flashback

Lia's POV

Kian's smile is shining. I never thought I could love him as much as I do now. It's like love only made sense once he came into this world. This is real love.

Liam holding Kian in his arms makes my cheeks hurt from all the smiling. It's not often that Liam comes back to LA  from London. But when he does, this is the first place he goes, just to see Kian. It makes me miss the times when he was always by my side, helping me with everything.

" He has your dimples," Liam says.

" Lucky baby" I laugh.

" I can't believe he's already six months old" he says.

" It's awfully fast" I sigh with a small smile still on my lips.

With Kian still in his arms, Liam tells me all about London. He tells me about some smaller-scale artists he's working with in London and how he's helping them grow their audience. He also tells me all about the amazing coffee shop that he's sure I would fall in love with. He says I'll have to go with him when he visits.

But I don't see that visit ever happening. Liam lives with Cailin so I don't think I'll ever be welcome there. Harry will never take me to London. It's not even debatable. He doesn't want to risk with his father with Kian with us. I don't blame him.

Harry walks into the living room.

" Hey! Do you mind if I borrow Kian for a sec?" Harry asks Liam. " Cheryl's on Skype dying to see him again.

" I'm here all week" Liam laughs giving Kian over. " He'll probably get sick of me."

" Probably" Harry teases.

My eyes stay on Harry as he walks into the other room with Kian in his arms. Harry talks to him with a honey tone that I've always dreamed of. Yet it still doesn't seem right.

" How have you been?" Liam asks.

I look back at him to see him taking my hand in his. I almost rehearse my next words, but it doesn't come out as it does to everyone else. Maybe because Liam knows me more than anyone else. He knows when I'm lying.

A weight is lifted off my chest as tears begin to stream down my cheeks. Tears I've been holding in for months. Tears I've refused to acknowledge until now. 

" Lia..." Liam comforts me by wrapping his arm around me. 

I try not to make any noise so Harry doesn't hear me but tears continue to fall. 

" Did he do anything?" Liam asks in a concerned tone.

I shake my head. Pulling away from my brother, I quickly wipe my tears away in case Harry comes back with baby Kian.

" What did I think was going to happen?" I choke out.

Liam stays quiet, ready to hear anything I'm about to say.

" He doesn't love me" I shrug. " Why did I think that when Kian arrived it would change anything?"

" Is he still drinking?" he asks and I shake my head.

" I actually only seen him drunk once since Kian was born. Kian sobered him up. I was so scared that Harry was going to treat Kian like he treats me. But he doesn't. He's a wonderful father to that little boy" I explain.

Liam gives me a sign of relief but with more tears falling down my cheeks, concern resurfaces.

" Kian's the only reason he's here, Liam" I say. " Do you know how painful that is? That the person you love will never love you just as much? Why did I put myself through this?"

Liam takes my hand again and I hold it tight.

" You don't have to stay with him" he says.

" I have to, for Kian. He deserves a complete family. Something we always had" I remind him.

No matter what, our parents stuck by each other. Even through the toughest times. They were always there to support each other. I want that for Kian.

" He wrote an entire album about her" I tell him.

My brother doesn't look surprised, almost expecting something like this coming from my husband.

" I'm gonna have to watch the entire world listen to it. I don't even know how I'll prepare myself for it" I shrug glad that my tears have dried up, at least for now.

" Can I ask you a question?" Liam says.

I nod.

" When was it that Harry got drunk sine Kian was born?"

I have to swallow dry. Because Harry would never admit it. He wouldn't want to blatantly hurt me with the truth. In a way, he doesn't want to hurt Kian either.

" It was the day the TMZ announced that Cailin had given birth" I tell him.

" I'm sorry" Liam says.

" He's always distracted" I tell him.

" With what?" he asks.

" What do you think?" I shake my head. " He's always distracted by her"

Liam sighs, obviously wanting to change the subject. Only because she's his best friend and they live together.

" She gave birth a while ago, right?" I ask him.

He simply nods.

" He's the father" I choke out, hoping for the truth from Liam. 

Liam stays quiet.  Another tear escaped my eyes as fear begins to set in. My biggest fear.

" Why doesn't he know?" I ask.

" He never answered any of his calls" Liam shrugs.

For a single moment, I feel relief. Because Cailin never got the opportunity to tell him which meant that he wouldn't leave me and Kian. But the guilt and sadness over the situation became a lot heavier as I realize the reality of it. Cailin was the one alone. She's going through my biggest fear. 

Harry doesn't know about his other child. He's not witnessing his other child grow like he's watching Kian.

" Is she okay?" I ask.

Liam stays silent, making my guilt even bigger.