The confetti is laying on the floor, squished by high heels. There are drinks spilled over the chairs and wooden floor. Some of the pink balloons have been popped. Most of my friends have already left.

" Were you really surprised?" Jess asks as she plops herself down next to me on the couch.

" Of course" I smile hoping she can't sense the lie in my tone.

I'll never tell her that I overheard her on the phone a couple of days ogo fighting with the club owner over wanting champagne raining over the dancers. I'm glad the owner stuck to his decision.

I wish Willow was here. Although Willow and Jess would have probably been fighting over who would be planning this party. Imagining them together trying to agree on something makes me smile with a little laughter escaping my lips.

Still, expecting to walk into my bachelorette party and actually coming in are two different experiences. I've shed way too many happy tears tonight, only to be drown by more glasses of champagne.

As Jess And I sit waiting for our car to arrive, I can still feel the music pounding in my chest. I haven't had this much to drink and danced this much in the longest time. I could blame it on Roy and the mom life but I know that's not the reason. I guess it's a mixture of not wanting the tabloids to crucify me for it and me growing over this phase. Because I did get to enjoy a lot, well before I was ever twenty-one.

" The driver's here" Jess sighs as she picks herself up.

I look up to see the driver standing by the door waiting for us. Jess extends her arm out, pulling me up with her. We say goodbye to the remainder of our friends before we leave with the driver. The flashes from cameras are no less than what they were earlier. If it weren't for Jess I would have probably tripped by the time we got to the car. The tinted windows are what save me. The silence is a bonus.

It's so quiet for the first several minutes that I think Jess has passed out. But it's her mumbling that catches my attention.

" That beautiful niece of mine is the best" Jess says.

It's such a sincere comment that warms my heart. It also brings me back to something Harry once told me.

" Harry says that she looks like your mom" I say.

Jess stays quiet. Maybe it was too much. Maybe she can't handle a comment about her mom. Shit. I shouldn't have said that.

" Sorry" I shake my head.

" No...she does..." Jess whispers. " Maybe that's why I'm so attached to her."

" But I'm sure the personality is all you" I laugh.

" Nope, that's all Harry" she snorts. " Somehow."

" Somehow..." I whisper.

When the car stops, I jolt awake from my barely there nap leaned up against the window. I look outside to see the front of my apartment building. The driver steps out of the car and walks over to my side.

" Do you want to stay over?" I ask Jess shaking her leg a little.

" Nah, all I want is my bed" she says with her eyes closed

I don't care that she can't see my smile. She probably won't even remember the small kiss I leave on the side of her head.

I almost trip stepping out of the elevator on my floor. Too much champagne. Maybe even a couple of tequila shots. Once I'm passed through my door, I lock it behind me. I throw my purse onto the couch as I take a seat down.

The silence is a lot. Before I can give a second though to it, I've already dug through my purse and found my phone. The phone rings. The more it rings the more confused I am inside. Why am I calling him? What do I want from him?

" Is everything okay?"

He sounds panicked.

" Yeah" I say. His tone sobers me up a little. " Sorry."

I pick myself up from the couch holding my phone close to my ear. The lights are still off but the New York City lights bright the apartmet just enough

" No, it's okay" Harry says. " I just don't remember the last time you called me. Thought maybe something might have happened..."

" Everything's fine" I tell him.

I begin walking towards my room listening to Harry move around through the phone.

" Shit" I curse looking down at my feet.

" What happened?!" Harry asks.

" Just my heels" I laugh it off.

" Okay" Harry mutters.

I've taken him by surprise by calling him. I've surprised myself too.

" How's Roy?" I ask sitting down on my empty bed. I lean down and begin taking off my heels.

" Sleeping, in Kian's bed actually" Harry chuckled.

" Together?" I smile imagining them cuddled up together.

" I'll send you pictures" he promises.

" Please" I beg tossing my shoes across the room near the closet.

Roy will be telling me absolutely everything when I see her tomorrow. SHe'll be excited to tell me all about her sleepover with her big brother. The best brother, as she likes to call him.

" What's going through your mind?"

" Huh?" I ask.

" Well, it's three in the morning" he says. " I didn't really expect you to be calling me."

" Yeah, me neither" I laugh laying down.

I hear Harry's chuckle. I think he's tried to hide it with no sucess.

" How was your bachelorette party?" he asks.

" Jess told you about that?" I ask.

" She was too excited to try to hide anything from me" he teases.

" Figures" I laughs.

" So?'

" It was fun" I tell him. " It was fun to not have to worry about Roy for a couple of hours."

" Why is that?" Harry asks as I imagine him with a small smile on the corner of his lips.

" Because she's with you..." I admit.

" You mean that?" 

" Yeah" I nod. " It's always been different with anyone else even Jess or Liam. They're my favorite people. Yet I always felta bit of worry whenever I had leave Roy with anyone. I thought it would be the same thing with you. But it's different. I think it's because I know how you are with Kian that I know Roy will be safe."

" That means...everything" he says.

" It's the truth" I whisper.

I sit up, placing my phone on the bed. I tap on speakerphone even with all the silence. My earrings take a little longer to take off than I expected. 

" One sec" I say, tossing the earrings into a decorative ash tray next to my bed.

It's when I'm attempting to take off my necklace that I hear Harry humming, something I haven't heard before.

" Is that a new song?" I ask giving up on my necklace.

" uhm"

" For the album?" I ask.

" Possibly" Harry tries brushing it off.

I want to know what he's writing. I miss knowing exactly what's going through his mond as he's writing a song. It used to be our everyday. I never realized how special those moments were until they were gone. Until I had to listen to his lyrics with the rest of the words, knowing damn well that the raw versions of those songs I would never hear.

" I finished it today, I think" he tells me.

" Can I hear it?" I ask hoping he won't reject me.

" If you actually want to" he says.

" Of course I do" I say.

Everything we say to each other feels so delicate. Like it could break any second. We don't want to scare each other away like we used to.

But the music that we write is where everything comes out without us judging each other. It's raw. It's beautiful.

I say hear Harry place the phone down on something, possibly putting me an speakerphone as well. His bed cover is tossed. I hear him jump back into bed.

The first thing I hear are guitar strings, immediately followed by his voice.

https://youtu.be/rrAV1UXhLPA

Vintage tee, brand new phone
High heels on cobblestones
When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Just the guitar and his voice. Almost like a lullaby.

But I knew you
Dancing in your Levi's
Drunk under a streetlight, I
I knew you
Hand under my sweatshirt
Baby kiss it better, right

I don't know if he'll ever undertsand how much I love listening to him sing. I'm almost glad he can't see him at this moment, how blissful I feel. How lucky I feel to be hearing him sing.

But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
The smell of smoke would hang around this long
'Cause I knew everything when I was young
I knew I'd curse you for the longest time
Chasing shadows in the grocery line
I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired
And you'd be standing in my front porch light
And I knew you'd come back to me
You'd come back to me
And you'd come back to me
And you'd come back

Harry continues with the guitar for at least another minute. I would listen to it for hours if he played it.

" What do you think?" he asks once he stops.

" I think you're going to make an amazing album" I tell him.

Harry lets out a chuckle of relief.

" I just wish I would writing on it too" I confess with a playful smirk.

" You could" he says.

" Sure" I laugh wishing it were true.

But we both know the truth. It's unpredictable. We're unpredictable.

Harry begins strumming on the guitar again. This time I'm familiar with the song. It's the first song we ever wrote together. It never made it on the album, which now I'm glad. It's just ours. No one will ever touch it except us.

" I might be taking advantage of your state right now, but I can I say something?" he asks as the guitar strings stop.

" I don't know..."

" I promise this will be the last time I say it" he says.

" Okay" I whispers even though I know it won't. Maybe I hope it won't be the last time. Maybe if I hear it enough times.

There's a long pause. Harry preparing his words and me preparing my reaction.

" Don't marry him" he says. It's the crack in his voice that makes me heart heavy.

My silence isn't for my relationship with Nathan. But because those were my words that I wanted to say to Harry when he was with Lia. Except I never got the chance to say them. Maybe it's a good thing I never did because I don't know what's harder.

Telling someone not to get married or hearing those words from someone else.

" It's hard to let you go" I confess to him.

" Yeah?" he asks. " In what ways?"

" It's hard to let the possibility of us together go" I admit. " But then I think of our past and now Roy..."

" I fucked up too much" he says.

" It's not even that, Harry..." I sigh. 

" Then what is it?" he asks, begging for the answer.

" At that time everything was.... just chaotically unpredicatable. We were a traumatic mess. Everything we did was under a microscope. Our friends hated us together. I hated the person I became. I lost my best friend during that time" I say with tears running down my face. " I lost myself.

" I'm sorry" he whispers.

" I don't blame you, Harry" I tell him. " I just can't put Roy through any of this possibilities."

" So you're sticking to the safer option" Harry says.

" I hate that you're putting it that way" I tell him.

" It's true."

" I know."