There is a place in STAR Labs that's quiet; on the same level as the Cortex lays a small supplies closet, although there is no supplies. Instead of the usual mops, towels, and disinfectant spray of normal supply closet this one was full of books. Stacks upon stacks of books- all handwritten. Most of them are notes about new inventions made by people who worked here before the Particle Accelerator exploded.

The supply closet that has no supplies, is where I go when I need the world to stop spinning. For Barry relaxing means running at super human speeds, for me it means sitting alone surrounded by books.

I walk into the supply closet and close the door. Then I lean against one of its gray walls and slide down it. Every feeling that I shoved down in the Cortex comes out now. My eyes break and water rushes out. My breath quickens to the point where I am hyperventilating so bad that my chest aches. Noises are released out of my mouth; they make me sound like I'm dying.

I feel like I'm dying too.

The fact that Barry even thought of giving me back to foster care killed me. Even though it's ultimately up to Detective West whether he wants to give me up or not, Barry's input is what matters to me.

I continue to cry and hold myself in this supply closet without supplies. I hear someone come in the door so I quickly wipe my salty tears into the red gloves of my suit.

"I thought I would find you here," says a familiar voice.

"Please leave, Jesse," I sniff. I really didn't want anyone to see me crying. Wait. How did she know I was here?

"Did you hear what Barry said?"

"Yeah. Slapped him for it too," Jesse says as she sits down across from me. I laugh. "You know he didn't mean it."

"Yeah... Actually no, I think there was some truth to what he said. I haven't stayed in any foster home for over six months. I'm not very likable; I'm smart and that comes across annoying, I don't connect with people like others do. I usually don't cry when I'm sad or laugh when I'm happy. I only started to be somewhat normal when I met Barry.

"I just want him to be safe. I don't know what I would do without him. I never thought I would have to until now."

Jesse looks at me with a sincere but stern look. "Dawn Richards, you will not be put back in foster care. Do you understand?"

I nod my head even though half of me doesn't believe her.

"Besides," she says cheerfully. "If worse comes to worse then I would just make my dad adopt you."

I laugh again. "Wow. All of my friends are over eighteen. I need some friends my own age."

This time Jesse laughs. I get up from the floor and Jesse does the same. "C'mon," I say. "Cisco is gonna be mad if I get anymore mascara on his suit."

We walk out of the closet laughing, but in the back of my mind melancholy still is trying to claw its way out.

-*-

Striding back into the Cortex I see Caitlin sitting at a computer with Cisco. They both look at me as if I might break. I tell them I'm fine and they nod unconvincingly.

"Well I have to go take Barry's stitches out or else they will heal inside his shoulder," says Caitlin.

"I'll do that," I say. I really need to talk to Barry. And maybe inflict some pain upon him as well.

"Dawn your smart but your not a doctor."

My already agitated temper spikes again. "With respect Caitlin, but the four years of med-school you took to become a doctor, I can do in a week. Actually I did do it in a week, I'm a psychiatrist remember? Psychiatrists have to go to med school. So I think I'm qualified to take a couple sutures out of someone's shoulder."

Caitlin nods silently. I think I may have insulted her but I'm not sure. Talking isn't one of my strong suits. I go into the other room where Barry is sitting on the end of a hospital bed.

"Dawn-" he starts. He looks afraid like I'm going to beat him or something. Usually I don't care if people are scared of me, it means they won't mess with me, but having Barry be scared of me is not something I need nor want.

"Barry I'm just taking out your sutures, don't worry." He looks relieved yet scared at the same time. I can't blame him- I wouldn't want a pair of scissors near my neck either, especially if those scissors were held by me. I pick up a pair of tweezers and scissors and start to cut the thread from Barry's arm.

"I didn't know you had thoughts of putting me back in foster care," I say calmly. Barry looks up at me.

"I don't. I didn't mean that I swear, and you know that I didn't mean what I said so why is it bothering you so much?" Wow. Barry loves to run his mouth doesn't he? Instead of yelling and screaming like I want to, I just remain calm and keep my tone matter-of-factly.

"Almost nine years have gone by Barry. Nine years of being in foster care. Nine years of feeling unwanted and unloved. And then a parent from my school payed for me to go on the eighth grade field trip to the Central City Police Department. There a dorky guy showed us around his lab instead of showing us the weapons department or something that regular eighth graders would want to see. And that dorky crime lab guy took me in when I had nobody. He made me feel like I had a family again. Made my apathetic view on the world fade into sympathy for people. Not only was he the city's hero, he was my hero. And then today I find out that that dorky crime lab guy doesn't want me anymore." I pull out one of Barry's stitches hard and he winces.

"Sorry," I say sarcastically then continue talking in a little more menacing manner. "That is why it is bothering me so much Barry." I yank out his last stitch with such rigor that he winces again.

I smile.

I probably shouldn't smile. But I smile. Then I wait for Barry's response to my long answer. He looks up at my sapphire eyes and smiles. "I'm your hero?" he says in a super cliche and sarcastic tone. I roll my eyes and groan, that is what he got from my speech? Despite my annoyance with him, I can't help but laugh. We both laugh.

"I only yelled at you because I wanted you to be more careful. I don't want you to die," I say after our laughter dies down. "I don't want you to die."

"Who said I was going to die, Dawn?" I quickly regret saying that last part. I cannot tell him that my nightmares are about him dying.

"No one said anything. I'm just paranoid, that's all. My brain doesn't know how to process an emotion like that- why am I telling you this, you already know."

Barry stares at me with his eyebrows raised. I don't think he understands a word I just said. Normally at the end of a heart felt conversation Barry embraces me and I have to will my brain to hug back. Not because I don't love Barry, I do, but because when someone has as high of an IQ as me their emotions don't reply to situations like other people would. So instead of just hugging someone back on que, I have to think for a minute what the proper response would be.

It's a terrible way to go through life, and Barry is the only one who understands that. Anyways, Barry isn't doing anything except staring at me like I grew another head. Because of the feeling in the pit of my stomach, I decide this would be a time to give someone a hug. And so I do. I wrap my arms around Barry like he would do to me.

"What's wrong," Barry says as he hugs me back. I sigh.

"It's nothing."

****

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