Question: How would you feel if Ali's childhood crush/girlfriend comes over, and acts like she knows Ali better than you? P.S. scan the room for Ali before you answer this one! (Asked by SabzeeN)

ADIBA:

Pfft, as if I'm scared of Ali knowing exactly how I feel about Nose-job-Nazia. :P

So, she isn't exactly a "girlfriend", but a cousin of my Ali. Which makes it a bit harder to go all Liam Neeson on her ass.

She grew up around him, because they are of the same age, i.e. a couple of years older than Mina and me. So while I wasn't allowed to stay over at Mina's place, Nazia stayed over on weekends and such because she was "Family". Somehow, (even though she obviously doesn't have That kind of interest in him) she always manages to make me feel like a shitty wife, for not knowing some trivial detail about Ali's childhood, or his likes and dislikes. She also makes me uncomfortable with probing questions about the fact that we haven't had a kid yet...

We were at this family dinner recently, and descended on us. Ali had just brought over some dessert for me.

"Aww how sweet of you Ali! I'll take that!" the cow snatched MY dessert from his hands, proceeding to squeeze herself next to me the sofa. I just blinked at her audacity.

Girl.

You.

Do.

Not.

Touch.

My.

Dessert.

"Nazia! seriously? will you never grow up?" Ali laughs exasperatedly.

"Nope! HAHA! do you remember the time we started our own spy agency?" She chirped back, completely ignoring me. I pointedly stared at Ali, so he'd get the hint, but he was busy guffawing over childhood antics.

It also doesn't help that she's also an accounting major, and they're both associated with rival firms, which means that they have SO MUCH WORK TALK TO TALK ABOUT!

I try to hold on as much as I can, but a few minutes into their conversation, I feel lost.

"...the fiscals look terrible for this quarter at KPMG...Dude, I said to my senior partner, 'if you want me to beat last quarter's numbers, you've got to stop balancing Assets like Kulsoom Nani balances her grocery list!', he totally got the reference...."

"...No shit we're filing for tax rebates, what do you think we are? Enron?"

I decided to pitch in the conversation.

"I know Enron!" I exclaimed, fake cheerfully, which made both of them turn to me with shock. Nazia raised one eye-brow at me.

"Honey, Enron isn't a shoe designer." She snickers at me, turning to Ali laughingly, "Your wife is A GEM! BUAHAHAHA!"

I raise my chin defiantly. "Enron was an American electricity company-"

"More like energies and commodities..."

"-which went bankrupt because they cooked their books! misleading financial accounts and all.." I announced defiantly, even though I hadn't the faintest clue what it meant.

Ali beamed at me with pride at this. "Baby! how'd you know that?" I was just perversely glad he wasn't paying her the slightest attention now.

"I guess I'm just smart." Or I may have heard it on a SUITS episode. I smiled smugly back at my nemesis. As she tossed her hair back, and excused herself, Ali tugged me up to follow him to the dessert table.

"Tell me more about Enron. I love it when you talk business with me, it's so hot..." He murmured in my ears.

"...well, I'm not sure about the whole backstory, but some sort of fraudulent, asset over-statement was involved...."

Lesson Learned: Pay closer attention to details about Accounting frauds in SUITS episodes, instead of Harvey Specter...