~Los Angeles,

•05/05 {Friday, 12:45 P.M}

~*~ Docia ~*~

"Dorian if you finish all of my snacks..."

"I won't." He said with a mouth full and while putting his hands in the bag of Doritos again. 

I gave him a glare, "I don't even know why I told you to come over." I shook my head, "You're so annoying." 

"I'm so awesome, that's surely what you wanted to say."

"I can't write with you here. I can't even think straight." I closed my notebook and placed it on the coffee table.

"When will I be able to read it ? I feel like I'm gonna die before you ever decide to let me read one sentence. What do I have to do f--"

"Nothing, because you won't read my work before I say so. I'm not done yet anyways." He nodded and sat next to me, then kissed my cheek. I instantly wiped off my face, "Ew ! Clean your mouth first. You stink the Doritos. Ew ! "

"You know you love my kisses, even with Doritos all over my mouth. Come here, girl ! "

I moved away from him, "Ew ! No, I don't love this. Go away." I chuckled as he grabbed me by the waist and brought me back closer to him, "I'm not playing, Dorian ! Move ! " I laughed while he tried to lick my face. One thing I loved the most about our relationship was how easily we could be childish and have fun with each other. We could just be ourselves and nobody could judge us. We cared about nobody's opinion anyways.

"You weren't acting this way the other day. You were all over me about a week and a half ago, and now you're trying to play that little character."

I raised my brow, "That little character ? "

"Yeah. You're--" He began to explain, but his phone interrupted him, "Excuse me ? " He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID, "Uh, I have to take this."

"No problem, hurry up before it stops ringing." 

He nodded and answered. Then a smile appeared on his face as his grip around my waist released, "Herica ! Where have you been ? How are you and the baby ? "

Herica ? Who was she ? I felt like I already heard that name before, but I wasn't too sure about that. And whose baby's was this ? Why was he talking about a baby ? What was his relationship with this Herica girl ? When did they meet ? Have he ever slept with her ? Since how long have they been knowing each other ? 

As more questions were coming to my mind, more I was growing angry. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I couldn't let myself go like that. Why was I even getting mad in the first place ? Maybe she was a nobody. 

I looked at his face with this stupid smile on and understood that she wasn't just a nobody. She meant something to him, but what exactly ? Had he another girl on the side ? No, he couldn't be talking with her right now while being at my house, with me sitting right next to him ? It would be so disrespectful. The disrespect at a whole other level. Was he having a baby with this girl and didn't let me know yet though ? He couldn't do that to me. It couldn't be happening.  

"Okay, okay. Glad to know that everything is alright with you. I'll talk to you later. Take care of you and if you need someone to help for the baby shower, don't hesitate to call me." He hung up with Herica and payed attention to me again. 

But by now, I was a bit upset.

He frowned, "What's wrong with you ? Why are you staring at me like that ? " He questioned and I just folded my arms, ignoring him. He sighed, "What the hell ? Docia ? I'm talking to you." 

I puffed, "Go talk to your dear Herica since she's so important to you. Why were you smiling like that ?Are you going to be a daddy ? Am I your side chick ? And don't lie to me."

His frown deepened before his expression changed completely and he began to laugh, "Are you serious right now ? Great joke. Very, very, very good--"

"I'm not joking, Dorian Willkingston. I'm being really serious. Are you or not going to be a father in a couple of months ? "

He looked at me like I had ten pairs of eyes, "Why are you even asking me that ? You sound crazy right now."

"Just answer the damn question ? Why are you not just answering the damn question ? It's not that complicated ! Say yes or no. Stop making me waste my time ! "

"Did you take something this morning when you woke up ? Why are you acting all crazy ? " Not only he wasn't answering me, but in addition it was the second time he was calling me crazy in a not even five minutes. He got some nerves ! 

"GIVE ME THE ANSWER ! " I exploded and stood up, ready to beat his ass. 

He raised his hands up in surrender, "Okay. No, I'm not going to be a father. I don't have a baby coming soon. Now, can you tell me why--"

I took another deep breath, ignoring the other things he was saying. It was boiling inside me, "So who is Herica ? Your girlfriend ? Fuck buddy ? Wife ? "

"No ! None of that. What is wrong with you today ? We were laughing a few minutes ago. What happened ? "

"It happened that you got a call from that Herica girl and your face lightened up so fast. Why ? I'm not a clown, Dorian. You're not about to play me like that. I'm not going to let a little boy--"

"Whoah, whoah, whoah ! Stop here." He cut me off, doing the timeout gesture. He stood up as well, "Herica is my friend from high school. We were fuck buddies back then, but now we're just friends and this is not a lie. Nothing serious ever happened between us since high school. She's having a baby with this guy she's starting a new relationship with. She's Aria's mother. Do you remember ? I talked to you about them once, maybe twice. I never pronounced their names, but I mentioned them to you. Docia, I'm not seeing someone else. I only have interested into you. I'm not here to waste yours nor my time. I'm not a little boy. I'm a man now and I'm not about those stupid games anymore. If I wanted to have fun, you would know by now." 

I wiped the single tear that fell on my right cheek. I knew I exaggerated. I knew I did too much, but I couldn't help it. I was still feeling like my sun was going to leave me very soon and I was growing a little bit paranoid with this. Plus, even if I told myself to not think too much about the horrible nightmare I had nights ago, I couldn't get this out my head. It was playing with me crazily. I didn't have the nightmare again until now, but it was still a weight on my mind.

In addition now, I wasn't too sure about this relationship anymore. 

Not that I didn't want to be with Dorian anymore, but the future was frightening me. We were just chilling now, but where were we going exactly ? In particular with babies. I still wanted children, but my time will be up very soon, sooner than Dorian's. I couldn't wait too long. I wouldn't be able to wait too many years before he gets ready for it. And maybe that he didn't even want kids at all to begin with. A lot of things were freaking me out.

This age difference was something to worry about actually. 

We weren't exactly at the same stage of life. I was in my early thirties, while he was in his late twenties. Okay, it's not a big age difference, but still it meant something. By the time he goes to his thirties, I'll be in my middle thirties, and in my plans I must have all of my kids already by then. I didn't care about marriage that much, but children were really important to me. I really wanted that heritage. 

I was scared that if I ever mentioned kids in one of our conversations, it will make Dorian go away; but I could't stay silent on that subject forever. I needed to know where his head is set on right now. He said this relationship it's not a game, but was he ready for everything that was going to come with it ? And if no, will he be ready on time ? On my time ? Maybe all of this sounded selfish, but I couldn't act like it wasn't bothering me for the rest of my life.  

And not only the kids subject could be a problem, but I was also scared of him realizing one day that I'm too old for him. He could let me go and give up on us in a snap and I didn't want to be abandoned all of sudden. I'd rather have him leaving me alone now than later on when I'll be in love for real. 

"Don't cry, Docia." He hugged me, "What's wrong ? Talk to me."

"One day, you'll wake up and realize that you want to deal with someone younger, someone your age and skinnier." 

He wiped my tears with his thumbs, "Why are you saying that ? " 

"Because it's true ! " I pushed him away, "Better end things now. It's--"

"What ?! What the heck ?! We're just starting this."

"Exactly. It'll be easier to break this now."

"Where all of this is coming from ? Did I do something ? Tell me ! Just let me know ! Docia, I don't understand. Everything was going well until now. And now, just because of this call--"

"It's not just because of this call ! I've been thinking lately and--"

"Well, you think too much ! And I thought we reached a new step at my birthday, what's going on now ?! You can't say those things right now ! Not after we finally decided to give each other a real chance. Why are you jeopardizing everything now ? "

"I need some space. Please, get out. We'll talk later."

"No, I'm not getting out. We're not going to argue and finish the day without making amends. I refuse. We're grown, we can do this. Let's talk now." 

"I don't feel like it and it's my house, so if I say get out, you fucking get out. Now ! " I raised my voice.

He smacked his teeth, "You're trippin' for real, Docia. We were supposed to celebrate Cinco De Mayo together and have fun."

"Well, change of plan. I don't want to celebrate anymore. I want to be alone. Leave me alone. Go and don't come back." 

"Fine, bye."

•05/06 {Saturday, 11:01 A.M}

"Are you stupid, Docia ? Why did you do that for ? Why ? I swear, I want to beat your ass so bad right now ! "

I heavily sighed and rolled my eyes, "Shut up, please."

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind, "Excuse you ?! I won't shut up ! I won't ! You got some nerves ! I'm about to choke you for real ! You have a nice man, sent by God, just for you and now you want to ruin everything. Why ? What's wrong with you ? He's not good enough for you now ? "

"No, that's not that."

"Then what is it ? "

"I don't want to talk--"

"We're going to talk about this ! You're fucking up, Docia ! "

"I KNOW ! "

"Why are you doing this then ? Why did you tell him that it was better for y'all to be over ? And what is that mess with you being too old for him ? "

"It's not a mess ! I'm too old for him and one day he'll get tired of my old ass ! He'll want someone younger, skinnier and surely lightener than me."

She smacked her teeth, "What the hell...What type of bullshit is that ?! "

I could feel the tears coming again. I didn't even know why I told her what happened between Dorian and I yesterday. But then again, she was my best friend and knew that something was wrong with me the minute I opened the door. She came in and immediately began to ask questions. At one point, I cracked and talked like there was no tomorrow. 

And I was regretting now because she was talking to me like if I was an idiot. Matter fact, I was one. Why did I say all those things to Dorian ? I was giving my sun away, "You heard what I said." I looked down at my hands on my lap.

"Yeah, I heard this shit ! Docia, what's wrong ? You know you're beautiful. You're an amazing person and Dorian is lucky to have you. And I'm sure he knows that too. Stop trippin' ! Why are you so worried all of sudden ? Where all of this is coming from ? "

"I don't know ! I just got scared. All those thoughts are messing with my mind right now and...I don't want to be hurt, Ye. I feel like I'm falling for him and maybe it's too soon, but he's incredible with me. He treats me so good and it feels like a dream. So yeah, I'm getting terrified and I feel like it's going to end soon and explode all in my face. I don't want it to happen. Never again. My marriage just blew up right in my face and it caused me so much pain. Now, this relationship with Dorian seems too good to be true."

"It won't happen. It won't explode in your face. God reunited you two and nobody nor nothing will stop what's going on with you. Y'all are meant to be. Stay positive, Docia. People hurt you before, but I really don't think Dorian came into your life for that reason. I think he's a blessing to you as much as you are one to him. You seem happier since you're dating him and I'm sure it's the same for him. Give it a full chance and stop worrying. Just go with the flow."

"I'll try."

_____________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)

A/N: I'm curious to know what are your thoughts about this chapter. Are you mad at Docia ? Or do you get where she's coming from ? What should she do to worry less ? What should Dorian do to make her feel better ? Talk to me, guys 😁

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️