“But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?”
~Bastille (Pompeii)

“Is mom home?” I ask Alex as I see him outside, spreading out the bedsheets he’d probably washed on the ropes to dry in the sun.

He turns to look at me with a little frown on his face. “Yeah, she’s inside. It's nice to see you, Avril.”

The feeling isn’t mutual and I don’t respond, so I nod and make my way into the house.

“Mom?” I call once inside, “mom it’s me, Avril.”

“Oh, Avril honey; I’m over here in the room.” Comes her happy voice and I make my way into her room and find her on the bed reading her novel.

At my entrance, she drops the novel on the bed and smiles warmly at me before beckoning me to come closer. I make my way to her side and sit beside her, taking a moment to get comfortable before speaking.

“How are you, mom?”

“I’m doing good, Avril,” she responds happily as she laces her finger in mine.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit in a while,” I trail off with my eyes dropping.

“Oh nonsense, you’ve got school and books and all the other things going on in your life, so it’s all forgiven.”

“How have things been with you? I saw Alex outside.” I trail off and I see her expression changes a little in discomfort.

“You don’t sound too thrilled about that.” She points out, looking at me.

“I’m not,” I honestly reply. “When I said give him another chance, I meant to give him another chance not, make him move in with you.”

“He’s helping me a lot, Avril, and if you haven’t noticed, I can’t walk and so I can’t do most of the things I used to do before. I can’t afford a maid and you are not here either-“

I get up from beside her. “Are you blaming me for your decision?”

“I’m not Avril, believe me, I’m not. None of this is my fault. He knows I still don’t trust him, and he’s still yet to get the money we need back, so Alex offers to help and I couldn’t refuse. He’s been helping me a lot, with the chores and cleaning, he takes me to work-“

I can’t stop pacing and as much as I’d like to see only the good side, there is a bad side. “And in return?”

“What?”

“What do you give him in return?” I ask again, since she doesn’t seem to understand what I’m getting at.

“Avril?!” she exclaims in disbelief with wide eyes.

“Your body? What’s left of it anyway, because men always want something in return!”

“I want something in return,” I hear Alex’s voice say, and I turn around to see him at the door.

“What is it you want?” Felicity asks, looking at him. She seems to expect his response more than she should.

“Your forgiveness to start with and your trust. I want your body too. Only a fool wouldn’t, but I’ll wait to deserve it.” He tells Felicity before looking at me, “I get it. You want your mom to be happy and safe. I stood by mine until the day she died, so I understand how you feel, but you have my words. I was a fool once, and I’m not ready to be one again.”

He walks over to her side and sits down before taking her hand in his. “I love you, City, and I’ll do whatever it takes to see you happy.”

.

“I felt like a bitch! I felt like the bad guy,” I lament, dropping Hadid’s laptop on the bed.

Hadid drags his bags to the centre of the room before we walk to the door to bring the rest of his things inside.

It was my idea that he move in with me because I didn’t want him spending unnecessarily now that his mother is no longer around to provide and his father does not seem to be really interested in helping.

He told me his brother was contributing to helping him finish, so his expenses had to be cut off. I know this is one room, but it’s large and we are hoping to divide the room into two parts. One for him and the other for me. The kitchen we’ll share, as well as the bathroom. Noah has never visited me here, only Luke and I’m not looking forward to another visit, so it’s safe for him to move in.

He arrived half an hour ago with his things and we’ve been moving in while I narrate the time I spent with my mom to him.

“You were the bad guy. From what you’ve told me so far, I think all Alex is trying to do is make amends and you’re making things hard for him.”

I groan, “I only think they are rushing it.”

He pauses and gives me a puzzled look. “They are living together, not sleeping together, just like we are doing.”

“Their case differs from ours,” I correct him instantly.

He agrees with a quick nod and drops his shoe box at the other end of the room, close to his bed. “I know it is, but your mom needs all the help she can get, and that’s what he’s doing. You’ve only known Noah, so don’t assume all other men are like him.”

I sigh in defeat. “I guess you’re right. I know he loves her. I just don’t think I trust him being in her house yet.”

“I don’t think you have to trust him. You just have to trust her to be brave enough from everything she’s been through.”

***
Luke’s POV

“You are a mess!” William exclaims, finally pushing my legs down from the office table where I’ve placed them for the past twenty minutes.

I roll my eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“What were you expecting would happen to you seeing her?”

“I thought that by now at least I’d have my feelings in check or a little over her?”

“What are you, 7? Two months is not enough time to get over hatred for someone, much less love.”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” I pull my drawer open and bring out the packet of cigarettes. I open it and pull out a stick before placing it in my mouth.

“You smoke?” He asks with a surprised look.

“You judge?” I ask instead, lighting the cigarette up with my lighter.

He shakes his head. “No, I’m just surprised. I thought you quit.”

“I did, and look how that went! Plus, this is the only thing calming me down. Want one?” I offer, stretching the packet to him.

He declines the offer with a shake of his head. “No thanks, but I’m curious to know when you started.”

My brow arch at him as I toss the packet into my drawer before closing it up. “Still judging?”

“Damn it, Luke, you know I’m better than that! Now stop giving me questions to answer and answer me!” He snaps and I know he’s furious with me.

“Since the night with Avril,” I reply, not too proud of my stumbling, but feeling helpless too.

I take a long drag of the cigar before blowing it into the air and I watch as the smoke vanishes. “I needed to calm my nerves and nothing was working. Smoking has always helped to calm me down before I met Ali.”

“Ali died years ago and even though you were devastated by her death, you never went back to smoking.”

I shrug, even though I know he’s right. “I don’t know. Avril Good brings out the bad in me, I guess.” I shrug.

“Avril, good,” I watch him mumble to himself as he goes deep in thought. “I’ve heard that name before.”

A frown settles on my face as my brow draws together. “Yeah, where?”

“She was among the competitors of the TTW scholarship scheme.”

“What was she doing there?”

“What everyone coming for the competition is looking for is the scholarship. I heard she came fifth place overall,” I trailed off, although his voice sound sure.

“That’s unlike the Avril Good. I’ve heard of all over Leeds.”

“Yeah, but Mr Kamal said she came an hour late and, according to her, she’d spent the previous night at the hospital where her mother was rushed to after her mother had a terrible accident.”

I drag the cigarette and run my hand through my hair. “Do you think Noah offered her a proposal she couldn’t refuse?”

“Tell me something, if you were in her shoes, losing your chance at a scholarship and then having your mom in such a crucial state, would you not do the same?”

“I would without a second doubt,” I reply and toss my cigarette down on the little glass bowl on my desk, get up and walk over to the window to look outside. “It all makes sense now. Noah had broken her before I went to her.”

“You can’t do anything about what’s happened, but maybe you can do something about what happens from now on.”

“She doesn’t like me. She said it herself.” I hate to say it or even admit it, but it’s the truth and she never let me forget it.

“At least she doesn’t hate you.”

I wish that fact can make me hopeful, but it doesn’t and the more we continue talking about this, the more I’d feel much pain, so instead, I divert a little, “How are they?” I ask, glancing back at him.

He sighs and leans back in his seat. “They are okay, those two are something else.” He admits and I see genuine happiness in his eyes and deep inside I crave that.

“And Karen?”

“She’s doing great.” There’s a deep strain in his voice that raises my brow in curiosity.

“You miss her.”

“Yes, I do.” He groans and runs his hand over his face. “But we both understand that this has to be.”

It’s been two months since William has been here in the UK and away from Karen, his wife. The boys are with him because Karen is doing her master’s at Harvard university and would probably not have time for them. So far, William and the boys have only kept in touch with Karen with calls and video calls. Everyone knows that’s not close enough when you desperately miss someone.

“Bet she misses you too,” I tell him.

He rolls his eyes and gets up. “What the fuck do you know?”

“I know a great deal about not being close to those you love. Remember Ali? Until a few weeks ago, I was still seeing her in my dreams and longing for her when I woke.”

“You are a crazy person,” he counters.

I laugh at the obvious truth before coming back to my seat, but not in a rush to seat. “I fall for those I can never have. It’s a curse.”

“I used to think, the McQueens were cursed with a tragic death, I still do, but that’s because we’ve got two generations of tragic death, but Karen always begged to differ and that’s what happens when you find the right girl, they knock your head in and make you a believer.”

“You think that’s ever going to happen to me?”

“What? Two generations of tragic death?” He asks, cracking up.

I chuckle and toss the file on my desk his way, making him laugh more. “No asshole, finding the right girl that’ll knock my head in,” I reply, sitting down.

“I think you already found her.”

***