~Do Kyungsoo~

"You're... more beautiful."

I blinked.

I blinked again a few times.

Jongin grinned and looked down. "You can draw it if you want." sabi niya saka binigyan ako ng limang bond papers at isang lapis. Matapos nun, naglakad siya papunta sa kabilang side ng clearing.

Napatingin ako sa rose na hawak ko. Sobrang ganda niya.

Our prof told us to draw something that makes us feel good. And i think, this rose really did make me feel different... in a very good way. It made me feel absolutely different.

Napaupo ako sa clearing at sinimulan na ngang i-drawing yung rose. I'm not an artist but i do know something about sketching and the likes. I looked up and saw Kim Jongin walking back to me. Hawak niya yung phone niya saka tumabi sakin.

"Look." he said and showed me his phone. "I took a picture of this falls on our way here yesterday. Pretty, right?"

I nodded. "Napansin ko din yan kahapon. But it didn't quite catch my attention." i looked away from the picture and continued my drawing.

Jongin sighed. "Well... it did catch mine." then he gave me a big smile.

Nag-stay kami sa clearing ng halos dalawang oras kasi hindi madaling mag-drawing lalo na pag hindi ka naman expert doon. Nag-stay ako sa kabilang dako ng clearing at si Kai naman sa kabila. He drew the falls and i, the rose. I can feel his stares some times but i didn't look up. I don't want to meet his eyes.

Instead, i took numerous pictures of the clearing. May na-picture din akong butterfly na nakadapo sa isang sunflower. Yun yung isa sa mga ida-drawing ko mamaya.

After sometime, Jongin folded the bond papers he's holding and i did the same.

"Come, i'll show you another place." sabi niya at agad akong tumayo. I followed him and not very far from the clearing is a deep cliff.

Mula sa itaas ng bangin, nakikita mo yung pinakamalapit na lugar. Yung mga bubong lang ang nakikita namin at sobrang foggy din ng paligid. I stepped forward and Jongin grabbed my arm.

"Be careful," he said as he pulled me. "That's a far deep fall, Kyung." he added as he eyed me with concern. I met his eyes and chuckled.

"I'm fine." i grinned. "Hindi naman ako magpapakamatay. Wala akong balak." then i gave him an encouraging smile as i felt his grip loosen.

"Just... stay here." he murmured as he gently pulled me to his side. "You make me nervous." and his voice is so worried that i went back to his side to make him feel more secure or whatever.

Nilabas ko yung cellphone ko saka kumuha ng picture. "I will certainly draw this." i breathed while smiling from ear to ear. Malamig yung hangin, nakaka hilo ang tumingin sa baba pero sobrang ganda ng lugar. Pakiramdam mo, nakikita mo yung buong mundo.

"I know." Jongin agreed and flashed me a brilliant smile. I smiled back at him.

By the end of the day, Jongin and I submitted five drawings: The blue rose, the butterfly, the falls, the view from the cliff and a steep path leading to an open field of green grass where the sun makes a spotlight.

"Wow." masayang sabi ni Prof Lee nang tumingin sa lahat ng submitted drawings. "I admit that i'm quite impressed! Mukhang mahihirapan akong mamili ng mananalong team ah!" natawa pa siya sa sarili niya habang inaangat ang mga drawings.

Nakaupo na kami sa paligid ng campfire ngayon habang ang mga assigned students ang gumagawa ng dinner sa gilid ng clearing. Kasama na doon sina Baekhyun at Chanyeol. Katabi ko sina Jongin at Chen habang naka-upo kami sa isang natumbang puno.

"Okay! Sinong may gustong mag-share ng kanilang drawing?" biglang sabi ni Prof. "Mukhang matagal pa ang mga cook natin. Why not have a little fun, right?"

Jusko. Draw and tell lang ang peg ni Prof?

Napatingin ako nang itaas ni Chen ang kamay niya. "Prof Lee! Ako!" masaya niyang sabi sabay tayo at ayos sa jacket niya.

"Osige sige!" masayang sabi ni prof habang tinatawag si Chen. "Halika dito Mr. Kim at i-share mo samin ang drawing mo." agad naman na lumapit si Chen at hinanap yung drawing niya mula sa bundles of papers na hawak ni Prof Lee.

Nang nahanap na niya yung drawing niya, bumalik siya sa tabi ko. Itinaas niya ang isang drawing ng dalawang bundok na magka-iba ng height.

HUH?

"Actually, ang nagpapasaya lang naman sakin ay pictures ng T-Rex at camel kaya nahirapan talaga kami ni na Lay maghanap ng ida-drawing ko." napatingin siya sa drawing niya at natawa ng mahina. "So, what i drew is actually two mountains of different height. But what i can see in it is the back of a camel! Yehet!"

"That's my expression!" sigaw ng isang boses mula sa likod. Sino kaya yun?

Sabay-sabay kaming natawa sa sinabi ni Chen habang malaki ang ngiti niyang tumatango-tango. Pinat ko yung likod niya sabay sabi ng, "Nice job, Chen."

"Okay, next!" sabi ni prof matapos bigyan si Chen ng thumbs up.

"Prof?" tawag ng isa ko pang katabi. "Can I go next?"

Teka. Isa ko pang katabi?

Napatingin ako kay Jongin na nakataas ang kamay habang nakatingin kay Prof Lee. May maliit siyang ngiti sa labi at mukha pang excited. Tinignan ko siya at tinaasan ng kilay. He looked at me and grinned.

"Okay okay!" masayang sabi ni prof at tinawag si Jongin sa tabi niya. "Another volunteer, eh? Mr. Kim Jongin." tumango naman si Kai at hinanap yung drawing niya sa mga bond papers na yun.

He picked his drawing of the falls he liked so much. Nang bumalik siya sa tabi ko, huminga muna siya ng malalim bago nagsalita.

"This draw--"

"Sandali, sandali!" singit ni prof. "Before you start, Jongin, bigyan mo kami ng mas malawak na interpretation okay? Something deep, ganun. Huwag masyadong mababaw katulad ng kay Chen." dagdag niya habang may mapang-asar na ngiti.

"What?" reklamo naman ni Chen sa tabi ko habang umiiling-iling. "Sobrang hugot yun ah! Yun na ang pinakamalalim na hugot na narinig ko!"

Pero hindi na namin siya pinansin.

Tumango naman si Jongin kay Prof Lee. He then showed the drawing to us. "What caught my attention about this falls is that... it depicts us all. And the water represents what we feel." seryosong sabi ni Kai. Napa-frown ako.

Mukhang malalim nga ang hugutan niya.

"How come?" tanong ng isa kong classmate.

Jongin gave him a small smile. "We're young and careless. We listen to what we feel so much that we forget to think." he glanced at his drawing. "Just like the falls. Masyado tayong nagpapadala sa agos ng emosyon natin. We are unstoppable. Minsan, kapag may naramdaman tayo, mahirap nang pigilan. Di naman kaya... hindi na talaga natin kayang pigilan."

And then very suddenly, he met my eyes.

"Our feelings are strong, aren't they?" he said and i can't look away. "Our feelings are too strong to fight. And sometimes, no matter how hard we fight against them, we will never win."

I felt the beating of my heart starting to fasten again. Nag-iinit yung mukha ko at hindi ko alam pero hindi ako makahinga. Ano ba to? May sakit ba ako?

"Just like... falling inlove."

And then Kim Jongin looked away.

I exhaled. Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito... kung bakit ganito yung nararamdaman ko. Minsan, may mga bagay na ginagawa si Jongin na pakiramdam ko, tumitigil yung ikot ng mundo ko.

Matalino ako, oo. Pero hindi ko alam kung saang libro mahahanap yung meaning ng ganitong pakiramdam. I don't understand and i don't know what to call this.

"Dinner's ready!" sigaw ni Baekhyun kaya sabay-sabay na tumayo yung mga estudyante. Pero ako, naiwan akong nakaupo doon, pinipilit na ibalik sa normal yung paghinga ko.

"Hey, you fine?" tanong ng isang boses sa tabi ko.

Kim Jongin.

I pulled away from him. "I-i'm fine." pagsisinungaling ko. Agad akong tumayo at naglakad papunta kay Baekhyun. Ngumiti siya sakin ng malaki.

"Hello, Kyung--"

"Hindi ko alam." agad kong sabi sakanya. Hinila ko siya palayo sa mga ibang estudyante at tinignan ng mainam. "Hindi ko na alam ang dapat maramdaman, Baek."

Baekhyun frowned at me. "Kyungsoo, ano bang--"

"The thing is--"

Napatigil ako.

Hindi nila pwedeng malaman. Hindi nila pwedeng malaman kung ano talaga ako. Hindi ako pwedeng mawala sa EXO-A. My Dad needs me and i need this. Ayokong mapunta kay Suho lahat ng dapat sa akin naman.

Dapat mahalin ako ulit ni Daddy.

They shouldn't know my secret.

"I'm sorry." i mumbled as i took a step back. "I-i'm sorry, Baek." Then i ran back to our tent.

Madilim sa loob ng tent kasi hindi nakabukas yung zipper sa tuktok nito. Humiga ako sa sleeping bag at agad na naramdaman na may nakapatong sa unan ko.

Agad akong bumangon at binuksan yung zipper sa taas ng tent para may konting ilaw na pumasok. Napatingin ako sa isang folded bond paper sa ibabaw ng unan.

I picked it up and unfolded the paper.

Then i gasped.

There on the paper is a drawing of me, seating across the clearing. Hawak-hawak ko yung blue rose na bigay niya habang pilit na dino-drawing ito. I have a small smile on my face.

I stared at the drawing and noticed the note written below it.

"He asked us to draw something that makes us feel good and wonderful.

I think... you made me feel more than that."