*TW mentions cutting 

A/N @the_laetus_poeta for always helping giving input and for revising.

Peggy POV:

Socially drained, I make my way over to my bed, collapsing because I can only socialize for so long before I just stop. Not that I talked much--I only talked to one person and I left early. I hope Maria won't be too upset. I tried my best. I worked so hard to get this far and I still didn't get this right. I'm sorry that I couldn't stay. 

Saturday rolled around with a stormy sky and the rain pounding on my window. Patter! Splash! Pound! The sound was only making me grow anxious, like nails scratching slate. Eliza loves the rain and Angelica finds it calming, she says, "It's where I do my best thinking." Maybe that's why I'm not a Schuyler sister. This is just another missing piece that's slowly eating away at me. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Someone pounds at my door. I'm betting it's Angelica--don't ask me why I know this, I just know. "Come in!" Or don't, I think. I'll be fine if you just walk away, just like you always do.

 "I wanted to let you know that Dad is returning from his trip today. Maybe clean up or something. This room looks like a mess. And you're in it all day, aren't you?" Angelica starts rearranging books, searching for something she's not gonna find.

 "Okay, okay! Get out!" She glares at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, it's a reflex," she jokes, trying to lighten the mood. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but my glare won't budge. Finally, she exits, leaving the door ajar as I look confused and nervous.

Don't leave me! I'm breathless and I'm overthinking this! Don't try to change this. The fact is that you'll never be as good as her. You can't change what's true. When will I get it? When will I learn? My hands start to shake, and my breaths become shorter. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.  The rain makes it worse, pounding harder and harder until I can no longer take it. 

If you break down one more time, your weakness will be the reason Daddy's so disappointed in you because you're just gonna break down for no reason,  incapable little girl. The hot tears form in my eyes. Whimpering softly because I've failed to contain it, so I bite my lip until I suck up every cry that tries to escape.  

To distract me, I think I should probably set up the kitchen since he's probably gonna be starving from the long trip. Besides, it's the least I can do for being the way that I am. I clear the table, bringing out the dishes one at a time. The longer this takes, the longer I'm needed. May I dare think he'd appreciate this, or would he forget? Finally, be proud I did a simple task? That's the fact; it's so simple but so hard because I can't do anything correctly. Of course, Eliza and Angelica would outshine me. I guess err-- Eliza could do it better. I really shouldn't ruin this day for my sisters. Let me get her instead.

I walk into the living room catching up with Eliza. Well, don't be pathetic! Talk to her! "El-l-l-iza," I stammer.

"Peggy, I was beginning to think-" she quickly changed the direction of the conversation. "Can I help you?"

"C-c-could y-you h-help me--" everything moved slowly. "I'm t-t--trying t-to" Eliza gives me pitiful looks.

"Peggy, speak up."

"T-t-trying--s-set up-- f-for--" I feel so sick. I can't even finish my sentence before I start heating up. The more I tried the more Eliza grew concerned. 

"Do you need something? Hello? Peggy, what's wrong." Eliza quickly grabbed my arm but I was inaudible. I couldn't speak. Pathetic. I can't even finish this sentence. Just ask for help! 

"N-never--mind, I-I'm sorry for wasting your--your--umm y-your," "Time?" Eliza cut in. I nodded faintly. What's wrong with me? This is so embarrassing. Why can't you finish your sentence? It's so hard- everything is so unsettling. The last thing I remembered was--I don't remember anything.  

When I woke up someone was fanning over me. "I think she blacked out," a muffled voice said.

"Dad, we'll take care of her she's fine," another voice added on. Dad? No! This couldn't get worse. He came home and I blacked out and looked like this? No! This is horrible, pathetic!

"I-I didn't mean to ruin this for you I'm sorry," I whispered weakly. I had a killer headache as I got up. I couldn't even look at my father in the face. Angelica tried to reach but I looked away in shame. Silently confessing that I'm not strong and I fall at the slightest pressure. Now they finally notice but this is not my worst. Their stares of pity only ruin me more. Everything hurts not just my body. The rain never ceased. 

I sat on my bed staring at the floor knowing what I had to do. If I cannot do anything right maybe I oughta punish myself for it. If I am so weak then maybe this is what I deserve. I lock the door; walking into my bathroom. I rummage for the scissors feeling the sharp blade. I can't do this! But I couldn't resist it. What has become of me? I cut just above my wrist on the arm facing away from the palm. The sting wasn't unbearable but just enough for me to feel the pain. I grab a long sleeve shirt from the draw, covering what I've done. 

3.Reason number three she's weak.