~Do Kyungsoo~

Journal entry #4:

Am i really in love with Kim Jongin? Bat ba ganito mga nararamdaman ko? Do i really like him? Like... seriously?

I frowned and closed the notebook. "Ugh." i groaned and kept it under my table. Hindi ko akalain na magiging ganito kagulo ang araw na to. Napatingin ako sa orasan. Mamaya pa darating si Jongin.

I grabbed my laptop and immediately wrote a quick email to my Mom.

To: [email protected]

Subject: Need... help?

Mom... hey. It's been quite sometime right? Hope you're not THAT worried. I miss you, too. Sorry for not sending emails for who-knows-how-long.

The thing is... Mom... i think i like someone. I think like my roommate and he's

Biglang bumukas yung pinto at isang pawis at hingal na Kim Jongin ang pumasok sa kwarto namin. Agad kong sinara yung laptop ko saka tumayo papunta sa kama. What the fck am i doing? Mukha tuloy akong may tinatago.

"S-san ka galing?" tanong ko habang umaakyat na ako sa kama. "Gabi na din ah."

Kim Jongin looked away and wiped his face with a black towel. "I just went jogging." he said without looking at me. "Bat hindi ka pa tulog?"

I shrugged and sat on top of my bed while looking down at him. "I was just... browsing the net." i mumbled.

He nodded and went to grab some of his clothes from the cabinet. "I met Suho along the way." he said. "He was looking for you."

I nodded. "Anong sinabi mo?"

Jongin shrugged and looked my way. But then again... he never meet my eyes. "Sabi ko andito ka lang." he answered.

"We're eating lunch tomorrow." sabi ko saka nahiga na rin sa kama. Hinila ko yung kumot ko at pinulupot sa sarili ko. "Do you... want to come?" i asked while watching him unpack his bag. Wala kasi siyang kasama sa lunch maliban sakin minsan.

Jongin looked away. "Krystal will be here tomorrow." sagot niya na kinagulat ko. "She called me for lunch."

I frowned and hid my face with a pillow. "Ah." i nodded and bit my lip. Tumalikod ako sakanya saka niyakap yung isa kong unan. "I shouldn't have asked."

I heard the opening and closing of the bathroom door.

I sighed and hugged my pillow tighter. "Bakit ka ba ganyan, Kyungsoo?" bulong ko sa sarili ko. "You shouldn't be feeling hurt!" i shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to think straight.

And yet... i can't.

Noong sinabi ni Jongin yung pangalan ni Krystal, para akong sinuntok sa dibdib. It's a feeling so foreign for me and it doesn't feel nice at all. I feel hurt and betrayed at the same time. Pero bakit ako masasaktan diba?

Ano ba kami ni Kim Jongin?

I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. "If this is love," i whispered against my pillow. "I don't want it."

"Where do you want to eat?" tanong ni Suho habang naglalakad kami sa isang building kung saan puno ng restaurants at fast food chains. Andito kami sa pinakamalapit na park sa EXO-A.

I shrugged and looked around. Where would they eat today?

"Hey." Suho called and pinched my cheek. "Are you okay? Lutang ka masyado. If you're not feeling well, i can send you back to your dorm, Kyung."

I looked back at him and he is watching me with concern. "I-i'm fine." i said and gave him a small smile. "I'm super fine, Suho." then i gave him a thumbs up and grinned.

"Great!" masaya niyang sabi saka inakbayan ako. "Let's eat some seafood then, you want?"

I smiled even wider. "Sure."

Pumasok kami sa isang fine dining restaurant. Walang masyadong tao pero may mga ilang galing din sa EXO-A. Nakita namin yung ibang classmates ni Suho at nag-wave siya sa mga ito.

"Look!" biglang sabi ni Suho sabay hila sa braso ko. "That's Kim Jongin with Krystal Jung!" masaya niyang sabi at agad kong tinignan yung tinuturo niya. At tama nga siya.

Isang waiter ang lumapit samin at nakipag-usap kay Suho. But i can't hear them. I am watching Krystal laugh and talk. Nakatalikod samin si Kai kaya hindi ko makita ang mukha niya but they seem to be enjoying themselves.

Suho grabbed my wrist. "Kyungsoo." tawag niya at agad akong tumango. I followed him and suddenly bumped into someone who is walking fast out of the resto.

"Watch it!" i hissed and that someone grabbed my arm, helping me maintain my balance.

"Sorry!"

I looked up and Chanyeol is looking at me with shock. "Kyungsoo?" gulat na sabi niya saka siya napatingin kay Baek na nakasunod lang sakanya. "A-anong ginagawa mo dito?" he let go of my arm and held Baekhyun's hand back.

I frowned at him. "I'm with someone." i said and gestured at Suho. "We're eating lunch together. Eh kayo? Leaving already?"

Baekhyun stepped forward and grabbed my shoulder. "Is he your boyfriend?" bulong niya sa tenga ko habang nakataas ang isang kilay.

I pulled back and glared at him. "He's my cousin, Baek." i said and rolled my eyes. "What the hell are you saying?"

Baekhyun nodded. "Good." he said. "Aalis na kami ni Yeol kasi meron yung babaeng taga-SMA." he wrinkled his nose like he smelled something foul.

I frowned. "Krystal?"

Baek nodded fast. "That little brat won't shut her mouth." he hissed and flashed Krystal Jung a dirty look. "Once na makita niya kami ni Yeol, i'm sure she'll make an issue out of this. And she'll tell Dara."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine." i said and nodded at them. "Go ahead and leave."

Chanyeol and Baekhyun waved as they walked out of the restaurant. I looked around for Suho and it seems like the waiter led us to a spot beside Jongin and Krystal. I groaned inwardly and made my way towards him.

"Hey!" Krystal exclaimed and waved at me. "Suho... is this your date?" she smirked and wiggled her eyebrows at me.

"What?" i hissed.

Suho laughed. "No." he answered while smiling at Krystal. "Kyungsoo is my cousin. We're just having lunch together today."

Krystal's smile vanished. "What a waste." she murmured and shook her head. She grabbed Jongin's hand and pointed a finger at me. "Jongin, he is your room mate right?"

Jongin glanced at me just fast enough. "Yeah." he answered and i flinched. Parang wala ako doon. Hindi manlang niya ako matignan sa mukha. What is fcking wrong with this guy? Inano ko ba siya?

Krystal smirked at me. "Kyungsoo, right?" she said. "Are you taking good care of my Jongin?" she grabbed Jongin's arm harder and pulled him to her.

I bit my lower lip and sat across Suho. "I'm not his keeper." i mumbled. Napatingin ako kay Suho at pinapanood niya lang kami ni Krystal habang may nakangiting expression. Hindi niya magets na ayaw ko sa bwisit na babaeng yan.

"Suho... is he really your cousin?" tanong ni Krystal at napa-pout. "You're nicer kasi eh."

Suho grinned. "We're not really blood related, Krystal." explain niya. "But we're cousins as said on the papers."

Krystal's eyes twinkled. "Really? So may chance na magkagusto kayo sa isa't—"

"It's getting hot in here, isn't it?" singit bigla ni Jongin. Napatingin ako sakanya at inaayos na niya yung mga gamit niya. He stood up and waited for Krystal to follow him. "We'll go ahead, Suho... Kyungsoo." then he bowed and headed out, leaving Krystal who gave me a deadly glare before running and grabbing Jongin's arm back.

I sighed and massaged my temples. That girl is making me sick to the core.

"Hey... are you alright?" tanong ni Suho. He reached for my arm but i waved him off.

"I'm fine." i mumbled. I looked back at Jongin and Krystal.

Well... i'm far from fine.

I went to bed early that night. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ako makatulog. Sobrang nahihirapan akong patahanin tong puso ko. Napatingin lang ako sa kisame habang nag-iisip kung nagseselos na ba talaga ako kay Krystal.

Sabi ni Jongin... wala siyang gusto sakanya. Eh anong tawag mo sa kanina?

Kim Jongin is already on his bed and i can hear him flip some book. I sighed and rolled over, peeking under my bed to him. He sure is reading.

"Kai," i whispered.

He paused and flipped another page. "Hm?"

"You didn't tell me... that you own this school."

Jongin shrugged. "It doesn't matter, does it?" he answered while reading. "Who told you anyway?"

I pouted and let my hand swing from my bed. "I met your sister." i whispered. "Kim Taeyeon." I watched his reaction but he remained glued to what he is reading.

He sighed. "I see."

"D-do you... like her?" i asked and Jongin glanced fast at me. He flipped another page and shook his head.

"I don't like Krystal, if that's what you're asking." he said matter-of-factly.

And i don't know why but that made me smile a little. I bit my lip to stiffle a grin and i pulled my blanket up to my mouth. I'm glad he can't see my face.

"Then why did you eat lunch with her?" i asked. I lowered my head even more so that my head is practically hanging from this double deck. I looked at him with my vision upside down.

Jongin shrugged. "'Cause you ate with Suho?"

I narrowed my brows in confusion. "Huh? So? What does it have to do with me eating with Suho?"

Kim Jongin shut his book and sighed. He looked up at me and finally, he met my eyes. He smiled and shook his head in amusement. "Go back to your bed. You might fall from there."

I pouted and pulled back, returning to my bed. "I can't sleep!" i groaned and covered my face with my blanket. 

There was silence and suddenly, the double deck started to move. My eyes went wide with shock.

EARTHQUAKE?

"Sleep now." a gentle voice said beside me. Shocked, I pushed the blanket down below my face and tensed when i saw Jongin, lying beside me.

"K-kai..."

He smiled and fixed my blanket. "I'll answer your questions tomorrow." he whispered against my ear. "Sleep for now. I'll watch you."