Roy's laughter was my favorite sound in the world. It meant that she was happy. It meant that I was doing a good job.

Deciding to come back to this industry was the hard decision I had to make. 

As I watched Roy play with Chloe and I couldn't help but smile.

After Ariel finished my makeup for the night, my stylist quickly put my dress on me. My dress made me look like a princess. The color was beige yet the sparkliness of it, made it shine.

Tonight was going to be the first time I went to an award show in years. I was no longer used to the long hours of preparation. But it's still fun. It reminds me of a time where my dreams were being lived even if it was during hard times.

" Momma, look!" Roy says with laughter in her tone.

Arie, the makeup artist takes her brush away from my cheeks allowing me to look over again. They're blowing bubbles. She wants to show off how big her bubbles are. I cheer in her excitement.

A knock at the door interrupts us. It's Liam.

" Are we almost done?" he asks.

" Just finishing up the last touches!" Arie sings. With one more swipe of blush, he grabs the setting spray and sprints it all over my face.

I get up from the chair to stand in front of Liam. 

" What do you think?" I ask with a cheesy smile. 

" You haven't lost your touch" he smiles.

I exhale trying to keep my heart calm.

" He's downstairs, in the car," Liam says before looking down at his phone again.

" Okay" I smile with my cheeks warming up.

I say my goodbyes to Roy and Chloe, giving Roy extra kisses with my red lipstick. Arie will have to retouch in the elevator but he won't mind. The elevator ride is quiet. It's nervousness. Especially Liam and I. He wants everything to go perfectly. He doesn't want to disappoint me. But it's him I'm worried about disappointing.

The hotel lobby is more crowded with people than I expected. Maybe other artists are getting ready here too. Liam walks in front of me when we exit out of the hotel towards the car. But paparazzi are outside flashing their cameras. It blinds me for a moment before I'm able to compose myself.

With his hand in mine, my heart slows down. I lean my head against his shoulder as I take deep breaths. It doesn't help when the dress is tighter than what I'm used to. Liam puts on some music to distract me.

My phone dings. I look at the text from Chloe revealing a cute video of Roy still blowing bubbles. My beautiful little girl.

Tonight's the night. We come out to the world publicly. I don't know how they will react. I'm nervous. I'm scared. He doesn't seem as nervous as I thought he'd be. Like he's already prepared himself.

The person outside the car opens the door and the cameras begin flashing immediately. It's him who grabs my hand and helps me out of the car. The screams coming from all directions that make me nervously laugh. I've forgotten how crazy these events really are.

We're escorted to the black carpet with Liam right behind us. As I prepared to stand with him in front of the cameras. He whispers something sweet in my ear. I look up at him with a smile and that's when the flashes in front of us begin.

Nathan holds my hand firmly, assuring me. But I can feel some sweat coming from his palm, showing me his nervousness. I hope this doesn't scare him off.

After five minutes of pictures, Liam directs me towards the interviews while Liam's assistant escorts Nathan into the venue. Liam stands with me in the interviews helping me with all my questions.

" We see a new man by your side. Who is he?" the woman asks me.

" That is Nathan, my fiance" I smile.

Her eyes immediately go down to my hand where I'm able to finally wear my engagement ring out in public. She grabs onto my hands and shoves it in the camera.

" Folks, we have a Cailin Reed wedding coming!" she cheers.

It makes me laugh, but nervousness lingers.

After a couple more interviews about my new album coming out and a lot more questions about Nathan, I'm finally able to meet up with him again by our seats. Liam has his assistant go to the bar and grab us a few drinks.

" How was it out there?" Nathan asks. His nervous eyes make me bring my hand up to his cheek and smile.

" It was interesting finally being able to talk a little bit about you" I laugh.

" Do they hate me?" he chuckles.

" They could never" I shake my head with a smile.

We're surrounded by people I met years ago and new artists that are excited to meet me. I remember the amount of fun I used to have at award shows. I'm anxious now. Like I don't belong. Anytime it gets too much, I just look at Nathan

The award show begins with performances that are absolutely amazing. The jokes are funny, some are cringeworthy. 

While an award is being presented, I look to my left and catch a glimpse of someone. Someone I don't want to see. My body freezes. My grip becomes tighter on Nathan.

It's Carter who I see across the venue. He has his girlfriend next to him as they watch the award show. Liam would have told me he would be here. I wouldn't have come. Tears start to build up in my eyes and breathing becomes harder

" Please welcome our next performer, Harry Styles!"

I look up at the stage again, looking for my saving grace. Because as much as I hold onto Nathan, he'll never understand what I went through with Carter. Harry knows. Harry understands. 

The piano keys are the first thing that I hear. Then he comes into view, on the piano. I wipe my tears away before anyone can notice. Before anyone can put a camera on me.

He's cut his hair. No longer the locks of hair he's been growing up. It reminds of the younger version of him. The one I fell in love with.

The whole audience is quiet as he begins singing. His voice is smooth and sad. His words are painful and emotional.

https://youtu.be/WK3f8Z1nqFk

The song is so personal, it's hard not to rip my eyes away from him. This song is new. Probably just recently written. It feels to close to home. It's about us. It's about our situation. It's about him wanting to let go. It's about him wanting me to be happy, even if it's with someone else.

I catch his eyes a couple of times. He holds the gaze, making it even harder, for both of us.

When the song ends, he stays seated in front of the piano with a smile, almost forced smile towards the audience. He fades away.

Reality hits again as I see Carter again across the venue. 

" We need to leave" I turn to Nathan.

He licks his lips, with disappointment in his eyes. He doesn't know. He doesn't understand.

" I promise, this has nothing to do with him" I tell him with his hands in mine. 

" Okay" he nods. I don't think he believes me.

" Cailin"

It makes me jump an inch out of my seat. I look to my left and see Liam standing next to me. He holds a confused expression as he looks down at me.

" I need to get out of here" I tell Liam.

" What?" he asks. He looks up at the stage, almost searching for Harry.

" Carter's here" I say.

His eyes widen. It takes him a moment before he extends his hand out ready to get me out of there. Nathan follows me asking me questions about a guy named Carter. We leave the venue through the back exit. Nathan keeps asking me questions but I stay quiet as we wait for the car.

" You guys go, I'll figure out what happened" Liam says as the car arrives.

Nathan opens the door for me and we go inside. The driver drives off with silence in the car. I can breathe again. Except Nathan won't stop looking at me.

" I saw Carter Dane there" I almost whisper.

" The actor?"

I nod.

" What does that mean?" he asks almost nervous for my answer.

I haven't said it out loud in years. I went to therapy for it and dealt with emotions I had suppressed. But I didn't think I would have to run into him like this in public. I feel lucky we weren't so close to each other. I'm not scared of him anymore. I'm scared of my reaction. I'm scared I'll crumble in front of him.

" I went through a horribly abusive relationship when I was eighteen," I say before taking a deep breath. " I had bruises on my body constantly that I had to hide even though I was in the media 24/7. It was physically and emotionally abusive. To the point where I ended up in the hospital with a head fracture from him slamming m head against a car window. Not to mention broken bones and a perforated gut."

I wipe my tears away before Nathan can touch me. 

" Carter Dane did those things to me" I nod. " That's why I don't want to be anywhere he is."

" I'm so sorry" he whispers.

Nathan reaches over, pulling me into his chest. No more tears fall as he comforts me. Maybe because these aren't the arms I expected to be in when I saw Carter again.

But I made a choice. Nathan is my choice. I have to understand that sometimes he won't understand every part of me. He hasn't lived those tough times with me. But I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful he doesn't know the broken girl that once was.

~~~~~~

I'm the worst, I know. But I'm trying! I promise! For the past year and a half I've been working on two books I want to get published in the future. It's been a rollercoaster.

But this series and book as grown so much over that time and I wanted to thank you all for the support and love.

I read every single one of your comments, including the ones that are on the translated books. The love you have for these characters is heartwarming.

So with everything going on in the world, I wanted to give this chapter as a light in your dark days. Hopefully, I will be able to continue until it's finished. I won't promise anything but I still have a lot of love for this story.

xoxoxo