As I parted our lips, I asked Zhan, "So, will you volunteer to grant me my last wish? Or should I take what I want?"

Zhan shook his head as if he was trying to regain his composure and asked, "What's your last wish?"

I spun Zhan around and put my arms around him. I gave him a kiss on his neck and said, "I want one last night with you."

"Are you just crazy or do you have too much courage?"

"Oh Zhan, I have courage. A lot even, when I love someone like you."

"Someone like me?"

"Yes, someone like you. Someone who loves me and yet wants to kill me. And who is absolutely incalculable."

"Who says I love you?"

"I can feel it Zhan. I can see it in your eyes. You can pretend anything, but not your eyes. I can see how much you long for me. But you're afraid to weaken, to give in, and afraid you'll get hurt again. I understand that. And you know? I'm still sorry for what happened. Nevertheless, I had nothing to do with it. I even tried to warn you, but it was already too late."

"And?"

"And? I regret not noticing sooner then what my father and Ran were up to. You know Zhan, now that we're both renegades, I can tell it to you. I think I fell in love with you on our first night together. I didn't realize it at the time. But I felt this attraction to you. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to see you every day. And I hated waking up and realizing you weren't in my arms. And most of all, I hated that you left on our first night and left me alone. I became so truly aware of this when I was locked in my parents' house in my old childhood bedroom while the house was heavily guarded all around. I didn't even know at that point that they had already arrested you and your family."

"What do you expect from me now?"

"I don't expect anything from you except that you think about what I said and stop denying your own feelings, no matter what else happens tonight. I want you to know that I love you and that I never meant to betray you."

When Zhan tried to turn around to face me, I wouldn't let him. I kissed his neck and touched him. My hand didn't even hurt, so excited was I to finally hold Zhan in my arms. "Yibo, let go of me okay?"

"No, I can't. Because at least tonight, you're mine. No matter what happens afterwards. That night, you will be mine."

"You can't just decide that Yibo."

"Yes I can. Because you're too much of a coward to let your feelings out. I know you want to. But you're afraid to admit it."

"Do you really believe that?"

"ZhanZhan, I do. And you know what? As long as I'm still breathing, you'll be mine and I'll be yours. Whether you like it or not."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah." I replied and unzipped Zhan's trousers. "I know you could fight me. I know you're not a weakling and can definitely fight. But you're not fighting me, you're only fighting your own feelings. But you know what else I noticed?"

"What?"

"Your body is cheating your mind. At this moment, when my hand is in your pants, I feel how much your body wants me. It's never been as hard as it is today, has it? But it's the same with me, isn't it? You feel how hard mine is and wants you. And if you didn't want to feel me inside you, you would fight me easily."

"Yibo...."

"I'm giving your body to what it craves my ZhanZhan." I whispered as I nibbled on his neck and entered him. Having our bodies reunited in this way really made my feelings for Zhan go off like fireworks. My stomach was tingling. I was so excited that my whole body was shaking. But it just felt good.

After a few minutes, I pulled Zhan with me to the chair, I undressed him, put him on my lap while I penetrated him again. We kissed deeply and hard. We both moaned loudly and unconcernedly. It didn't matter if anyone could hear us or not. It was always like that with us when we made love.

"I love you so much ZhanZhan." I whispered again and again, even though Zhan didn't say it back out loud, I knew he felt the same way about me.

At that moment, when I had Zhan with me, kissing him, holding him and making love with him, I didn't care about anything else. As if by magic, all my worries, concerns, and the deep heartache sitting inside me were gone. And nothing mattered more than the here and now.

When the two of us finally came together, Zhan put his trousers back on. He sat down wide-legged on my lap, gave me a kiss, and said, "Good night Yibo." The next moment, I felt a twinge again. I didn't even have enough time to realize what was happening as I drifted off.

Later when I woke up, I startled up and found myself in my room in my shared apartment. I was clean, had new clean clothes on, and even the wound on my hand had been taken care of. There was a note on my nightstand that said, "See you soon Bad Boy."

I couldn't believe that Zhan had slipped away from me again. After all, I already had him in my arms and now he's gone again. I put the note from Zhan in my pocket, put on my jacket, and then went to the hiding place where Mr. Chou was already waiting impatiently. He greeted me with a hug and said, "I knew he wouldn't kill you."

Then Mr. Chou saw my bandage and asked me what happened. I told him and Mr. Chou shook his head. "Yibo, that could have gone really wrong."

"I know. But it didn't. I could feel how much Zhan misses me."

"Still, you have to be careful. Maybe he didn't want to hurt you yet this time and wanted to hear what you had to say first. But that doesn't mean he won't be serious next time."

"Mr. Chou, I am prepared for anything. But something tells me that Zhan doesn't want to kill me. He could have done it so many times before, but he didn't. After last night and what happened, I'm sure he wants me."

"Why what else was there... oh better not tell me. I can guess it already. But, if Zhan let that happen, then you might possibly be right. Maybe he's waiting for a sign from you that he can really trust you."

"I only know one thing so far. Zhan loves me and he wants me. But he doesn't dare admit his feelings for me. Look at my hand. It's been professionally taken care of. If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't have my wound taken care of after all."

"Then it's time to start the second round now. You know what that means, don't you?"

"Mhm. But are you sure this really has to be?"

"Yes. Because then we'll know for sure. If Zhan comes to save you, and he will, then you know he really loves you."

"I still think it's risky. You say you know these guys, but what if it goes wrong?" To see if Zhan really doesn't care about me, Mr. Chou plans to have some criminals kidnap me. He is convinced that Zhan will come to rescue me.

The thing is, the kidnappers are not involved. Mr. Chou wants to give them money to kidnap me and wants to claim that he wants to take revenge on me. But what if that goes wrong? What if Zhan notices the trap and doesn't come to rescue me?

Since I had to go to the diner for my shift, I couldn't continue discussing his mad plan with Mr. Chou and had to go to work. I still couldn't let go of this plan. If he really wants to do something like that, he should at least let these men be involved. I don't want them to kill me later. The only one who is allowed to kill me is Zhan!

In the late afternoon my brother appeared. Again! And this time he brought his husband with him. So I met my brother-in-law for the first time. I didn't know what to talk about with him or my brother, so we sat in silence at the table for a few minutes, always just nodding in embarrassment.

And then my brother saw my hand or rather, the bandage and asked me in shock, "Who was that?"

I shrugged my shoulders and said, "I did it myself. It was an accident in the kitchen. No big deal, it'll heal."

Then my brother-in-law grinned at me and asked, "That was Zhan wasn't it?"

"God no, why would you think that?" I asked.

He pointed to my neck and said, "The hickey on your neck." I knew this was not a hickey, but a bruise caused by the needles.

However, I then said to Cheng, "I'm sorry. But that wasn't Zhan. I haven't seen or spoken to him in over a year. I went out for a drink at a bar last night and bumped into something when I got home. It even woke up my roommates."

"Yibo, don't you want to come back home? Our parents are worried about you. And when I hear that you get drunk and then hurt yourself, I worry too."

I was ready to give him an answer when Cheng said, "Honey, let him. He's looking for Zhan and he won't give up. So let him. It's your parents' own fault. They played with your little brother's feelings. And look at us. We were doing so well in America. We had the ranch, we lived independently. And now we're living with your parents in your old room. We have no job, no income, and we're under constant surveillance."

So gradually, I'm starting to like Cheng.

My brother said to Cheng, "We'll have better times again too."

Cheng got really angry and asked, "And when? When can you and I live together again without having your parents breathing down our necks all the time? When will we finally have our freedom again? Sorry honey, but I don't want to have sex with my husband if I have to press my face into a pillow every time just so they can't hear us. I also want to start making my own money again. Why are we still living with your parents anyway? We should also find Zhan and ask him to give us a new job. And not squat with your parents and pretend everything is fine."

"However, we could also go to your father's house if you don't like it at my parents' house. Then we'd be living under the same roof with the Minister of Defense. But you don't want that either. You haven't even told me what your father really does." Replied my brother angrily.

"You two are really screwed up do you know that? Instead of fighting here like little kids, you should rather think together about what to do next. You Cheng shouldn't put Hai Kuan under so much pressure. And you Hai Kuan, should listen more to your husband. He doesn't feel comfortable with the in-laws. So do something before your marriage really goes down the drain." I intervened.

The two of them looked at me in horror, but then agreed with me. Oh, how I envy them. They can fight with each other. I first have to find Zhan to do that. Oh poor me! Why did I have to fall in love with a mastermind?