her nap apparently. She smirked as she came across the sight of the entire family freestyling. Pippa sat on the chair arm next to Rio and joined in beatboxing.

Paco giggled and pointed up at Sebastian. "Da!"

Say Da-da!

Da-da!

Say Ma-ma!

Ma-Ma!

Say Miranda!

Miranda!

I signalled for the cut off and we all burst out laughing. It was just what we'd needed. Every family copes with stress in a different way, and for us, it was family freestyling. I looked around at the 8 other people in the room who I loved dearly. Even though we'd been stuck in this tiny apartment for weeks and there was no end in sight, there's no one else I'd rather be stuck with.