A/N: I give you fluffy angst. 

I sat on the front steps and tried to think of anything other than life, being oblivious to the fact I acted like I was sick simply so I can escape the one place I did not desire to be. I felt the urge to write that I'm a liar on my list, but I could do something better than that. I shouldn't, not after what happened today. I could and nobody could stop me since my sisters were at school and my father at work. The decision is mine to make, but his words stick. 

The flowers in my neighbor's yard started to wither away. A sad reminder of reality. Most of them were already gone. I hoped for new ones that could grow in their place. Blooming. If it were up to me I would have prevented this. Took proper care of them. It's nice to think that this creation could grow back. Eventually at least.

It reminds me of this book I read, Piecing me together, the main character Jade, does she piece herself together? In the end, her life got better but did she truly herself together? How do you do that? How do you piece yourself together? I'd like to hope I can one day. I don't do a lot of that anymore. I wish I could ask Jade how she pieced herself together. I need to know. 

Here is how the seasons go for a tree. The leaves changed colors. How could one be so beautiful whether the season changed or not? In the winter they were decorated in colorful blissful lights. In the autumn they started to fall and change colors. In the spring they grew back. In the summer they were fully grown back and kids climbed in the trees or added tire swings to them. A sign of joy. How could one stay beautiful throughout the seasons? Trees are tall and strong. I am not. Trees are like Jade. I am not. Trees are like flowers striving. I am not.

 Every part of life has a time and a season. How did I miss that?

I started thinking I really should clear things up with John. I guess pushing him away wasn't the best idea. If I push everyone away then I won't set myself up. Somehow he's the only person I felt bad about ignoring. All he ever tries to do is help me. It feels too late I've already gone in there's no use in getting out, at least that's what I believed.  This nagging feeling won't go away I never had a choice.

-Time passed (the ogs will know) 

Classes were about over by now and Eliza and Angelica returned home.  I tried to avoid conversation the best that I can. After all, I was "sick." 

"Hey," I said smiling half-heartedly. 

Eliza's smiley expression swiftly turned into a frown. "You sound tired, are you still feeling sick?" I wasn't expecting that but of course, I had to keep this act going,

"Yeah, I'm gonna sit out here for a little. How was school?" I ask changing the subject? 

Angelica spoke. "Same as always, you know, nothing special." She opened the door walking by me. I sensed the feeling she didn't want to talk to me.  She never did I guess it sounded more hostile. I think that's the closest to a full conversation I had with them since you know everything. 

Once I had enough of the beating sun rays and the wind that wouldn't leave the rustling leaves alone I walked back into the house. I walk into the kitchen to grab something to eat. I really shouldn't all these measurements to keep myself intact and nothing changed. I pick up half of a granola bar and chew on that for a little. 

I should call him. Clear things up. No point in hiding it he knows. 

After a lot of debating with myself, I picked up my phone and started to dial his number. I'll do this quickly and it will all be over. The phone started to ring. 

Ok, say this really quickly and then it'll all be over. Easy! "H-ey," I said in a shaky voice. Wow, that was quick, wasn't it? Go on. "Could we meet in person...maybe... or not or-"

I was cut off by a quiet, "yes." I was content and we made up a plan, mostly him saying stuff and me saying "mhm". I think my communicating skills are getting better or maybe it's the fact that I'm a nervous wreck inside and I'm trying to act normal. I'm Peggy a normal girl who doesn't cut, break down, have panic attacks, and cry. 

I wait nervously panicked, how could I explain myself. The only place I could think of to meet up was the park because it wasn't awkward. It's also the place I use to go to escape but I guess I haven't been here in a while.

I looked up and saw John, he actually came? Does he really want to hear what I have to say? He takes a seat next to me and at first, it's silent. I hate silence, it's always a bad sign. "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"You really need to stop apologizing to, me you never did anything wrong." He takes my hand and held it in his. I didn't take my hand away. it felt nice in a way.

"Are you mad at me? I feel like I do everything wrong." I ask abruptly. 

"I can never be mad at you Peggs I never have." He ponders on something for a moment and then turns to look me in the eyes. This is time his face more serious. "can I ask you a question?" 

"Sure."

"Why do you ridicule yourself. You know..."

"I'm not good enough. I need to be real with myself I'm not good enough it's as simple as that." I bit my lip. I can complain too much. Get over yourself. Annoying. I tried to shake the thoughts away but U couldn't, John seems to notice. "It's ok if you don't want to answer anymore."  I shake my head. "It's ok, actually nothing is ok. I constantly view myself as worthless and everything hurts mentally and physically. I was taken aback by my own statement. I picked at the grass and broke it off one by one as a way to keep me from saying anything more. It didn't work. "I want everything to be better but it's not. I don't know what to do anymore." I expected him to say something but he didn't. Instead, he listened to me. 

"You don't you have to keep to yourself. Allow yourself to be happy for once. I know it's not as simple as that. I wish you saw me how I see you. I know I keep saying this, I really do love you. You can tell me anything." 

I don't understand why he repeats this. "You keep saying this, it's hard for me to believe." I pull up my sleeves a little to reveal some of the cuts from this week. "See this is broken." He kisses my hand. "This is healing."

A/N: I told yall my book won't be too angsty. Not for Peggy anymore at least...