"Hey babe?" I shouted into our dark apartment, lit only by the light leaking out from the open refrigerator door in front of me.

"Yeah," Her voice was soft and sweet.

"When was the last time we went grocery shopping?" I asked even though I already knew the answer. The fridge in front of me held only a stick of butter and some leftovers that were starting to mold. It had been way to long.

"I don't kno-" her voice was cut off by a loud banging on the apartment door. I shut the refrigerator door.

I made my way towards the light switch and flipped it on before making my way to the door. I peeked through the peep hole. It was Cas...?

The last time Cas and I had talked, we got into a huge fight. He didn't think he deserved to find love. I had been trying for so long to help him find his happiness but he just didn't want to. The only reason he would come here was if something was seriously wrong...

Suddenly my hand were flying to the bolt and opening the door in a hurry.

My voice was rushed and full of concern, "Cas, what are you doing here, are you okay?"

He looked up at me, his eyes full of pain. But not like he was hurt this was a new kind of pain for him. One that hurt worse than any bruise or broken bone.

"Hey Charles, can I come in?"

I stepped back letting him slide inside before softly shutting the door behind him.

"Who is it," Dorothy called from the bedroom.

"It's Cas..." I shouted back to her.

"What, is he okay, why is he here?" Her voice was louder this time

"Hi Dorothy," I remember now that Cas could here us shouting back and forth about him. "I'm fine. and I'm here for the free food!" I snorted at his comment. Last year when Dorothy and I got married Cas had shown up and announced to her that he was "Here for the free food!".

Dorothy finally shuffled out of the bedroom. "Well unless you want..." she paused opening the basically empty fridge. "...Butter or moldy leftovers..." she leaned around the door to face him, "...you're out of luck."

Cas laughed at her half asleep grin before she shut the fridge door and slumped down on the couch.

"Sup with you Cas, you haven't called or been over here in like six months." At Dorothy's comment Cas looked at me with a mask of confusion. I never told Dorothy about our falling out.

"Well... did she not, did you not...?" He looked back and forth at us before both of their gazes landed on me.

"Yeah, um... she didn't know about... that." He looked apologetically at me.

Dorothy looked between us before sighing heavily. "Is somebody going to tell me what the hell happened between you guys or am I going to have to guess."

So I started with the day Cas and I met up the day before Valentine's Day about eight months ago. It was the first time we had met up since the wedding a few months earlier. Love was everywhere. From people buying cards and flowers to couples holding hands and making out around every corner.

Cas was my best friend and I was really the only one who could tell how much it hurt him to see other people being happy. The wedding almost sent him over the edge. He could say he didn't want to find his soulmate all he wanted to, but I knew. He was lonely and unhappy. Not only did he want his soulmate but he needed them.

I told him I could help. That I really wanted to. He refused but I kept pushing. I told him we could go on a Winchester sight-seeing tour. I could see he wanted to but then his eyes changed and he changed too. The light looked as if it had been burned right out of his eyes. He told me to stay far away from him. To never talk to him ever again. All I wanted was to help, but he wasn't ready.

Dorothy was silent all through my story. Cas had silent tears streaking down his face.

"Charles, I'm so sorry." Cas looked up and I noticed the light filling his eyes was there but dull. I could only hope he would be okay or let me try to help him.

"I'm going to go to the store" Dorothy stood up knowing just what Cas and I needed. "You two talk this out."

And with that Cas and I were alone.

"Charlie, I think I found him..." his voice was quiet and he looked nervous.

I kept my voice quiet so he wouldn't freak out, "Cas that's amazing!"

He responded quickly, talking fast, "No, it not. Charlie he doesn't know who I am. When I applied to college I made up a last name so I could start fresh."

"Cas..." I didn't even know what to say to him.

"That's not even the worst part! I freaked.... He asked about my home life, he wanted to know what it was like!" His voice faltered at the mention of his home life.

"Did you tell him?" I spoke in a whisper already knowing the answer. Cas didn't tell me about his home life until the time that his adoptive father, Zachariah, came looking for him in California five years ago. I had to cover for him then and he was forced to tell me the truth.

"Of course not, I didn't want to scare him away. I just made up some lame excuse and ran away. I hid and just let everything go and then I came here because..." his voice caught in his throats and his voice cracked "... I don't have anyone else to talk to to."

"Cas, everything is going to be okay, just start form the beginning."

So he told me everything. From his first meeting with Sam to their talk and finally his huge meltdown in Chuck's office. By the time he finished he was shaking slightly and I could tell he was on the edge of a panic attack. For him this was almost too much for one day.

I wrapped my arms around his fragile shoulders and pulled him in tight. He started shaking slightly and I held him tighter. He soon relaxed into my arms and his head rested on my shoulder.

I don't know how long we sat like that but at some point I had started to cry with him.

I ran my fingers through dark and whispered into his ear. "I'm so sorry Cas." Cas was a good person, better than anybody could even hope to be. "You shouldn't have to go through this." But I guess it is the best people who always seem to have it the worst. "I'm so sorry..."

Cas's life has always been rough. From when he was just a baby all the way through his life to now.

When he was a kid his dad died, then his mom abandoned him. It didn't end there, him and his sister got adopted into a horrible and overcrowded family. He suffered through countless beatings. They were no joke either, I had seen his scars. They littered up and down his back and chest over every inch of his skin that could be hidden by clothing. Next he got kicked out of his home, and his sister who was the only person he thought he could count on left him.

From what he told me, the only consistent love he had ever had was from Anna who protected him up until the day that she walked out of his life. She doesn't even know what that did to him. Anna was the only actual family he had left, and couldn't handle it when she left. He blamed himself for driving her away.

Three weeks after she left, Cas and I met for the first time. I was the girl that jumped over the side of the bridge after him. I was the girl that dragged his cold lifeless body out of that river. I saved him that day. I don't think he ever told Anna that he tried to kill himself and I don't think he ever will. He was only 15. He was so young and yet the world have already beaten him past a point of no return.

I was there the day he turned 18. It had been over three years and he had been doing so much better. He looked genuinely happy. He had people now. He had Gabe and I and even Dorothy. We all looked after each other. All of us were like a big family.

The day he turned 18 we all heard his shouts of joy. Winchester. He told us with a voice bubbling over with joy. It was really the first time I had ever heard him speak like that. It was also the last time. I watched him all throughout the day. Writing in a multitude of fonts; Castiel Winchester. He wrote it over and over again all throughout the day.

I was happy for him. I felt the same way when I turned 18. But that night something changed. Cas and Gabe had been staying at my place because they ran out of rent money. I woke up in the middle of the night to Cas crying over the sink which was crawling with flames. I remember running to him just in time to catch him before he hit the ground.

It was one of his first attacks. He has been getting them ever since. At first it was just minor shaking and slurred words every time he got way too overwhelmed. But now he gets one or two a week from the littlest of things. They start off small but soon he starts to shake uncontrollably and is left unable to move or speak. Once or twice he even fell unconscious.

Cas didn't think anybody could ever love him. He drilled that thought so far into his brain that nobody could erase it.

Now as Cas lay sobbing in my arms, I fear that maybe it's too late for him. Maybe he's brainwashed himself so much that it's all he can believe.

Eventually he stopped crying and stilled in my arms, finally asleep. I sighed and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Hey-o! So please don't hate me for this chapter. I know it's super depressing and it was hard for me to write
broken!Cas but we do have Charlie now. If you're lucky I might post another chapter before next Wednesday. So bear with me though because I'm pretty sure I kind of know where this is going. As always vote or comment or whatever!! See ya next time.