“Everybody’s got a dark side. Do? Can you love me? Can you love mine?”
~Kelly Clarkson (Dark side)

“Of course, I’m not Noah, I’m Luke. What’s wrong?” He asks, looking a little lost with everything.

“Everything.” This is my answer because this I believe is the worse thing that can ever happen to me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The frown on his face grows, and I know he’s angry. “Why would you even think I’m Noah?”

“I don’t know. You two look the same?” I reply unintelligibly, trying to keep my eyes on his face and only there because he was still naked and hot.

“We do not look the same. There are a lot of differences if you only look.” He slams angrily, although his anger isn’t directed at me.

“How was I supposed to be vigilant of that when I didn’t even know Noah had a brother, let alone a twin?! Plus, how vigilante are you during sex?”

He moves a little as if feeling discomfort in his skin, “What you’re saying is everything that happened back there happened because you thought I was Noah?”

“Yes!” I exclaim, even though that is a complete lie. Maybe I couldn’t put all the differences together, but deep down I knew something was different, and it felt good and I wanted it to feel good, but he didn’t have to know that. “Why else would a girl you don’t know want to have sex with you?”

“You know me.” He says with a serious tone of voice as he takes a step closer.

My heartbeat increases in speed at his movement. “No,” I raise my hands, “I don’t, and please stay back.”

He pressed his lips together and takes a step back. “We met, you and I. It wasn’t on a good term, but we’ve met.”

I shake my head. “I think I’d remember if I’ve met you before?”

“At the café two weeks ago, it was unlike me, but I was the jerk who wanted to take your spot.” He scratches his head slowly. “I needed to be put in my place and you did just that.”

This revelation only got me more confused. “That was you?”

It makes sense now, the one I ran into at the cafe had what I thought annoying brown eye while Noah had blue, just like I noticed this one’s hair was longer earlier and looked past it, even the way they talked was different. One talked as though he owned the fucking world and the other didn’t. All these differences were staring me in the face, yet I still couldn’t pick them up.

All the while I kept thinking Noah was doing this to me because of what happened in the cafe, but that wasn’t it. Noah is a completely different person.

He nods, a little smile appearing on his hurt expression, “Yeah, I was hurrying for the Leeds’ movement and you made me wait till it was my turn. You taught me something that day. If it’s good, then it’s worth the wait. I couldn’t make it for the Educate A Child campaign, though. I had urgent matters to attend to afterwards and had to leave the country and had to let Noah replace me for the campaign. I only came back a few days ago, and I thought I should formally apologise for the way I behaved at the cafe and ask you out.”

It all makes sense, but still makes my skin crawl. I have been intimate with two brothers and I feel worse than I felt this morning. I am afraid of everything I just found out; I am afraid of Noah finding out what had happened; I am afraid of what he’d do to me if he is ever to find out what’s happened and most importantly I’m afraid because I am developing feeling for this man standing in front of me.

Why did they have to be two and how can two people who look the same be so different?

“This is so complicated,” I admit and run my hand through my hair.

He goes to his clothes on the floor and picks them up. “Which part? The one that you’re my brother’s other woman or the one that you just let his brother eat you out?”

My breath got thin in my throat, as the memory rushes back to me, “Every part. It was a mistake, never meant to happen.” It hurts me a lot to call it a mistake, because I know I don’t want it to be. “I didn’t know, but I should have known.”

“I think you knew,” he says, turning to me after wearing his jean trouser, he pulls his shirt over his head, his hair messy and falling to his face. “You just wanted it to be real because you liked it as well as I did.”

He is right; I did like it, more than I should have, more than I was supposed to. He was different from the Noah I’ve known in the last 24 hours. His touches were different and so were his kiss, caress and tender strokes. He made me feel good, feel beautiful, and the way he looked at me was priceless. He made me feel priceless. But I am not priceless, not anymore, not after I signed away myself this morning and as much as I would love to reminisce the feeling, I now belong to someone else.

“You’ve got to leave.”

“He’s hurting you isn’t he?” His eyes trail inches of my body where I know he had seen the few bruises and marks, even though it was under the clothes, “I saw the marks on your body, why did you let him do that to you?” He demands worriedly.

My eyes grow blurry as I hear the concern in his voice. “You have to leave, please.” I turn from him immediately and walked to the door and open it. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

***

“Ms Good, your mother is awake. You can go see her now.” The nurse informs me and I get up from my seat and walk into the ward where she was.

Her eyes are open and she looks a little confused, but when she sees me, her confusion seems to decrease. “Avril,” she calls out with a smile.

I can’t help smiling back, and I rush over to her bedside and take her hand. “Mom, you’re awake.”

“What happened? Why am I here?” She asks, a little terrified.

My brows draw together in confusion. “You don’t remember?”

“I remember visiting you and talking about my interview and your examination. What happened?” She asks again.

“You were in a hit and run three days ago, mom,” I tell her, trying to sound as simple as I can.

Her eyes widen in exclamation, and I realise the simplicity of the answer I gave didn’t help. “What? Three days?! Was it that bad?”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re awake now.”

“If it’s been three days, then how did your exam go?”

My eyes blur, but I blink the tears back as I reply, “I didn’t make it for the scholarship mom, I was in fifth place.”

“It’s all my fault. You couldn’t study because you were with me in the hospital, right?”

“It’s not mom,” I squeeze her hand in mine harder, “don’t beat yourself up for it, what’s done is done. We have to move on.”

She nods and stays silent for a while before asking, “If you didn’t get the scholarship, how did you get the money to pay the bills?”

“You need to get some rest and get better. We’ll talk about everything when you’re better.”

Her hand in mine tightens a little. “Tell me ‘cause now I’m feeling like something bad happened in these past three days.”

I shake my head and smile warmly at her. “Nothing bad has happened. I’m still here.” The statement isn’t completely true, nor is it a lie. A lot of things have happened, but I’m still here and so is she.

“Alex came over while you were still unconscious,” I say, changing the topic and it seems to work because her emotions change immediately, too.

A scowl appears on her face as she asks, “What did he want?”

“He was one of the emergency contacts on your phone and came to see how you were. He said he was sorry for everything he’s done.”

She has mixed emotions on her face, one of anger and the other of joy. I didn’t need a prophet to know that she still harbours feelings for him, just like I wasn’t told before I knew Alex had feelings for her too.

“I think he still likes you.”

“It’s a charade. Alex is real good at manipulating people and making them see things he wants them to see.”

“You may be right, but Alex had nothing to gain by coming, but he still did. He cares for you just like you do him.”

“I don’t.”

I roll my eyes. “You don’t have to lie to me. You have little makeup on, so I can tell.”

“He lied and hurt me.”

“And I forgave you.” I reminded her, “Life’s too short to not make the most of it. Yes, he hurt you, but you can work towards an understanding and make sure he doesn’t hurt you again. Everyone deserves to be happy, and you are not an exception.”

Tears roll down her eyes. “I’m so lucky to have you, Avril, thank you.”

I wish I can take my advice and chase happiness, but I can’t do that. I have a lot to lose and as much as my heart would like to say it; I am an exception when it comes to happiness. I can’t be happy even if I want to be. I know who I would be happy with, but more than anything I know I can never have him, not while Noah owns me.

***1

(Luke’s POV)

“And she asked me to leave,” I said, wrapping up the events that had happened these past two days.

William came to London to oversee and meet the student who had taken the 1st, 2nd and 3rd positions for the Teach The World Oxford scholarship board. I’ve always been with him since two years ago when he founded the movement and I was always one of his frontmen. The awarding of the scholarship was yesterday and when he didn’t see me there, even though he’d called and begged me to be there. I didn’t go and I guess he figured that something was wrong and so he came and visited me instead.

I haven’t been able to leave my room in the last three days and I’ve had to transfer all my office work to the house and have it done there. I was avoiding a lot of things. The reality was one of them and Noah was the other one. I didn’t want to see him for fear of what I’ll say or do to him.

“Wow, that was an adventure. I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to leave my room for a year if that had happened to me.” William breathes through his mouth and rubs his jaw. “But whatever happened to ‘getting to know her before you bone her’ speech you always gave me?”

“I didn’t bone her. We didn’t have sex.” I correct him instantly as I got up from the bed to the bathroom to take a pee.

I see him shrug from the corner of my eyes before I entered the bathroom. “You came, she came. How else do you explain sex?”

I sigh in defeat, pulling down my zip once I lift the toilet seat and I do my business there before flushing, washing my hands and coming out, “Maybe you’re right, and that was my plan, taking her on a date, but when she opened the door she just..” I stop talking when I come out and I see William waiting eagerly to hear me.

His brow rises as I don’t continue, “She just what?” He demands impatiently.

I take my seat when I get to the bed, “Kissed me, so hard and deep that I lost it.” It feels weird, but I can still feel her lips on mine every time I think about the kiss.

“That’s so unlike the Luke Castillo I’ve known for more than half of my life.” He mutters under his breath.

“The only reason you were able to keep away from Karen all those years was that she never acted on her feelings towards you. If she’d kissed you as hard as Avril did me and pulled you into her, you would have succumbed.”

He nods after a long moment of silence on the sofa where he has been sitting for the last hour. “You’re right. I wouldn’t have been able to resist her if that was to have been the case. It must have been uncontrollable for you then.”

“It was. I was hard in a matter of seconds, I just thought–” I pause and a sad laughter escapes my mouth, “I was stupid. The girl I met in the cafe wouldn’t want to sleep with the jerk she met in the cafe two weeks ago if something wasn’t wrong with her... If something hasn’t changed her mind.”

It was bitter, but it was the truth. The truth which stared me in my face, the truth which I ignored, I was stupid.

“Don’t beat yourself over it, Luke. You didn’t know.”

I groan and got up from the bed, “But I should have, I’ve lived all my life knowing that I could be mistaken for my twin brother, but with her I just...” I can’t find the words I need to say and my teeth grit as I suddenly turn and throw a hard fist at the wall.

The room shakes at the impact of the punch and pain tears through my left hand, and I see blood and bruised skin as I lift it to look at it.

“You love her,” William says, without a doubt in his tone.

He’s right, I know I do. I’ve only felt that for one and it was also strong and terrifying when I lost her. I thought I’d never find another, not until two weeks ago when I saw Avril. I love her and it makes me feel helpless that I can’t go back and undo how I feel and as much as I want to, I can’t.

I turn to him. “Does it matter? I’ll never have her.”

“Never is a big word Luke, you can’t always give up because it seems impossible. If I did that with Karen, we wouldn’t have made it.”

I sit down and pull the nightstand drawer near the bed and bring out cotton wool and spirit. “Easy to say. You were an only child. You didn’t have an evil twin that looked just like you and had a thing for ruining things you love.” I place the soaked cotton wool on my bruised knuckles and I hiss as much pain rips through my body.

“I guess you’ve got a point. But what is the probability of him doing this to get back at you?”

“I don’t know.” I place the wool again and although it stings, it doesn’t hurt so much as I am already accustomed to the pain, “I haven’t had a proper sleep since two days ago. I close my eyes and all see is her and the scars on her body.” My eyes briefly shutter for a moment, and the image of Avril’s scarred body is all I see before I quickly open them. “Ali was right. Maybe I’m cursed.”

“Allison’s death wasn’t your fault.”

I close up the bottle and return it to the drawer. “It wasn’t, but I have had nothing good since she left.”

“I think you have. She’s with Noah and you must step in and do something.”

“I do not know what the deal between them is, and so confronting Noah might only make things worse for her.” I feel defeated yet again by Noah and I don’t know how to do this.

“What are you going to do, then?”

“Going to talk to her, I’m going to tell her how I feel and tell her I’ll wait for her.”

***